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stellauk -> RE: Culture of Victimhood (8/13/2012 4:00:57 PM)
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Fast Reply
This is something which isn't just peculiar to this subculture (I refuse to use the terms 'lifestyle' or 'community' because I see this in itself is part of the issue) but is something which is prevalent right through society.
You can argue whichever way you like, whether it's social programming that's conditioning people or people themselves who are submitting to the social programming themselves, but we are living among people for whom profit, personal gain and personal gratification are the holy grail of living, the 'me first' culture and strategy of relationships and social interactions. This is where it starts.
'I think, therefore I am' has somewhat been replaced by 'I want/need, therefore I'm entitled.' But you know the thing about this sense of entitlement is that it comes with a shift in the sense of responsibility from the self to others.
This is compounded by people thinking in stereotypes. We like to think that social misfits are somewhat dysfunctional and living safely in their parents' basement, but the truth is that there are just as many social misfits raising kids, holding down decent jobs, and being part of families. These are people who spend their lives commuting from home to the office and back, there's not much free time and what free time there is is spent online looking for that real time experience just like what they've come across on some porn site.
And when all that time is used up some resort to furtive checks online at work when nobody's looking.
We see it here all the time, and it happens time after time after time after time after time, doesn't it? The minute a thread whining about fakes drops off the page up pops another one warning us all about Internet scammers or whining about some other obstacle which is perceived to be standing between these people and getting what they feel they're entitled to. How many times do they come out with the demand that Collarme should do something about it?
Meanwhile on the other side there appears to be something which could be described as The Rebirth of Neanderthal Man. This is a free site, lots of space for photos, to write whatever you want, however much you want, and you can even record yourself, video yourself, and it's all there to make contact. All you need to be able to do is string a few coherent sentences together and strike up a conversation online.
But you get messages with random words thrown together, sentences which look promising at the start but which peter out quicker than a cheap firework, messages that bear more of a relationship to science fiction than kinky reality, nothing which really connects.
It's not just about being a victim. I actually believe it's okay to be a victim every once in a while and get dumped by someone or circumstances fair and square on your backside. It's educational, it's character building, it's probably the most efficient way of teaching you to challenge your own assumptions and pointing out that yes, you too can be stupid.
But usually once you've given your ego a bit of a massage, got up and dusted yourself off usually you move on. But I don't think this is really just about people playing the victim card either.
This is also about people who set themselves up to fail by not developing the necessary skillset of social and interpersonal skills necessary to get you through WIITWD to where you want to and need to be. Without those skills you just don't develop the effective communication skills necessary, nor the ability to identify and interpret non-verbal and emotional cues, nor any awareness or knowledge of how to respond to such cues in an appropriate manner.
It's not because we enjoy reading our own words in print or listening to the sound of our own voices that the more experienced among us are constantly saying get out there, switch off the computer, go out and meet people, go to munches, get yourself off to events. This is where you learn not just the practical skills and techniques to be able to do what is it that you do, but it's also to learn the social skills to be able to handle yourself when you're doing what it is that you do.
You know you can have all the safe words, limits, protocols and whatever else but there really is no substitute for knowing the mind of whoever it is you are playing with.
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