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RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 12:48:19 AM

MrBlue76

Posts: 82
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EllenofTroy

You're not over reacting at all. Life is difficult and I'm sorry you're having issues. That being said, wouldn't it had been nice if "that guy" would have offered you at least a cyber hug instead of instant punishment over something that is emotionally upsetting you? For me that's a trust breaker for someone to want to more or less "play" when I'm upset. Give adivice, give a hug if I'm in the mood, but to punish for feeling out of sorts? Before trust is established? I wish you well and hope all works out for you and that you meet someone caring.

This

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I'm not a native english speaker. So, if I'm writing very stupid things, the reason behind it can be:
1.- That I'm having problems with the language, and translation
2.- That, simply, I'm writing very stupid things
Give me the benefit of doubt!

(in reply to EllenofTroy)

Post #: 21

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 5:48:26 AM

FrankAr

Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple.

_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to daddeesgurl1)

Post #: 22

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 6:38:06 AM

HisPet21

Posts: 395
Status: offline

quote:

They want instant submission and any sub with a brain should know better than to fall for that shit.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 23

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 7:40:23 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Well that covers about 80% of the male population.

bullshit.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 24

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 7:43:33 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr
you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple.

And you don't think it is, perhaps, appropriate to retain some elements of one's life as private to total strangers? The guy hadn't mastered her... obviously.

At a much more pragmatic level, I often wonder if anyone ever stops to think WHY they would accept a command from someone and why, if failing at that command, they would accept correction. For me, the answers to those questions involve a lot more than who chose what label in a profile screen.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to FrankAr)

Post #: 25

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 8:05:57 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I would just click off and never talk with you

I'm sure she'd get over it

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to FrankAr)

Post #: 26

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 8:09:44 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple.

So, you consider not discussing your finances with a stranger as hiding something. Then you should feel perfectly okay discussing your finances here in the forums.....otherwise you're hiding something.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to FrankAr)

Post #: 27

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 8:22:09 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple.

The guy is not her Dom. Nor is he a complete stranger. If he were her Dom, you are correct that this would be a serious issue (although I disagree that it would merit stopping the relationship with no discussion). If he were a total stranger, that would be a ridiculous demand.

I'm leaning toward the general consensus that he's more total stranger than her Dom.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to FrankAr)

Post #: 28

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 8:39:21 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Using FR:

I one who thinks getting into a power exchange type of dynamic with someone you have not met is beyond stupid not to mention emotionally (and maybe physically) dangerous.

My recommendation is pretty much always going to be: "stop that !!"

This guy sounds like a total dick; when someone you care about has emotional issues, you are *supposed* to be supportive. When someone you wish to have a dynamic with does not move at your speed, you have to either pull out all together or recognize that is you are attempting to form a couple, that means being willing to move at the same speed.

This is a true story:

Several years back when I was looking, I met a dom who DJed at the same internet radio station as I. We got to be friends on a non-sexual non-power dynamic basis, as DJing requires team work, cooperation, having a great on air personality but being able to curb your ego well enough to play well with others. So I had an idea of who this guy was based on how he acted, not what he said.

After about 6 months he told me he was interested in me. We started talking on the phone (no cam, neither of us had one). Less than two months later, we met. He came to my house for a week.

A few days into this first meet, he asked:" Why don't you call me Sir?"

I said: "I'm not there yet."

He nodded.

What is the point of this vignette of my life? To illustrate that people can communicate about important things w/o it having to be this big hairy deal. If you have a question, you can just ask. If someone asks, you can just answer. If you don't get the answer you want, you can choose to move on, or accept it.

Most people first getting together do not move at exactly the same speed. If you feel pushed, SAY SOMETHING, since it's been my experience most dominants will not ask a simple question like the above.

_____________________________

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 29

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 11:11:44 AM

artemiss

Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Just to play devil's advocate, do we really have the whole story? Did this comment really come out of the blue sky? Or did perhaps your previous conversations involve some level of power exchange? And when a sensitive subject came up, the flirting was no longer was fun and you responded to him differently.

Not saying this is the case, or that his demand was appropriate. Just think it is generally helpful to review are actions from all sides, see what culpability we may have had in the situation.

We can all sit here and call him an inappropriate ass, but that doesn't help her from ending up in the same situation in the future.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 30

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 11:14:01 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss
Just to play devil's advocate, do we really have the whole story?

Of course we don't have the whole story. We seldom do. But the facts remain. He tried to command her. She rejected the command. Ergo, he overplayed his hand and ended up looking foolish rather than dominant.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 31

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 11:52:11 AM

artemiss

Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

Not trying to say he wasn't foolish. But doubt even a fool would come up with that punishment as a first order. My guess is that there were more "commands" leading up to this, but this was the first time she objected.

Regardless, he is not on the message board to learn from the situation, she is. So my point was not about his actions, but rather for her to do some self-reflection to see what steps she could take to help keep this from happening again in the future.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 32

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 11:52:52 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1

I was surprised becuz I pass up so many other obvious players, every single day. This guy has stuck around for longer then most guys can handle.

If you have that anywhere in your mindset, it sounds like you may see yourself as "Damaged Goods" of some type or other.

That is going to tend to make you vulnerable to other situations such as this.

Everyone has some type of baggage.
HOWEVER
IF your baggage is so extreme that it makes you "too much to handle" then you should probably seek out professional help with getting a handle on you before you consider turning yourself over to anyone else.
If your life is that unmanageable, then a D/s relationship and/or a Daddy is not a good substitute for the kind of help professional guidance and support can offer.

Do not get me wrong, having a supportive partner is a wonderful thing, but a person can not fix another person; that IS an inside job.

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(in reply to daddeesgurl1)

Post #: 33

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 12:08:36 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

This guy sounds like a total dick; when someone you care about has emotional issues, you are *supposed* to be supportive. When someone you wish to have a dynamic with does not move at your speed, you have to either pull out all together or recognize that is you are attempting to form a couple, that means being willing to move at the same speed.

Yeah - agreed. Its just another do-me Dom. All about him and whats going to get him off - pulling out the "youre the sub, (not an actual human being with actual real life problems) now do as I say" card.

I love it when I see people turn everything in life into a BDSM situation. You see it all the time - guys on their profiles, wanting women to be in heels 24/7, go to the grocery store in a mini-tight skirt with no panties or bra, driving to work giving commands to finger yourself and cum 5 times - every day of the week. Its all about sex - and them getting their momentary jerk on. Pretty lame.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 7/8/2012 12:44:24 PM >

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 34

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 1:29:59 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1

I was surprised becuz I pass up so many other obvious players, every single day. This guy has stuck around for longer then most guys can handle.

If you have that anywhere in your mindset, it sounds like you may see yourself as "Damaged Goods" of some type or other.

That is going to tend to make you vulnerable to other situations such as this.

Everyone has some type of baggage.
HOWEVER
IF your baggage is so extreme that it makes you "too much to handle" then you should probably seek out professional help with getting a handle on you before you consider turning yourself over to anyone else.
If your life is that unmanageable, then a D/s relationship and/or a Daddy is not a good substitute for the kind of help professional guidance and support can offer.

Do not get me wrong, having a supportive partner is a wonderful thing, but a person can not fix another person; that IS an inside job.

I would love to know what this guy had stuck around for that was more than most guys could handle.

I gotta go with the opinion that there was much more to their interactions that we do not know about.

That doesn't make either of them right or wrong, just not a good match.

IMHO, YMMV, etc so on and so forth.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 35

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 3:25:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: artemiss

Not trying to say he wasn't foolish. But doubt even a fool would come up with that punishment as a first order. My guess is that there were more "commands" leading up to this, but this was the first time she objected.

Regardless, he is not on the message board to learn from the situation, she is. So my point was not about his actions, but rather for her to do some self-reflection to see what steps she could take to help keep this from happening again in the future.

Ooohhh...don't be so sure. I remember when I still looking and I would talk to some Doms for a couple of days and I would say something about my personal life and all of a sudden he would command me do some sort of punishment for it. That's when I would just click off and not even respond. Wasn't worth the time and he had already proven himself to be a moron.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to artemiss)

Post #: 36

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 3:28:14 PM

AVegasMaster

Posts: 119
Joined: 8/2/2010
Status: offline

I understand it is not your thing and respect your feelings. However, there are some subs that are into such things.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 37

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 6:06:58 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr
you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple.

You ARE way off-base. She said:

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1
we've only been emailing a lil for 10 days. He's not my daddy yet.

See, he is not her Daddy/Dom yet, so she doesn't need to tell him jack shit. He is just another human being. He does not own her, so she does not owe him one particle of obedience. Any internet stranger that thinks he can order someone else around when he is not in an agreed-upon dynamic with her is too self-important and full of himself and needs to be knocked down a peg and back into reality. He sounds like a HNG wannabe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AVegasMaster
]I understand it is not your thing and respect your feelings. However, there are some subs that are into such things.

It sounds to me like the OP is not so sure that it's "her thing" to be ordered around and punished by some stranger she started writing to only ten days before. Being in a consensual dynamic with someone is a whole different thing than having some HNG internet stranger passing judgment on you and handing down punishments that he has no right to be handing down.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to FrankAr)

Post #: 38

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 6:13:06 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

you know that I might be way off base but the gut instinct just kicks in. I am thinking that if you are hiding something from him I just wonder what else you might hide from him later on. His maturity would come through even after discussing the money matter that you had, he might have given you an outside perspective, but you just closed up. I would not even punish you, I would just click off and never talk with you simple.

Yea, I would say you are way off base. Not wanting to discuss financial issues within the first 10 emails before even meeting isn't hiding anything. It is having the intelligence to wait to develop trust in a person before telling them every single thing about you, which takes time and getting to know someone.

As for him giving "outside perspective" and showing maturity? He can't even grasp the concept that her not wanting to discuss that has nothing to do with her "wanting to hold on to her dominance" and his solution is to make her stand on tip toes naked in a corner, so he can likely whack off at the thought. There IS no maturity there.

(in reply to FrankAr)

Post #: 39

RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/8/2012 6:15:32 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
Well that covers about 80% of the male population.

bullshit.

Not bullshit at all. You've been married how many years? 80% of the male population's first interest is in how to get a women in bed. Here on CM, that percentage is quite a bit higher. They will say and do whatever they think will get them there.

I did not say YOU were one of those men, and there are quite a few here on the boards who aren't. But on the other side, yea that is the main goal: satisfy my fetish, kink and blow me.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 40

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