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Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:21:08 PM

LittleMissChelsi

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/14/2010
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Hi E/everyone! So I dunno if this is the place for this but i and going to post anyway.
I am a submissive and have been for quite some time. I use to have an extremely high sex drive when I was younger, but after I lost my virginity it lowered. With a new person it peaks for a bit and I'm at an average level of neediness but then it slows again. And with some even kisses and touches become "suffocating" and annoying to me.
Anyone else come across this before? Or have any suggestions as to why it is?
I really miss being owned and love the submissiveness of this lifestyle but often I annoy a Top who is interested because I don't put out as often as they'd like or hate I am this way so they love my personality and the non sexual submission parts but not enough to keep me around :(
So comments, tips, or random conversation?

Post #: 1

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:32:01 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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The first thing I would do is get a physical to make sure there are no health issues involved. Also, make sure you're in good mental health since things like depression and stress can cause changes in your sex drive. If you're on any type of medication, such as birth control pills or antidepressants, those can affect your sex drive. Talk to your doc about changing meds.

If you have a clean bill of health mentally and physically and are not experiencing side effects from medication, then you just have a low sex drive. It's not uncommon for a woman's sex drive to change as she ages. It is what it is. The right partner for you will either have a comparable sex drive or will be understanding about it. If s/he isn't, then s/he isn't a good fit. Move on and be happy you found out sooner rather than later.

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Post #: 2

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:39:39 PM

LittleMissChelsi

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

The first thing I would do is get a physical to make sure there are no health issues involved. Also, make sure you're in good mental health since things like depression and stress can cause changes in your sex drive. If you're on any type of medication, such as birth control pills or antidepressants, those can affect your sex drive. Talk to your doc about changing meds.

If you have a clean bill of health mentally and physically and are not experiencing side effects from medication, then you just have a low sex drive. It's not uncommon for a woman's sex drive to change as she ages. It is what it is. The right partner for you will either have a comparable sex drive or will be understanding about it. If s/he isn't, then s/he isn't a good fit. Move on and be happy you found out sooner rather than later.

I do have depression (no meds for that though) and I am also on birth control. I had gone to the doctor about it and she said here really isn't any real cause she can pin point. She said I work myself too hard and put too much stress on myself and to try meditation but that isn't something that'll work for me since I have trouble shutting my mind down and holding still.

I'm hoping to find someone who understands or has a comparable one. Or mine just stops being weird, I hate being tossed aside because I've been told I'm useless if I can't get worked up and enjoy every sexual encounter.
Thank you for responding (:

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Post #: 3

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:41:48 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
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FUCK HIM, DO WHAT YOU WANT,.

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Post #: 4

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:44:40 PM

LittleMissChelsi

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

FUCK HIM, DO WHAT YOU WANT,.

Haha actually that's usually how my mentality goes but then again I want my Top to be happy so it makes it hard

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Post #: 5

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:48:27 PM

pyschosubmission

Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline

quote:

I hate being tossed aside because I've been told I'm useless if I can't get worked up and enjoy every sexual encounter

Anyone with that attitude = ass hat

You are who you are, embrace it :)

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Post #: 6

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:48:54 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
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You wrote this "I hate being tossed aside because I've been told I'm useless if I can't get worked up and enjoy every sexual encounter. "

Personally? My sex drive would be zero if I got told this as well! I say find someone who sounds more desirable and perhaps that'll solve the problem of your lack of desire. When in doubt look to the obvious.

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Post #: 7

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:51:06 PM

LittleMissChelsi

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/14/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyschosubmission

quote:

I hate being tossed aside because I've been told I'm useless if I can't get worked up and enjoy every sexual encounter

Anyone with that attitude = ass hat

You are who you are, embrace it :)

:) not going to lie I just got very excited you used the phrase ass hat, I was starting to think I was the only one!

(in reply to pyschosubmission)

Post #: 8

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 5:52:45 PM

LittleMissChelsi

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/14/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

You wrote this "I hate being tossed aside because I've been told I'm useless if I can't get worked up and enjoy every sexual encounter. "

Personally? My sex drive would be zero if I got told this as well! I say find someone who sounds more desirable and perhaps that'll solve the problem of your lack of desire. When in doubt look to the obvious.

Yeah, hearing not nice things doesn't exactly help anything but make me feel bad :/

(in reply to sophia37)

Post #: 9

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:02:26 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleMissChelsi

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

The first thing I would do is get a physical to make sure there are no health issues involved. Also, make sure you're in good mental health since things like depression and stress can cause changes in your sex drive. If you're on any type of medication, such as birth control pills or antidepressants, those can affect your sex drive. Talk to your doc about changing meds.

If you have a clean bill of health mentally and physically and are not experiencing side effects from medication, then you just have a low sex drive. It's not uncommon for a woman's sex drive to change as she ages. It is what it is. The right partner for you will either have a comparable sex drive or will be understanding about it. If s/he isn't, then s/he isn't a good fit. Move on and be happy you found out sooner rather than later.

I do have depression (no meds for that though) and I am also on birth control. I had gone to the doctor about it and she said here really isn't any real cause she can pin point. She said I work myself too hard and put too much stress on myself and to try meditation but that isn't something that'll work for me since I have trouble shutting my mind down and holding still.

I'm hoping to find someone who understands or has a comparable one. Or mine just stops being weird, I hate being tossed aside because I've been told I'm useless if I can't get worked up and enjoy every sexual encounter.
Thank you for responding (:

Depression can cause a low sex drive.
Stress can cause a lower sex drive.

Do you get regular physical exercise?
That can help with stress and depression.

And yeah, ass-hat.

I would find that comment to be so anti-aphrodisiacal that I might never 'get it up' for him.

You do deserve better than being treated badly because your sexual desire is a bit under the weather.

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Post #: 10

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:05:41 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleMissChelsi
So comments, tips, or random conversation?

I don't exactly have the highest sex drive in the world. Carol's is non-existent. For us though, her lack of desire doesn't really stop anything since she's property. And the cool part is that the lack of drive only manifests up front. Once things get going she has a great time.

In the end men have different sex drives so find one who's compatible with you or else just find some guy you trust and let him run the show.

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Post #: 11

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:05:49 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline

I actually have this problem, and I hate it. My brain wants sex, but my body doesn't.

For me it's a combination of being constantly stressed from work, and if I didn't have my job I'd find something else to stress over. And my likely history of endometriosis. From the probable Endo (not a confirmed diagnosis, that only happens through surgery), it got to the point where I was in constant pain and dealing w/ lethargy three times a week. My uterus is also tipped, and sex at times can be painful.

I was terrified of going on BC (the first course of treatment for suspected endometriosis) because in the past birth control has caused my emotions and libido to flat line. She recommended low dose birth control that gives me a period every 3 months. I have noticed no impact to my libido, in fact a dramatic increase since I am no longer in pain and I feel alive again. So if the BC is contributing ask for a low dose pill. My side effects have been spotting (likely this is because I am on low hormone AND 3 month cycle), and an increased sensitivity to allergies.

Your brain not shutting down is a huge problem, and not just for your sex life. I have the same problem. Ages ago I used to love to meditate, I've lost interest in it over time. These days I cook, watch nonsense TV shows, we go out, when alone I clean, and go all out with making myself feel pretty. If I catch myself thinking about work or any other stress, I make myself do something to get my mind off of it. I set the date and time I will worry about it again. As an example I start vacation Monday and I have tons of notes and reports to write before I am technically away. When I realized this I decided I would devote Sunday to dealing with it, today is my day off, and I am not dealing with work.

The stress still often gets in the way, but I just tell myself I need to learn to relax regardless. So I find ways to give myself a brain break, and ways to get in the mood. We try and do things that we both enjoy and get us in the right headspace. When we finding ourselves getting complacent and falling into patterns not conducive for sex, we try and find ways to break that cycle.

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give me something to believe in

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Post #: 12

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:22:03 PM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

FUCK HIM, DO WHAT YOU WANT,.

I sense some bitterness here. *ponder ponder*

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Post #: 13

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:24:00 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I do have depression (no meds for that though) and I am also on birth control. I had gone to the doctor about it and she said here really isn't any real cause she can pin point. She said I work myself too hard and put too much stress on myself and to try meditation but that isn't something that'll work for me since I have trouble shutting my mind down and holding still.

If you're using birth control for birth control and not another condition, try going off it for at least three months and see if your sex drive remains consistent. (Obviously use another form of BC.) Or try a low dose pill like sheisreeds suggested. And get a partner who arouses you rather than denigrates you.

Did you know that yoga was developed to help the mind shut down in preparation for meditation? Try practicing yoga first. When I am too frazzled for yoga, I'll first do cardio, then yoga, then meditation.

Cardio alone can help with stress and depression.

Good luck!

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Post #: 14

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:26:35 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

OP - do these guys bring you to orgasm?

I was much the same way until I hit my 30s. Im not exactly sure what happened - maybe I found partners that knew what they were doing in bed, maybe I found people I actually trusted. Im not exactly sure, but I do know a lot of young women dont orgasm when having sex with a partner until they get older.

Its just a question Im throwing out there, - because it might have everything to do with everything.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 7/14/2012 6:27:12 PM >

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RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:35:09 PM

ClassIsInSession

Posts: 305
Joined: 7/26/2010
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And to the point of getting your brain to shut down, there is a mind state people get into, athletes, artists, from all walks of life. It is sort of a meditation state, but it happens by being fully engaged in whatever it is you're doing, and typically doing something you love to do. It's basically about being completely focused on the activity so that you are completely in the "Now" and when you reach it, it's a great place to be.

Meditation is often difficult because it doesn't engage the senses and particularly for the western mind, it becomes boring and cumbersome..

Interestingly, I've found that achieving that state works wonders for depression as well.

I had a friend a long time ago who lived a life full of drama and he would get into trouble and bad situations constantly. His excuse was that he was bored. I told him then and I maintain to this day...if you do everything you should be doing there is not time for boredom.

Boredom is generally what leads the mind to wander and obsess on unpleasant things..

< Message edited by ClassIsInSession -- 7/14/2012 6:37:05 PM >

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Post #: 16

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:35:50 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

The best aphrodisiac I've found is a combination of physical attraction, affection, and intellectual/emotional connection. When any/all of these are missing it's no surprise libido plummets or wanes entirely. With that in mind, hold out for someone who fulfills these desires in you and in the meantime, don't worry about it. That only adds to your stress. Good luck.

(in reply to LittleMissChelsi)

Post #: 17

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:39:18 PM

LittleMissChelsi

Posts: 15
Joined: 6/14/2010
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I workout almost daily (I'm a head lifeguard at a pool so I kinda have to, also I get a free membership so I use it to my advantage)
I am in BC for PMDD because it so far has been the only thing that has helped with the symptoms with that. But it's only been the last year or so maybe two that it's been this way and I've been on BC for at least four years if not more.
Lower BC is dangerous for me I talked to her about that since I didn't want a monthly friend anyway
As sheisreeds said, my mind wants to my body does not. Conflicting things and it causes a internal war.
I have something wrong with my hips(can't remember what she said it was) but sex gets painful and my hips lock up which Is also an annoyance.
I stress over work, school, family, life in general all the time. I usually swim or run to try and keep my head on something else for a while. But that's only a temporary short lived thing.

@janahx sometimes, and sometimes they haven't. (only been with two men) and I myself cannot bring myself to orgasm so on I feel kinda like "what's the point?"

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 18

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:41:11 PM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
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OP why are lower hormone pills dangerous for you?

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

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Post #: 19

RE: Uh oh, low. Sex drive? - 7/14/2012 6:41:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I had a high sex drive until I had my daughter at the age of 19. After that my sex drive was just never the same.

Now that I'm 40 and my daughter is on her own as an adult I have found that my drive is just a tiny bit higher but still nowhere near what it was when I was a teenager. When I was young I always thought about sex. Now though..not really all that often.

It's just part of getting older imo. Just other things become more important in your life.

Maybe get a checkup with your dr to make sure there's nothing else going on?
Are you stressed? Stress will play a big part in it.
Low self esteem or abuse in your life or other emotional problems? Again, play a big part.

That's the only advice I can give you.

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Post #: 20

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