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RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:34:00 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		It is absurd but based upon what I see in real life, it must simply be a fraction of the online population.

No shortage of people hooking up at the local pubs(per local gossip), or the gym I frequent.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 8:49:43 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yes I agree you see it at bars and clubs frequently but my experience is that even only happens when everyone's had a few drinks in them and they let go of their inhibitions and paranoia.

Even offline I've met lots of men and women who had the same fears.

As for my gym, no one interacts. Everyone has their headsets on and working out.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/7/2012 8:50:37 PM >

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Nothing has changed
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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 9:59:33 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko

FR

OP, I don't think you're wrong. I always ask for a picture ahead of time. (I can't remember ever having a problem with that.)

And yes...I'm checking to see if I think he's fuckable. So sue me.

This.

I've always asked for a pic. Always got one. If someone didn't want to send a pic, I'd wonder why.

But everyone has their preferences. I don't think either is right or wrong here and I'm not understanding all the hubbub about the request to have a pic.

I asked the Mister for a pic and he sent me 2. I sent him one back, then a week or so later, another. But by the time we met in person, we had already been talking on the phone & online for about 2 months, and knew we were meeting with the intention of creating a relationship together. At the time we lived 2 1/2 hours apart and met for dinner in the middle. We had calamari, oysters and beer, and then took a walk down the harbor. I joked if this was the part where he'd throw me into the Bay. He said no, he never does that on a first date and I said well thank God because I just spent 2 hours on my hair and that would be a total waste.

I considered myself careful but not paranoid.

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(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/7/2012 10:34:50 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I would never meet anyone without seeing a photo.

Why? Because that is my preference. Why should I go on a totally blind date when we have the wonderfully easy ability to send a photo?

What really cracks me up is when men write to me and say how they love my photos but when I ask to see one of them, they balk and whine about how shallow I am.


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/8/2012 6:30:25 AM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

I, for one, avoid women who think men are walking time bombs waiting to rape at the first opportunity.


If I had a penis, I'd feel the same exact way. Who wants to meet someone with enough baggage to automatically assume you're a rapist, by virtue of being male? And then, who the hell wants to put in all the effort to prove, "Hey, for real, I am not a rapist?" How do you even prove some thing like that? Sounds like a lot of work, for no real payout.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/8/2012 6:49:47 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Using FR:

I don't ask for pics, how someone looks in a pic and how they look in real life can differ dramatically, even if the pic is not 20 years old.

Some people are highly photogenic (I am one), some are not. So pics don't do much for me. I want to see their eyes, how they smile, how they walk, etc. That's what floats my boat.

As for women who automatically think all men are potential rapists, that spells lots of bad baggage to me.

Most of us have been raped at some point or another, most of us have been in the wrong place at the wrong time and felt very very afraid, most of us have had to modify what we do to keep ourselves safe (no dark parking garages at night for me). Unfortunately, it's part of being female.

But to paint all men with a potential rapist brush is very wrong to me. It tells me that person has past issues to address before even thinking of being in a relationship with a man (JMO folks).



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(in reply to HisPet21)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/8/2012 6:58:08 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Indeed.

It's never even in my concious mind until something sends my spidey senses tingling. And that can, and has, happened anywhere.

In my 50 years, I've experienced some of the most non threatening behaviour from some of the most evilly and criminally fucked up, murdering men this country has experienced. Times when I should have been scared, but actually felt quite safe.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/8/2012 7:14:54 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

but I also took care not to go with them to their car or my car.


Exactly! That's my point. INSIDE a Starbucks? Just not gonna happen imo.



Which I agree with. I sincerely doubt anyone, anywhere has ever been abducted from inside a Starbucks.

And we all said that about him needing a picture to feel safe. That it won't tell you anything.

However, then the conversation moved to stalkers and why you might not want that guy you met in Starbucks to know who you are and where you live. With the present technology, a picture of you can allow someone to find out where you live. Students at Carnegie Mellon developed this technology a few years ago. Privacy issues have prevented it from being for sale yet, but I'm sure this is coming.

Personally I don't want someone I couldn't wait to get away from to have my picture, search for it and find my facebook page. I live in a small town, if someone had my picture they would just have to hang out at the grocery store for a week or two in order to find me and follow me.

And there are a lot of crazy people out there.


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Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/8/2012 8:27:50 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yup, lots of crazy people out there but even more harmless people out there. I just would not want to live my life in paranoia, always having to look over my back or thinking some person is going to follow me or rape me.

The majority of the population are just like anyone else...just looking for someone to connect with.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/8/2012 8:50:11 PM   
ClassIsInSession


Posts: 305
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline 		I know for a fact though that when tj444 talks all of this rape stuff, there is 100% certainty I wouldn't ever meet her (not to presume you'd ever want to tj). God help me if she actually did even initiate sex, then decide later she regretted it and started yelling rape. Once the accusation is there, the verdict doesn't even matter.


(in reply to needlesandpins)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/8/2012 10:06:17 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I personally refuse to send photos too, and have had doms refused to continue conversation with me without photo. They throw tantrums, ask for video cam conversations, whatever....

This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there.

I would never send any personal property of mine such as a photo to a stranger.

I'd prefer to just meet em in a public place first, and see how it goes. By then, there shouldn't be any excuse of needing my photo.

My near rape experience was definitely from a man out of collarme, and who spent a year earning my trust, chatting me up slowly. The real ones are often the nicest. Just bad luck to get targeted, and my spidey sense did not activate.



< Message edited by Greta75 -- 7/8/2012 10:15:42 PM >

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/8/2012 10:42:06 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		See, the bottom line is that no matter what, no matter who a gal (or a guy-don't forget that the dom is opening himself up to. Ever hear of the badger game?) is dating, at some point she has to make a leap of faith and trust herself alone with him.
Might be a car, might be his house, might just be walking down a dark alley, but it's gonna happen.

Now, she may feel safer because he's a friend, co-worker, relative, whatever, but that doesn't make that feeling true-the National Center for Victims of Crime reports that 77% of rapes are made by "non-strangers. (Which, in a twisted way, actually means that statistically speaking a gal is much much safer meeting a stranger than a prior acquaintance.)

So no matter what, no matter how well she may think she knows the guy, no matter how safe she thinks she is, she's gonna hafta open up her guard and take that chance.
The things she has on her side are her wits, her intelligence, her intuition and her good judgement.

JMHO and all...

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 112
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 12:11:42 AM   
ClassIsInSession


Posts: 305
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline
quote:

This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there.


A BIG part of it? REALLY? Jesus Christ where do some of you ladies meet these guys? Who the heck are YOU talking to?

I'm starting to wonder if the real problem is a bunch of paranoid schizophrenic women on CM.

I'm aware there are some fruit cakes on here. There was one guy I talked to that I'm pretty sure was on the verge of being a serial killer, and between the message where I talked him on the risk versus reward point and the fantasy is usually way better than reality points, and then promptly reported him I did what I could to get the guy off of here. But that's one guy in 4+ years I've been around here.

And there is certainly no shortage of middle aged obese women posing behind young thin women profiles on here either. I'm not saying middle aged obese women aren't worth the time to get to know, but if they pathologically lie, the lying is enough to make me never take another moment. There have been at least 2 confirmed women that managed to waste a great deal of my time playing that game, and then fessing up when their hearts got involved and they realized they just guaranteed themselves a heart break.

I guess my question is, if you've all had such horrible experiences with men on CM, why the heck are you still here? The definition of insanity is...doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result right?

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 113
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 12:22:57 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession

quote:

This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there.


A BIG part of it? REALLY? Jesus Christ where do some of you ladies meet these guys? Who the heck are YOU talking to?

I guess my question is, if you've all had such horrible experiences with men on CM, why the heck are you still here? The definition of insanity is...doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result right?

Still here because this is still one of the rare places for a 0.1% chance to meet a bdsm dominant male mate. In Singapore, we do not have munches, or bdsm clubs, and the only tiny group that gathers once every in a while that exists is only filled with submissive trannies and their gay counterparts doms.
Just need to exercise extreme caution.
Tried vanilla men and teaching them to be doms. Bad experience there too. Vanilla guy looks at you in disgust and think you need therapy, because you wanna play master and slave and want them to whip you.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 7/9/2012 12:27:01 AM >

(in reply to ClassIsInSession)
Profile   Post #: 114
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 12:36:05 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		In over 12 years time of meeting men from online, I have yet to meet one that was psycho or a rapist or a serial killer. Yeah, I met some creepy, weird guys but I met those types at the bars too. Like I said, majority of people in the world are harmless....weird yes, rapists? No.

<shuts up so she doesn't get another gold letter >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 115
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 12:38:00 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

In over 12 years time of meeting men from online, I have yet to meet one that was psycho or a rapist or a serial killer. Yeah, I met some creepy, weird guys but I met those types at the bars too. Like I said, majority of people in the world are harmless....weird yes, rapists? No.

<shuts up so she doesn't get another gold letter >




This.

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 116
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 12:46:23 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

In over 12 years time of meeting men from online, I have yet to meet one that was psycho or a rapist or a serial killer. Yeah, I met some creepy, weird guys but I met those types at the bars too. Like I said, majority of people in the world are harmless....weird yes, rapists? No.

<shuts up so she doesn't get another gold letter >

I've met alot of vanilla men online since I was 15 and had sexual relations with them in the past.
But I never encounter a real rapist until collarme. I only discovered collarme 3 years ago. All the other years was trying to change a vanilla man into a non-vanilla one, which really, doesn't work.

Perhaps the more experience ones can have better spidey senses not to even go further with highly suspicious ones, so they don't experience anything scary.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 7/9/2012 12:50:00 AM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 117
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 12:59:46 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I personally refuse to send photos too, and have had doms refused to continue conversation with me without photo. They throw tantrums, ask for video cam conversations, whatever....

This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there.

I would never send any personal property of mine such as a photo to a stranger.

I'd prefer to just meet em in a public place first, and see how it goes. By then, there shouldn't be any excuse of needing my photo.

My near rape experience was definitely from a man out of collarme, and who spent a year earning my trust, chatting me up slowly. The real ones are often the nicest. Just bad luck to get targeted, and my spidey sense did not activate.




What is wrong with a cam conversation?
It would let both parties get a sense of
if there could be a connection or not and
for all the paranoid women, I would have
thought this would be a safe first step?

What world are you in that blackmail is a
big part of BDSM? If you are afraid of having
a photo of you or a cam recording used
against you, wear a masquerade mask or big
Elton John sunglasses.

I wouldn't pursue a relationship with someone
unless I had an idea what they looked like...
Why waste both our time, it's not shallow,
I have relationships with people im attracted to.
Its normal and healthy...

For all the people who say you are weeding out
all the shallow people, I telling you now, you're
also weeding out a lot of great people, all because
of paranoia? Im just as paranoid of all you internet
people! your all horny highschoolers and obese
people until I see different.

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 118
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 1:51:34 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83
What world are you in that blackmail is a
big part of BDSM? If you are afraid of having
a photo of you or a cam recording used
against you, wear a masquerade mask or big
Elton John sunglasses.

Hehe, I know just the perfect mask!
http://www.straitstimes.com/BreakingNews/Lifestyle/Story/STIStory_819785.html

I never thought of disguising myself in cam talks. I think wearing a mask may freak the other party out too ha. Perhaps I shall try just to see reactions. They will surely be disappointed when they see me with a mask.

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 119
RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 3:17:41 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Haha, was just an idea.
I don't really see collar me as to diffrent
then any other dating site, but I suppose
people may say or do things on here that
would be very embarrassing if someone
was inclined to use it against them.

I personally haven't had any experiences
with blackmail and my kinkiness, but then
again, I am prolly very boring compared
to some.
Have you had blackmail experiences before?

I wouldn't be disappointed with a masquerade
mask, thats the kind of thing they were invented
for.

-ARIES


< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 7/9/2012 3:39:51 AM >

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 120
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