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RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/1/2012 10:01:05 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

quote:

And please check the difference in the word "lose" and "loose".

Oh my god, how thoughtless of me whilst seeking advice to make a mistake with a word! how can I live with such shame.

I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, truly!

You have taught me what is really important in life....

To everyone else thank you, I will respond in full when on a pc later.

< Message edited by amaidiamond -- 9/1/2012 10:04:53 AM >

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

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Post #: 41

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 8:16:03 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Hey everyone,

Firstly I apologise to those that have been so amazing on this thread for my last post, I do not normally react to nasty behaviour and dignify it with a response but in this case I was tired and rather stressed out. I normally aim to show more decorum and for that I am sorry.

Thank you all for your kind words and you are right, their is really nothing I can do aside from be me.

I am waiting for the train at the moment and will be there in about 3.5 hours, no idea what to expect but whatever it is what will be will be.

My Dominant is staying home, he wanted to take me to support me but I asked to go on the train because I don't think now is the time for my friend to be with strangers, when the kids go to bed tonight it will be just her and I and most like her partner. Quiet and no pressure.

Tomorrow I have told her I am aiming for the last train home in the eve though I do have an open ticket I can stay the night if needed (I suspect however she may need alone time with her partner)

My dominant is going to help me by picking up my responsibilities (I'm a full time live in Carer) so no pressure there.

For those that asked about her partner - he is amazing, she has been with him about 10 years now and he loves her immensely. Both have had their issues but got the last 2/3 years been stronger than ever (I think they will need to be now)

I'll go - see what happens, if tears come then they come, if talking happens then fair enough. I also agree with the two ears one mouth adage.

I guess all I can do is be me. She knows I love her and I'll make sure I show it.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 42

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 8:26:55 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I recently took a week off because my best friend's son died of cancer. We had a talk about when would be best for me to show up, and she asked me to come after the funeral, because she had a ton of family around, but everyone would be leaving the day after, and she'd be alone.

We didn't talk much while I was there. Instead, I did a ton of stuff. Helping her sort through his belongings, planning out a road trip she would take with her daughter, washing all the windows in the house.

Don't expect it to necessarily be a televisable moment. She may not talk, and she may not break down. But if you keep busy, do the laundry, iron the linens, she'll remember in 30 years that you showed up and made sure she slept on luxurious sheets that night.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 43

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 8:32:23 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Thank you - I think that doing things to practically help is a great idea.

Part of why we are so close is when she was a single mum at 15 and I was 16 I moved in for the first 6 months to help her - I went to school, did my exams then came home and played "dad" as it were which made her life easier.

I'm thinking if I can be support, be there, make her life easier and make sure I keep in touch regularly as in daily/several texts daily and some calls (due to the thing of people ignoring a bereaved person as they dunno what to say )

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 44

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 8:32:38 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I'm glad you're there to help, Dia.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 45

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 8:35:41 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Indeed. Diamond, friends like you are a treasure.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 46

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 8:42:19 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*hugs and loves Dia bunches*

you truly are a treasure, as LaT said.

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 47

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 8:46:59 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Thank you - I think that doing things to practically help is a great idea.

This.

Hug her. Be there.
Words are unimportant...but presence means everything.
Help her out-cook, clean, shop, help fill the gaps in life while she mourns and deals w/legal shit (and be aware that said legal shit may keep the wound fresh, raw and bleeding for some time).

Love is an action, not a word.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 48

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 9:12:31 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Quit making me blush ladies :p I didn't post this for compliments lol

Regarding helping - I will do all I can when I am there and when home again all I can from a distance.

I can't stay a majorly long time due to my charge (I'm a live in 24/7 Carer to an epileptic man with depression and psychosis ) though my Dominant is standing in for me for a while.

When I'm back I've told her I'll help however I can be it as a shoulder, doing online shopping, chatting to the kids (they like to talk to me on Facebook of all places) - also told her if she does decide to take the legal path I will help her/proof read/ be an idea bouncing wall.

I admit I think the legal stuff will go one of two ways, either give her a focus or overwhelm her - I'm not sure it's best but she's dead set and already has a solicitor and the like

The one good thing is its a no win no few solicitor and they don't tend to take cases unless they know they will win

I'm not sure if knowing a legal agent thinks she was treated badly in the approach to the birth will help psychologically or not. On one hand it tells her she has a decent/strong case on the other hand I worry it will eat at her

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 49

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 9:20:55 AM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

Dia, as said there are no words, but if they are needed, yours will come from the heart.

my sincere condolences to you and your friend.
brenda

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 50

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 9:21:04 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

Dia - while what so many of are saying is complimentary, I know in many cases it is meant as said. You are honestly being a true friend, and in this day and age, that is a rare treasure.

I hope that when my time comes, I have earned the same kind of gemstone of a friend.

(eta: this is not to dismiss my darling friends that I love from here, at all!! my heart family... and I am sleepy so gonna stop now)

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 9/2/2012 9:22:30 AM >

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 51

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 9:25:37 AM

pyschosubmission

Posts: 1109
Joined: 7/6/2012
From: Glasgow, Scotland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Dia - while what so many of are saying is complimentary, I know in many cases it is meant as said. You are honestly being a true friend, and in this day and age, that is a rare treasure.

That is what I love about humanity, nobody can be strong all the time, nobody is an island

We all need each other to lean on from time to time, even the smallest thing from one person can mean the world to another

Hugs and love to all

_____________________________

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Lord Pish of Talkingshite
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(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 52

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 10:09:16 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Thank you

I will admit I am not one with zillions of " friends" I have lots of mates, people who's company I enjoy that I share interests with but the people that accept me 100% as I am are nothing like so many.

I have been told off zillions of times for being to nice and in some cases I am, I toughened up a lot a few years ago when i realised that I needed to but inside I am still pretty giving - sounds sad but it makes me happy

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to pyschosubmission)

Post #: 53

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 12:01:39 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I am waiting for the train at the moment and will be there in about 3.5 hours, no idea what to expect but whatever it is what will be will be.

Warmest wishes for your travels and whatever awaits you.

quote:

I guess all I can do is be me. She knows I love her and I'll make sure I show it.

Amen. That will help her no end.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 54

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 1:16:48 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Dia, sounds like you are doing all you can. You are a wonderful friend.

Do you have the equivalent of Hospice there? They provide free grief counseling services. I was disabled at the time and unable to make it in to their office, so they did it over the phone. It was incredibly helpful, and the person I got for counseling hit the nail on the head with every thing he conveyed. That, and friends standing by were the most comforting things in my world at the time.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 55

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/2/2012 4:00:29 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Thank you all

Well I'm here - its been, well, draining to say the least but I think it was needed

We talked a lot, she's open to the idea of grief counselling -

We talked a bit about the baby then onto her other kids, then what we were like as kids

She had a few drinks, I had a glass of wine, I told her no matter what I'm on her side rough and smooth

We've gone to bed now, hopefully she will sleep.

What I didn't realise is I'm the only non family invited, no other friends - makes me feel humbled

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 56

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/4/2012 6:19:02 AM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

Just a quick post to say that I'm thinking of you and your friend.

Hoping and praying for everyone's solace and healing.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 57

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/4/2012 9:07:21 AM

yourdarkdesire

Posts: 4477
Joined: 10/2/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline

My goddness Dia, I am coming into this late, but my heart breaks for your friend.

As a retired nurse, I am appalled at the care your friend was given from the get-go. There seems to be several instances where substandard care was given. Yes, she should have gotten a stitch. Yes, she should have been treated right away when she started leaking. There is a very cheap, effective paper strip test that can be done to confirm if the fluid is pee or amniotic fluid. Yes, there should have been a greater effort made to halt the preterm labour. And YES, if the infant breathing on his own, attempts should have been to keep him going.

This has all the makings of a successful lawsuit, IMHO.

That being said......having had two previous preterm labours, she should have been advised against any further pregnancies. She might have been told that to do so was her own peril. We are not privy to the discussions between her and her gp.

It sounds like this babe was meant to be born when he was, how he was. Whether we acknowledge it, believe in it, give it a name, there is a higher power at work here. Many, many miscarriages occur because something has gone so drastically wrong that life was not viable. I am not suggesting that this was the case here. Her boy is in better hands now, and when the day comes many many years down the road, when they are reunited, she will know him.

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Post #: 58

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/4/2012 12:02:15 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

Whether we acknowledge it, believe in it, give it a name, there is a higher power at work here

Part of me believes that, part of me has no faith left.

I dunno how I feel, I struggle to process emotions and if I'm having trouble how she's hanging in their I have no clue

Beautiful service

Heart rending hymns (incidentally same as at my mothers funeral)

But what won't leave my head is the memory of that tiny little coffin

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to yourdarkdesire)

Post #: 59

RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/8/2012 1:45:16 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

Still thinking of you and your friend with warmth and prayers.

How are things going?

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 60

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