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RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/10/2012 2:36:45 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


The guy is not her Dom. Nor is he a complete stranger. If he were her Dom, you are correct that this would be a serious issue (although I disagree that it would merit stopping the relationship with no discussion). If he were a total stranger, that would be a ridiculous demand.

I'm leaning toward the general consensus that he's more total stranger than her Dom.


I would understand this thought and go with that reason. But then the one thing that sticks in my side is that they exchanged emails and were talking. I go with my gut and know that even simple conversations about how the day went and what you might want tonight, all go for being normal with me. Talking about the needs and wants of the future, would also be in emails, so you know that both parties are on the right track. If they meld then continue on, if they do not, no harm and you both move on. Even a movie that is on tv, might be great convo to see what they like, what might be on thier itunes and so forth, all this I would understand to be cruising into the first few emails, or even the 3rd call.

But then I am just a simple person.


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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Profile   Post #: 61
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/10/2012 2:45:06 AM   
FrankAr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Of course we don't have the whole story. We seldom do. But the facts remain. He tried to command her. She rejected the command. Ergo, he overplayed his hand and ended up looking foolish rather than dominant.




You see this is the bottom line, we do not have all the facts. It is from her own view. You know how many times miss communication has happened between 2 people. It really depends upon what was written in the emails and his response ? The calls ? All this would be better to know of the facts. But with all the knowledge, people are still going to dis agree. It is just like a group of people seeing a movie and then getting them to vote on it individually. Not all the people will have the same like of the movie.

Just a thought.


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/10/2012 10:04:09 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Agreed... trying to read between the lines a bit I suspect you and I are approaching this from vastly different viewpoints and so what we "see" is also vastly different.

As I understand it, you're taking the view that there may have been some sort of ongoing communication here and/or agreement... express or implied... which would have reasonably led the dom to believe that the sub would accept correction.

If I have that right and then your line of thinking is pretty standard for BDSM norms and the only real question is whether or not there was some reasonable expectation of compliance. I just don't see things that way.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
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Profile   Post #: 63
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/10/2012 1:43:11 PM   
daddeesgurl1


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/27/2012
Status: offline 		We hadn't exchanged email addresses or phone numbers yet...........

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/10/2012 2:44:47 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1

We hadn't exchanged email addresses or phone numbers yet...........



In that case, he was just a complete bonehead..LOL

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Profile   Post #: 65
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/10/2012 5:15:37 PM   
JeffBC


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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1
We hadn't exchanged email addresses or phone numbers yet...........

well, in my own particular weird way of reasoning, it really doesn't matter what you had not done. I don't deal in "D/s by agreement" and I have no interest in what "reasonable expectations" the dom might have had. None of that matters in the least to me. Honestly, I don't care if you'd already fallen to your knees, accepted his collar, and pledged your eternal soul to him.

At the simplest level.. he tried to dominate you and he failed. He was the dom. The buck stops there.

That, of course, isn't a normal BDSM thinking at all. But it is how I think of it.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to daddeesgurl1)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/12/2012 2:58:44 AM   
FrankAr


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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1

We hadn't exchanged email addresses or phone numbers yet...........


Strange in your original post you informed us that you had sent emails to each other......now you changing it ??


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to daddeesgurl1)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/12/2012 3:00:40 AM   
FrankAr


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Joined: 10/1/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Agreed... trying to read between the lines a bit I suspect you and I are approaching this from vastly different viewpoints and so what we "see" is also vastly different.


Thats true ,but you reading and approaching it from your experience shits all over my experience...LOLOL.


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

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Profile   Post #: 68
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/12/2012 3:41:44 AM   
BurntKitty


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From: Here To Eternity.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr


quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1

We hadn't exchanged email addresses or phone numbers yet...........


Strange in your original post you informed us that you had sent emails to each other......now you changing it ??



It's possible they exchanged messages on here.


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(in reply to FrankAr)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/12/2012 3:55:20 AM   
JhonP


Posts: 83
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline 		I am not suggesting you embrace my perception of how dominance and submission unfold or accept others opinions about the right or wrong way to introduce it to your real life experience. Neither do I know what prompted this dom to be so presumptuous but I do know if either of you are driven by the hope of sharing your life together you need to recognize it will not be the product of internet roll play and you both are charged with acting responsibly.

(in reply to daddeesgurl1)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/12/2012 6:36:04 AM   
kalikshama


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1

We hadn't exchanged email addresses or phone numbers yet...........


Strange in your original post you informed us that you had sent emails to each other......now you changing it ??


I don't give out my gmail lightly. If I stick to CMail, I retain the option of easily blocking the person should this become necessary.

I give out my personal information in a progression. If I decide I want to meet the person, I give out my phone. Once compatibility is established, I give out my gmail, which includes the option of gchat. And so on.


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RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/12/2012 7:31:25 AM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FrankAr


quote:

ORIGINAL: daddeesgurl1

We hadn't exchanged email addresses or phone numbers yet...........


Strange in your original post you informed us that you had sent emails to each other......now you changing it ??



As in sending emails through CM.


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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/13/2012 7:01:49 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
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[/quote]

I don't give out my gmail lightly. If I stick to CMail, I retain the option of easily blocking the person should this become necessary.

I give out my personal information in a progression. If I decide I want to meet the person, I give out my phone. Once compatibility is established, I give out my gmail, which includes the option of gchat. And so on.

[/quote]

Is not cmail like normal email ? You can write very long mails through cmail, but sometimes there is a glitch and a very long cmail can be lost, I can atest to this..LOL.

This is a normal progression, with all the security that is needed over the web people do move slowly, for they are then at peace.


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/16/2012 9:06:07 PM   
AngelOfSilence


Posts: 119
Joined: 5/8/2012
Status: offline 		If you feel he's asking too much, then he is.

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Profile   Post #: 74
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 7/17/2012 3:54:18 AM   
deeplove


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/9/2006
Status: offline 		Premature and desperate to meet you ....with hidden agenda ....non sense that punished when he never meet before , he blew up ...

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 8/6/2012 4:39:34 PM   
DaddysGentleHand


Posts: 32
Joined: 8/5/2012
Status: offline 		Punishment is NEVER given unless it is face to face, and only after a relationship is established.

The act of punishing is cruel and less than meaningless if He is not there to soothe and comfort you after.

(in reply to daddeesgurl1)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 8/6/2012 5:21:35 PM   
SpaceSpank


Posts: 244
Joined: 10/3/2010
Status: offline 		I think punishment can work online if needed, but it is a tricky thing... but you do not just whip it out after talking for a little bit and expect it to be followed. Online is very difficult to manage and takes a lot of communication. Unless you have talked at length about introducing punishment then he was out of line.

Furthermore, the fact that you still do not feel comfortable opening up to him means you are not at a point where you have a good trusting relationship going. I would say working on that, and other important aspects of your relationship to each other as normal people is far more important than if he gets to hand you out punishments yet.

< Message edited by SpaceSpank -- 8/6/2012 5:22:46 PM >

(in reply to DaddysGentleHand)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: punishment...but we havent met - 8/7/2012 7:04:26 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: deeplove



psst - you're not allowed to show genitalia in your primary picture or avatar.


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(in reply to deeplove)
Profile   Post #: 78
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