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RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 4:14:59 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

I personally haven't had any experiences
with blackmail and my kinkiness, but then
again, I am prolly very boring compared
to some.
Have you had blackmail experiences before?

Personally yes, when I was still innocent and would send photos, as I always did it freely with vanilla men I met online, and they were always harmless. Never really experience so much negative and hostile men until in collarme.
Of course there are good doms, but it's just unavoidable that real predators hang out here too, and it's just reality. Our lifestyle is based on consensual non-consensual, but alot of them just assume since it's the woman's kink, they are gonna love it even if it's non-consensual, or they think they'll love it more when it's more realistic, whatever is in their mind.
But thanks for the mask idea, it seems common sense but I never thought about it haha.
And now I am having kinky thoughts about fun with masks.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 7/9/2012 4:16:06 AM >

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 121

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 4:17:18 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Using FR:

Over the past 15 years since I have been online, I have met probably 100 people, most through IRC where I DJed, but some from CM as well.

All of these I met as friends only, though some were a potential dom or sub.

Of these 100 people (not a bad sample number) none were rapists. None were blackmailers. A few presented themselves as doms and were not. A few were on the slightly creepy side. Most were and are fantastic people.

Of this fantastic group, one I met first at my house, he took me out to dinner, then came home and gave me the best massage I have ever had in my life. It was sooo good I ended up a pretty near naked puddle on the bed. He thought he'd get lucky; I sent him back to his hotel room.

He told me later that he knew then I could wield the kind of power and control he needed, b/c yeah, he's still my sub.

Another man I met at a hotel in Indy. This was a dom I met while DJing and we just got along and wanted to meet. He is married so he knew up front, no sex. NO fling, no affair. I don't do married people when the wife doesn't know. I just don't.

Anyway, we met, had a great dinner, he took me out dancing and learned the meaning of dancing fool. Then we went back to his hotel room and slept in the same bed. No play, no sex, although he did ask (just in case I'd changed my mind).

I trust my instincts about men, which has been finely honed. Have I ever been wrong? Oh yeah. As some who follow my posts know, about 7 years ago I met up with somone who turned out to be a predator.

But I could have met him anywhere. And he was really, really, good at pretending to be what he was not.

Yeah, I have a point here. If you can't trust you're instincts about a man, you *will* be victimized, b/c that's who the bad guys pick.

Even if your'e instincts are great, you can still get it wrong. But you can't live your life in fear. And if you are, you need therapy, not another relationship.

Yes, this *is* just my opinion, and your mileage *may* vary.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 7/9/2012 4:18:44 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 122

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 5:39:30 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

I just wanted to add, about the predator. No, he didn't rape my body, he raped my heart. He was a very very accomplished liar.

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(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 123

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 5:59:30 AM

KittyCali

Posts: 169
Joined: 6/3/2012
Status: offline

being middle aged and obese, i feel i have to be very up front about that... if it came to meeting someone RT and i had been pretending to be a thin leggy blonde, its not like i woke up one morning, looked down and went, "oh, nooo!".... Besides, i'm a crap liar. its true or i just don't say it.

_____________________________

“Have you ever noticed how much they look like orchids? Lovely!” R.A. Heinlein

;-)

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 124

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 6:11:12 AM

JhonP

Posts: 83
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline

As the courts and law enforcement interpretations of how rape is defined are ever broadening males places themselves in a jeopardized position every time they interact with a woman.

A woman can cry rape at any time, especially wives who want a divorce settlement favoring them.

Even if the charge is proven without merit the man is for the rest of his life stigmatized as a sexual offender. Now you may only find the arrest record through an NCIC but during that search arrest as a sexual offender leaps off the page and those authorized to do NCIC are rarely closed mouth. So of course a man has to be extremely careful and always conscious of his vulnerability but I fail to understand how a picture of a woman you are about to meet reduces the jeopardy you are placing yourself in.

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 125

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 8:37:41 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession

quote:

This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there.

A BIG part of it? REALLY? Jesus Christ where do some of you ladies meet these guys? Who the heck are YOU talking to?

I'm starting to wonder if the real problem is a bunch of paranoid schizophrenic women on CM.

I'm aware there are some fruit cakes on here. There was one guy I talked to that I'm pretty sure was on the verge of being a serial killer, and between the message where I talked him on the risk versus reward point and the fantasy is usually way better than reality points, and then promptly reported him I did what I could to get the guy off of here. But that's one guy in 4+ years I've been around here.

And there is certainly no shortage of middle aged obese women posing behind young thin women profiles on here either. I'm not saying middle aged obese women aren't worth the time to get to know, but if they pathologically lie, the lying is enough to make me never take another moment. There have been at least 2 confirmed women that managed to waste a great deal of my time playing that game, and then fessing up when their hearts got involved and they realized they just guaranteed themselves a heart break.

I guess my question is, if you've all had such horrible experiences with men on CM, why the heck are you still here? The definition of insanity is...doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result right?

Love this!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ClassIsInSession)

Post #: 126

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 9:48:25 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

A woman can cry rape at any time, especially wives who want a divorce settlement favoring them.

Statistically, false rape reports occur at about the same rate as false reports of other crimes.

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(in reply to JhonP)

Post #: 127

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 10:14:29 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Statistically, false rape reports occur at about the same rate as false reports of other crimes.

Yeah... that'd make sense to me. But it doesn't stop me from being fully well aware that in the current legal climate any woman who wants to can say "rape" or "sexual harassment" or a host of similar things and I'm basically screwed right there and then. So yeah, I'm pretty careful about who gets invited into my home & bed. But that doesn't stop me from enjoying a cup of coffee with a stranger at a Starbucks.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 128

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 1:08:53 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

Have you had blackmail experiences before?

I had one guy threaten it once on me. I just laughed and told him to go ahead. It wasn't a big deal to me. Amazingly that's all it took and he went away lol.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 129

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 1:12:53 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassIsInSession

quote:

This is BDSM, blackmail is a BIG part of it, and lots of psychos out there.

A BIG part of it? REALLY? Jesus Christ where do some of you ladies meet these guys? Who the heck are YOU talking to?

I'm starting to wonder if the real problem is a bunch of paranoid schizophrenic women on CM.

I'm aware there are some fruit cakes on here. There was one guy I talked to that I'm pretty sure was on the verge of being a serial killer, and between the message where I talked him on the risk versus reward point and the fantasy is usually way better than reality points, and then promptly reported him I did what I could to get the guy off of here. But that's one guy in 4+ years I've been around here.

And there is certainly no shortage of middle aged obese women posing behind young thin women profiles on here either. I'm not saying middle aged obese women aren't worth the time to get to know, but if they pathologically lie, the lying is enough to make me never take another moment. There have been at least 2 confirmed women that managed to waste a great deal of my time playing that game, and then fessing up when their hearts got involved and they realized they just guaranteed themselves a heart break.

I guess my question is, if you've all had such horrible experiences with men on CM, why the heck are you still here? The definition of insanity is...doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result right?

Love this!

It is great, huh? LOL

I'm glad someone said it.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 130

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 2:20:14 PM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

FR
It took six pages on a thread started
with an op about women who don't
like to send photos of themselves to
strangers on the Internet to come to
the inevitible conclusion that bitches
are crazy. And liars.

I worked with a woman who was gang
raped and murdered by strangers and
near the community where I grew up
in the last few years a waitress was
abducted raped and murdered and a
elderly woman was raped by a unknown
man on Christmas day. Things like that
take stranger rape out of the urban
myth category for me.

Do I think all men are rapists? No.
Do I think the vast majority of men
are rapists? No. Do I think men on
CM are more likely to be rapists than
other men? No.

Men should use good sense when meeting
people off the Internet to. And yes at
some point you have to make leap
of faith when meeting people.

I don't think malicious intent is
why the majority of people want
to see a photo. But it's silly to
think a photo offers you ironclad
protection against being disappointed
in who shows up to meet you face
to face. Like bitches photos do lie
sometimes.
Having a policy about photos either
way can cut you off from meeting
potential partners. That's why I
play it by ear. Doesn't freak me if
he won't send a photo doesn't
freak me if he asks me to send one.

I don't really put someone with concerns
about harassment alongside fear of
having ones time wasted by a elderly
Jabba the Hut. Harassment is a little
suckier than disappointment.
People even the skittish seek online
for a number of reasons.
If online reflects the population as
a whole maybe there are people
who are looking for something
other than instant gratification
or aren't paranoics who are
are avoiding intimacy.
Like maybe lots of people fall in
between the two camps.
I've never found online people to
be any nuttier or depraved than
people I meet at the gym.
At my gym everybody is pretty
much trying to get laid so that's
a moot point.
Respect and consideration where
people might be coming from is
a good thing. Also didn't we have
a recent thread that concluded
crazy bitches are hot?
Getting the crazy sex does require
entering into a mating ritual with
the crazy bitch. In other words
sometimes you have to humor
people.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 131

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 2:25:23 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

Been there - done that. Its not very fun. I dont recommend it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I just wanted to add, about the predator. No, he didn't rape my body, he raped my heart. He was a very very accomplished liar.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 132

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 8:07:03 PM

lamb

Posts: 22
Joined: 9/19/2004
Status: offline

Mistress Chatte does manage me well and i come back for more and more, just the thought of my pleasing her makes me hard, today she told me it would please her if i responded to one of her posts. i was driving home and became hard at the thought of doing this, exposing my need to please her before anyone who reads this. She has done amazing things to my body and to my mind, sighs, she doesn't even let me cum when i am with her.
i love my Mistress

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 133

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 8:26:42 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lamb

Mistress Chatte does manage me well and i come back for more and more, just the thought of my pleasing her makes me hard, today she told me it would please her if i responded to one of her posts. i was driving home and became hard at the thought of doing this, exposing my need to please her before anyone who reads this. She has done amazing things to my body and to my mind, sighs, she doesn't even let me cum when i am with her.
i love my Mistress

Ok.... Congrats?

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to lamb)

Post #: 134

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 8:29:46 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Been there - done that. Its not very fun. I dont recommend it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I just wanted to add, about the predator. No, he didn't rape my body, he raped my heart. He was a very very accomplished liar.

Yep. Lying is like breathing for some of them. Not good to be part of a debris trail.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 135

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/9/2012 8:40:18 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama
Statistically, false rape reports occur at about the same rate as false reports of other crimes.

Yeah... that'd make sense to me. But it doesn't stop me from being fully well aware that in the current legal climate any woman who wants to can say "rape" or "sexual harassment" or a host of similar things and I'm basically screwed right there and then. So yeah, I'm pretty careful about who gets invited into my home & bed. But that doesn't stop me from enjoying a cup of coffee with a stranger at a Starbucks.

*AhemmCOUGHHHsexistass*

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 136

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/10/2012 3:04:09 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

That's my boykin !!

quote:

ORIGINAL: lamb

Mistress Chatte does manage me well and i come back for more and more, just the thought of my pleasing her makes me hard, today she told me it would please her if i responded to one of her posts. i was driving home and became hard at the thought of doing this, exposing my need to please her before anyone who reads this. She has done amazing things to my body and to my mind, sighs, she doesn't even let me cum when i am with her.
i love my Mistress

We haven't met in a few months, does he sound a bit needy to you?

_____________________________

(in reply to lamb)

Post #: 137

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/10/2012 6:54:53 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Does he sound in need of a meeting? Absolutely!

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(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 138

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/10/2012 10:12:57 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Here's the thing I don't get about women who are afraid to give out their pic because they are afraid the person will stalk them...eerrr...eemm....does that mean they never leave their house either? I mean the man behind you at the grocery store could just as easily snap a photo of you while you're standing in line and use it in the same way. Who knows, that guy you met at the bar last week? He's probably waiting around the corner for you. He remembers faces really well, plus he probably followed you home from the bar that night and now knows where you live.....

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Post #: 139

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/10/2012 10:19:43 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

And the same goes for men. There are ton of guys who won't send a photo, yet respond to only those profiles with photos. I have heard ridiculous comments, like "a submissive has no right to demand a photo".

Uh, yeah, ok. No photo, no contact.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 7/10/2012 10:21:46 AM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 140

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