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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 9:57:23 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I can try coming at it from the other end, though, I am not sure that I can put into words my own experiences along this type of activity.

First though, you would have to know a bit about me...outside of the 'craving pain addiction' that I have.

Most people who meet me for the first time always come away with the perception that I am cold, unfeeling, harsh, and closed off completely. And they would be right...to a degree. What's more, I have been this way ALL my life, even as a child. Which is sad because my parents and siblings were some of the most caring individuals you would ever meet. Yet, me...I was closed off. I never did well in emotional situations; they made me so angry, upset, and uncomfortable that I made it a point from early on to never find myself in one. Because of this, I never 'clicked' with my parents and siblings. They did not understand me and why I was so cold and unemotional all the time, and I could not relate to them WHY I was like this all the time.

All my life I have kept emotion buried deep, the only time I allowed it to express itself was when I would go looking for a physical altercation...in which A LOT of pain would be involved.

That's why I always call myself someone who is dangerous when it comes to violence. It's my way of letting go of the emotions and finding a semblance of peace and serenity.

There have been only 5 people in my life who have seen me completely stripped emotionally. My late husband, and my kids. It took him some time before I was able to BE emotional with him...even though it started out as just picking physical fights. When he died, I can honestly say that there was nothing about me; physical, mental, emotional, and psychological that he did not know intimately.

What's more, I was comfortable with showing him that side because I knew that he would never berate me, put me down, or call me weak because of them. I can say the same thing for my kids.

Emotionally, with him, I had a very hard time. He was just as brutal with this as he was in our physical altercations. AND he absolutly hated when I would break down and cry simply because of something he said to me. When I say he hated it, I mean that. He was always angry at me afterwards for putting him in that situation; yet, he knew WHY I was doing it, and knew he had to do or say something that would bring me back to him, so to speak. With me though, calling me worthless, weak, or anything like that does nothing more than cause me to chuckle. My button so to speak, was being called a coward. If there was something he knew I had to work on to become better, and I was procrastinating or giving excuses...he would start with me being a coward, work up to how my cowardice was a disappointment to him, to him becoming angry at me for placing him in this position.

These bouts that I had like this would always leave me so raw and emotionally hurt, that he made a point to not let me be by myself because he was so worried about my state of mind. BUT, there was no cuddling or holding between us after these. Sometimes we would end up beating the shit out of each other, others it was just about someone being there, and knowing they were there for you.

Dangerous? Yes. The way we handled this could have backfired majorly. And because I have lived through it, I am the first to make the statement that this is not something that people should casually play around with. Nor is it something that I would recommend anyone take part in. It's like breath play. I love it, but will warn people off very fast because it's just too dangerous to play around with. Even psychologists and psychiatrists tread warily on the emotional playground.

Emotional masochism. You have to know from the start what you are trying to accomplish. And the person you are participating with on this; has to understand that there are consequences outside of getting your rocks off.

To this day, I am still closed off emotionally with people outside of my immediate circle. The difference now is that instead of it being a 'force of habit', it's a choice that I make. A choice that I know I can change if I choose to.

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 10:04:07 AM   
wildernessbitch


Posts: 67
Joined: 5/19/2012
Status: offline 		Many people have a tendency to hide all of the flaws that they perceive in themselves. We dont want people to see them so, for me, it is freeing because someone sees them, acknowledges them and in the end loves me. It is very intimate to have someone "see" what makes you vulnerable and say the things aloud that you say to yourself but then turn around and tell me how great i am and that i am loved. I still love myself despite my flaws but didn't believe anyone else could if they knew. Whether that be your sexual promiscuity, intellect or body shape. It is all put out there and then the aftercare reassures the person that these triggers that they have dont actually push people away. For me, this kind of play can only be done in a strong healthy relationship.

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 10:29:18 AM   
onceshattered


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much for the input.

I just got called into work early but I have been making notes as I read these replies. They've given me a lot to think about and I'll be able to post a more indepth reply later when I get home.

Just wanted to drop in and say thank you to all of you.

Until Later,
- os

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 10:51:01 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I had to do some thinking on this one before I replied, b/c I admit it, I *am* an emotional masochist, but in my mind, it's in a very good way. Let me attempt to clarify what I mean.

Let's take the use of the word slut. I love it when Himself calls me his slut, though many perceive this word as highly humiliating, "society" considers it a pejorative term, and there was a time I would have hated it.

So why do I now love it? Why is it not damaging to my psyche, most especially as there was a time in my life when I *was* a slut? And let's make it clear, I was into sport fucking purely for the entertainment value.

I would say, I love being called a slut NOW, b/c that is an aspect of myself I personally and internally have owned, have overcome (it's been well over 30 years since I had sex with strangers) and accept and made peace with. It *can't* harm me now. I have accepted that I am a highly sexual being, and I love that I am a highly sexual being for HIM. I am in control of my boundaries about my sexuality and have moved on from my past.

So yeah, slut is pure turn on for me NOW.

I agree that this type of play is very tricky and can be highly damaging.

For the OP:
Please give some thought as to why the play that you experienced turned you on so much. And why that aspect of yourself was a part that impacted on your self esteem. Really think about that.

I realized that things had happened to me that I had limited control over. They were externals, so could only influence who *I* was if I let them. That helped me overcome them.







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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 12:19:37 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		1) Can a submissive with existing self-esteem issues successfully engage in this kind of play without it causing serious long-lasting damage?

yes and no. the "damage" isn't caused by the play/scenes/BDSM lifestyle, but by your perceptions of it. realizing and understanding that you thrive on emotional masochism and reaching the proper balance is healthy. you were made for this, born to it, so live it, don't doubt it. that's not to say you won't evolve into someone/something else.

2) Can proper aftercare be effective in avoiding that damage?

sure, if it floats your boat. everyone is different. some people like to be left alone, others want to bask in shared warmth.

3) Is emotional masochism just "wrong"?

the old karmastic would have said yes, it's wrong. i now realize that people have needs that are very foreign to my dominant but do no harm (only help build and prepare) perspective.

4) Are there any submissives out there that feel like this kind of activity actually makes them stronger?

i can't speak for submissives, but "stronger" seems like the wrong word. i don't feel like my sex-life activity makes me stronger. having fulfilling, gratifying and mutually satisfying relationships makes me feel stronger, if i feel that the other person is with me emotionally. i.e., we're "stronger" as a team. using play or scenes to feel "stronger" is just off to me.

5) If Kermit and Miss Piggy had offspring would they be "Figs" or "Pogs"?

lol. don't even concern yourself with hardasses (with their own insecurity and self esteem issues) who come down on you for using humor to deal with serious issues. it's a perfectly normal and natural human manner to deal with difficult issues.


quote:


The intensity that I felt during this was amazing, however I wasn't ready... I didn't have the skills, tools, mindset necessary to follow through and that scared me because it turned out to be something that I really did crave despite the damage it might have caused me. How do I embrace this?


yes, embrace who and what you are. i can see the angst and uncertainty in your avatar picture - it speaks a thousand words. your choice to reach out and ask questions, and your words speak volumes: you are an intelligent, thoughtful being, desperately striving to find your place. i think deep down you already know where that is, and just need to realize it's all within you.

Just click your heels together three times and say...there's no place like home. :)


< Message edited by Karmastic -- 8/12/2012 12:22:19 PM >

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 7:23:12 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		IrishMist, I am so glad you decided to drop by today. Thank you so much for your perspective.

TO the OP.....

A word of caution about all of this. Please remember that the advice some would give, unlike IrishMist, LuckyA, CP, and other women on this board, is not based in anything besides participation on a kink board. Just the same as you would not trust some cyber dom who comes to a place like this, admits they have no BDSM experience, but wants to put a whip in their hand to make you a target..... STAY AWAY FROM THEM!!!!. Please do not be foolish. If you can find a thread from three months ago that admits ignorance and inexperience, take that into serious consideration.

Just like that man who has no experience with a whip, one who wants to give advice on the nuances of emotional play is EXACTLY the kind of fool that people warn about with this kind of play. They don't want their fragile ego exposed because they found out just how little male tops with no BDSM experience were treated, and decided to puff up their chest just to hear themselves talk. These are some of the most dangerous in the BDSM world. Avoid them at all cost. People with no practical experience in emotional sadism and masochism, but want to act like they have it, can fuck a person up for YEARS!

The worst part is, they won't care. Their inexperience doesn't allow them to pass a type of play by because they want to swim with the big fish, even though they are just a guppie.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 7:27:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

1) Can a submissive with existing self-esteem issues successfully engage in this kind of play without it causing serious long-lasting damage?



Yes, at least in our case, yes. There are certain issues where my self esteem is not the best of shape and he knows which things those are. He simply does not push those buttons unless he knows for sure that I can handle it or he knows he can help me overcome it. This comes with simply knowing your partner intimately.
quote:


2) Can proper aftercare be effective in avoiding that damage?


If you know each other well and intimately for a very very long time, yes.

quote:

3) Is emotional masochism just "wrong"?


For some yes, for others, no.

quote:

4) Are there any submissives out there that feel like this kind of activity actually makes them stronger?


Sometimes, depending on the issue. Sometimes, it's just fun and hot.

quote:

5) If Kermit and Miss Piggy had offspring would they be "Figs" or "Pogs"?


both?


_____________________________

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 7:45:53 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		I think it's a fine line between emotional sadism/masochism and abuse.

I also think that is a good thing to work through self esteem issues and learn to love yourself. I'm far from perfect but I'm now putting this into practice and there is no looking back. And it won't make me any less submissive.

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 8:03:11 PM   
onceshattered


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline 		wow there is so much here, that I don't even know where to start. I thought about this today a lot at work. It was very slow so I had some time to think. One of the things that I know for certain is that right now I'm in a "theory" stage. I read and read and learn the theory behind it but have very little actual "experience" with it. Having the little taste of this that I did, I was really thrown for a loop.

@DomThoughts
Thank you for your perspective on EM and the link to your blog post. I used to think that I wasn't "into" the humiliation aspect. Before posting, I didn't even really connect humiliation with what I experienced. Maybe I just have my lines crossed on what "humiliation" actually is and how it is used.


@BambiBoi
"For this kind of play to be effective, the bottom must be self conscious about some perceived weakness." - Your very first line made me think alot about what I experienced. For me, it was like he pulled out issues that I really didn't think were issues for me. I just always thought they just... were. Later I realized that maybe these things did bother me more than I originally thought. It did help me understand your statement, however, in that there are some points that are going to be more vulnerable to attack than others.

I definitely agree that to finish a session like this by saying something along the lines of "well.. get out" would be extremely unacceptable and I feel that it would void all of the potential benefits that I might have been able to get out of the session. (thank you for the compliment on my nose btw :) )


@sunshinemiss
Thank you for your input sunshine, I do agree that this must be consensual. Granted, he kind of pulled it on me when I didn't really know what was happening but I could have stopped it whenever I wanted. I really believe that the reason I did let it continue and thus sought more of it from him was because I do trust him.





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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 8:11:53 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

People with no practical experience in emotional sadism and masochism, but want to act like they have it, can fuck a person up for YEARS!

The worst part is, they won't care. Their inexperience doesn't allow them to pass a type of play by because they want to swim with the big fish, even though they are just a guppie.




I want to quote this because it's very important.

Even if you're an emotional masochist, and find you love this kind of play, partake only in it with somebody who either knows what they are doing, or is willing to take it VERY slow with you while they learn the ropes.

As I've said in my previous post, it's something that I really like doing. It's also something I have a bit of experience in, though not as much somebody like IrishMist. However, it's something that my husband had no experience with whatsoever prior to me. He's learning, but it's something that is going EXTREMELY slow between us, because me having the experience to know where I like to go with it and how does not translate in him immediately knowing how to do that. We're happy playing in with just our toes in the water until he gains some confidence in what he's doing in this area.
I advice you to do the same, even when it's with somebody who has experience with this from the top side, but especially when it's with somebody who isn't already very experienced at this.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 8:34:58 PM   
onceshattered


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline 		@LadyPact
quote:

" It does worry Me a bit that you're going for nervous humor. If you can't tackle this particular subject without it on a message board, how well are you going to do talking about this with a partner or a potential one? "


This is a very good point and it was a particular one that occupied a lot my thoughts today. I don't really know you guys and as such that played into my fear of rejection. I really only know of the posters here from what I've read in other threads and honestly, you guys can be pretty harsh. So I was nervous about posting. We all have to start somewhere though and as this subject has been on my mind a lot I thought it might be a good way to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. So I took a chance and I have to say the response has been very positive for me and I can't thank everyone enough.

I do believe that I wouldn't just jump into this kind of play with someone that I didn't have a lot of trust and respect for. Someone that I was "emotionally invested" in. I think that with such a level of trust, it would be easier to approach them with this than with complete strangers.

I don't think that I could make this a regular part of a relationship. From the intensity of feelings that surfaced I think that it would have to be reserved for a specific time and place because I did, in fact, end up a crying, begging, blubbering mess.

quote:

"Now, you have to do something for Me. I want you to work on taking on this subject without the nervous humor. While this kind of play can be really rewarding, you're potentially playing with fire if you don't say what you mean and mean what you say about it, ok? "
- The positive response that I've gotten so far has made me a lot more comfortable about posting here. I absolutely understand that this could be very very dangerous, and that is why I posted in the first place... because I was/am still very afraid of how it makes me feel. From reading the replies, this is not something that I'm going to jump into by any means. At least, not again.

Most often than not I find that I have a very hard time expressing exactly what I -do- mean. So gathering input and other people's experiences help me to internalize what I'm feeling and help me to put words to those feelings.


@IrishMist
Thank you for your experience. I so gratefully appreciate you taking the time to share with me.

quote:

"Emotional masochism. You have to know from the start what you are trying to accomplish. And the person you are participating with on this; has to understand that there are consequences outside of getting your rocks off. "


This right here is something that I'm trying to come to terms with. What exactly am I trying to accomplish? On one hand, I know that I do want to learn what my "deep issues" are and try to work through them. Just the fact that I SAW these issues for the first time was liberating for me. On the other hand, now that I know of these issues or buttons, I don't really know how to go about working through them. So yes, It's all very overwhelming because I'm not exactly sure what I want other than the obvious of getting off.

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 8:50:48 PM   
CRYPTICLXVI


Posts: 3907
Status: offline
quote:

This right here is something that I'm trying to come to terms with. What exactly am I trying to accomplish? On one hand, I know that I do want to learn what my "deep issues" are and try to work through them. Just the fact that I SAW these issues for the first time was liberating for me. On the other hand, now that I know of these issues or buttons, I don't really know how to go about working through them. So yes, It's all very overwhelming because I'm not exactly sure what I want other than the obvious of getting off.


Counselling. For once I am not posting a sarcastic reply... I want through this with someone in a relationship and it was one of the contributing factors which began the disintegration. This is a very intense experience but if it is bringing up issues, then those issues need to be faced... and very few of us are actually skilled in properly guiding others through deep issues. Or, at least I failed miserably. Then again, you cannot help anyone who doesn't desire to seek the assistance that they need, you cannot force anyone to find healing.


Whew... I will now return to my normal asshole self and you to your regular programming.

ETA: What triggered a lot of the shit that I went through with "her" was not intentionally "emotional masochism", you do not always know what will trigger deep shit inside of someone... and once it is exposed, you are not always aware of where it will take the other person. You can talk through it, try to help them see what they are looking at but they have to be willing to face their own shit, be aware of it and to actually go through it.

< Message edited by CRYPTICLXVI -- 8/12/2012 9:05:23 PM >

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 8:54:01 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

1) Can a submissive with existing self-esteem issues successfully engage in this kind of play without it causing serious long-lasting damage?


Depends on the people involved. In our case yes. In the end it actually helps my self esteem and helps me work through my boundaries.

I tend to build self esteem and confidence better through insults than compliments. Now, I'm even able to build confidence through compliments and take compliments.

quote:

2) Can proper aftercare be effective in avoiding that damage?


It's necessary. And yes it helps, it allows the events to be healing rather than damaging. I've had to learn to use my voice and ask questions about what happened and what was truly meant. I've needed to hear the truth in order to relieve myself from the scene. It's caused me to need to hear things I normally wouldn't be able to hear at all.

quote:

3) Is emotional masochism just "wrong"?


No, but depending on the dynamic it can certainly be unhealthy. The one receiving the emotional masochism has to be responsible with it. If they start feeling like their a filthy whore, and are worth nothing more than their three holes, then they have to be able to be adult enough out of scene to get what they need to know that this is not the case. Depending on the dynamic this may be something that is readily vocalized or is expected to be implicit by the dominant, the relationship has to be able to handle either style.

For me, I need to hear the "Hey buttface, you know you're beautiful right?" during the decompression.

quote:

4) Are there any submissives out there that feel like this kind of activity actually makes them stronger?


Switch here, but yes, it definitely makes me stronger, without a doubt. It also makes US stronger, which is the most important thing.


_____________________________

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Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 8:55:36 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think for me the reason I can accept most emotional masochism is that I am well aware of my faults and shortcomings and so if he uses them on me, it's not a big surprise and he already knows and we talk....constantly....about everything.

I think it becomes more of a problem when you have not come to terms with your shortcomings and faults and accepted them or worked on them in some way.

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 9:00:40 PM   
onceshattered


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2012
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Here are some things I've taken away from this so far...

I don't think that I would feel comfortable proceeding in this type of play without being emotionally invested in my Dom. This includes but is not limited to a deep trust in him. Yet even with this trust, I would have to go slow. It just seems like common sense.

I do know that I have surface issues that I'm trying to work through and really, I don't think that I would be able to successfully come away from an EM session without being secure with at least some of these first.

How can I know if someone actually has practical knowledge and experience in this type of play? I mean anyone can say they do. Say I sit down with them and have this discussion with them, should I go with my gut feeling on it? Try it with them and see how it feels? That even seems dangerous because when I get to that place where I'm really "feeling it" aka.. the blubbering mess, I'm not consciously thinking about WHAT this is doing to me. I'm centered on the feelings, on his words.

Should I be consciously thinking about the consequences as it's happening? Is that even possible? I would think that much analyzing would get in the way of the experience.




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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 9:15:11 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceshattered


Here are some things I've taken away from this so far...

I don't think that I would feel comfortable proceeding in this type of play without being emotionally invested in my Dom. This includes but is not limited to a deep trust in him. Yet even with this trust, I would have to go slow. It just seems like common sense.

I do know that I have surface issues that I'm trying to work through and really, I don't think that I would be able to successfully come away from an EM session without being secure with at least some of these first.

How can I know if someone actually has practical knowledge and experience in this type of play? I mean anyone can say they do. Say I sit down with them and have this discussion with them, should I go with my gut feeling on it? Try it with them and see how it feels? That even seems dangerous because when I get to that place where I'm really "feeling it" aka.. the blubbering mess, I'm not consciously thinking about WHAT this is doing to me. I'm centered on the feelings, on his words.

Should I be consciously thinking about the consequences as it's happening? Is that even possible? I would think that much analyzing would get in the way of the experience.




Unless you are going to a professional, you have absolutly NO WAY of knowing if someone not only has experience, but also has enough knowledge to take you through the 'mindfield' successfully. All I can say here is that if you decide to go through with this, make sure you understand what COULD happen afterwards, and that you take responsibility for your actions. If it ends badly, you have to be able to take part of the blame...no matter if he told you he has done this thousands of times.
It is still not something that I recommend, but if you are going to do it...at least make sure it is with someone whom you are in a committed relationship with. And by that, I mean NOT ONLINE and not someone you have only known for a month or two.

As for the other part that I bolded.
No, you should not be thinking of the consequences AS IT IS HAPPENING. That's pretty irresponsible on your part. You should think about them BEFORE it ever happens.

< Message edited by IrishMist -- 8/12/2012 9:16:09 PM >

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 9:18:42 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

How can I know if someone actually has practical knowledge and experience in this type of play? I mean anyone can say they do. Say I sit down with them and have this discussion with them, should I go with my gut feeling on it? Try it with them and see how it feels? That even seems dangerous because when I get to that place where I'm really "feeling it" aka.. the blubbering mess, I'm not consciously thinking about WHAT this is doing to me. I'm centered on the feelings, on his words.


For me this was easy. We've been together for many years now and we know each other backwards, forwards, inside out. It's not something he did without knowing me, without knowing my triggers, without us having been together a long time. It's like anything else that involves us as a we.....you care for each other, you communicate, you love one another and you have a stable and sturdy relationship to stand upon.


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Everything has changed

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 9:22:56 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Which, once again, is why someone should wait till they feel comfortable with someone enough to trust them with their fears, etc. This is a ticking time bomb for the OP, I really believe that.

Sometimes it really is better to be alone after being hurt, then jumping right into to something else, especially involving emotional masochism.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 9:36:46 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceshattered

I don't think that I would feel comfortable proceeding in this type of play without being emotionally invested in my Dom. This includes but is not limited to a deep trust in him. Yet even with this trust, I would have to go slow. It just seems like common sense.


I would agree, the knowledge he needs is the knowledge of you, the safety he can provide is his love of you.

quote:

I do know that I have surface issues that I'm trying to work through and really, I don't think that I would be able to successfully come away from an EM session without being secure with at least some of these first.


I think this is true for most people, the point of emotional masochism is that it evokes real psychological pain.

Someone could same the same crazy shit my partner says and I'd just laugh, it hurts me so much with him because he loves me, there is a chance it could be real.

quote:

How can I know if someone actually has practical knowledge and experience in this type of play?


If they know you through and through, truly care about you, take responsibility for their actions, and have a solid emotional intelligence.

quote:

I mean anyone can say they do. Say I sit down with them and have this discussion with them, should I go with my gut feeling on it?


No offense, have you ever been in a committed relationship with some degree of BDSM dynamics? I'm not taking regular sessions, I'm talking relationships. Because in the end your gut counts, but it should be in this sort of context. Sticks and stones may break your bones, words can kill you.

quote:

Try it with them and see how it feels?


Emotion masochism came up naturally in my relationship, it intensified slowly. Once it starts it either gets processed or it puts a serious wedge in things.

quote:

Should I be consciously thinking about the consequences as it's happening? Is that even possible? I would think that much analyzing would get in the way of the experience.


I don't know what you can, and the thing about emotions is that the Achilles heel isn't readily apparent. You can't predict a lot of your triggers, neither can your partner. Both of you just need to be ready to take responsibility for them when they get slammed.


_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to onceshattered)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 9:36:57 PM   
onceshattered


Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline
Alright, yes.. I do agree that it would be pretty irresponsible. I am willing to take responsibility if things go wrong, after all I would be the one that sought it out.

While my mind is kind of whirling right now, I can say that I'm not actively seeking this out. I'm so new to all of this that there are much more "basic" things that I need to experience first. I do realize this and I need to thank everyone for reinforcing that fact because for a while I was just thinking that I was simply afraid. It's even possible that by the time I'm in a situation where I -am- ready to experience this I won't even want to or feel that I "need" to.

In hindsight, he was absolutely right when he told me that I wasn't ready. One thing he said to me that I can't get out my mind though, he said, girl... if you get off on being a punching bag for other people then embrace it. Be what you were meant to be.

I just can't get it out of my head, but maybe that is a topic for another thread... I don't know.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 40
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