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First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:10:23 PM

OneKinkyArtist

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline

I'm as fun loving and adventurous as the next man, yet I'm not a dumbass. I state that because I was approach by a member on the other side of the site. The conversations seemed pleasant enough to warrant a meeting in real-time. This particular profile doesn't have a picture as most don't for the sake of discretion. When approached for said meeting in real time I explained to this person that I would need to see a picture so that I knew who or what I was meeting and this person told me that them sending a picture is a deal-breaker. I was floored at that simply because Im sure everyone isnt a monster, but how do you expect someone to just believe that everyone isnt a monster. Am I wrong for discontinuing communication with said person for not being able to show who they are?

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

Post #: 1

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:16:39 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you need to see a picture first, then that's your choice. If they don't want to give out any info until you meet for coffee and they get the vibes that say you aren't a stalker or a creep, that's their choice.

I never sent him a picture nor him me. We told each other the truth about height, weight, age so there were no surprises but that was it. A picture won't tell you if you have real life chemistry or not.

But I don't believe in exchanging all kinds of real life info before the first meet. It may well be someone you never want to see again in which case you would prefer they not have a picture of you to photo shop, not have your name and address and license plate.

That stuff should be in place before you agree to play, but for a 20 minute coffee break it's unnecessary.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 2

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:20:00 PM

OneKinkyArtist

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline

I didnt require an assortment of information. I simply wanted to know what the person looked like that was looking to meet with me.

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 3

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:25:01 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist
I was floored at that simply because Im sure everyone isnt a monster, but how do you expect someone to just believe that everyone isnt a monster. Am I wrong for discontinuing communication with said person for not being able to show who they are?

I've never demanded to see a photo of a person prior to meeting them.

But, even if you were a woman and looking for a dominant woman, I wouldn't meet you. Your words tell me that you are too shallow, that how someone looks is more important than the soul of who they are. I don't dig shallow people.

That all being said, no, you are not wrong. If the way a person looks is important to you, then it is your perogative to know prior to meeting. Just know that not everyone will jump through your hoops. In as much as, you don't want a 'monster', many would not be interested in a person that defined another human being as such.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 4

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:25:05 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I know that, and if that's what you need then it's fine to insist on that. But since it's getting easier and easier to search for pictures, I'm sure you can see that she might prefer some guy who terrified her not be able to enter her picture into a search engine and find her on facebook, and then proceed to stalk her.

Just chalk it off to basic incompatibility. You need a picture and that's a hard limit for her, and both of you are right to have your noncompatible limits to benefit your very different lives.

This isn't a case of she's wrong and you're right, or vice versa. It's because you have different experiences and different levels of risk. You're a good guy, that's obvious because you were sincerely confused about why she won't do this. But smart women always worry about the risk. For us, 1 in 6 guys we meet is a rapist. Think about that, and why her level of security has to be so much higher than yours.

There are no known rates of adult male rape outside of prison, but of those, the largest percentage of victims are gay. What the rate is of a straight male like yourself is so small, that the idea has never entered your head. Which is the exact opposite of women who risk this daily.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 7/6/2012 2:29:37 PM >

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 5

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:34:33 PM

girlrulesubdrool

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline

I would -never- meet with somebody without a picture, multiple in fact. It's a world of dangers, but also, I need to know who I am looking for when I try to meet them! And let's be honest. Most people want to have sex with people they are at least reasonably attracted to. Therefore I want to see pictures before any meetups will occur. I agree with you.

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 6

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:35:47 PM

OneKinkyArtist

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline

I understand where you're coming coming from @DesFip. Im not superficial and Im not looking for a picture to say "oh this person is this or that.....and this is why we'll meet". I ask for the purpose of safety first. I seek to see what they look like because I want to know what Im walking into.

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:36:20 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I never asked for a pic. I never saw one of Master before I met him. I just figured I would have a cup of coffee with some guy and if I didn't like him then I had a free coffee and got out of the house for a little while. Not a big deal to me.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:39:11 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlrulesubdrool

I would -never- meet with somebody without a picture, multiple in fact. It's a world of dangers, but also, I need to know who I am looking for when I try to meet them! And let's be honest. Most people want to have sex with people they are at least reasonably attracted to. Therefore I want to see pictures before any meetups will occur. I agree with you.

But not everyone assumes, or has the goal of, having sex with everyone they meet.

PLUS, it has been my experience that an awful lot of people either get much less attractive than their photos, in person.........or the reverse.

I know a woman that takes horrible photos, I wouldn't be attracted to her at all if I only saw her in photos. But to see her animated, her voice, to know her in person........completely different story.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to girlrulesubdrool)

Post #: 9

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:41:30 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist

I understand where you're coming coming from @DesFip. Im not superficial and Im not looking for a picture to say "oh this person is this or that.....and this is why we'll meet". I ask for the purpose of safety first. I seek to see what they look like because I want to know what Im walking into.

You can tell if a person is going to be safe by a photo?!?!?

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 10

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:43:23 PM

OneKinkyArtist

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline

and thats fine and dandy...but I was speaking in safety...I have pics on my profile and dont expect everyone to have pics but when it came down to actual meeting I wanted to know who i was going to meet. not to mention I was approach by said individual and im sure there had to be an attraction on their part to approach me from the start

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 11

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:48:14 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Quit back tracking and dancing. Your OP said it all.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 12

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:48:55 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
I never asked for a pic. I never saw one of Master before I met him. I just figured I would have a cup of coffee with some guy and if I didn't like him then I had a free coffee and got out of the house for a little while. Not a big deal to me.

go figure. Whodathunk it could be that simple?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 13

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:53:53 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneKinkyArtist
Am I wrong for discontinuing communication with said person for not being able to show who they are?

Not be willing to show a picture online but she was willing to meet you for face to face?

::shrug:: I wouldn't say you were wrong but I do think it's a little short-sighted on your part. If she had sent you a picture of a cute little cheerleader holding a puppy you would have met but if she showed you a picture of a camo wearing, combat boots mama holding an Ak-47.. you would not have met?

Cute little cheerleaders can be crazy-ass stalkers and gun-toting camo mamas can be the salt of the Earth.

If I was intent on putting your 'safety' in jeopardy.. guess which pic I would send to you.

Just something to think about next time you have the opportunity for a face to face meeting. They're a little on the few and far between side for a whole host of guys and, who knows, you were getting along really well and now don't have the chance to even grab the brass ring with her because you let it pass you by.

Personally, I'd rather have some smell-o-vision than graphics capability. I'd like to know up front how someone smells rather than how someone looks.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 14

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 2:55:12 PM

OneKinkyArtist

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline

lmao...

there is no backtrack or a dance. I dont meet without a picture because I dont know who the hell people are. thats my preference.

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 15

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 3:00:11 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

OKA, I'm not sure what you're looking for here. As you've seen, some people need to see a picture first and they aren't going to be good partners for people who don't do that. There is no right or wrong.

Yet you seem to want a consensus that you're right and she's wrong. It doesn't work like that. Just like if you're favorite ethnic restaurant is Mexican and she hates it, neither of you are right or wrong. You are different people with different needs. It's perfectly all right for you to demand a picture first. Equally, it is perfectly all right for her to want to meet for 30 minutes in Starbucks without a picture.

And speaking safely, I've never read any number for the rates of abduction and rape from a Starbucks, so I don't think it's that unsafe a thing to do. You're talking about meeting for coffee, aren't you? Or are you talking about meeting in a private place for play/sex which is a whole different thing? Care to clarify?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 16

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 3:15:08 PM

OneKinkyArtist

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/19/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

OKA, I'm not sure what you're looking for here. As you've seen, some people need to see a picture first and they aren't going to be good partners for people who don't do that. There is no right or wrong.

Yet you seem to want a consensus that you're right and she's wrong. It doesn't work like that. Just like if you're favorite ethnic restaurant is Mexican and she hates it, neither of you are right or wrong. You are different people with different needs. It's perfectly all right for you to demand a picture first. Equally, it is perfectly all right for her to want to meet for 30 minutes in Starbucks without a picture.

And speaking safely, I've never read any number for the rates of abduction and rape from a Starbucks, so I don't think it's that unsafe a thing to do. You're talking about meeting for coffee, aren't you? Or are you talking about meeting in a private place for play/sex which is a whole different thing? Care to clarify?

Im speaking in a meeting in general. I was contacted and after a seemingly cool conversation a meeting was suggested. When I asked for a picture the conversation turned. I simply want to know who i am meeting. That couldve been a man on the other end of that conversation, on the flip side maybe it wasnt. I understand they may not be comfortable with showing their face because of who they are in their vanilla life but then again I dont like for a person to know what I look like and I dont know what they look like and then want to meet up. It doesnt matter who or what agrees with me because Im not going to the meeting with that person or any other person that I dont know what they look like. If that what you or anyone else is comfortable with then thats fine.

_____________________________

Self expression is the key that opens the door to communication....

I would like to think of you as more than a dickhead....but I have limited thinking at this moment

in case you didnt get the memo Im not your average anything

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 3:47:14 PM

HisPet21

Posts: 395
Status: offline

quote:

There is no right or wrong. Yet you seem to want a consensus that you're right and she's wrong. It doesn't work like that. Just like if you're favorite ethnic restaurant is Mexican and she hates it, neither of you are right or wrong. You are different people with different needs. It's perfectly all right for you to demand a picture first. Equally, it is perfectly all right for her to want to meet for 30 minutes in Starbucks without a picture.

DesFip hit the nail on the head here, and I 100% agree with her. We all have different safety precautions we adhere to, and we each have the right to persistently pursue our own safety in whatever manner we see fit. You, obviously, need to see a picture before seeing someone. The woman you were communicating with simply isn't comfortable with exchanging pictures before meeting. Chalk it up to incompatibility and move on.

But, I think you should be aware that a LOT of women won't give you a picture before the first date, as you can see by this very thread. If I were still on the market, I know I wouldn't. There are far too many vengeful types, and stalkers, who could use such a picture to track me down or harm me and my reputation. It just isn't worth the risk, in my eyes. After a meeting, if I decide I trust a man and want to pursue him, fine. But before I even meet the guy, I am not going to trust his word that he's a nice person and won't misuse any images I send. And the way I see it, since women outnumber men on this site by a very large proportion, there is absolutely no reason to bend my personal safety precautions for a man. For every man who won't visit me without a picture, there are 20 who will.

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 18

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 3:50:23 PM

Winterapple

Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline

A guy pretending to be a woman online most likely
won't be showing up for a face to face.

A man pretending to be a woman
online could send you lots of photos.
Til you meet in person you don't know
how accurate the photos are.

There are sensible reasons people don't
give out photos of themselves.
Stalking and harassment are genuine
concerns.

Not having a photo on a profile or
having one before a meeting
has never been a big deal to me.
I'd be prepared to not be attracted
to someone if it turned out I wasn't.
But that's no big deal I can have
coffee and talk with someone I'm
not attracted to.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 19

RE: First Time Meetings - 7/6/2012 5:53:46 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

If "sending a picture is a deal-breaker" then you are probably a lot better off not going to that meeting.

I've always seen a photo first and in fact will not engage in a second online communication if I have no idea what they look like.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to OneKinkyArtist)

Post #: 20

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