quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

Your post seems to propose that the dominant knows better than the submissive what it is that he/she needs.  I maintain that many submissives, including myself, know themselves better than anyone else could. 
My hard limits are not frivolous or irrational; they are there for valid reasons.  I am able to live a full and happy life without them.
Things are replaceable; people are not. 

quote:

  
No - I propose that a submissive should know and trust her dominant enough to know. I propose time, talk, experience, talk, time, experience, talk, and time versus the checklist mentality to address the issue of safety and limits.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrattyBottomRN

What exactly is a hard limit? 

Man I should just have a thread where I ask all my annoying questions lmao...

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

The following is thoughts I shared in previous threads and I might as well repost them again since it has been awhile since I have shared them.

I consider the whole aspect of limits from this view point:

1. The Boundary. These are limits that are imposed upon us by the reality of maintaining our own healthy well-being and not limits that are self-imposed or imposed by another (i.e. Master/Dominant). For example, the diabetic is not going to have that cup of sugar due to the obvious physical consequence it will have to their Healthy Well-being, or the girl that was violently raped might stay away from rape plays because of the intense emotional trauma and anxiety it causes that threatens their mental Well-being. It could also be that a person just can’t do certain types of suspension because physical permanent injuries or just because of the aging process itself.

We all have these types of limits – no one is immune to this. However, the boundaries to our Well-being will be different from person to person. These boundaries will evolve but seldom will we ever over come there existence. Sometimes the damage physical/mental and even spiritual can be so extensive that it will preclude us from engaging in many activities. To engage in them can only mean to harm ourselves. But because we have these boundaries, doesn’t necessarily stop us from engaging in activities that violate our Boundaries to our Well-being….. Self-abuse is a problem I am sure we all see from time to time.

2. Limits. We do indeed impose limits upon ourselves and by others … the things we will not do because they are perceived to have no direct or indirect personal pleasure or gratification in doing them for us and/or our partner. We often hear individuals state they have no limits. There are lots of reasons that they state such a thing… sometimes it is just out of ignorance, sometimes it is because they have yet to try and discovery activities that provide no pleasure and gratification for them and/or their partner. Often thou they are individuals that do indeed have limits but their limits are in-line with that of their Master/Dominant and thus it is an illusion to think they have no limits.

Many consider a slave to lack power to impose limits upon themselves. That only the Master imposes such limits. However, the Boundaries must always be watched for… they are not static… they will evolve. The slave does have limits… but they are boundaries to their well-being. The difference between the Moral Master/Dominant and the Immoral One is the adherence to these inherent boundaries of the slave/sub. In my Opinion, A person should not ever relieve themselves of the responsibility of protecting their personal well-being!

3. Challenges. Many use the term “soft limits”. I personally detest the term. I am a strong advocate – a limit is a limit is a limit! However, there are often times that we see activities that we have yet to try. Our opinion is uncertain, but yet we seek to try them. We can not consider them as either limits or boundaries, nor can we consider them as a pleasure or gratification to be enjoyed for our self and/or our partner. These unknowns, I consider as “challenges”. In fact, most of us when we come into the lifestyle can fill an entire list of challenges. Like any challenge, some we are ready to try immediately, some we must build upon before we make the attempt. 

Occasionally, we consider activities that are limits and choose to challenge them.  When we choose to challenge an activity that is considered a limit, we must be communicate clearly the desire to test an activity.  We may just reaffirm the activity as a limit or it may evolve into an activity of pleasure/gratification for yourself and our partner(s).

quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

It's a measure of your hotness on a date ... how long you can keep that lump in your date's pants, while he watches you eat a something smothered in ranch dressing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
KnightofMists:

Is this to say that your girls have hard limits (or boundaries) and that you respect them? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

That about sums it up, owned.  We are still learning about each other and he hasn't discovered how far he can push me yet.  I keep surprising him he says.  One thing that he is learing to handle is when I break down and cry within a scene.  I am a fighter and rarely cry at all.  When I cry, something is seriously wrong.  Each time I cry he takes things a little farther, pushes a little more.  He wants to find the line between hurt and harm, without stepping over it.

kyra

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

What I've disliked in the past is when you tell a Dom..."Yo, hard limit!!!!" Yet, they continue to attempt to explore it, question you on it...after explaining yourself to the 9th! I'm not moaning about Doms really, but...........once you say, "Hard Limit" that should be it for the time being at least....? Right? If I had to say "HARD LIMIT" via email, text, or phone more than once....I'd kick them to the curb!
Smiles,
Irish
IBN

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

A 'hard limit' is a list of activities and/or conditions that a dominant-submissive gives their facilitating submissive dominant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BrattyBottomRN

What exactly is a hard limit? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

a hard limit is a limit that's hard to explain to a Dominant and hard for a Dominant to except...LOL