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RE: Help me understand! - 6/8/2006 8:37:19 PM   
sweetnessforsir


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		"controlling, predatory and simply psychotic"

My Master does not fall into this category, but as others have pointed out, it might be another's kink. 

For me, a Domaninat would be none of those things.  I would drive him absolutely over the edge.  But, for another it might work.

As Grandma Campopiano used to say, "every pot has a lid.  Find your lid honey."

s.

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Help me understand! - 6/9/2006 1:27:03 AM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lasttime2

They go back to abusive masters! Why ????


I know it makes no sense to go back to someone who has harmed you, each person has their own reasons for doing so mostly because they fear the unknown and many feel tis better to dance wtih the devil you know than to face the one you dont.

I have a philosphy that one must be able to embrace their power with in BEFORE they can surrender it. One cannot submit (truly submit) and give themselves away unless they first are able to posess themselves.

IF I see someone who desires to be a submissive and they are not strong within themselves I make that My first goal for them, then if they still desire to submit move on from there. I wont allow them to offer Me something they do not have inside of them yet nor do I let those who come in contact with Me use submission to hide that they are afraid of life and making the tough choices.

I know from past abuse issues that I endured to find that strength within Me  before entering into a bdsm relationship...that it is the best way to be a submissive or  a masochist etc else it is just reliving the cycle of abuse and labeling it kink.

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Help me understand! - 6/9/2006 6:41:17 AM   
soulfulkitten


Posts: 27
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		Hello,

As one who has not made the greatest of choices in life and D/s partners.

i think for me, each relationship has been different, i have not gone back to an abuser, but seem to have found more circumstances which i can admit are out of my realm to handle.

i like to think the things that i have gone through a hve equipped me to better understand others, and hopefully to make a better choice in the future.

soulful_kitten2006

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Help me understand! - 8/6/2007 11:34:41 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		I assume the OP meant going back to the same guy/Dominant??

Who knows why, only they would know, I guess. Maybe they loved him,it had nothing to do with self-esteem.  Maybe he made promises to be a better bla bla bla..

Unlike a dog, I would never go back to lick up my vomit lol.  aka, once a relationship is over, its over, done, no going back.




(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Help me understand! - 8/7/2007 12:46:37 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Another thread that's over a year old.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Help me understand! - 8/7/2007 1:46:05 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		O *************

thank you,

I am so super-obsessed with the dates now I check and double check, ok triple. LOL 


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Help me understand! - 8/8/2007 8:01:39 PM   
DarkWriter


Posts: 53
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline 		Unfortunately, it is like any other abusive relationship. The BDSM context means nothing for the same dynamics are present here or in the vanilla world. However, given the nature of the relationships we cultivate, I feel that it is incumbent on those who can to help those who might be in such an abusive relationship. I know that there are sub support groups out there and I think that anyone, male or female, who finds themselves under the heel of a psycho would be wise to draw from such a group the strength they will need to get out of that situation. More than that, I want to remind subs everywhere that just because you have a collar on, that doesn't mean you can't call the cops.


_____________________________

"Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing." (Anonymous)

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Help me understand! - 8/9/2007 12:15:47 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lasttime2

Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic.

What keeps, an intelligent, thoughtful woman, going back!. Is it lack of self-esteem? Help me understand!

I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman!




It aint just Dominant men and submissive women...ever seen a Dominant woman addicted to some maladjusted submissive guy through romance or some such shit...same issues different smell...it still stinks.

As for why...I dunno.

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Help me understand! - 8/9/2007 8:58:09 AM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline 		There are many different kinds of play. If a particular person isn't interested in the sort you're interested in, you can either discuss it with them in hopes of finding some mutual interest, or you can move on to the next person.

The simple fact that one person isn't for you doesn't necessarily make them wrong nor morally bankrupt.

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 9:23:42 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Too much.."style"  not enough Life

Jeff

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 10:26:16 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Some of them don't go back. I left my first LT Dominant - and I left for good, after he (non-consensually) beat me up. Then I found my "true nature" - and declared myself a Switch. I like being a Switch - I feel like I have the best of both worlds.

Of course, one certainly can be a submissive and-or a slave and still tell a Dominant to go to Hades, and leave the relationship. And some who are truly abused do this - I've read about it here at CM; it's not uncommon, IMO - if someone is being truly abused (as opposed to simply being in a D/s relationship w/lots of BDSM activity). 

- Susan 

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/10/2007 10:50:16 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 10:33:39 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I really enjoy "age play."...And by that I mean participating on threads where many of the prior participants have unfortunately died from old age.  It gets me hard.

_____________________________



(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 10:50:55 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Now you have gone from tease to a pervert!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 11:13:32 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Now you have gone from tease to a pervert!


Such a thin line we walk....I can live with pervert.

_____________________________



(in reply to dawntreader)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 11:22:08 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		i knew you would say that!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 6:35:43 PM   
DVS


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/9/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lasttime2

They go back to abusive masters! Why ????
These guys are not Doms.  They are just preditors.  But, that has already been said.

The women who go back?  I don't think there are that many, but there are some and those who do are being controlled.  They are abused and abused women will sometimes defend their abuser.  It's not easy to break away from an abuser, because he will not only abuse you physically, but also mentally.  It's very close to brainwashing.

He's very controlling and won't allow you friends, relatives, phone calls, even sometimes you arn't allowed to work, because he wants you to stay in the house and away from other influences other than his.  He in effect will brainwash the women and it's difficult to get out of the abuser's trap.  They usually make it nearly impossible.

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 7:09:21 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		.....

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 8/10/2007 7:19:53 PM >

(in reply to DVS)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 7:14:37 PM   
riadre


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic.

Lots of people are, not just dominant, nor submissives. If you find you meet a lot of them all the time - ever heard of 'if you're fishing with diamonds for bait, you're going to catch diamond-eating fish'?

quote:

I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman!

Nobody does. So avoid it.

Also. I'm not sure what you are talking about, but I responded to whatever made sense to me.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 7:42:18 PM   
Petronius


Posts: 289
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lasttime2
Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic.


So you want large numbers of controlling, predatory, psychotics to be submissives?

quote:


What keeps, an intelligent, thoughtful woman, going back!. Is it lack of self-esteem? Help me understand!


Perhaps the woman you're thinking of does not see the Dominant that way, given that she is, by definition, intelligent and thoughtful.

quote:


I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman!


Then you are probably not bloody likely to get it or her.

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Help me understand! - 8/10/2007 8:03:46 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lasttime2

Why are so many dominants, nothing more than controlling, predatory and simply psychotic.

What keeps, an intelligent, thoughtful woman, going back!. Is it lack of self-esteem? Help me understand!

I want no part of that much insecurity in any woman!




There are bad apples in every walk of life, it sucks, it happens. There is a difference between a Dominant, and just a Domineering jerk. The art is in learning the difference, and making sound choices for yourself - no matter who you are. Submissives are human too, and they have just as much responsibility as anyone else in regards to the decisions they make for themselves.

Just as some people are predators, some people are victims. Nasty fact of life.


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to Lasttime2)
Profile   Post #: 60
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