quote:

ORIGINAL: DNAHelicase

To all of those who say that you prefer somebody inexperienced because she (or he) can be shaped into anything you want, how does this translate into non-kinky aspects of a person? Do you go after any inexperienced person of the gender and d/s persuasion you favor, regardless of potential compatibility in areas outside of kink? Or do you only pursue people who share common interests and who have a personality you find enjoyable?

Before I say anything else, I think I ought to clarify the word "predator" that's being used in my reply. There are different types of predator. The one that seems to be most common (or at least most commonly seen in communities) is the sexual predator. There are also the predators who are dangerous and they know it but they seek to hide it; the ones who are using BDSM to find somebody to victimize by convincing him or her that all the abuse being inflicted on him or her is just good ol' BDSM fun and games; and if you want to call them predators, there are the people who are just out to use their partners for resources (money, a place to live, etc.). Each of these is going to have a very different MO. And that's saying nothing of all the people who are just fucked up emotionally who move from relationship to relationship, leaving a mess of a person behind each time. My prior posts and this one are primarily about sexual predators, though some of it overlaps with the ones who are dangerous and seek to mislead new people into thinking they're safe.

One of the hallmarks of all the sexual predators (and most of the dangerous/seeking to hide it predators) I've seen and read or heard about is their lack of choosiness. They really don't care what that inexperienced person's hobbies are because they don't intend to ever share in them. They really don't care if that inexperienced person shares similar ambitions and life goals because they don't intend from the start to be in that inexperienced person's life long enough for it to matter. They really don't care if that inexperienced person's personality is grating or otherwise unpleasing (to the predator) because the predator doesn't intend to spend much time talking with that inexperienced person.

So getting back to the questions I asked at the beginning of this response, the people who prefer inexperienced partners for whatever reason--ok, you have your reasons. I know a lot of people who like newbies for various reasons. I know a lot of people who flock to any new person who comes into our community because they've had no luck finding what they're looking for among the people who are already active in it. But if that new person isn't compatible with them because of vanilla interests, personalities, politics, whatever, they quickly switch to friends-only mode (or ignoring, if the clash is sizable enough) with the new person. One of the biggest differences between those people and predators is that those people don't go for *any* newbie. There has to be more of a match up than only that the person is new.

Edited to add that in case it isn't clear, I'm not saying anything bad about people who choose inexperienced partners for whatever reason. I know a lot of people personally who do, and I know their motives aren't sinister. As I said above, there's a difference in how predators, whose intent is to get as much booty as possible, go about pursuing newbies versus the people whose intent is to look for a relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

Is there a gender difference? Men wanting virging young girls? I was reading an interview with Richard Ingrams yesterday (ex Private Eye). When his wife left he ended up with someone 20 years younger and after she left (because she wanted a child and he did not as he was old) he is now with someone nearly 30 years younger than he is as he says young people are more positive, open, happy.

Women are not so often the same. I don't mind someone younger but I think it's harder for women my age to find someone younger who wants to fall in love and care for you. The D/s dynamic is harder to effect. I am a bit sick of men who have just disocvered they happen to be dom in their 50s (simply that they are not for me, not that there is anythnig wrong with that per se). How can you not know? I knew when I was 5 years old that I was sexually submissive. I never ever changed. It's not a choice or a habit or fun. It's how I am made. However younger men can be full of confidence and dominate very well so if they can and do that's fine and they certainly tend to look better than most older men.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NefertariReborn

I'd have to agree with you. I like things new or very very gently used. Personal preference. I like what I like. Why should that need to be justified?