Alecta
Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
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One of the main pillars of this lifestyle is Trust and Honesty. There is an old saying, "that it harm none, do as you will". What this means, essentially, is that there is no "one true way", only whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt others around you.
There is massive frowning around here on cheaters, the biggest reason being that they're usually "fakes" who give the rest of us a bad name. By fake I mean someone who's not actually got a clue what D/s and being D or s means and just see BDSM and the lifestyle as an excuse to legitimise their affairs and/or other bad behaviours. But around here, it is not a moral judgement, more a question of your intentions and sensibilities, and the obligation to warn you of risky behaviour.
So the warning part, BDSM relationships are just like any other relationships. Take the BDSM activities out, you're left with the three types: transactional, romantic, and platonic. Which one is yours with your "Master"? And how does that fit into your life and marriage? How does your husband come into this? The question is even for important for a female sub as she must be aware of the potential for her Master to manipulate her and cause her to sabotage her life for whatever reasons-- not to say that yours will, but that he could if he chooses-- and it is often harder to realise and fight it for the female sub than other gender/orientation combinations. As for the men, an alarming number of men call themselves Dom in order to take advantage of unsuspecting women and find an excuse for selfish, asshole behaviour. Just because your friend calls himself a Dom and claims 20 years of experience doesn't mean anything. Remember that anyone can say anything. You need to determine for yourself if he does act like a responsible Dom, and whether he is worthy of your trust. Never convince yourself to listen to him =just= because he's "your Master. Remember that you have other commitments that you need to work on too, ie your marriage.
I'm not personally sure if you should be referring to your friend as "Master" since you lead a BDSM 50s lifestyle with your husband, just not as you 'd like in the bedroom. That kind of makes your husband your de facto Master, I think. But that question depends very much on the actual relationship between the four of you and it isn't really that big of a deal to me that I need to know.
On to lifestyle and learning, frankly, there is no standardised verbage unless you belong to one or the other of the established schools and when you belong to one of those, you KNOW. They have induction ceremonies and everything.
The terms "better xyz" are subjective from person to person. Each of us have a different idea of what makes a good sub/Dom and it varies a lot depending on what we want out of the relationship. So, what is YOUR idea of a "good sub"? Because that is easier to help you in rather than give you the definitions of a bunch of people who are not your Masters and trying to guess at your partners'.
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