RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism"

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RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/12/2012 9:51:52 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
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quote:

Onceshattered
This right here is something that I'm trying to come to terms with. What exactly am I trying to accomplish? On one hand, I know that I do want to learn what my "deep issues" are and try to work through them. Just the fact that I SAW these issues for the first time was liberating for me. On the other hand, now that I know of these issues or buttons, I don't really know how to go about working through them. So yes, It's all very overwhelming because I'm not exactly sure what I want other than the obvious of getting off.

I appreciate Cryptic66s' comment above regarding counseling. However. I feel the need to mention that some "Counselors" think "help" and "holding the client down until the struggle is over" are the same thing. It is very difficult going into a situation like that to know what sort of person you are confiding in. Let us spend a moment visualizing that conversation and the typical reaction one must expect form the typical vanilla goody-good over educated moron. Let us also notice that a "counselor" can wield a lot of power. And can rationalize almost anything using the stock phrase, "It's all for your own good".

Scary? If not, I didn't say it right.

If counseling is decided upon, then one must decide upon the counselor. One does not simply open the phone book and let ones fingers do the walking, if one values ones health and freedom.

Comments?

I will go on to say that awareness of ones deep issues is a victory of no small import all by itself. It may or may not be exaggeration to say this is most of what a counselor can accomplish.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 41

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 12:10:07 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onceshattered

In hindsight, he was absolutely right when he told me that I wasn't ready. One thing he said to me that I can't get out my mind though, he said, girl... if you get off on being a punching bag for other people then embrace it. Be what you were meant to be.

I just can't get it out of my head, but maybe that is a topic for another thread... I don't know.

You have to be comfortable with you, and you have to be comfortable with communicating what you're afraid of and what you're not ready for (in the beginning a lot of this will be what you're afraid of).

And yes as a submissive and a masochist I get off on being a punching bag for other people (though a select few, at this point 1).

However, it was a process getting there. At first there was a bit of shame, and shock and confusion with myself that I was enjoying it. You need to work this stuff out to a large degree before getting into any sort of play, and emotional masochism is likely a long way down the road.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to onceshattered)

Post #: 42

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 1:16:04 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: onceshattered

@LadyPact

quote:

" It does worry Me a bit that you're going for nervous humor. If you can't tackle this particular subject without it on a message board, how well are you going to do talking about this with a partner or a potential one? "

This is a very good point and it was a particular one that occupied a lot my thoughts today. I don't really know you guys and as such that played into my fear of rejection. I really only know of the posters here from what I've read in other threads and honestly, you guys can be pretty harsh. So I was nervous about posting. We all have to start somewhere though and as this subject has been on my mind a lot I thought it might be a good way to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. So I took a chance and I have to say the response has been very positive for me and I can't thank everyone enough.

I do believe that I wouldn't just jump into this kind of play with someone that I didn't have a lot of trust and respect for. Someone that I was "emotionally invested" in. I think that with such a level of trust, it would be easier to approach them with this than with complete strangers.

I don't think that I could make this a regular part of a relationship. From the intensity of feelings that surfaced I think that it would have to be reserved for a specific time and place because I did, in fact, end up a crying, begging, blubbering mess.

quote:

"Now, you have to do something for Me. I want you to work on taking on this subject without the nervous humor. While this kind of play can be really rewarding, you're potentially playing with fire if you don't say what you mean and mean what you say about it, ok? "
- The positive response that I've gotten so far has made me a lot more comfortable about posting here. I absolutely understand that this could be very very dangerous, and that is why I posted in the first place... because I was/am still very afraid of how it makes me feel. From reading the replies, this is not something that I'm going to jump into by any means. At least, not again.

Most often than not I find that I have a very hard time expressing exactly what I -do- mean. So gathering input and other people's experiences help me to internalize what I'm feeling and help me to put words to those feelings.

I'm not going to fool with you, os. Sometimes we can be harsh, and I'll even take some huge personal responsibility for that. On a personal note, I take this particular subject very seriously because it is so easy for it to go wrong. In fact, I'm still kind of hoping that one of our other regular posters will swing by and talk about how her past dynamic took a real toll on her over this kind of thing. It's important to remember that the results aren't always good. A few folks on this thread have talked about the fact that it's hot. It's not hot any more when it's damaging.

You asked a really good question about how do you know. That has everything to do with getting to know who you are engaging with. (And letting them really get to know you.) From what you've written on this thread, I'd be inclined to believe that the gentleman that you spoke of had a pretty good head on his shoulders. To be very honest with you, I hesitate to call this casual play because top and bottom need to know each other intimately. That earlier example of the difference between bitch is good and fat bitch is completely wrong for that particular person was excellent.

That's also why it concerned Me that the nervous humor was a part of this for you. It's a scary thought that a scene might go too far for you and post scene recap would include that nervous humor, which leads to going too far again. Potentially, that's a really volatile cycle and not one that I would want to see you get caught up in.

Some of these s-types/bottoms that have added on this thread have been spectacular. I think darn near all of them have mentioned goals. To Me, as a top, I also can see that the only "goal" that two people might have is it just really, REALLY turns us on.

I am sincerely proud of you for investing time and thought into this.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to onceshattered)

Post #: 43

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 1:26:32 AM

DeviantlyD

Posts: 4375
Joined: 5/26/2007
From: Hawai`i
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

IrishMist, I am so glad you decided to drop by today. Thank you so much for your perspective.

TO the OP.....

A word of caution about all of this. Please remember that the advice some would give, unlike IrishMist, LuckyA, CP, and other women on this board, is not based in anything besides participation on a kink board. Just the same as you would not trust some cyber dom who comes to a place like this, admits they have no BDSM experience, but wants to put a whip in their hand to make you a target..... STAY AWAY FROM THEM!!!!. Please do not be foolish. If you can find a thread from three months ago that admits ignorance and inexperience, take that into serious consideration.

Just like that man who has no experience with a whip, one who wants to give advice on the nuances of emotional play is EXACTLY the kind of fool that people warn about with this kind of play. They don't want their fragile ego exposed because they found out just how little male tops with no BDSM experience were treated, and decided to puff up their chest just to hear themselves talk. These are some of the most dangerous in the BDSM world. Avoid them at all cost. People with no practical experience in emotional sadism and masochism, but want to act like they have it, can fuck a person up for YEARS!

The worst part is, they won't care. Their inexperience doesn't allow them to pass a type of play by because they want to swim with the big fish, even though they are just a guppie.

Well put. *applauds*

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 44

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 4:35:04 AM

SinFix

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Joined: 4/1/2011
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FR

I've been following this thread because emotional masochism is something I enjoy.... There is a lot of good advice on how freeing and liberating it can be when done in the right context with the right person.. that said

Having just read your profile, honey you need to step away from the computer and get out there. Yes, it is scary to delve into the unknown but you are not going to find what you are looking for without r/l experience. This is one of those that you cannot do from a computer with someone you do not know... The people that have given you advice have been in their relationships for a long time not playing this with strangers....
You are not getting that not only do you need to trust the person and be "emotionally invested" in him but more importantly he MUST be emotionally invested in you.
Having said that your friend would have given me red flags galore on not proceeding with him on this. I can only hope you have known this person longer than your join date.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

Post #: 45

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 5:03:09 AM

sheisreeds

Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
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SinFix, good catch.

Online BDSM, is not the BDSM most (likely all) of us are talking about. The majority of on top of talking about "face to face" are also discussing real time, long term, committed relationships.

In fact I wouldn't call online BDSM real at all.

The online muckity muck can be very harmful indeed, while some guy cheating on his wife somewhere gets his off being a twrue dom.

Back away from the nonsense, and get a sense of what you really want.

I also agree, meeting people may not be right either, not right now, maybe not for awhile.

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in

You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to SinFix)

Post #: 46

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 5:32:11 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
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There's been a lot of input here, and a lot of it worth reading. That said Emotional sadism/masochism, is something that will vary a lot from one person to another. To know if it's healthy or not? You have to ask yourself the questions.

After a session of emotional flogging, is there a sense of catharsis? Do you find yourself more confident or less? More sensitive to the triggers used on you, or less sensitive?
The most important is, does the emotionally tense play leave you feeling co-dependent to the other person? This is the most crucial because emotional sadism/masochism is very easily abused to make you weaker, not stronger.

When I first discovered emotional masochism in myself, it was during a fling with a fellow who I considered quite 'extream' at the time. He did not hedge or sugar coat what he was looking for, and I liked him enough to give it a go. "Go gently' was my request, and while looking back, he did, at the time it was rough. I don't think I ever spent so much time crying or tied in knots inside, and for awhile I thought it was crazy and unhealthy, but I -liked- it because I kept going back for more.. kept looking forward to it. It was intense.

The hard part is when you're all tied up in that ball of emotions, it's hard to be unbiased in judging if your relationship is healthy, it's also hard to know if anyone else is accurately understanding your relationship as well. What we found most helpful back then, was to take period breaks, wait until I was emotionally 'level' for a week or more, then do a check-in with certain issues, was I becoming more body conscious? Less? Was I more inside my own head, or living more freely?

Changes certainly occured in me over time, but they were for the better. That relationship and the things that occured in it made me stronger, more capable emotionally for sure, and left me with far fewer fears or insecurities than when I started. To me that is a winning situation.
However because of the extreamness of those emotional challanges, I've never again found anyone who could spin me apart emotionally in that way. Perhaps it calcified me against emotional injury, or maybe everything since has simply been too blunt to get to me.

A note on 'aftercare'. To me aftercare isn't a standard checklist, instead I see it as common sense towards looking out for th best interest of your partner/spouse/play friend. Emotional sadism can't be treated afterward with a cookie and a blanket either. You can try, but when you dabble with emotions, especially if changes are being made to a persons feelings and emotional patterns, you need to have system of check-in. Bench mark your own behaviors, happiness levels and routines... and compare against them as you go, don't wait until one day you find yourself a depressed mess unable to go to a supermarket without bursting into tears because you recall how much he hates orange juice or something equally silly.
Don't let a melt-down creep up on you.

As LP said, be cautious where you take advice, some people know what they are talking about from experience, some are just working off fantasy material in their head and a few lines off a wiki article. I was new to emotional masochism when I met that fellow who took me for quite a ride, but I was lucky, he knew what he was doing, and made up for my lack of understanding at the time.

(in reply to onceshattered)

Post #: 47

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 7:27:56 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: onceshattered

Here are some things I've taken away from this so far...

I don't think that I would feel comfortable proceeding in this type of play without being emotionally invested in my Dom. This includes but is not limited to a deep trust in him. Yet even with this trust, I would have to go slow. It just seems like common sense.

I do know that I have surface issues that I'm trying to work through and really, I don't think that I would be able to successfully come away from an EM session without being secure with at least some of these first.

How can I know if someone actually has practical knowledge and experience in this type of play? I mean anyone can say they do. Say I sit down with them and have this discussion with them, should I go with my gut feeling on it? Try it with them and see how it feels? That even seems dangerous because when I get to that place where I'm really "feeling it" aka.. the blubbering mess, I'm not consciously thinking about WHAT this is doing to me. I'm centered on the feelings, on his words.

Should I be consciously thinking about the consequences as it's happening? Is that even possible? I would think that much analyzing would get in the way of the experience.

This is a fantastic not to mention crucial question.

I thought I knew, and I have been horribly wrong. Being so wrong caused me to go through a period of serious self examination (less than 10 years ago, and I am 58). That caused me to come to a certain conclusion: that chemistry thang: it doesn't always work in a good way. Yes, the sex can be hot, but the emotions can be a cruel heart breaker.

My only advice on this is when seeking a relationship, look for someone who never, and I do mean never, hits below the belt emotionally. What do I mean by that? Well it's one thing to give you honesty, straight and true, it's another thing to harm you emotionally b/c they know where the bad nasty buttons are, and it feeds their ego to do so.

People who hit below the belt emotionally will have a history of playing one person against another, of saying cruel things that can never really be taken back. Of saying I love you and then saying they didn't mean it. Of withholding emotion or affection. If you call them on their shit, they will blame it on unhappy affairs of the past where they were just so hurt, they can't trust now.

Here's a clue: people *that* hurt have no business trying to be in a relationship.

Hope this helps.

Just take it slow.

_____________________________

(in reply to onceshattered)

Post #: 48

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 9:51:26 AM

onceshattered

Posts: 117
Joined: 7/30/2012
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fr

I do know that I need to get out from behind the computer. There is a lot that I'm learning about my submission in general and most of it is forcing me to face things that "seem like they should be wrong but feel right." EM is just one aspect that seems to be the hardest to negotiate in my own mind and unfortunately it was one that was kind of All-Encompassing at the time that I started this thread.

One of my biggest issues is my social anxiety, and I say that it is my biggest because right now it is stopping me from actually getting out there to meet people face to face. I'm not a hermit by any means, I can function perfectly well when it comes to going to work or to the store. I just don't get out socially. It -is- an issue that I'm working on. In saying that, I am in the getting-to-know-you stage with a Dom and we are talking about meeting up for coffee. JUST Coffee and talk. I have to take that first step... I know this.

I would be lying if I said that some of these replies didn't scare me. They have. They've scared me because I know that I'm NOT ready for anything this level. They scare me because I do realize the consequences if something goes wrong. But like with most of the knowledge I have of anything BDSM... It's all just theory in my head. That little taste I had excited me... aroused me beyond anything I had known before. That in itself makes me take a step back. I don't want to blindly fall into something toxic because I'm naive and "lusting" for that high.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 49

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 10:06:16 AM

bighappygoth39

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Not into emotional sadism at all, so this is possibly going to sound overly harsh on Doms who push that button, but...

If it's leaking out of your sub play and causing problems with your social anxiety as well, then it's being taken too far. You shouldn't take that from somebody who isn't going to offer the emotional support you'll need to decompress afterwards, especially if you have issues that you feel insecure about already. I certainly wouldn't do that to my sub, and any top who does take it far enough to cause problems like that isn't mature or smart enough to be filling a dominant role in the first place. IMO, that's when you start crossing the line from consensual bdsm into an abusive relationship.

That's my opinion. Your own mileage may vary, of course.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to onceshattered)

Post #: 50

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 10:20:27 AM

onceshattered

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Joined: 7/30/2012
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I appreciate all of the input, even from those that are not into EM.

I want to clarify that the "little taste" I had took place over four nights and it was not face to face.. it was, in fact, on skype. I would also like to point out that I did stop it when it got to be too much. It was too overwhelming and even though I loved the high I was getting from it, I thought that I shouldn't be feeling that way. That's why I started this thread.

Looking back, he stopped and gave me "breaks" when I was getting overwhelmed. And now that I think about it, it was probably for the best. I am currently Not Actively participating nor actively seeking this at the moment. However it is something that I needed to learn more about and so far the replies to this thread have been immensely helpful.

(in reply to bighappygoth39)

Post #: 51

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 10:38:57 AM

IrishMist

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quote:

I would be lying if I said that some of these replies didn't scare me. They have

Good.

If they are scaring you, it means that you are still THINKING; and that is never a bad thing. What's more, don't let anyone tell you differently.

Seriously, if you want to talk...about anything...you are more than welcome to drop a line. I may be harsh, but I will always be honest and upfront; and if you ask something that I don't know about, I have no issues with directing you to someone who would.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to onceshattered)

Post #: 52

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 9:29:38 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
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FR-

OP, thank you for reaching out with kind words, and glad to see you're still getting lots of good input. i'm posting this here rather than replying via PM again, because i want to make an important point that i thought was very obvious to all well adjusted adults who might read the thread. of fucking course, be careful about processing and accepting advice from strangers on the internet. you truly don't know who has experience with what. and as much as you have to be careful from those who give you general advice that apply to any human relationship (like i did), be very careful of those who wrap themselves in the accredited BDSM banner and spend entire replies going off on diatribes and not so thinly veiled personal attacks while making the same point i'm making here (and agreeing with, in general terms, but not as thinly veiled personal attacks). i.e., especially watch the fuck out for people who show your their BDSM baggage with their replies; they're the most dangerous because they claim expertise and give what they call golden advice without doing what truly needs to be done to help you - meet in person, and counsel you for what's right for you. and because we're all human, there's no "right" way for everyone, a truism some baggage laiden BDSMers seem to continually forget.

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 53

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 9:47:26 PM

DeviantlyD

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From: Hawai`i
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Your "advice" was so much the opposite of what LadyPact and others gave, I don't understand how you can possibly describe it as making the same point you did. Some of what you said came across as downright trite and in that regard, scary advice.

_____________________________

ExiledTyrant's groupie. Catering to his ego since May 26, 2007. :D

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 54

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/13/2012 10:12:58 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

Your "advice" was so much the opposite of what LadyPact and others gave, I don't understand how you can possibly describe it as making the same point you did. Some of what you said came across as downright trite and in that regard, scary advice.

quote:

while making the same point i'm making here* (and agreeing with, in general terms, but not as thinly veiled personal attacks).

you seem to often miss the point by missing key words, like "here". "here", as in THAT post, where i agreed that you need to take internet advice with lots of caution, period. if i had a nickel...

< Message edited by Karmastic -- 8/13/2012 10:15:42 PM >

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

Post #: 55

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/14/2012 6:23:51 AM

IrishMist

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DeviantlyD

Your "advice" was so much the opposite of what LadyPact and others gave, I don't understand how you can possibly describe it as making the same point you did. Some of what you said came across as downright trite and in that regard, scary advice.

I have learned that over his time here, he likes to 'see' and 'hear' his own voice/advice so much that nothing penetrates his bubble. He's advising the OP against himself, and still can not see it. Some people will never be able to acknowledge that the universe does not revolve around them.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to DeviantlyD)

Post #: 56

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/15/2012 7:42:04 PM

Aswad

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Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Some of these s-types/bottoms that have added on this thread have been spectacular. I think darn near all of them have mentioned goals. To Me, as a top, I also can see that the only "goal" that two people might have is it just really, REALLY turns us on.

Thanks for sharing your perspective (and same to the s-types/bottoms). It's given me a lot to think about. As a sadist, I've so far been keeping emotional sadism out of it, mostly because experience leads me to I suspect I'm a razor and I have never tried to turn that side of myself into a scalpel, nor learning to use it. Thanks for the pointers and the reminder that that which can harm can heal and vice versa. Genuinely interested if you have other pointers, too.

IWYW,
— Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 57

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/15/2012 10:36:45 PM

NuevaVida

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~ Fast Reply ~

I avoided opening this thread until tonight. I have no idea what's going to stream out of me as I type my reply here, but here goes....

To start, I am now in a very healthy relationship, and I am no longer an emotional masochist (I'm not implying the two can not go together, by the way). So this is about my last relationship.

I entered it with a low self esteem. I learned early on that I'd become hot and excited when he'd say things that hurt my feelings. It confused me, too. How could something that hurt emotionally and brought me to tears, also make me feel things I'd never felt before? I discovered I loved feeling hurt by him. I'd crave more, and my behavior would beg for more.

The things that hurt, of course, were those things I had not yet come to peace with, within myself. I was fascinated by my reaction, and it became an internal challenge to see how much more I could take. In fact, that challenge became my driving force and really lead me down the road of emotional masochism. Somehow taking that emotional pain felt empowering to me.

The thing is, he was (and probably still is) an emotional sadist, to the degree of not really caring about bringing me back to earth when he ripped me down - that was my job. And I didn't do it very well. So the longer we were together, the darker the places he brought me. He taught me, literally, to believe I was smaller than the dirt on the sole of his shoe. I was smaller and dirtier and nastier than his shit (this was...well...a physical exercise, to drive that point home). What started out as calling me things that hit a nerve within me turned into activities that were pretty horrible for me.

I'll leave the examples at that. Over time, without the "recovery care" to re-ground me, I began believing those dark things about myself. More on a subconscious level, though. It damaged me.

It's been 4 or 5 years since that relationship ended (I'm crappy with dates) and I still encounter an occasional emotional trigger, related to those emotional activities. On rare occasion, I'm stopped dead in my tracks and have to take a moment to breathe in deeply and let it go. On other occasions, the Mister might say something to me - something really mild/benign by any normal standpoint, and my eyes well up because it hurt. Doesn't happen a lot, but it does happen.

And then there's the fact that it took me four days to open this thread.

In some ways, those activities above made me stronger. I'd come upon something really reeeeally hard in life and think, "If I could go through THAT (what the ex did) then I can handle THIS." But in many other ways it chipped away at my spirit.

Now, I'm crazy in love with the Mister, and trust him greatly, but it's a risky/dangerous place for me to go. Besides, now I revel in being happy, not sad/pained.

Tread carefully, please. What feels hot and exciting today could turn into something you spend years recovering from, if not careful. Figure out what you're hoping to gain from this - how will it enhance your life? What's your goal in going here, beyond the excitement?

OK I've written some really long posts lately, so I'll stop here. Just pay attention to what you're feeling and why, and the path it's taking you on. And be aware and picky about who you'll allow yourself to hurt you. Bruises heal. Emotional scars take longer.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 58

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/15/2012 10:44:41 PM

onceshattered

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Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline

Thank you so much for your reply. It was the replies like this one that really made me step back. I have enough emotional problems to begin with and while they are things that I'm working through, the idea that I could sent down much further from where I started is scarey. In the end, I'm glad that I worked up the courage to ask this question, because without the input I might have just floundered with it and eventually ended up in a very bad situation.

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 59

RE: Confused by "Emotional Masochism" - 8/15/2012 10:48:35 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I think that's just it. If you still are recovering from emotional traumas, if it runs deep in you, if you have a dom who does not do the aftercare that is needed to show you that you are still loved and cared for and helps you to move past your traumas, then emotional masochism is not something either of you should be doing together. It's a recipe for disaster.

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(in reply to onceshattered)

Post #: 60

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