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Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 9:42:39 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline 		My new Daddy Dom seems to be acting more like a Dom to his previous sub, whom he now calls, "His best friend." He says, "You two are the most important people in the world to me." She is now a switch with a male subbie she shares a mutual love with and they live together.
I find it admirable that these two people realized they did not match in D/s, after a 3 year relationship, and were able to evolve into the best of friends.
I need my Daddy to be happy and to be loved by others. He wants the same for me.
Still, I need to feel that I am His best friend. I also think that because she acts more Domme with her current subbie, that she still turns to my Daddy for remote, and frequent, Dominance.

So, my question is this, "Do I sound like an insecure newbie and/or has He not "let go" of His Dom relationship with her?"

Oh, it was He who felt "lightning" with her, but she never felt the same for Him and it was she who ended the relationship - 5 years ago.

Thank you in advance for your responses.

NeedHisPleasure
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:03:50 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I don't know enough about their relationship to make a comment. But, I do think it's unrealistic to think that your NEW relationship should have a level of depth of a long term existing friendship.

How does she turn to him for dominance?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NeedHisPleasure)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:04:20 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like he wants his old and new sub still in his life.

Being jealous? Yeah, I would not be thrilled that he was still being Dominant to someone that he felt "lightening" with. He sounds like he not over her.

(in reply to NeedHisPleasure)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:10:15 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline 		FR

My first question is are you monogamous or polygamous?

I am monogamous. Domming ANYONE else but me is off the table...a deal breaker. Master and his ex are good friends, but she doesn't reach out to him for D/s advice or dominance from him. If she did, I would be gone and he knows it.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:18:00 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

FR

My first question is are you monogamous or polygamous?

I am monogamous. Domming ANYONE else but me is off the table...a deal breaker. Master and his ex are good friends, but she doesn't reach out to him for D/s advice or dominance from him. If she did, I would be gone and he knows it.


Yeah, but she hasn't said what constitutes him providing Dominance. So, it might just be her insecurity slanting the view.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to searching4mysir)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:21:24 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline 		They phone and write online about every 3 days or so. She turns to him for advice on anything from housing, to jobs, to money, relationships, etc... the things any friends might do.

And, I think you got to the core of what is bothering me. Yes, they do have a very long, loving and loyal relationship. Friendship - I am totally supportive of and I would wish the same from him.

But, it's the D/s aspect of that relationship that gives me pause, in addition to the tone in which He speaks of us both (she and I). He is saying the "right" and "reassuring" words to me about "us" and "them." Still, my inner voice - it's conflicted.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:23:13 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline 		Sorry - typing slowly. Yes, we are absolutely monogamous.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:28:59 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline 		Is there anything that either He does or that you do or that His ex does, that
1) lets you know that it is only a friendship now
2) that frees you from jealousy (if you tend to be that way at all anyway)?

(in reply to searching4mysir)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:34:34 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedHisPleasure

They phone and write online about every 3 days or so. She turns to him for advice on anything from housing, to jobs, to money, relationships, etc... the things any friends might do.

And, I think you got to the core of what is bothering me. Yes, they do have a very long, loving and loyal relationship. Friendship - I am totally supportive of and I would wish the same from him.

But, it's the D/s aspect of that relationship that gives me pause, in addition to the tone in which He speaks of us both (she and I). He is saying the "right" and "reassuring" words to me about "us" and "them." Still, my inner voice - it's conflicted.


This still doesn't show an example of the D/s aspect between the two of them.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/6/2012 10:38:53 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NeedHisPleasure)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:36:09 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Are you jealous because you're not getting his attention 100%? Or are you jealous that he's domming her as well instead of just you? Or are you jealous because she's another female? Or are you jealous because she's his ex?

For me personally I would get more than just jealous if he was domming another girl.
Master has female friends though and it doesn't bother me most times but sometimes I do because I get the irrational fear that they know each other so well that I feel like an outsider. I know it's not actually like that and I know it's irrational so I just take a deep breath and remind myself that it's me and not him.

I would say you need to talk to him and find out what exactly it is that you fear. Oh and I think I would be a little upset if he said another female was his best friend because I would hope I would be that best friend.

So again, tell him what you said here and see if you can work it out or at least make you a little less insecure.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to NeedHisPleasure)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:37:28 AM   
SlipSlidingAway


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		I can understand your insecurity, but I can also understand their friendship.  Just because you are incompatible with someone, or can no longer be with them, it does not always negate the friendship aspect.  Especially if the relationship had a strong friendship at it's core to begin with.  A shared history, respect for each other, and a very long standing situation where someone else knows you inside and out can definitely make a friendship very strong.  Strong enough that, for an onlooker, it may look like more than a friendship.  My question to you is this: do You trust your Daddy?  Has he ever given you any reason not to trust him?  I know people cheat, and it hurts like hell when it happens.  BUT, if you trust him enough to have made him your Daddy, AND if he has never broken your trust, it's my belief that you have to start out with an assumption of honesty.  If you took the time to grow the relationship, to get to know him without jumping in too fast, you sort of have to take him at face value.  If you don't, you really don't have much of a foundation to build anything of value on.

(in reply to NeedHisPleasure)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 10:56:29 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline 		Okay, then it sounds like from your perspective, I'm just being an insecure R/L newbie who needs more experience and knowledge about "happy endings" in D/s relationships.

I hope that is the case.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 11:00:07 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I have no idea because you haven't described any instance of what you consider to be their D/s aspects.

It could be that you're coloring their interactions with your own insecurity, or it could be that they have a D/s relationship and don't quite realize it.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to NeedHisPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 11:04:27 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline

We did talk. It was His tone as He described His feelings for her and me. Sounded the same and it pushed my buttons.

Yes, He and I are astounded at how we both got "hit by lightning." He has never given me any reason not to have complete trust in Him. I can't imagine anyone who has ever loved me as He does. And, He makes me feel like I never knew love before.

He is my Daddy, Dom, Sir and vanilla friend.

I'm here asking because my heart hurts and I'm a bit scared. I do not want to mess this up our of my own ignorance, inexperience, etc...

My first friend was/is a guy. We met when we were one year olds and we are still the best of friends. However, his wife is his best friend. (they are vanilla) It's not that she's a female.

I think you may have also hit on the core of my insecurity. We are new in living together so things are changing now. I think He deserves my trust and that this one is my problem - not His.

Thank you.

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 11:08:45 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline 		Oh, I see. Ummm, well, I guess it's that she does what He advises, checks for his approval and she has not responded to my email to her, wishing her well and saying that I could be counted on to support their friendship. She's not that busy!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 11:18:24 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline 		Nope, friends with other females makes me think more of any man - D/s or vanilla. He gives me so much attention some might call it obsession, and definitely possession. Being His ex, yeah, that tweaks my insecurities a bit, at least until I am sure the "letting go" of that kind of relationship has finished. So, I'd have to go with, "It feels like He is Domming her and that she seeks it from Him while she Dommes a male sub." I felt like a 3rd wheel last night because of the intensity of His worry over her, despite the presence of a devoted and loving subbie who lives right there with her.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 11:24:18 AM   
LanaDeVille


Posts: 209
Status: offline 		Several people have asked about whether or not he's domming this chick. I think the people here could better assist you if you give better examples. They have good advice to give.


< Message edited by LanaDeVille -- 8/6/2012 11:28:27 AM >

(in reply to NeedHisPleasure)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 11:28:54 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline 		Yes, I am very grateful and paying attention to what is being so generously offered here from everyone. I am going to try to add what I thought was my response to that question here. Patience, please... first attempt at adding a quote.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LanaDeVille

Several people have asked about whether or not he's domming this chick. I think the people here could better assist you if you answer their questions. They have good advice to give.


(in reply to LanaDeVille)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 11:29:54 AM   
Winterapple


Posts: 1343
Joined: 8/19/2011
Status: offline 		Only you can free yourself from jealousy.

Would you rather her felt nothing at all for
her? That he was as indifferent to her as a
stranger on the street? Would you want to
be with someone who can turn love off like
a faucet? Some people think love is like
something in a pail that you dump out into
a new pail when the relationship is over.
Some people look at more like a pot when
you love again you pour more into the pot.

He seems to want both of you in his life
which isn't so strange. You seem bothered
by his grouping the two of you together.
You want him to love you more than her?
Your place in his life and his heart is your
place and no one elses. This is also true
of her place in his life and his heart.
You could ask him to refer to her as his
best friend that he isn't having sex with.

I think your real fear is that if she decides she
wants him back as her partner and Dom he
would drop you and get back with her.
You could voice these fears to him.
You could also make an effort to be
friends with her to if that's possible.
And I don't see why that would be a
problem unless she resists.

I'm not clear on how you think he's
still domming her. Looking to someone
you know and respect for advice isn't
unusual. I don't find it odd that the bare
bones of their former dynamic is still
there and probably always will be.

_____________________________

A thousand dreams within me softly burn.
Rimbaud




(in reply to NeedHisPleasure)
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RE: Jealous of Daddy's old sub/friend - 8/6/2012 11:30:05 AM   
NeedHisPleasure


Posts: 31
Joined: 7/1/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Oh, I see. Ummm, well, I guess it's that she does what He advises, checks for his approval and she has not responded to my email to her, wishing her well and saying that I could be counted on to support their friendship. She's not that busy!




Oh, I see. Ummm, well, I guess it's that she does what He advises, checks for his approval and she has not responded to my email to her, wishing her well and saying that I could be counted on to support their friendship. She's not that busy!

(in reply to LanaDeVille)
Profile   Post #: 20
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