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Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/12/2012 11:25:17 PM

CougarRick

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Joined: 5/5/2012
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OK, I don't know if this has been addresed; I did try to search it and found nothing so here goes.

Can a sub initiate gestures of affection or is he required to literally wait even for that to be instructed. For example can a;

1: Sub upon entering the residence just go up and give his dom a kiss, hug...etc?

2: If the dom is stresssed, can he just go up and initiate a shourlder rub before being told to do so?

3: Walking along the street can he grab the doms hand to hold hands?

These sorts of things.

I realize every dom is different to an extent, but I just want to hear some insites so as to get a sense of the boundaries.

Is it OK for a sub to show gestures of affection without first being instructed, or is that a huge faux pas? Should he literally do nothing, even in non play/sex situations until told to act?

< Message edited by CougarRick -- 7/12/2012 11:26:48 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 12:11:03 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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All of that depends largely on the individual's personal boundaries.

For example, if I know you and we are good friends/romantic partners and you know you have permission to touch me, then yes, absolutely go for it. However, if we have just met or I have not given permission to touch me, DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH. Unless you like losing body parts.

You should discuss personal boundaries/casual touching with anyone with whom you plan to have a close relationship, regardless of D/s orientation. You don't know what emotional triggers, health/body issues, or social preferences the person might have.

_____________________________

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(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 2

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 1:20:08 AM

Ambyant

Posts: 194
Joined: 4/22/2008
From: California Girl
Status: offline

Negotiate & Calibrate!
Discuss 'what if's' with your Dom and then how much/what level of PDA is allowed.

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damn password changes!

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 3

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 1:35:58 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

OK, I don't know if this has been addresed; I did try to search it and found nothing so here goes.

Can a sub initiate gestures of affection or is he required to literally wait even for that to be instructed. For example can a;

1: Sub upon entering the residence just go up and give his dom a kiss, hug...etc?

2: If the dom is stresssed, can he just go up and initiate a shourlder rub before being told to do so?

3: Walking along the street can he grab the doms hand to hold hands?

These sorts of things.

I realize every dom is different to an extent, but I just want to hear some insites so as to get a sense of the boundaries.

Is it OK for a sub to show gestures of affection without first being instructed, or is that a huge faux pas? Should he literally do nothing, even in non play/sex situations until told to act?

I would not allow any of those things. I don't want my hand held in public. If you're holding it I can't smack you upside the head when you need it. I don't want someone walking in right off the street and just laying one on me. What if I just ate onions. I hate kissing when I have onion breath and I sure as hell don't want to kiss someone else's onion breath! So, when in doubt, ask.

The shoulder rub.. it would be so much better to just say something like, "Ma'am, you look like you could use a shoulder rub. May I be of service?"

That right there is win/win.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 4

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 1:59:31 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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depends on your relationship with the dom/me. Some like it. Some don't. I think you need to speak with your Domme and ask her.

For the most part my Master enjoys me doing those things. There are a few times depending on his mood when he doesn't. When he doesn't he just tells me so.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 7/13/2012 2:00:40 AM >

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Post #: 5

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 5:06:58 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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Joined: 3/15/2012
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In our house it's all affection all of the time. We hold hands, kiss, cuddle (I don't give him shoulder rubs cos he doesn't like it, but something similar would be fine). I like to express my love physically. But then again we are a married couple so romantic love is a big part of that. If you have a different type of relationship, or if you're not the cuddly type, that's fine too.

I also know him well enough to know if he doesn't want to be distracted from a task or if he needs some alone time. We talk like adults though, so he can always stop me if he's not in the mood.

I don't think there is a general set of boundaries on this.

Don't tell anyone because I don't want to lose my sub card, but sometimes I even initiate sex.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 6

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 6:00:41 AM

Tantriqu

Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

When in doubt, ask!
I'm not one for PDA, except forearm foreplay; how I touch him tells him what I'll be doing to him behind closed doors -- unless he makes me laugh, then he can kiss me!
When I was with a lovely tall cop; we're both private about PDA and had been together for months. We were walking along the shore, and he turned dramatically and paused, which was his request to making a serious statement. I nodded, expecting him to say something I dreaded, like, 'We get married or it's over', or 'i'm a switch', or 'i'm pregnant', but it was [deep breath] 'How do you feel about holding hands?'
I laughed, we smooched, I did things to his forearm, we held hands on the way back home where I did those things to him . . . lovely.
And his hand fit mine like a glove.

_____________________________

"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 7

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 7:53:49 AM

pyschosubmission

Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
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I for one really like to hold hands with partners, and (tastefully) kiss in public, but I have to agree with the rest of you it all depends on the other person, so best to talk about it.

communication, turns out it's important :P

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Post #: 8

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 8:16:01 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
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As with everything, it depends on the relationship, and I emphasize that word as I believe you have to have one before pretty much -anything- unsolicited is ever even on the table.

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Post #: 9

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 8:52:46 AM

ElsieIsme

Posts: 9
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

In our house it's all affection all of the time. We hold hands, kiss, cuddle (I don't give him shoulder rubs cos he doesn't like it, but something similar would be fine). I like to express my love physically. But then again we are a married couple so romantic love is a big part of that. If you have a different type of relationship, or if you're not the cuddly type, that's fine too.

That's how it is here too but we don't live together. I have noticed recently that my sub doesn't initiate the first contact when we meet but is then free to touch/hold/kiss me whenever he wants. My response indicates my interest & he respects that.

But ultimately it comes down to what you and your Dom(me) agree to.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 10

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 9:26:39 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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I've never been a fan of public snogging (that's why I look for large potted plants to hide behind) but I am a big hand holder. I like walking arm in arm, that sort of thing. Privately... well

Putting the cart before the horse, aren't you, Rick? Just let her take the lead.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 11

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 9:38:38 AM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
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Agrees with LadyH. I like to hold hands too, but no making out in public - except maybe at the airport.
I have been known to have discrete public sex here and there - but thats a whole other story.

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

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Post #: 12

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 9:46:12 AM

MsGypsey

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/23/2011
Status: offline

Holding hands or walking arm-in-arm I'm ok with. If they are unsolicited, however, you might get a shock if the domme in question doesn't like it and gives you a smack.
So check with the lady in question first before you do anything that *you* think is ok, but that she may interpret as you over-stepping your boundaries.

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 13

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 11:14:03 AM

LaTigresse

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I am a hugger, kisser, snuggler...........when I am in the mooooooooood. If a person knows me, they can easily tell when I am not in the moooooooooood.

What I have always hated, turns me OFF faster than a random stranger whipping their dick out and waving it about......someone trying to be affectionate to gain something. Regardless of what it is. I fucking hate someone passively aggressively trying to get laid by getting all rubby and shit. Guaranteed to get them the exact opposite.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 14

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/13/2012 11:24:47 AM

MissToYouRedux

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Joined: 1/23/2010
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Unsolicited gestures of affection from mine when we're in private, fine. I'm clear if I'm not in the mood.

With gestures of affection in public, he waits and I take the lead.

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Post #: 15

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/14/2012 10:53:26 AM

CougarRick

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Joined: 5/5/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
For example, if I know you and we are good friends/romantic partners and you know you have permission to touch me, then yes, absolutely go for it. However, if we have just met or I have not given permission to touch me, DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH. Unless you like losing body parts.

(On my knees as a type)

Oh, I would never put my hands on someone who I was not in a relationship with; that's just basic respect. I was more thinking of the dynamic between a dom and her sub who she is actually in some form of relationship with.

I'm more thinking of a scenario where you are actually in a relationship and the sub get's home from school or work, does a hug and a kiss constitute a boundary breach, but yeah I expected I would get a range of answers.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 16

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/14/2012 10:56:18 AM

CougarRick

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Joined: 5/5/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I I don't want my hand held in public. If you're holding it I can't smack you upside the head when you need it.

LOL. I really hadn't looked at it that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
The shoulder rub.. it would be so much better to just say something like, "Ma'am, you look like you could use a shoulder rub. May I be of service?"
That right there is win/win.

I get it. So even if there is a relationship, the dom still controls all aspects at all times.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 17

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/14/2012 10:56:30 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Look at it this way, Rick, which kind of relationship do you want? Do you want to have ask permission to hold hands? If the answer is a no, then don't involve yourself with women like that.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 18

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/14/2012 10:58:54 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Rick. You are thinking way, way too much. Just stop it. Go out and meet women, and men, and just people generally. Get to know them, watch what they do, and don't be afraid to make a mistake.

Only rocket science is rocket science.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 19

RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection - 7/14/2012 11:01:18 AM

CougarRick

Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I've never been a fan of public snogging (that's why I look for large potted plants to hide behind) but I am a big hand holder. I like walking arm in arm, that sort of thing. Privately... well

I'm not one for public smooching either, except for a quick greeting kiss. I do like handholding, and would not wish to sign my own death warrant with a dom by taking her hand innapropriately

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Putting the cart before the horse, aren't you, Rick? Just let her take the lead.

Uhm.....er,...well yeah. I'll have to control my enthusiasm when/if it happens

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

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