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RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 10:38:18 AM   
youdneverknowit


Posts: 26
Joined: 10/21/2012
Status: offline 		There is no way that I'm going to read 26 pages of responses and so if this has been said already... I'm sorry.

I have noticed a common factor in most of the females who are selling the 'findomme' persona. Typically they are in their 20s, and their pics give off the impression more often than not of being some sorority chick who in actuality is submissive... probably to her 285 lbs defensive tackle boyfriend who is on the university football team. So, for all of you guys who send money to these girls... keep in mind, it's probably going toward her boyfriend's next round of steroids, his off season beer drinking, or his next trip to GNC. LOL!!

These are not intended to come off as facts, so don't bother telling me it's "not that way" --- this is simply the image that comes to mind when I see these girls' advertisements/profiles.

My honest belief is that they are posers, and don't have the sense to dominate a dog. I hear the same rhetoric it seems. They automatically come off with a particular tone: "You're worthless... I don't care about you and your wants... You are just another dollar to me... (the funniest of all) PIGGIES!!!... blah blah blah blah..."

In fact, of all the Females on here who identify as "tops" - I would have to say that the findommes are by far the most unoriginal, and the most unauthentic. By authentic, I don't mean that their money-making scheme doesn't work. I don't mean that it doesn't fulfill some fellow's need... but it is a sort of cheapening of the entire dynamic.

Perhaps this is why: If I were involved with a Domme... be it paid or otherwise, and the words "I don't care about you or your wishes..." came out of her mouth... she would realize quickly that my need for feeling submissive would be overruled by a very 'correcting' tone that I would immediately take with her. I don't see that "Fuck you!!" tone among any other female tops besides the findommes... and I think that is because the findommes truly don't identify in r/l as a domme or top. They are simply a fantasy valve for men who have the compulsion to give money away. Besides the cash or gifts, they could care less.

Most professional dommes (r/l sessionists) had exposure and experience to the bdsm scene/lifestyle before they were involved professionally.

I look at this group of findomme girls, and I don't see it. Their photos are not indicative of it either.

What I am finding is that there are simply too many of them on here. That leads me to believe that these girls are exclusively interested in cash-collecting... and after all... their profiles say they don't care about the boys who send them money. So, I believe them.

If someone wants to send someone else money... that's their business. I am in no position to condone nor condemn it. We are free moral agents. I just think it's silly. I make very good money and I would rather give it away to people I know who are struggling and particularly, those with children.

(in reply to Teroh)
Profile   Post #: 521
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 12:46:14 PM   
AllisonWilder


Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: youdneverknowit

There is no way that I'm going to read 26 pages of responses and so if this has been said already... I'm sorry.

I have noticed a common factor in most of the females who are selling the 'findomme' persona. Typically they are in their 20s, and their pics give off the impression more often than not of being some sorority chick who in actuality is submissive... probably to her 285 lbs defensive tackle boyfriend who is on the university football team. So, for all of you guys who send money to these girls... keep in mind, it's probably going toward her boyfriend's next round of steroids, his off season beer drinking, or his next trip to GNC. LOL!!

These are not intended to come off as facts, so don't bother telling me it's "not that way" --- this is simply the image that comes to mind when I see these girls' advertisements/profiles.


I'm in my late 20s. It doesn't make me any less real than if I was in my 30s. Age isn't really indicative of someones ability to dominate another person.

quote:

My honest belief is that they are posers, and don't have the sense to dominate a dog. I hear the same rhetoric it seems. They automatically come off with a particular tone: "You're worthless... I don't care about you and your wants... You are just another dollar to me... (the funniest of all) PIGGIES!!!... blah blah blah blah..."


Not every finDomme calls every sub by derogatory terms all the time and not everyone of us says that we don't care about subs. I actually made a blog post about how subs are treasures, etc., but these go unnoticed because nobody wants to look past the blatantly obvious girls that are just playing Domme and are in this for the cash.

quote:

In fact, of all the Females on here who identify as "tops" - I would have to say that the findommes are by far the most unoriginal, and the most unauthentic. By authentic, I don't mean that their money-making scheme doesn't work. I don't mean that it doesn't fulfill some fellow's need... but it is a sort of cheapening of the entire dynamic.


If you had bothered to read through any of this thread, you'd already know that we've discussed this. Financial domination doesn't cheapen any dynamic. Scammers do, but financial domination in and of itself is not a scam.

quote:

Perhaps this is why: If I were involved with a Domme... be it paid or otherwise, and the words "I don't care about you or your wishes..." came out of her mouth... she would realize quickly that my need for feeling submissive would be overruled by a very 'correcting' tone that I would immediately take with her. I don't see that "Fuck you!!" tone among any other female tops besides the findommes... and I think that is because the findommes truly don't identify in r/l as a domme or top. They are simply a fantasy valve for men who have the compulsion to give money away. Besides the cash or gifts, they could care less.


First of all, if you (or anyone) is with a Domme who says they don't care about you, calls you worthless and constantly hurls insults at you (unless that's your thing, of course) then walk away. Those are the ones that people should be whining about. Those of us that truly love financial domination and aren't just in it for the cash don't act that way. We're not all just money-demanding, greedy whores walking away as soon as we get our cash.

quote:

Most professional dommes (r/l sessionists) had exposure and experience to the bdsm scene/lifestyle before they were involved professionally.


And a lot of finDommes have had scene exposure outside of financial domination, too. I certainly did.

quote:

I look at this group of findomme girls, and I don't see it. Their photos are not indicative of it either.


Because you can tell by looking at a picture if a woman is dominant or submissive? That's crazy, I wish I had that superpower.

quote:

What I am finding is that there are simply too many of them on here. That leads me to believe that these girls are exclusively interested in cash-collecting... and after all... their profiles say they don't care about the boys who send them money. So, I believe them.


Again, generalizing. We don't all act that way.



< Message edited by AllisonWilder -- 12/29/2012 12:47:42 PM >

(in reply to youdneverknowit)
Profile   Post #: 522
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 1:15:19 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Original: AllisonWilder:
Huge surprise here... I agree pretty much point by point with some minor quibbles:

I'm in my late 20s. It doesn't make me any less real than if I was in my 30s. Age isn't really indicative of someones ability to dominate another person. That depends HEAVILY on what we mean by "dominate" and the scope of that domination. While there are always exceptions, it would be the extraordinarily rare 20 something who could, would, or should try to "dominate" Carol (at 56) in the way she wants or I have. It isn't so much a dominance thing as a "life skills" thing.

If you had bothered to read through any of this thread, you'd already know that we've discussed this. Financial domination doesn't cheapen any dynamic. Scammers do, but financial domination in and of itself is not a scam.
One day someone will explain to me how anyone else other than Carol and I can cheapen our dynamic. Even if all you awful findommes were exactly the caricature of evil that is being presented, how does that affect my reality in any way whatsoever? The most I could see is that I decide collarme is a place more appropriate to fin d/s than lifestyle d/s and I go find a different place. But it hardly cheapen my dynamic. When I think back to the folks I saw at MAsT meetings I really can't see them deciding to give up BDSM because there financial d/s happens on collarme. The idea is simply laughable. Again, worst case scenario... the words "dominance" and "submission" are coopted for financial purposes so we all make up some new names. Honestly, I believe that's a lot of the rub right there. It's the "true slave" thing all over again.

Because you can tell by looking at a picture if a woman is dominant or submissive? That's crazy, I wish I had that superpower.
Sure you can. Don't be silly. Somewhere on this site there's a photo of me in Carol's panties and you can bet that I became "not dominant" in a lot of subs' eyes with that posting. Ditto with my "manliness". To me that's an interesting inside view on what "dominance" means to them. Similarly, someone could I suppose look at the stereotypical "duck lips, fuck-you-sign" findomme photo and make whatever assessments they did. It just tells you "dominance" in their eyes is a visual thing not a mental thing.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AllisonWilder)
Profile   Post #: 523
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 1:54:56 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Did someone say duck lips? LOL that was a fun thread. Allison we all had a go at trying out the whole duck lip, bird flipping pics. It was great.

But back to the topic. I wanted to say that I kind of understand where youdneverknowit was going when he stated about the pics part. There have been a few pics that I see and clearly the said dominant woman or girl was in a submissive pose or what have you..and it may have come off as "why is she striking a submissive pose?" But that totally doesn't mean I really knew what she was.

And I agree, age doesn't always decree that a person doesn't know what they are doing.

Also, I did not just jump into the fin Domme lifestyle at first either.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 524
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 2:37:46 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
Did someone say duck lips? LOL that was a fun thread. Allison we all had a go at trying out the whole duck lip, bird flipping pics. It was great.

Has Allison been here too long or can we still vote to keep her? I'm up for letting her stay so long as she gives us a post on that thread :) How can she be a twue fin domme without it? LOL

quote:

Also, I did not just jump into the fin Domme lifestyle at first either.

There are a LOT of assumptions and generalizations being made. I'm working through a lot of my own assumptions myself. Another thing I can thank Roch and the various fin dommes who've had the patience to stay on this thread for. I like it when I grow and learn even if (actually especially if) my initial thoughts look stupid in hindsight.

For anyone actually reading at this point, I'd strongly encourage you to go read one of the duck-lip, fuck you profiles that form the stereotype. Then go read Allison's or TNDommeK's profile (not to slight anyone else, those were just the ones in my head this moment). Surely you see some VAST differences there? Taht right there should be enough to tell you that you need to be careful with any sentence that starts with "Fin dommes...." Would you make such a generalization about "masters"?


< Message edited by JeffBC -- 12/29/2012 2:38:06 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 525
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 2:51:31 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		*Blushes* D'awww shucks Jeff, thanks. I try to make My profile as great as possible. I just perved yours by the way.

But in answer to your question I say yes we keep her, but she has to do the duck face thread. It is hysterical!! Allison, give it a look. Let Me go find it so I can link it.. BRB.

Okay, here ya go: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4147125/mpage_1/tm.htm

(started by one of My fav posters)

I just revisited that thread, it was awesome. We had so much fun that day. LOL



< Message edited by TNDommeK -- 12/29/2012 3:04:20 PM >

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 526
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 5:38:48 PM   
AllisonWilder


Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

*Blushes* D'awww shucks Jeff, thanks. I try to make My profile as great as possible. I just perved yours by the way.

But in answer to your question I say yes we keep her, but she has to do the duck face thread. It is hysterical!! Allison, give it a look. Let Me go find it so I can link it.. BRB.

Okay, here ya go: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4147125/mpage_1/tm.htm

(started by one of My fav posters)

I just revisited that thread, it was awesome. We had so much fun that day. LOL




Ha, I have a duck face picture in my profile. I took it right after I read a thread about duckfaces on a different forum. It's missing me flipping the bird, BUT you can see that I'm smirking behind my duckface because I knew I looked ridiculous. I add it everywhere because it always makes me laugh.



I'm curious though, what's a submissive pose? I'm the type of person that's always snapping pictures of my friends and family and I've got a fair share of pictures that are clearly taken by me, some even with my cell phone (but it's full HD 1080p, so it's better than some low-quality cell picture).

Also, thanks JeffBC. I appreciate that my name/profile comes to mind when you're talking about the differences in finDommes.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 527
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 8:44:49 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder
Also, thanks JeffBC. I appreciate that my name/profile comes to mind when you're talking about the differences in finDommes.

You're welcome Allison. It's a great profile.

To the general thread I'd like to be clear that I find the the "duck lips fuck you" findommes to be just as legit as as any other kind, I was only pointing out how varied a "findomme" profile can be.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AllisonWilder)
Profile   Post #: 528
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 8:49:15 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I dunno.... We may need an opinion from the peanut gallery but I think we need a better duck lips shot before we let her stay. That one doesnt look nearly twue enough to me.

Any other opinions on this deep and weighty manner? Bring it to its own thread perhaps? Sick poise n her?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AllisonWilder)
Profile   Post #: 529
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 8:58:30 PM   
AllisonWilder


Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

I dunno.... We may need an opinion from the peanut gallery but I think we need a better duck lips shot before we let her stay. That one doesnt look nearly twue enough to me.

Any other opinions on this deep and weighty manner? Bring it to its own thread perhaps? Sick poise n her?


I think that's the best I can do on the duck face.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 530
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 9:00:05 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		submissive pose:

kneeling, hands upturned on lap, eyes and head down towards the ground

kneeling, ass in air, head touching ground

just to name a couple


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 531
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 9:05:10 PM   
AllisonWilder


Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

submissive pose:

kneeling, hands upturned on lap, eyes and head down towards the ground

kneeling, ass in air, head touching ground

just to name a couple



Thanks.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 532
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 10:26:05 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Quick reply to Carol - Miss you are a lady and owned by a man or not you are his wife which in my book trumps any perv games he might want to play. A little power never huts anyone even if they are a sub/slave. Jeff can deal with that in his head anyway he wants. Jeff I will have the shirt made, maybe by the fin down the street and get back to you with the pictures. (no need to worry about copyrights as they are my tits and I'll do with them what I want :) )

As for the rest of the thread I would like to comment that the idea of "protecting" newbies to make the community better is just silly in my opinion. We should protect them because they may or may not understand what being a finsub is? I have to ask if this is correct would you stop someone, in a dungon, from trying knife play for the first time just because he or she might not truely understand what could happen? Would it be alright to take away Lady Pacts whips or my knives just because someone didn't do their research before they came looking for one of us? As for not wanting folks to see a billion and one fins on the site and getting turned off by it....well honestly there are a billion and four other sites they can try if this  one bothers them. Unless you hold a vested interest in how the site is run it really shouldn't be an issue. I see things on the other side all the time that I don't like. My cure for them is to ignore them. I don't need big brother coming to protect me from them. I would hope no other rational adult would either.

*oh* and can you tell if someone is sub by a picture of them. I seem to recall someone commenting about a picture I had up at one point. He said I looked more sub than dom. That I looked sweet and nice, rather sad, and like I wouldn't hurt anyone. It was sweet lady Hibi that pointed out to him that all his reading into my picture really meant was if I got around to hurting him he wouldn't see it coming. Never assume that what you think you is is actually what you see.

And last but not least...here we call duck lips dick lips. Think about it and you will get why.

*edit for a spelling error*

< Message edited by MissImmortalPain -- 12/29/2012 11:02:17 PM >

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to CarolBC)
Profile   Post #: 533
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 10:54:58 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		Hey hey now! I played fair. There was no command other than to read & respond. And I have pretty much failed totally at trying to give Carol power 3 times now. After the last rousing round of that I applied my super genius mtellect to the problem and deduced she doesn't want it. It's funny but oddly true... I'm non-concensually en-mastered. *sigh*. Nobody wants to save ME though.

(all true... All tongue in cheek)

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 12/29/2012 10:56:04 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 534
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 11:03:43 PM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		All  I can say is hahahahahahahaha You couldn't give her power but I could (even if she didn't want it) Someone should give me a cookie or something.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 535
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/29/2012 11:20:12 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissImmortalPain
All  I can say is hahahahahahahaha You couldn't give her power but I could (even if she didn't want it) Someone should give me a cookie or something.

Well, there's no question that I definitely suck at it. Those who know the story of my failed release attempts can attest to that. I need to go to Dom school or something.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MissImmortalPain)
Profile   Post #: 536
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/30/2012 4:25:32 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Little wonder is right, that would be considered sub poses.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 537
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/30/2012 11:49:38 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		"As for not wanting folks to see a billion and one fins on the site and getting turned off by it....well honestly there are a billion and four other sites they can try if this one bothers them. Unless you hold a vested interest in how the site is run it really shouldn't be an issue. I see things on the other side all the time that I don't like. My cure for them is to ignore them. I don't need big brother coming to protect me from them. I would hope no other rational adult would either. "

Amen. I don't understand why this doesn't sink in for some people.

There are a LOT of things in the real-world scene, here on CM, on Fetlife, all over that I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE OR KNOW ABOUT lol. But, that's life. Other people enjoy those things, rock on for them, I'll walk away and have a cookie or click to the next profile.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 538
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/31/2012 7:05:32 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Are there any fin Dommes who have slaves that they would allow to come to this thread?

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 539
RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 12/31/2012 8:24:14 AM   
AllisonWilder


Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Are there any fin Dommes who have slaves that they would allow to come to this thread?


I brought this up with several financial subs that I know/speak to here on CM and basically got the same response across the board. They don't want to be harassed and/or attacked and be called stupid for enjoying their financial fetish.

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 540
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