Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Culture of Victimhood


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Culture of Victimhood Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 2:28:03 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

poise, to me it is the worst response because it IS so ambiguous.


"I dunno" basically means "Not sure if I like it but if I don't like it, I don't want to be responsible for having said I want to try it", if I hear "I dunno" - I rather not play with that person, simply not worth the potential trouble, polite "Well, if you know, come back, I only play with people who know how to make informed choices!"

The worst thing I've seen was a girl who absolutely wanted to go to a fetish club, took her along, she thought it was a kinky swinger party and behaved accordingly, flirted heavily with a guy who said he was into degradation play and started to unzip him, I kept on asking her if she's OK with it (I brought her there, I felt responsible that she's alright and wouldn't do anything rash she might regret), she more or less told me to stop interrupting her, so I did, she seemed to have a lot of fun or she convincingly faked a few orgasms while his hand disappeared in her up to the elbow, when he was done, he spat on her neck, then asked her if she was OK, brought her a drink and tissues, then wandered off. She got the hump that he didn't stick around and court her properly (well, duhh, a bit late after what had happened between them) and decided to complain to everybody that he "forced himself on her" and tried to get another guy to beat him up. At that point I took her aside and told her to fucking think and ask a guy if he wants to date her before she does the split for him, she then had the hump with me.... That shit really does happen...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 2:33:18 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
For consent to count...ASSENT has to matter.

I think one of the biggest problems with safewords, as they are actually used, is that they give the dom plausible deniability. How many horror stories have you heard where the sub said, "I should have safeworded then, but I didn't want to disappoint, didn't want to look like a wuss, didn't want to seem like a SAM at the club." To set a scene correctly, the parties involved don't need safewords, but they do need enough confidence in communication (and in themselves) to be able to say "stop" or "slow down" and know everything is going to be ok if they do. Frankly, that's one of the reasons I don't use safewords. I want to be forced to pay attention to the sub/bottom's nonverbal cues, and adjust as necessary. It's too easy to crutch on, "Oh, she didn't say `taffy apple enema' so everything must be ok."

Consent, to my mind, is a form of active participation throughout an activity. It's more than "said yes at the beginning, and didn't say no later on." But I am more interested in building something than in getting away with something.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 2:35:11 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		RED!!!!!!!!!!!! *flyingtacklehugsgropesandsmooches*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 2:37:15 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

At that point I took her aside and told her to fucking think and ask a guy if he wants to date her before she does the split for him, she then had the hump with me.... That shit really does happen...


When I was into the nightclub and raves scene I would see this shit night after night. She would fuck him in the bathroom or parking lot or they would go to a hotel room or whatever and then the next day she would complain that he left right after, didn't even leave his phone number and then crying because he gave the "wrong" impression that he didn't want to stick around as her boyfriend. Well....duh! He wasn't at the club looking for pussy for a long term relationship.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 2:39:06 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

RED!!!!!!!!!!!! *flyingtacklehugsgropesandsmooches*

Damn girl. Careful there. I'm happy and unattached. I might tacklehug you for real.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 2:40:48 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		maybe it's just me, but in those days, all I was looking for was the "zipless fuck" (I didnt WANT to know his name, I wanted to leave -or have him leave- immediately after the climax).


ok, probably not helpful for this thread.




_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 2:41:51 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

RED!!!!!!!!!!!! *flyingtacklehugsgropesandsmooches*

Damn girl. Careful there. I'm happy and unattached. I might tacklehug you for real.



tease!! (I miss you!! come visit!!! it's only about 4 hrs to Orlando!!!)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 2:55:13 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

That leads Me to the point about negotiation. Most people don't know how to do it worth a damn, especially when they are new. As a top, I usually include what I call "tip toe through the toybag" as a part of this. It's real simple. I open up the toybag and ask the bottom if there are any toys that they are opposed to or don't want used. (Canes more than anything else get a "no".) I let them see the various floggers and which weights and styles might be too much for them. We talk about sting and thud. Metal and leather. Good sensations and bad. (The worst reply to any of this is "I don't know".) What will happen during the scene and what implements are used is important.



I can't say I agree with "I don't know" being the worse response. To me the worse response is the lie or the uninformed decision! Those kind of answers have to me the greatest potential for going bad.

"I don't know" I see as an opportunity to talk and learn as we move to a decision be it positive or negative. Regardless of the answer going from "I don't know" to yes or no. It can be a positive experience that builds trust between those involved. The problem is... that answer means work!!! And when someone is eager and wants to get the itch scratched. "I don't know" tends to get in the way of that.

That's my take on it at least. Others likely see it differently.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 3:03:53 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Offtopic a bit...

This thread reminds me I need to renegotiate a topping scene I will be doing soon. It involves so many dynamics I am seriously afraid I am going to drop the ball somewhere along the way and that subbie is as much my responsibility during that period of time as her dom's. There's another thing, not just for subbies but for doms too.....KNOW THY LIMITATIONS!

SD

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 3:10:57 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Man SD. That post right there is making me want to ask CM how much we'd need to collect in order for them to implement a like button. I especially love your story at the end. Yup, it's those huggles that I don't want Carol ever experiencing. That is how the culture is maintained. I would like to believe it's usually through good intent. I don't.

Now there is a world of difference between predator/prey dynamics as opposed to someone being predatory upon someone who is unwittingly, yet willfully, being prey.
Yes, there is. But the first sets up the conditions for the second. Let's just break this down. The plan, as I understand it is to get a bunch of wolves and sheep together. We deliberately dress up the wolves in sheep's clothing. We then demand that they behave like wolves even as we continue to assert strongly that they are actually sheep. We tell the sheep that the wolves are there to protect the flock and so don't worry about them and oh, by the way, it's fun to play with wolves. Again... what could possibly go wrong?

When you start making predators fun for the prey you are deliberately removing those red flags you mentioned. As you said, they are there for a reason. Now, I'm fine with that. I've removed a pretty damned big red flag in Carol with the whole consent thing and I'm continue to remove it. Carol and I are engaging in risky behavior. Yup, I get that. So are these other red flag removers. I don't think they get that. In point of fact, I believe they think their risky behavior is actually enhancing safety. Man, if I wanted to setup the perfect environment for predators I don't think I could do much better than the whole BDSM thing with protectors, victims, safewords, acronyms, deliberate oxymorons (CNC being the most damaging BY FAR) and other cloudings of the truth. I think I could fly a 747 through the ambiguities in that situation.

Back to humans are predators... As I've been getting a clearer understanding of what goes on at these play parties I'm coming to view it a lot like this. Let's all slather ourselves in seal blubber and jump into a shark tank and have a nice swim. Oh... but wait. These aren't sharks. THESE predators are three million times more deadly than sharks. By the numbers, for every person killed by a shark we take out 3,000,000 of them. One guy somewhere makes a movie and we almost drove a whole crapload of shark species into extinction because of it. THAT is humans... REAL humans.

Now, it's OK to swim with sharks... so long as you KNOW you're swimming with sharks and you're trained. It's still risky but manageable. But to just jump in the water blissfully unaware that there are sharks circling everywhere and they are hungry... yeah... not so smart.

quote:

Original: RedMagic1
I think one of the biggest problems with safewords, as they are actually used, is that they give the dom plausible deniability.

I second Greedy's enthusiasm. I also think you're post nailed why I abandoned "consent" as a useful tool. I have the same problem you're describing except scaled up dramatically by virtue of the personalities and time involved. "Consent" could only be useful to me in the plausible deniability form. Sure, sure... in the legal sense I have Carol's consent. That doesn't satisfy my sense of ethics. If I was gonna be a wolf with her I at least wanted to dress like a wolf, bare my teeth a bit and show her my sharp pointy fangs. I don't want any of the stuff I wrote above happening in my marriage. Even worse, I can't change the fact that I'm a wolf and she's a sheep and we love each other. So, unwilling to divorce her I at least wanted to call a spade a spade. I despise wolves in sheeps clothing.

It's also why, to the best of my knowledge, I am the only dom on these boards who has ever lied, cheated, stolen, or in any other way failed their own sense of honor... allegedly. Not only am I a wolf but I'm an imperfect one and I'd like Carol and everyone else to know that too.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 3:28:19 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I think one of the biggest problems with safewords, as they are actually used, is that they give the dom plausible deniability. ........


another flip side to what you saying.... I see the issue with safewords is the false belief that the words keeps a person safe. Sort of like. Like saying "guns kill people". In actual fact... "People with guns could kill a person". It's not the safeword that will keep people safe. It's the people that use the tool responsibly that will keep people safe. You so right in that people don't use it when they should. That is not failing of the tool... it's the failing of the people that use the tool. It's not the guns fault that it was used to kill. Hell... that's what the tool is for! Responsible use.




quote:


Consent, to my mind, is a form of active participation throughout an activity. It's more than "said yes at the beginning, and didn't say no later on." But I am more interested in building something than in getting away with something.


Ditto... active and on going consent. of course... sometimes When you jump out of the plane.... it's to late to say NO... I don't want to do this parachuting thing! It's rather important to consider how one gets off the ride! Can one get off in the middle of it? How will one achieve that? For the most part... with what we do... I don't really see an issue. But if you say you want a cutting... and we start doing a cutting... you will be cut! Can't change that once the blade meets the meat!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 3:50:18 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Man SD. That post right there is making me want to ask CM how much we'd need to collect in order for them to implement a like button. I especially love your story at the end.


*blush*

quote:

Yup, it's those huggles that I don't want Carol ever experiencing. That is how the culture is maintained. I would like to believe it's usually through good intent. I don't.


For some it is and for some it isn't. Some wolves love to coddle sheep into a false sense of security. Some wolves just want a sheep...any sheep...even one clearly at a disadvantage. Some wolves love a sheep at a disadvantage the most because it is a wolf at a disadvantage. Some wolves are just plain mean. Some wolves actually nurse and raise sheep even when they don't have to and would normally find them delicious prey. And some SHEEP don't want competition so they can get devoured by said wolf and so coddle the sheep away from a reasonably respectable wolf. Some sheep think all wolves are vicious and out to get them. Some sheep just like to hear themselves and other sheep bleet. Some sheep think they are something other than sheep. I could go on.

quote:

When you start making predators fun for the prey you are deliberately removing those red flags you mentioned."


I don't know. When you tell prey that predators are safe while they are asking to beat the prey with a big stick or set something on the prey on fire, I can't imagine prey taking it at face value. Anyone who says, "Trust me" with a grin on their face, I don't trust them. Dress them up however you like, if a wolf can tell me he has a sheepskin on but is fully aware he is a wolf and behaves as a wolf, but attempts to live up to his sheepskin clothing, that is refreshing honesty.

quote:

Now, it's OK to swim with sharks... so long as you KNOW you're swimming with sharks and you're trained. It's still risky but manageable. But to just jump in the water blissfully unaware that there are sharks circling everywhere and they are hungry... yeah... not so smart.


But there are lots of kinds of sharks and not all of them are deadly...to seals. That's the thing about it. You can't lump all sharks or wolves together. They have variety too. Of course, if one can't tell the difference between one shark and another, it is best to stay the heck out and if you don't know your fish at all, then get a gerbil. I'm not making light. I am actually agreeing with you to a degree.

quote:

Original: RedMagic1
I think one of the biggest problems with safewords, as they are actually used, is that they give the dom plausible deniability.


That is why I don't use "blueberry" or "bananapants". It only has the meaning one is willing to admit it has. I'd much rather say, "My hand is numb." There's no plausible deniability there. Additionally, that is very clearly not controlling anything. It is straight out information. If I give you information I expect you to do something with it. If you don't then I will say, "Please untie my hand because it is numb and turning blue now."



quote:

I second Greedy's enthusiasm. I also think you're post nailed why I abandoned "consent" as a useful tool. I have the same problem you're describing except scaled up dramatically by virtue of the personalities and time involved. "Consent" could only be useful to me in the plausible deniability form. Sure, sure... in the legal sense I have Carol's consent. That doesn't satisfy my sense of ethics. If I was gonna be a wolf with her I at least wanted to dress like a wolf, bare my teeth a bit and show her my sharp pointy fangs. I don't want any of the stuff I wrote above happening in my marriage. Even worse, I can't change the fact that I'm a wolf and she's a sheep and we love each other. So, unwilling to divorce her I at least wanted to call a spade a spade. I despise wolves in sheeps clothing.


Above average ethics only makes for an ethical wolf. That she stays IS consent. She knows you are a wolf. You are an ethical wolf that wants the sheep to run far far away if she doesn't wish to be eaten. She wishes to be eaten, so dig in! Unethical wolves just dig in, but once a sheep is close enough to the wolf, should she be smart enough to peek under the sheepskin? Some say yes and some say no. So is it consent if she willfully doesn't look under the sheepskin? I don't know.

quote:

It's also why, to the best of my knowledge, I am the only dom on these boards who has ever lied, cheated, stolen, or in any other way failed their own sense of honor... allegedly. Not only am I a wolf but I'm an imperfect one and I'd like Carol and everyone else to know that too.


No, just more honest...at least when you aren't lying,k cheating, stealing, or failing....

SD

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 3:54:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Gawd I'm so glad I never have had to go through all of this stuff and hopefully never will. <shakes head>

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 4:17:10 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity
That she stays IS consent.

If only that were true I'd sleep easier at night.

quote:

No, just more honest...at least when you aren't lying,k cheating, stealing, or failing....

ROFL.. yeah... great paradox there. But my most important mentor once said to me, "If you're going to stab someone, never stab them in the back. Stab them right in the chest where they can see it coming." This was business advice not knife fighting, but I took it to heart. The reason she told me that was even at the age of 25 I was nasty business and I'd already bitten a few sheep unnecessarily. As it turns out... if you actually take a moment to bark at the sheep a bit then you might not need to bite them. It was great advice.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 4:53:58 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity
That she stays IS consent.

If only that were true I'd sleep easier at night.


Just from my position, you are putting Carol in the position of helpless, delicate flower. You are telling us you don't want her to be prey and that she is prey in the same thread. She knows exactly what you are and stays. If you bite her, she cannot claim indemnity. Maybe I am picking at you, but I do see this position as a double standard...one for your girl and one for all those other girls out there. I doubt that is how you meant it, so please no offense here, but clarification may be needed.

Internal enslavement may be the only out for you, but the reality is, if she were implicated in something from your wolf-ly ways, no one is going to care. I am listening to someone singing that tune right now and she's going to lose her children and probably wind up in prison for her "innocence".At the end of the day, "Stand By Your Man" sounds better in a country twang.

quote:

quote:

No, just more honest...at least when you aren't lying,k cheating, stealing, or failing....

ROFL.. yeah... great paradox there. But my most important mentor once said to me, "If you're going to stab someone, never stab them in the back. Stab them right in the chest where they can see it coming." This was business advice not knife fighting, but I took it to heart. The reason she told me that was even at the age of 25 I was nasty business and I'd already bitten a few sheep unnecessarily. As it turns out... if you actually take a moment to bark at the sheep a bit then you might not need to bite them. It was great advice.


It's the way I'd prefer it. However if I don't get out of the way of the knife and, in fact, plunge myself toward it faster, that's on me.

SD

< Message edited by SacredDepravity -- 8/11/2012 5:52:24 PM >

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 5:47:56 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Unlike you though, I actually am in favor of vigilante justice. It was a lot more prevalent a few years back than it is now. You're an unsafe player or, like Hib mentioned, you take advantage and grab the cooter when the gals are tied up on a regular basis? A few of the guys would get together to have a little talk with you and make it understood that you and the underhanded tactics just really weren't welcome at our little community play space.


At the clothing optional Haulover Beach in South Florida, many regulars would be quick to tell noobs displaying bad behavior to knock it off. (Dude, you can't jerk off. Dude, you can't take pictures.) After the lifeguards and vigilantes left for the night, the beach was a much ickier scene but during the day it was a nice place to be.

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 5:55:35 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I resent the idea that since i am submissive, i am a victim, or can be a victim when i go into a bdsm relationship. Or for that matter, in a play scene.

I am an adult. I hold a responsible job. I am the mother of children. I am also submissive, and my common sense and personal responsibility don't end at the dungeon door.

I wouldn't allow anyone to put me into a position where my No (or red or other codeword) could be ignored unless i had a more than casual relationship with them.

That is my responsibility as an adult - to myself and my family.

For those that don't maintain that sense of personal responsibility, i have no answer. How can you teach someone something you should know from childhood?

It would seem that it would behoove everyone who wishes to play in this arena to be very careful who they play with.

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 6:00:57 PM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		Amen! You are only a victim if you choose to be. That goes in the bedroom, in the dungeon, in the workplace, in the home, in the grocery store, in the car.....Submissive or not really has nothing to do with it.

SD

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 6:14:01 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

the IF YOU DON'T GO TO THE POLICE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT camp


I'd like to talk about this cuz my opinion is not set in stone but this is what I'm feeling at the moment:

I can understand if a person is raped and chooses to not go to the police and deal with it privately. But I have a hard time feeling sympathy for a person who claims to have been raped and spends a lot of energy outing the rapist online and trying to get them banned from events but does not report it to law enforcement. I just don't find an online-only accusation of rape very credible.

It feels more like SD's scenario:

Predator: I love to do x.
Prey: I dunno. Do we have to?
Predator: Yes. You like x don't you?
Prey: I dunno. Whatever.
*Predator does x*
Prey: Holy crap, I can't believe you did x to me. I told you I didn't like x and you did it anyway.
Predator: You only said, 'I dunno' and 'Whatever' when I asked you about x.
Prey: And NO MEANS NO
Predator: But you didn't say no. You said 'I dunno' and 'Whatever'
Prey: And just what part of NO is unclear to you?
*Predator walks away in handcuffs confused as to exactly what the heck happened*
Prey: Can you believe that person did x to me. I hate x.
Person 1: Poor thing! That's awful.
Person 2: I hope he got his ass arrested for that shit.
Person 3: If he's not in jail, I certainly hope you dump his ass. He's a predator.
Person 4: Did you tell him you hated x?
Prey: I dunno. Whatever.
*Huggles all around for Prey, Person 1,2, and 3*

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Culture of Victimhood - 8/11/2012 6:27:44 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity
You are only a victim if you choose to be.

This statement is false, though it is often uttered by internet "therapists" who have no idea what they are talking about. If you really need me to, I will post links, but seriously, come on. There's a high probability that the readership of kink message boards contains a larger percentage of survivors of childhood sexual abuse than the general population. So next time, you might want to check yourself before you post something else that says "fuck you" to a large section of the CollarChat readership.

Maybe cool it on the patronizing attitude? I see other people giving you A+'s for your posts, etc., so you appear to be impressing the regulars here, and who cares what I think. However, fact in evidence, you did not impress me just now.

To kiwisub: Your comments about yourself do not include important context, which is that you're a nurse. You know how to move through traumatic events. A lot of people don't, even if they are level-headed. It isn't a matter of treating a sub like a victim. It's the material fact that people don't always react the way they expect when they get a gun to their head for the first time. I mean this metaphorically, although a good friend of mine (female) did engage in gun play with a guy she didn't know well, so it isn't just a metaphor. The point is that the top/dom needs to be aware that the sub may not know how to navigate through trauma (or subspace), and verbal cues may be "off" or unforthcoming. It doesn't drop someone into victimhood to recognize that their reactions might be unusual or diminished as a result of powerful sensations they aren't used to experiencing.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SacredDepravity)
Profile   Post #: 100
Page:   <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Culture of Victimhood Page: <<   < prev  3 4 [5] 6 7   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.125