|
sunshinemiss -> RE: The dreaded "Gift of Submission" debacle (8/22/2012 3:48:16 PM)
|
Hello DP - quote:
I am generous because I have an investment in that perception of myself, so when I give, the giving to another "feeds" me and my sense of self, goodness and purpose, which is very self-soothing. That is my payoff.
This is spot on from my perspective. I can even remember when I realized that kind of thing. In my social psych class a thousand years ago, we had 1st a meditation and then a discussion about the positive things people get from negative things. I was just a bright eyed hopeful kitten back then and felt like my world had been slammed upside down. Some of the ideas that came up AS POSSIBILITIES: Pretending to be stupid meant people talked freely in front of you, arguing meant you got attention, being overweight meant less hassle around sexuality, having an affair meant saving a sexless marriage, giving money to a charity so that you could feel good about yourself and preen.
My face went like this: [sm=jaw.gif] and my brain like this:[sm=microwave.gif]
It was a turning point in my life. It was perhaps even my welcome-to-critical-thinking moment. We have a whole lot planned for you now that your eyes are open!
Thank you for your post. It made me remember that poor innocent girl that I was and the sheer joy of discovering a whole new world.
Hi NV -
I really like this that you said. It seems very salient to what I'm trying to say. Elegantly put, darling.
quote:
But it's me - the complete whole woman - who is a gift to him. Not a singling out of one aspect of me (submission).
My ability to live being true to myself is my own gift to myself (I see it this way after having denied myself the freedom of being "me" for a very long time).
So yeah, we're gifts, but I'm not giving him me as a gift; the universe is. Just as the universe gave him everything else in his life, and gave me everything else in my life.
I was really pleased to read that. It seems like we are of the same mind.
|
|
|
|
