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SacredDepravity -> RE: Culture of Victimhood (8/11/2012 3:50:18 PM)
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ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Man SD. That post right there is making me want to ask CM how much we'd need to collect in order for them to implement a like button. I especially love your story at the end.
*blush*
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Yup, it's those huggles that I don't want Carol ever experiencing. That is how the culture is maintained. I would like to believe it's usually through good intent. I don't.
For some it is and for some it isn't. Some wolves love to coddle sheep into a false sense of security. Some wolves just want a sheep...any sheep...even one clearly at a disadvantage. Some wolves love a sheep at a disadvantage the most because it is a wolf at a disadvantage. Some wolves are just plain mean. Some wolves actually nurse and raise sheep even when they don't have to and would normally find them delicious prey. And some SHEEP don't want competition so they can get devoured by said wolf and so coddle the sheep away from a reasonably respectable wolf. Some sheep think all wolves are vicious and out to get them. Some sheep just like to hear themselves and other sheep bleet. Some sheep think they are something other than sheep. I could go on.
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When you start making predators fun for the prey you are deliberately removing those red flags you mentioned."
I don't know. When you tell prey that predators are safe while they are asking to beat the prey with a big stick or set something on the prey on fire, I can't imagine prey taking it at face value. Anyone who says, "Trust me" with a grin on their face, I don't trust them. Dress them up however you like, if a wolf can tell me he has a sheepskin on but is fully aware he is a wolf and behaves as a wolf, but attempts to live up to his sheepskin clothing, that is refreshing honesty.
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Now, it's OK to swim with sharks... so long as you KNOW you're swimming with sharks and you're trained. It's still risky but manageable. But to just jump in the water blissfully unaware that there are sharks circling everywhere and they are hungry... yeah... not so smart.
But there are lots of kinds of sharks and not all of them are deadly...to seals. That's the thing about it. You can't lump all sharks or wolves together. They have variety too. Of course, if one can't tell the difference between one shark and another, it is best to stay the heck out and if you don't know your fish at all, then get a gerbil. I'm not making light. I am actually agreeing with you to a degree.
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Original: RedMagic1
I think one of the biggest problems with safewords, as they are actually used, is that they give the dom plausible deniability.
That is why I don't use "blueberry" or "bananapants". It only has the meaning one is willing to admit it has. I'd much rather say, "My hand is numb." There's no plausible deniability there. Additionally, that is very clearly not controlling anything. It is straight out information. If I give you information I expect you to do something with it. If you don't then I will say, "Please untie my hand because it is numb and turning blue now."
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I second Greedy's enthusiasm. I also think you're post nailed why I abandoned "consent" as a useful tool. I have the same problem you're describing except scaled up dramatically by virtue of the personalities and time involved. "Consent" could only be useful to me in the plausible deniability form. Sure, sure... in the legal sense I have Carol's consent. That doesn't satisfy my sense of ethics. If I was gonna be a wolf with her I at least wanted to dress like a wolf, bare my teeth a bit and show her my sharp pointy fangs. I don't want any of the stuff I wrote above happening in my marriage. Even worse, I can't change the fact that I'm a wolf and she's a sheep and we love each other. So, unwilling to divorce her I at least wanted to call a spade a spade. I despise wolves in sheeps clothing.
Above average ethics only makes for an ethical wolf. That she stays IS consent. She knows you are a wolf. You are an ethical wolf that wants the sheep to run far far away if she doesn't wish to be eaten. She wishes to be eaten, so dig in! Unethical wolves just dig in, but once a sheep is close enough to the wolf, should she be smart enough to peek under the sheepskin? Some say yes and some say no. So is it consent if she willfully doesn't look under the sheepskin? I don't know.
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It's also why, to the best of my knowledge, I am the only dom on these boards who has ever lied, cheated, stolen, or in any other way failed their own sense of honor... allegedly. Not only am I a wolf but I'm an imperfect one and I'd like Carol and everyone else to know that too.
No, just more honest...at least when you aren't lying,k cheating, stealing, or failing....
SD
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