RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:09:18 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
As for 'undoing training' Pfffffffffffffffffffft. it takes 15 seconds to tell a new submissive "that's an interesting technique you're using but I prefer it this way".

Well sure but how vanilla of you. In a true BDSM relationship there'd need to be endless barking of commands followed by whippings.

So I've been doing it right after all! whew!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:19:49 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It's so funny that you posted this topic. I was thinking about the same thing earlier this morning.

I hate to put this on one gender over the other, so I won't pin it only on males. I admit, I am a bit suspicious when a Dominant specifically seeks out the new and inexperienced. It makes Me wonder if they are doing so in order to get over on things that an experienced submissive would tell them they were full of shit about. I mean, how many threads do we see around here where people, even those who are mature with life experience, ask about bullshit behavior from the D and the excuse always is "but I'm new to the lifestyle?"

Call Me cynical but it makes Me wonder about ulterior motives. Sorry for not reading the whole thread first. This was a fast reply.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:31:11 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

LadyPact - I always wonder about those people who really should know better posting questions about whether or not something is ok for a dom to do. I think this is partly caused by the newbiehunter dom who stops any kind of communication he doesn't like with 'That's how all doms do it', but also partly by subs who decide they are going to willingly forget everything they know about life and relationships now they are in this new and exciting world.

(Only saying 'he' because that's my experience, I'm sure there must be women doing this too)

I'm another one who thinks this 'unlearning' training is an odd concept. I can't think of anything my husband has me do that would take such a huge effort to change in a new relationship. I'm confident I could learn where he keeps his socks and how he takes his drinks and what type of dirty talk he enjoys just as quickly as I did with my husband, who was my first dom. It's not like people new to BDSM are blank canvases - they will still have their own quirks and bad habits and whatever else a dom might want to address.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:32:53 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't get the whole tedious retraining thing. If anything, I'd think it would be more tedious to undertake a relationship with someone who has no experience - and may or may NOT end up actually liking the things that I do. Not that I wouldn't be interested in someone inexperienced ( I guess.)

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:36:36 AM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD
Sooo, does anyone have any thoughts on what a Dom such as is being discussed would look like?
Heck.. it's not hard. An awful lot of them even label themselves conveniently to make it easy. Were it me, I'd look for labels like "trainer" or "protector" as a pretty good indicator.

Of course, by that measure poise and Ishtar fall into that group since they are my protectors :)

You want me to train you now too Jeff?

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:37:34 AM

bbwBDSMmuse

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline

I get it. Retraining can be very tedious, with the s-types constantly going "But, I was always told .. " or "My first Mistress made me ... so that is the way it should be done." and they fight it, when you try to teach them to do something some way other than they were trained to do. It is insulting the memory of their beloved former owner, for many of them. It is far easier to train a potential slave, than it is to retrain one who has been trained to someone else's standards. Though, if you have similar standards, already, it's usually no big deal.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:46:03 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwBDSMmuse

I get it. Retraining can be very tedious, with the s-types constantly going "But, I was always told .. " or "My first Mistress made me ... so that is the way it should be done." and they fight it, when you try to teach them to do something some way other than they were trained to do. It is insulting the memory of their beloved former owner, for many of them. It is far easier to train a potential slave, than it is to retrain one who has been trained to someone else's standards. Though, if you have similar standards, already, it's usually no big deal.

I have met one or two that trotted out that sort of shit and yanno..........in retrospect, even if they had been completely new and untrained they would not have been for me. They would have still sought out a similar situation to that ultimate One.

If a potential s-type hasn't got enough intelligence to grasp the concept that we are all unique little snow flakes and just because big bad evil DommeRiceKneeler made her kneel on rice every night for 30 minutes just to reafirm her slave status, doesn't mean all perfectly good dominant types should enforce the same rules to be weal and twue, well then she should have stayed with the perfect big bad evil DommeRiceKneeler.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to bbwBDSMmuse)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:50:08 AM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I have talked to more than a few guys who specifically targetted noobs. Over and over again I heard them go on about 'undoing' someone else's 'training'.

I really don't get that. We humans are adaptable creatures - that's a big part of the reason we're still around after all these years, and doing so well.

"Undoing previous training" is code for "undoing reasonable expectations acquired by experience".

The first is not at all difficult, the second however is VERY hard, because you need to get somebody to drop their standards. That's usually not easily done unless you get them into a position of dependency on you, or if all their previous partners where even worse than you where and they haven't learned from that.
It's much easier to pray on noobs, because there is a higher likelihood that, at least some of them, haven't had a chance to develop decent standards, and therefore there is nothing for the "Dom" to have to live up to.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to myotherself)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:52:43 AM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

What do you think when you see a male Dominant that deliberately seeks out the inexperienced female submissives?

I have my view based on what I've seen in the LA community, but I'm curious what all of you think.

A bunch of old, experienced submissive females in this thread, talking about how morally reprehensible male dominants are for being attracted to young inexperienced submissive females.
Great thread guys, really.

Newsflash - some people like to teach. The improper use of something doesn't negate its proper uses, at least according to some old Latin phrase. One can be interested in somebody who has no experience WITHOUT wanting to harm them.

_____________________________

I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:53:09 AM

Charles6682

Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline

What if it was a Female Domme seeking out a inexperienced male sub.Would the answers still be the same?

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to masterdebaucher)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:53:43 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

What if it was a Female Domme seeking out a inexperienced male sub.Would the answers still be the same?

Yes, they would.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Charles6682)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 11:55:06 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

What if it was a Female Domme seeking out a inexperienced male sub.Would the answers still be the same?

In My case, absolutely.

Keep in mind, clip had very little experience when I got him. However, I didn't seek him out specifically because of that fact.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Charles6682)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 12:01:30 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

What do you think when you see a male Dominant that deliberately seeks out the inexperienced female submissives?

I have my view based on what I've seen in the LA community, but I'm curious what all of you think.

A bunch of old, experienced submissive females in this thread, talking about how morally reprehensible male dominants are for being attracted to young inexperienced submissive females.
Great thread guys, really.

Newsflash - some people like to teach. The improper use of something doesn't negate its proper uses, at least according to some old Latin phrase. One can be interested in somebody who has no experience WITHOUT wanting to harm them.

Indeed - I believe that I mentioned ways which someone can approach newbies in a non-creepy way. Once again, there's nothing wrong with being into someone who is inexperienced. It is, however, a huge red flag if someone is only interested in inexperienced people or if that is their main criteria in a potential partner.

And I say that as a fairly young, not hugely experienced female submissive, for what it's worth.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 12:07:46 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

A bunch of old, experienced submissive females in this thread, talking about how morally reprehensible male dominants are for being attracted to young inexperienced submissive females.
Great thread guys, really.

Newsflash - some people like to teach. The improper use of something doesn't negate its proper uses, at least according to some old Latin phrase. One can be interested in somebody who has no experience WITHOUT wanting to harm them.

Except that a lot of the posts are not written by "a bunch of old, experienced, submissive females".

This thread brings to mind a guy that used to post here A LOT, especially in the random stupidity area, even had created a thread named after himself, something about a coffee shop or something. That dude just TOTALLY gave me the creepy old man predator, looking for ignorant youg chicks, vibe. I do not miss him.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 12:08:12 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

What do you think when you see a male Dominant that deliberately seeks out the inexperienced female submissives?

I have my view based on what I've seen in the LA community, but I'm curious what all of you think.

A bunch of old, experienced submissive females in this thread, talking about how morally reprehensible male dominants are for being attracted to young inexperienced submissive females.
Great thread guys, really.

Newsflash - some people like to teach. The improper use of something doesn't negate its proper uses, at least according to some old Latin phrase. One can be interested in somebody who has no experience WITHOUT wanting to harm them.

Dude, there is a difference between being interested in and individual you've gotten to know and who happens to be inexperiences, and being interested in finding individuals who are inexperienced.

The former is people focussed, and can make you a great teacher; the later is lack of experience focussed, and is a sign that you're aiming to be a predator.

I'm sorry, but translate this to vanilla terms:

If a 38 year old guy get's interested in a specific girl, and then finds out she happens to be a virgin... he can possible be a great teacher to her.
If a 38 year old guy is only, or mainly interested in finding virgins to fuck... he's screaming "I'm terrible in bed, and I need to find somebody inexperienced enough not to realize that".

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 12:10:29 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

What do you think when you see a male Dominant that deliberately seeks out the inexperienced female submissives?

I have my view based on what I've seen in the LA community, but I'm curious what all of you think.

A bunch of old, experienced submissive females in this thread, talking about how morally reprehensible male dominants are for being attracted to young inexperienced submissive females.
Great thread guys, really.

Newsflash - some people like to teach. The improper use of something doesn't negate its proper uses, at least according to some old Latin phrase. One can be interested in somebody who has no experience WITHOUT wanting to harm them.

Umm ..... nowhere in this thread is the age of the sub declared. Experience isn't related to age - so this isn't a thread about sweet YOUNG things, its a thread about sweet INEXPERIENCED things. Big difference!

I was a sweet INEXPERIENCED thing at 48, obviously not young, but defintely new to the whole thing.

and if you read the whole thread you would see it is about dominants that like to prey on newbies to take advantage of their inexperience, by pretending to be all knowing, all seeing - kind of like your assumption.

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Profile

Post #: 56

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 12:14:32 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

A bunch of old, experienced submissive females in this thread, talking about how morally reprehensible male dominants are for being attracted to young inexperienced submissive females.

No one said "young" except you. Inexperience can exist at any age.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

What if it was a Female Domme seeking out a inexperienced male sub.Would the answers still be the same?

If it was a female dominant that specifically went looking for inexperience, my response would be the same.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Profile

Post #: 57

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 12:16:50 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

There's nothing inherently wrong with someone experienced getting together with someone inexperienced, it can be a great combination. It's the deliberate selection that isn't cool.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 58

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 12:17:58 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

What do you think when you see a male Dominant that deliberately seeks out the inexperienced female submissives?

I have my view based on what I've seen in the LA community, but I'm curious what all of you think.

A bunch of old, experienced submissive females in this thread, talking about how morally reprehensible male dominants are for being attracted to young inexperienced submissive females.
Great thread guys, really.

Newsflash - some people like to teach. The improper use of something doesn't negate its proper uses, at least according to some old Latin phrase. One can be interested in somebody who has no experience WITHOUT wanting to harm them.

You forgot about the old dominant males on the thread.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Profile

Post #: 59

RE: Dominants that seek out the inexperienced - 8/29/2012 12:19:02 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
If a 38 year old guy is only, or mainly interested in finding virgins to fuck... he's screaming "I'm terrible in bed, and I need to find somebody inexperienced enough not to realize that".

I'm nominating this for sunny's Quote of the Day.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 60