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RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/9/2012 1:23:23 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Nope, not jumping on the bandwagon.
A "stitch" can in no way delay labor but will cause a rupture when the labor starts.
A miscarriage is a tragedy and deserves sympathy but railing against a hospital for not taking heroic measures to keep a non viable fetus moving and suffering for a few more days is self indulgent blame placing.

And please check the difference in the word "lose" and "loose".

You're a dick.
Guess what dickhead. A stitch can too keep a pregnancy viable to term. I know because I had it done twice for my two pregnancies after I lost my son at 22 weeks for this exact thing. I went full term for those two pregnancies.
In the OP's friends case, since they were aware of her having an incompetent cervix and had placed a stitch in a previous pregnancy, the stitch should have been placed at around the fourteen week mark. The hospital is completely at fault for doing what is now a fairly simple and common procedure in these cases of incompetent cervix. There is a risk of miscarriage when done and a high risk of loss of pregnancy if not done. the risk of having it done far outweighs not having it done.
Op...having been in the shoes of your friend. Hug her. Tell her you love her and be honest with your feelings. Mine happened 13 years ago and I still deal with that loss some days. I still deal with guilt because it was a direct result of a failure on the part of my body. Just be there for her and let her mourn.

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RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/19/2012 6:43:48 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

Nope, not jumping on the bandwagon.
A "stitch" can in no way delay labor but will cause a rupture when the labor starts.
A miscarriage is a tragedy and deserves sympathy but railing against a hospital for not taking heroic measures to keep a non viable fetus moving and suffering for a few more days is self indulgent blame placing.

And please check the difference in the word "lose" and "loose".

You're a dick.
Guess what dickhead. A stitch can too keep a pregnancy viable to term. I know because I had it done twice for my two pregnancies after I lost my son at 22 weeks for this exact thing. I went full term for those two pregnancies.
In the OP's friends case, since they were aware of her having an incompetent cervix and had placed a stitch in a previous pregnancy, the stitch should have been placed at around the fourteen week mark. The hospital is completely at fault for doing what is now a fairly simple and common procedure in these cases of incompetent cervix. There is a risk of miscarriage when done and a high risk of loss of pregnancy if not done. the risk of having it done far outweighs not having it done.
Op...having been in the shoes of your friend. Hug her. Tell her you love her and be honest with your feelings. Mine happened 13 years ago and I still deal with that loss some days. I still deal with guilt because it was a direct result of a failure on the part of my body. Just be there for her and let her mourn.

Thank you, thank you so much for defending the position.
I am in constant contact, I am scared for her but trying my best.

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RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/19/2012 6:48:11 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
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As for me - I am really struggling tonight.... the tears have finally come. I don't know why in all honesty, all I can think is that it is the event of having my M.E. team take me on finally ( they don't deal with depression so any sign of you being low they won't touch you with a barge pole) and so I can let the hurt out. I have been locked in a box this last few weeks... my mind filled with a small coffin, not the stuff of a fet site i know but my friends are here. Tonight i dared to listen to the funeral song and I can finally cry. I keep feeling guilty for my grief, like I have no right to be sad because i never met him when he was alive.... but the rational part of me realises i am grieving for the potential, for my godson i had already picked a christening gift for, already made plans with her for the ceremony.

I am going to visit her soon.. Just saving up the money to do so but in text and phone daily.

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RE: What can you say when no words can help... (warning... - 9/19/2012 8:55:50 PM

tiggerspoohbear

Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
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Dia, My best friend went through something similar with her sister. It was SIDS that took her baby daughter suddenly one night when I was at work. My friend called me and asked me to leave work so that I could look after her 2 daughters while she went to her sister and brother-in-law. I cried that night, for the 2 little girls I was staying with, they were like my own, and for that short life of less than a month. They lived right across from the hospital and the doctor told them that even if he had been right at crib side, there's nothing he could have done.

I was there for my friend, as an ear, a voice when she needed it, a baby-sitter, cook, chief bottle washer, laundress, whatever while the family went through what they had to. You've been a true friend and will continue to be so, as you've demonstrated so capably. Let yourself cry, call a crisis line if you're too overwhelmed, but don't feel guilty. You've done all you can, you have no guilt in this, although I do understand where it comes from. Continue to be there for her, her 2 children and even her partner. If it's a call to her, a special book, something you know will make her laugh, or just listening to her without having to say a word. You understand where she's coming from even if you've never been through it yourself. That's what besties are for, to understand and be there no matter what. You can't do more than that. Hugs and good thoughts to all of you.

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