RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s?

Page: << < prev 62 63 [64] 65 66 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/5/2013 11:42:08 AM

wwwMaster

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/20/2013
Status: offline

Purely Financial domination is simply wrong.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Profile

Post #: 1261

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/5/2013 11:54:03 AM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

Not all of us are like that....which has been the subject of this entire thread. So yes, it is a legit form of D/s.

I will grant you that, TNDomme.

And kink aside, there is a website called Seeking Arrangement ... where well off men and pretty young women connect.

For a monthly "allowance" it becomes a Sugar Daddy Sugar baby relationship.

Add some kink to that ... and it is "Financial Domination".

It is just the style of sexual gratification that is different.

The problem I have, is also mentioned in the OP ... is it the scammers?

My response is, yes! Without question.

Because for every legit Fin Dom like You ... there are 1000 scammers on kink sites.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Profile

Post #: 1262

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/5/2013 12:58:14 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

You are 100% correct! That was what we were talking about on a different thread as well. We wanted to come up with a name for those types, bc fin domme is NOT what they are.

I think myself and a few others do things completely different from any description I've read so far. Which to me is good.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to seekingOwnertoo)

Profile

Post #: 1263

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/7/2013 7:28:11 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaKittyK

I commonly use financial slavery in one of 2 situations. 1. To help my sub/slave balance their money better or 2. To prove commitment. Money is the biggest comfort zone for most people, therefore if they are asking to be collared, become a fulltime pet or live-in Sissy maid I will usually ask for money upfront and that they give me control of their finances for the duration of time they are in my care. However, being a financial dom is a HUGE responsibility to take on. It is not simply a cash cow...

I'm glad you don't use it like this one woman from the Philippines does:

I life in a very small home. I would like to keep a white man locked up here while I can do what I want with his wallet and cards. I will make you tell me the pin numbers while you lock up here ok?

I want keep white slave for weeks or months and ruin his life while I watch him suffer and depressed. He will lose his job and life while I make him horny and he can’t stop. I will treat him like dog and wont allow him out.

I would like to chat to man real about this

(in reply to DominaKittyK)

Profile

Post #: 1264

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/7/2013 7:41:41 PM

SeverinVim

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

You are 100% correct! That was what we were talking about on a different thread as well. We wanted to come up with a name for those types, bc fin domme is NOT what they are.

I think myself and a few others do things completely different from any description I've read so far. Which to me is good.

I'm happy to see that the fetish is evolving and becoming more complex.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Profile

Post #: 1265

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/7/2013 7:59:10 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

:) as am I.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to SeverinVim)

Profile

Post #: 1266

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/7/2013 8:05:34 PM

SeverinVim

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/6/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

:) as am I.

TNDomme, I appreciate the way that you are distinguishing yourself from what many people assume is "financial domination." I was addicted to FD for years and am currently in the process of quitting, but I have to say, I really wish that people could discuss the topic with as much nuance and subtlety as you do.

I don't like how FD is vilified in some circles and defended unconditionally in others. It's a complicated topic that I think is deserving of far more careful (and objective) analysis. Quite often, it IS the Finsub exploiting the Findom and not the other way around. Sometimes they are both exploiting each other. Sometimes (as in the case of forced intoxication and drug use), it may be the FinDom exploiting the FinSub. Sometimes NEITHER one is being exploited and it is all safe, sane, consensual, and honest. FD is not a one-size-fits-all category, and I don't like it when people say to me, "you are speaking ill of FinDoms? YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST, DIE DIE" or "You're defending FinDoms? You are defending CRIMINALS and CON ARTISTS," blah blah blah. No, there is a gray area here, for sure. For every woman that exploited me in this lifestyle (and I do believe that I was exploited, at least to some degree), I was exploiting them as well. I am as guilty as they are, if not more so, because ultimately the decision to spend was always within my control.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Profile

Post #: 1267

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/7/2013 9:09:57 PM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaKittyK

I commonly use financial slavery in one of 2 situations. 1. To help my sub/slave balance their money better or 2. To prove commitment. Money is the biggest comfort zone for most people, therefore if they are asking to be collared, become a fulltime pet or live-in Sissy maid I will usually ask for money upfront and that they give me control of their finances for the duration of time they are in my care. However, being a financial dom is a HUGE responsibility to take on. It is not simply a cash cow...

I'm glad you don't use it like this one woman from the Philippines does:

I life in a very small home. I would like to keep a white man locked up here while I can do what I want with his wallet and cards. I will make you tell me the pin numbers while you lock up here ok?

I want keep white slave for weeks or months and ruin his life while I watch him suffer and depressed. He will lose his job and life while I make him horny and he can’t stop. I will treat him like dog and wont allow him out.

I would like to chat to man real about this

The truly sad thing is, she'll probably get a taker on that offer...

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to cloudboy)

Profile

Post #: 1268

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/7/2013 10:17:15 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Sadly, you're right. And what's worse is...people will associate that with FD.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Profile

Post #: 1269

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/8/2013 8:00:13 AM

AllisonWilder

Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

:) as am I.

TNDomme, I appreciate the way that you are distinguishing yourself from what many people assume is "financial domination." I was addicted to FD for years and am currently in the process of quitting, but I have to say, I really wish that people could discuss the topic with as much nuance and subtlety as you do.

I don't like how FD is vilified in some circles and defended unconditionally in others. It's a complicated topic that I think is deserving of far more careful (and objective) analysis. Quite often, it IS the Finsub exploiting the Findom and not the other way around. Sometimes they are both exploiting each other. Sometimes (as in the case of forced intoxication and drug use), it may be the FinDom exploiting the FinSub. Sometimes NEITHER one is being exploited and it is all safe, sane, consensual, and honest. FD is not a one-size-fits-all category, and I don't like it when people say to me, "you are speaking ill of FinDoms? YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST, DIE DIE" or "You're defending FinDoms? You are defending CRIMINALS and CON ARTISTS," blah blah blah. No, there is a gray area here, for sure. For every woman that exploited me in this lifestyle (and I do believe that I was exploited, at least to some degree), I was exploiting them as well. I am as guilty as they are, if not more so, because ultimately the decision to spend was always within my control.

I'm glad that you spoke up. It's always very interesting to me to see what finsubs have to say. I could talk until I'm blue in the face about financial domination, but without input from finsubs (even finsubs that are no longer interested in being finsubs) the conversation just goes around in circles.

(in reply to SeverinVim)

Profile

Post #: 1270

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/8/2013 10:34:42 AM

Zonie63

Posts: 2826
Joined: 4/25/2011
From: The Old Pueblo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeverinVim

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK

:) as am I.

TNDomme, I appreciate the way that you are distinguishing yourself from what many people assume is "financial domination." I was addicted to FD for years and am currently in the process of quitting, but I have to say, I really wish that people could discuss the topic with as much nuance and subtlety as you do.

I don't like how FD is vilified in some circles and defended unconditionally in others. It's a complicated topic that I think is deserving of far more careful (and objective) analysis. Quite often, it IS the Finsub exploiting the Findom and not the other way around. Sometimes they are both exploiting each other. Sometimes (as in the case of forced intoxication and drug use), it may be the FinDom exploiting the FinSub. Sometimes NEITHER one is being exploited and it is all safe, sane, consensual, and honest. FD is not a one-size-fits-all category, and I don't like it when people say to me, "you are speaking ill of FinDoms? YOU ARE A MISOGYNIST, DIE DIE" or "You're defending FinDoms? You are defending CRIMINALS and CON ARTISTS," blah blah blah. No, there is a gray area here, for sure. For every woman that exploited me in this lifestyle (and I do believe that I was exploited, at least to some degree), I was exploiting them as well. I am as guilty as they are, if not more so, because ultimately the decision to spend was always within my control.

One thing that came to mind while re-reading this thread is that, oftentimes, people are dealing with complete strangers they don't know. Financial domination is often compared to other kinks and fetishes, so those who criticize financial domination are said to be criticizing other people's kinks. If someone likes to be spanked, tied up, defecated on, or whatever - that's their kink, and within the context of this forum, it's improper and inappropriate to criticize someone because of what they like to do. I think some might just look at it that way, from the standpoint of the forum rules and etiquette.

But I also think that it's good advice to know who it is you're dealing with. I wouldn't let someone tie me up unless I knew who she was. I could be placing myself at the mercy of some psycho. I think it's just as valid to approach financial domination from that standpoint as well, for both the Findomme and the finsub.

Or like that ad from the Philippines posted above:

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

I'm glad you don't use it like this one woman from the Philippines does:

I life in a very small home. I would like to keep a white man locked up here while I can do what I want with his wallet and cards. I will make you tell me the pin numbers while you lock up here ok?

I want keep white slave for weeks or months and ruin his life while I watch him suffer and depressed. He will lose his job and life while I make him horny and he can’t stop. I will treat him like dog and wont allow him out.

I would like to chat to man real about this

I don't want to die in some cage in the Philippines. I don't think I'll be answering this ad anytime soon.

I don't know if anyone keeps track of this sort of thing, but I've heard of American expatriates in the Far East who live there like bums. I wonder if they answer ads like this and end up broke on the streets in a few weeks.

(in reply to SeverinVim)

Profile

Post #: 1271

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 5/8/2013 11:38:16 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

You're right. I would hope you could tell first by the professionalism of the FD and hopefully she has references. But then again, who are her references? Everything's a gamble I suppose.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Zonie63)

Profile

Post #: 1272

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 6/2/2013 7:31:04 PM

xxxTrinityxxx

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/2/2013
Status: offline

I have used financial domination with two men and the experience was positive for all of us. I demanded blind trust and submission, two very difficult things to give. Removing their messed up financial burdens and reorganizing each one into a budgeted lifestyle is not easy! My first had to ask for money to make purchases. He was out of control and living beyond his means. I would approve or deny based on his budget and if he was meeting goals I set for him. When he would get an email from his boss telling him what a great job he did on a project, I would reward him, but if he missed deadlines or screwed off during work hours, he would be punished. He is now out of debt, has a job that pays 30k more than when we started, and owns his own car. It is a very complex relationship that went deep into his desires for his future happiness and his painful past mistakes. I never took a dime for myself. That isn't how I view financial domination. The sub gave me complete control and I broke him down only to rebuild him into a successful businessman. I get off on the power trip and the mental control, as well as giving my sub a better situation to be in than when they started. The physical part also is intertwined. Just another perspective :)

(in reply to ARIES83)

Profile

Post #: 1273

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 6/2/2013 11:10:33 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Since everyone is being nice...I can finally ask some questions without fear of being scorned or insulted...

1. What is the real financial domination kink? Is it, like the above, almost a financial advisor role? A forced budgeting? Is it paying someone to talk to you (yes, I understand that some like that type of humiliation)? Is it, like so many seem to call it "raping your wallet" which to me sounds like the Dom has control of your money and decides to do what SHE wants with it with disregard to the ramifications on the sub?

2. Those men who are aroused by this...are they looking for that mental hold..kind of like a stay at home wife who can't leave because her husband controls the money?

3. Do the fin-subs not get "bossy" or "demanding" (which is the opposite effect of what I want as a female sub) & then end up more unsatisfied?

I am a financial professional--my degrees are in Finance, Money/Banking, minor was Econ...have worked in accounting, audit, credit,lending--so I know how most people react to monetary issues. Money fascinates me (& I mean in the macro-Econ way LOL)

It fascinates me because I see the one side..that delicious torment but, from vanilla world experience I know that the most passive person will start screaming or demanding better service or preferential treatment because they paid "$XX" for this and want their money's worth...

When I read the Domme profiles where, like the Filipino woman, I wonder what man responds because the Dom seems to have NO INTEREST in the person attached to the wallet. So many of the young girls seem to expect that men will just send money and never expect anything in return. & they aren't even POLITE about it!!!

(in reply to xxxTrinityxxx)

Profile

Post #: 1274

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 6/2/2013 11:18:46 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
1. What is the real financial domination kink? Is it, like the above, almost a financial advisor role?

I've been wondering that too and if so that makes me a fin-dom although as always none of this gets me excited in any way. I manage the money because I'm better at it than Carol is. I manage the relationship because I'm better at it than Carol is.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Profile

Post #: 1275

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 6/3/2013 1:14:48 AM

garyFLR

Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline

I remember that during my childhood, & after, that Mum, made most of the financial decisions in my parents marriage, Dad very rarely went into a bank, he left that side to Mum. I don't think Mum ever thought of herself as a 'Findomme' though, but, who knows the inner secrets of their parents relationship dynamic

?

'True 'findomme' must involve other elements in the relationship other than cash grabbing, otherwise you might just as well throw your money down the drain, Worship The Drain

!

It strikes me that the fantasy of 'Findommery' is better read than lived, as, if you do not have a true relationship with each other, you're throwing good money after bad, & the sub must surely get cheesed off with it.

Anyway, this probably hasn't contributed much to the debate, but, these are just ad hoc thoughts.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 1276

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 6/3/2013 1:28:36 AM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Since everyone is being nice...I can finally ask some questions without fear of being scorned or insulted...

1. What is the real financial domination kink? Is it, like the above, almost a financial advisor role? A forced budgeting? Is it paying someone to talk to you (yes, I understand that some like that type of humiliation)? Is it, like so many seem to call it "raping your wallet" which to me sounds like the Dom has control of your money and decides to do what SHE wants with it with disregard to the ramifications on the sub?

2. Those men who are aroused by this...are they looking for that mental hold..kind of like a stay at home wife who can't leave because her husband controls the money?

3. Do the fin-subs not get "bossy" or "demanding" (which is the opposite effect of what I want as a female sub) & then end up more unsatisfied?

I am a financial professional--my degrees are in Finance, Money/Banking, minor was Econ...have worked in accounting, audit, credit,lending--so I know how most people react to monetary issues. Money fascinates me (& I mean in the macro-Econ way LOL)

It fascinates me because I see the one side..that delicious torment but, from vanilla world experience I know that the most passive person will start screaming or demanding better service or preferential treatment because they paid "$XX" for this and want their money's worth...

When I read the Domme profiles where, like the Filipino woman, I wonder what man responds because the Dom seems to have NO INTEREST in the person attached to the wallet. So many of the young girls seem to expect that men will just send money and never expect anything in return. & they aren't even POLITE about it!!!

1.It is different for everyone. For people like myself, Allison and lilSquaw, we have a D/s relationship while controlling every aspect of their finances. Sometimes it's humiliating for the men to have this done, sometimes money is what they feel is the ultimate power. So giving that up is submitting....in their minds. I'm not sure what other reasons they have. And yes, I most definitely take something for myself. I have a sub who enjoys going without so I can have things I want. The raping wallets gals are the bird flipping, duck mouth princesses who have no fucking clue what an actual fin domme is...most of the time.

2. I assume some might be into it in that manner. Never thought of that.

3. Sometimes they do. I will give a warning then after they continue, I'll let them go. Once you show a fin sub you don't "need" him or his money, they quickly straighten up.

Some guys enjoy the bossy aspect of it. Some want that..to be ignored. But in my case, I'm the dominant one, not him. So I'm gonna be who I am.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Profile

Post #: 1277

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 6/3/2013 6:23:05 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

See..I get it when you explain it that way...it is a part of a D/S dynamic the same as some subs who look for doms who control their food intake or their bathroom habits. It is not a one dimensional relationship like a financial advisor who basically works For YOU..

This also explains why so many subs are irritated when they feel like all the Dommes are interested in money only. We ALL (kinky or vanilla) want to be wanted for ourselves...once we feel secure in the fact that the other person won't disappear if we go broke then it is just another aspect of the whole dynamic & the concept of having your money controlled makes sense. It is the equivalent of how I, as a female sub, feel that many of the doms who express interest in me are looking for quick sex...once they get what they want they move on to the next target or their "dominant behavior" evaporates.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Profile

Post #: 1278

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 6/3/2013 7:22:56 AM

AllisonWilder

Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline

quote:

1. What is the real financial domination kink? Is it, like the above, almost a financial advisor role? A forced budgeting? Is it paying someone to talk to you (yes, I understand that some like that type of humiliation)? Is it, like so many seem to call it "raping your wallet" which to me sounds like the Dom has control of your money and decides to do what SHE wants with it with disregard to the ramifications on the sub?

The kink is going to vary significantly for all involved parties. For me, personally, it's controlling something that's deeply personal to most people. I don't rape wallets (I tried it out for a while, but when it's just me taking money and no relationship, it's boring. Money is great, but I value the relationships more) and I don't ignore my boys. I am 100% aware of what is happening in the lives of my boys and their well-being (emotionally, physically, financially) is very important to me.

quote:

2. Those men who are aroused by this...are they looking for that mental hold..kind of like a stay at home wife who can't leave because her husband controls the money?

In my experience, the men that are aroused by FD crave that mental domination over the physical domination. In giving up control of their finances, they feel that it's the ultimate submission (and everyones opinion of ultimate submission is different, this is just what I've encountered).

quote:

3. Do the fin-subs not get "bossy" or "demanding" (which is the opposite effect of what I want as a female sub) & then end up more unsatisfied?

Some get bossy and demanding. They get told that they are more than welcome to find a domme who will do as he wants and they get let go. I don't tolerate bossy and demanding from my toddler, I sure as hell won't tolerate it from a grown man.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Profile

Post #: 1279

RE: Is financial domination a legitimate form of D/s? - 6/4/2013 4:32:26 AM

SunTzuSwe

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/25/2013
Status: offline

Whoa, 64 pages and the thread is still going strong!

The dynamics of FinDom isn't nuclear physics. There are simple mechanisms at work.
To me it's more interesting as a phenomena in society at large.
How come Femdom and Maledom are expected to be so different? Why are there only male financial slaves? Hey, I'd be ready to try a female financial slave...

There are so many stereotypical roles in bdsm that it'll make your head spin. I wonder how many people go through the motions because they believe it's supposed to be a certain way?

(in reply to AllisonWilder)

Profile

Post #: 1280