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Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 5:55:44 AM

litleone8620

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how can a Dominant/Master alleviate a slave/submissive second guessing their decision?

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 5:58:59 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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By making sure there is trust and security to start with- not just pretty words about trust and security.

By making sensible decisions.

By giving things time to show themselves to be true to the sub.

Ultimately, the only thing that will stop a slave from second guessing is the slave, but these are things a dom can do to help.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 6:04:51 AM

darkinshadows

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Hmmm... that is a good question. I went through the whole second guessing thing - and to be honest, I found there was nothing that anyone could do for me. It is a personal journey. I found that when I learnt to trust and felt secure with that - that the second guessing was not there. So it could be that the submissive person is feeling insecure and should express and communicate that to the dominant personality within the relationship so they can work through the nervousness the submissive is feeling. My opinion is that there has to be an insecurity deep rooted - doesn't have to be the dominants fault - it may be a previously undealt with problem for the submissive. (But thats not hard and fast).

Peace and Rapture

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.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 6:15:00 AM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

how can a Dominant/Master alleviate a slave/submissive second guessing their decision?

Well, your profile indicates you are a newb, so you may tend to have trust issues, however, if the second guessing deals with something like this:

Dom: Let's go to the beach this weekend
sub: But the rent isnt paid
Dom: Oh, screw the rent, I want to have fun

OR:

Dom: cmon darlin, tonite you are going to get to feel knife play
sub: but Master, that is a hard limit for me
Dom: I am the Master and you will do what I say

well-- I'd be second guessing too---your question is very vague, only you know how things are going, but My colleagues will tell you, if it doesn't feel right--chances are it isn't.

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Mistress Hathor

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 6:35:56 AM

litleone8620

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yes i am a newbie, and unused to such intense emotions. i think i might just be a little overwhelmed.

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 6:41:06 AM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

yes i am a newbie, and unused to such intense emotions. i think i might just be a little overwhelmed.

Then My recommendation is over communicate--any Dominant worth their title should understand and help you through these----there are also many here that if you contact them off posts can help you with some guidance---good luck and breathe.

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Mistress Hathor

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 6:42:04 AM

TolerableCruelty

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Beat them mercilessly every time they do it until all they do is cower in the corner, only leaving said corner to fetch you a beer or give you a blowjob....

(The above post was a joke....please do not take it seriously in any way)

heh...

Here is what I've done... its not the greatest method, but its tried and true. I've come to where I have to.... at times..... treat the slave as a child. Not order her to do this or that, just put a bug of advice in her ear on "well, if it were Me...." and then let her see that regardless of her decision in the end, I was right.
Instead of fluffing up and parading around the moment you get the slave collared and exerting all your Masterly self over the slave... sit back a little, give the menial non-harmful commands, but just offer guidance when it comes to the big decisions...
Actions always speak louder than words and eventually, there will be no second guessing because one of two things will happen.
1) the slave will not second guess anymore because they will see you have the ability to handle the biggest of decisions and will take full responsibility of actions after the decision is made.
2) they will see that you can not handle big decisions and either "negotiate" some form of deal to help in that process... or they will leave you for someone that can handle those responsibilities.

like I said before... actions always speak louder than words... so badgering them about the second guessing isn't going to alleviate the problem... you have to show them that you're able to handle it.

T.R.

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 6:46:53 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

yes i am a newbie, and unused to such intense emotions. i think i might just be a little overwhelmed.

Then My recommendation is over communicate--any Dominant worth their title should understand and help you through these----there are also many here that if you contact them off posts can help you with some guidance---good luck and breathe.

And my advice is not to get into a commitment with anyone for at least 6 months.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 6:54:01 AM

MasterR001

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All sub training is a matter of rewards and punishments. When she does something you do not approve of, the punisment should be something she fears or hates. A reward has to be something she craves. Every sub is different, it is up to the DOM to know what a sub thinks is punishment.

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 6:54:23 AM

SenseofBelonging

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it's all about trust. when you come to trust your Dom/me completely, second-guessing doesnt exist.

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 7:02:31 AM

litleone8620

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what will 6 months do?

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 7:05:19 AM

litleone8620

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so, it's up to both the Master and slave to make sure the slave is secure in her position. i also have a problem with jealousy. Since i am a newbie, i've done a lot of research. i'm not sure if jealousy is forbidden or expected, or what? i suppose it depends on the Dominant.

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 7:05:41 AM

PhoenixLM

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From: Fort Wayne, Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterR001

All sub training is a matter of rewards and punishments. When she does something you do not approve of, the punishment should be something she fears or hates. A reward has to be something she craves. Every sub is different, it is up to the DOM to know what a sub thinks is punishment.

Sir, with all due respect punishment has never done anything but created fear for me and interfered with trust. Whereas disciple has not only corrected my behavior but improved trust, by not making me fearful.

Many people confuse the two but I doubt seriously you are disciplinarian due to your comment about it being something they hate or fear.

If a sub/slave habitually, can not get a table setting correct then spending a day correctly setting the table and putting dishes away will teach the sub/slave to do it perfectly every time. The discipline while not enjoyable should not create a fear that would break down trust. A mouthy sub/slave should wear a gag where appropriate to help them learn to think before speaking, communication should be maintained through the written word. This is two fold, as most of us reread what we write and it causes us to learn to think most of the time before speaking. It is not 100% but no punishment or discipline is.
However this is just how my Mistress' house runs.

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 7:07:29 AM

PhoenixLM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

what will 6 months do?

Generally speaking 6 months is normally a good time frame to find out if you are a good fit or not, it gets you past the new relationship energy in most cases.

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 7:11:41 AM

litleone8620

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is punishment necessary for training a slave?

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 7:15:11 AM

PhoenixLM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

is punishment necessary for training a slave?

That answer is dependant on the dominant, some perfer discpline as opposed to punishment, some think punishment is the ultimate, some think it is useless....

Find a dominant that you agree with the ideals on punishment vs discpline, or even positive reinforcement.

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 7:49:51 AM

litleone8620

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what is the difference between discipline and punishment?

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 8:03:32 AM

wild1cfl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

what is the difference between discipline and punishment?

To me in one sense discipline is being given rules to follow and following them, in another sense it is giving direction to someone who has not followed the rules, almost like giving them parameters for their behavior. The punishment can be a part of the discipline or it cannot. The punishment comes in when the discipline is not being followed. For an example when I am training a slave to do Coffee and Tea service, I tell them that they are not to spill the coffee or tea out of the cup into the saucer when handing it to the guest, I then tell them methods for making sure this does not happen. If they listen and follow my rules and guidelines they have the dicipline that is needed for proper service. If they do not listen and follow the rules and they spill the tea or coffee then they are disciplined by me reiterating the rules and guidelines and then possibly punished for their infraction. I hope this helps.
Wild

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RE: Question for A/all - 6/12/2006 8:07:46 AM

darkinshadows

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We aren't talking about doing something wrong or learning - we are talking about second guessing. And rewards and punishments are not going to alter that - the only thing that will assist is when the submissive(or slave) learns trust - and punishments and rewards aren't going to assist.

Peace and Rapture

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.dark.