RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience...

RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

chatterbox24 -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/9/2012 5:06:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone14 Thanks. I have been looking up sub frenzy. I think it is a big part of it. Its not so much that I TOLD him things I didn't want to reveal so early. Its that he accessed a part of me that has never been accessed before and the intensity of it was more than I was ready to share with another person. No one in a vanilla relationship has ever accessed it, so its a new situation..... =) I don't think he accessed a place any different then a vanilla guy, same place as with any attraction. I think it felt different because you were able to disclose some intermost desires which felt good and that place was accessed deeper then it ever had been. It was exciting, and enlghening to share it. It felt magical. You accessed that place, he didnt, he was just the open reciever because for the first time you talked openly about it. Keep that place open for yourself its obviously what you want. Sharing the core of who you actually are is a good thing, take a chance, next serious attraction after finding out he might be worthy do it again and if that doesnt work do it again and again. Nourish that place in you, its the only way it will grow. Just my two cents.

OsideGirl -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/9/2012 7:26:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder I think you seem to think there's something wrong with being submissive or that others will not want to be with you because of it which just isn't true. Men won't want to be with you because you're insecure and not confident with yourself. I actually really kind of understand where she's coming from. I come from a very conservative background. Hell, I was a Deb. I fought my feelings of what I needed for a long time because I was raised to believe that they were dirty, taboo and psychologically flawed. Add to that, pretty much every mainstream portrayal of D/s BDSM was psychotic. When I found that first person who was just a normal guy that was a Dominant, I could tell him what I wanted......and he went "That's awesome", it was an amazing feeling. Even then it took almost a year to just be comfortable in my own skin again. To just accept that this was okay. I was very lucky to be with an amazing guy who went slow....even when the frenzy was in place and I wanted to go fast. I tossed my environmental red tapes at 26 and that was pretty hard tossing out some of the things I was raised with. She's 43, tossing those environmental red tapes at that age will be even harder. The only upside is that D/s BDSM is portrayed in a more positive light now.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/9/2012 9:09:03 AM)
Oside, I adore you.

Salinedion -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/9/2012 9:59:32 AM)
Just skipping to the end after your purple print addition: In BDSM, we have ask for what we want to get it. Do you know how rare that is? Most people stagger through half-lives and never ask for anything they really want. I think that's terrible. This time around, you got burned in the asking. Shit happens. But your strength and courage in being true to yourself and putting your desire out there is irrevocable. Forget this guy; you're stronger and clearer today then you were yesterday. Don't be telling yourself a story that you're fragile. The facts suggest otherwise.

wildernessbitch -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/9/2012 10:43:32 AM)
quote: You came from a first time meeting with expectations that exceeded what he was prepared to invest, and while it stinks, it's really not something to feel badly about. Go forward bright eye'd and hopeful as ever, meeting people is fun, and should never be approached with apprehension, just don't set your expectations of them right away, then you won't be let down when things don't go exactly as you want them to. This. OP slow down. If you had a couple of conversations and met for coffee and feel this devastated then you open yourself far too quickly. You had unrealistic expectations for the situation. From now on go into a coffee meeting like you would with a friend. Don't have expectations that it is more until there really is more.

seekingreality -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/9/2012 10:28:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone14 @Lockit - It was more the fact that this is the first time I've ever opened up to anyone in my life about this that makes me feel violated. I totally understand what you are saying that I violated myself, and that's why I'm here asking the question how not to let that happen....... The answer is pretty simple. Take it slower. Just because you are meeting someone on a BDSM site doesn't mean you need to bare every aspect of your soul. Just act like you would on a vanilla date. Find out if you other things in common than the sexual/kinky stuff. And don't make more out of a coffee date than it is. It's just a conversation between two people getting to know one another.

littleone14 -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 7:15:08 AM)
To everyone reading this - please understand that I wrote my first post right after this happened, while my feelings were still raw. If I had waited even an hour or two more, I would have been much more centered and grounded about the whole thing. I wouldn't have focused on the situation that led up to my question, but on the question itself. I didn't even know I could be accessed as I was. Its not that I talked too much about my feelings and desires with him, or had high expectations from our encounter. Its that I didn't know anyone could bring out the submissive feelings so quickly and easily, and to such depth. I've never felt them like that before. I'm not blaming him for accessing them. I do understand that I allowed it and put myself into the position that it happened. But how do you, personally, keep from going into a space where you feel completely submissive to someone before its appropriate, especially when they have the attributes that are exactly what puts you into that space? I used the term "horrible" in my title, which I shouldn't have. It was misleading. What happened wasn't horrible. It was a horrible feeling to not know how to control something that was coming out for the first time......

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 7:19:42 AM)
It was horrible to you. Just like you (hopefully) will never let so much of you go that quickly, don't let what a bunch of strangers on a forum make you feel bad for what you felt. Ignore the negativity. Except what I am typing now, because it is sheer fucking genius[8D] And you learned something. So, all in all, a good thing. Good luck!

littleone14 -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 7:22:06 AM)
Thanks! I guess its just a little overwhelming to be having my post viewd 1200+ times...... =)

angelikaJ -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 8:22:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone14 To everyone reading this - please understand that I wrote my first post right after this happened, while my feelings were still raw. If I had waited even an hour or two more, I would have been much more centered and grounded about the whole thing. I wouldn't have focused on the situation that led up to my question, but on the question itself. I didn't even know I could be accessed as I was. Its not that I talked too much about my feelings and desires with him, or had high expectations from our encounter. Its that I didn't know anyone could bring out the submissive feelings so quickly and easily, and to such depth. I've never felt them like that before. I'm not blaming him for accessing them. I do understand that I allowed it and put myself into the position that it happened. But how do you, personally, keep from going into a space where you feel completely submissive to someone before its appropriate, especially when they have the attributes that are exactly what puts you into that space? Read and re-read the links others and I put up on this thread about sub-frenzy... and then realise that those attributes that you are ascribing to the other person were more than likely just a reflection of your deep need to have this part of yourself understood and accepted. In other words on his end, for the most part it was all smoke and mirrors.

Kana -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 8:25:48 AM)
quote: To everyone reading this - please understand that I wrote my first post right after this happened, while my feelings were still raw. If I had waited even an hour or two more, I would have been much more centered and grounded about the whole thing. I wouldn't have focused on the situation that led up to my question, but on the question itself. Chortles See, you're already learning and growing [sm=banana.gif] When in doubt, exercise restraint of tongue and pen:-)

mnottertail -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 8:27:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone14 Thanks! I guess its just a little overwhelming to be having my post viewd 1200+ times...... =) Had you been a lesbian with your tongue cut out it would be in the 12000+ times.... Peachy Tolliver Carnahan

chatterbox24 -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 9:30:41 AM)
Word of advice, just from lil old silly me. I feel You are lucky. That first time in my opinion is life changing, and who ever is there when that door is opened has great power over you. With sub frenzy, you may react in ways you cant imagine, do things you thought you would never do, say things you never say, and that person if not of the highest caliber or really doesnt have your best interest at heart, can ruin your life or start you on a path of ruin. And truth is longer your in the situation , harder it is to break free. ITs like feeding an addiction at its peak. Keep this in mind to help you stay strong, and not let someone who shouldnt assess this part of you. People might squabble about twue and weal Masters, but I dont think they will argue that if you meet a real Master whether good or bad, they truly are powerful people and can have great control over you. Im not trying to scare you, just trying to help you guard yourself. You were lucky cause this guy was honest with you and didnt play you, cause he could have. Most likely like a fiddle. It can take you to great heights, but it can also bring harm to you so please be careful in your choices.

GreedyTop -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 10:35:19 AM)
it pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with chatter. no, really... it pains me to say it. I need some migraine meds now.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 11:42:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop it pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with chatter. no, really... it pains me to say it. I need some migraine meds now. Oh hushhhh and take this whole bottle of pills, NOW OPEN UP GREEDY..........ALL BETTER NOW...Shhhhhhh CLOSE YOUR EYES. hahahahahha Love the serial moistened bint, Chatter

OsideGirl -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 12:49:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop it pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with chatter. no, really... it pains me to say it. I need some migraine meds now. Well, yeah...she chose a crappy situation against everyone's advice....then told everyone that gave her advice to fuck off, emotionally blackmailed her husband and went with the guy anyway...and since then has alternated between raging about how happy she is to vilifying him on a weekly basis. It's the one area that I'll concede that she can speak from experience. quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 Love the serial moistened bint, Chatter You clearly have no idea what "moistened bint" refers to.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 3:22:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop it pains me to say this, but I mostly agree with chatter. no, really... it pains me to say it. I need some migraine meds now. Well, yeah...she chose a crappy situation against everyone's advice....then told everyone that gave her advice to fuck off, emotionally blackmailed her husband and went with the guy anyway...and since then has alternated between raging about how happy she is to vilifying him on a weekly basis. It's the one area that I'll concede that she can speak from experience. quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 Love the serial moistened bint, Chatter You clearly have no idea what "moistened bint" refers to. I do know what it means , and you doll clearly dont have a sense of humor. MUAH MUAH MUAH.

TNDommeK -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 3:38:49 PM)
Here we go again,lol. [sm=popcorn.gif]

OsideGirl -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 4:07:14 PM)
Planning on sharing that popcorn?

mnottertail -> RE: Very new to this - horrible first time experience... (7/10/2012 5:47:10 PM)
It were bleedin' orrid, that, it were.

Page: << < prev 2 3 4 [5] 6 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875