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RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 3:42:04 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Wow. First of all, thank you everyone for your kind words.

I won't reply to everyone because that would be extremely boring for everyone else to read, but I have read and taken on board every post. I am really touched that you all took the time to respond like you did and I will definitely be taking on your suggestions. In fact, I'm going to print a copy of this thread to read over before bed for the last few days. You've helped me to put things into perspective.

Sailing Bum - Sorry that I offended you with this thread. I did admit that I know I'm a very lucky person and that there are many people worse off. But sadly I can't rationalize my feelings away.

It's not necessarily the marks themselves that are bothering me, but my inability to keep them in perspective and stop letting it affect my moods and my submission like I always used to.

I will bear in mind the comments re postpartum depression. I don't think that's me, but I'm still up 4-6 times a night and I do know that sleep deprivation always makes me feel a bit fragile emotionally, so that's probably a big part of this.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 3:43:34 AM   
loveseat


Posts: 28
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

To the OP.

Are you FREAKING kidding me you are whining about stretch marks??? To put your lame whine in perspective I have glaucoma approx 20% of the ppl that have it go blind. Do you hear me whining?

Those marks are the least of your issues. BadOne


And there it is, one in almost every thread. "You think you got it bad, stop whining, I've got it sooo much worse than you."

As citizens lucky enough to be in a first world country with the relative luxuries of a roof over our heads, food on our tables, obviously electricity and internet connections we are all lucky. One child dies of hunger related diseases somewhere in the world EVERY SIX SECONDS. Should we all flog ourselves with the guilty stick if we are 'thoughtless' enough to speak outloud "OMG I'm sooo hungry"?

I agree with the gist, we should be grateful (or learn to be grateful) for the things that we have, whether it's health, wealth or happiness. What right have we got though to go around berating others simply because we believe we are worse off than another. That's just pathetic. I went to a rape crisis centre for months and one of the women in my group was used and abused by her father, passed around to his workmates as a young child. Does that make MY experience of MY rape any less painful. Of course it fucking doesn't.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 7:26:29 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Grins
I have a buddy who likes to say, "If we all put our problems on the table, when we were done, you'd take yours back and be grateful to have em"
Words of wisdom.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to loveseat)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 7:31:25 AM   
Duskypearls


Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline 		Athena, you have CMail.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 8:11:06 AM   
WomanlyWiles


Posts: 166
Joined: 3/14/2012
Status: offline 		I think you're being too hard on yourself. You had a baby in January? 8 months after I had babies, I was still in my pyjamas, covered in milk and baby sick. You made another human being, inside you! You're wonderful. I'm just an internet weirdy, and even I can see what a thoughtful and lovely woman you are. Try to be kind to yourself. This will get better.

(in reply to Duskypearls)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 10:31:32 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: loveseat


quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

To the OP.

Are you FREAKING kidding me you are whining about stretch marks??? To put your lame whine in perspective I have glaucoma approx 20% of the ppl that have it go blind. Do you hear me whining?

Those marks are the least of your issues. BadOne


And there it is, one in almost every thread. "You think you got it bad, stop whining, I've got it sooo much worse than you."

As citizens lucky enough to be in a first world country with the relative luxuries of a roof over our heads, food on our tables, obviously electricity and internet connections we are all lucky. One child dies of hunger related diseases somewhere in the world EVERY SIX SECONDS. Should we all flog ourselves with the guilty stick if we are 'thoughtless' enough to speak outloud "OMG I'm sooo hungry"?

I agree with the gist, we should be grateful (or learn to be grateful) for the things that we have, whether it's health, wealth or happiness. What right have we got though to go around berating others simply because we believe we are worse off than another. That's just pathetic. I went to a rape crisis centre for months and one of the women in my group was used and abused by her father, passed around to his workmates as a young child. Does that make MY experience of MY rape any less painful. Of course it fucking doesn't.


Oh such bull shit...My point was simple. If the only issue you have is your ass is too fat you have it made in the shade. The other point is all the OP has to do is drop some weight and she is able to correct the situation. Unlike other issues that CANNOT be corrected so simply. Whine all you want as it's falling on deaf ears!

My attempt to point out to the OP that she is prolly the luckiest person I know that has nothing better to do than whine about her fat ass. I am on the board of directors of a non profit org. The ppl we help have what I refer to as "real issues". They are sick without medical Ins. They can't pay their utilities, can't feed themselves the list is endless. So when someone talks about I'm to fat, my spouse is a jerk... Ya know what I really don't care. As those are issues you can fix yourself <read you do not need intervention from a 3 rd party>

Kana obviously gets it!

Hands loveseat a FREAKING clue. Although you prolly won't "get it"

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 9/21/2012 10:47:15 AM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to loveseat)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 10:37:58 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		BadOne, there is a LOT more than weight loss to deal with when you have stretch marks and mom pooch. This is not something a guy can relate to, so honestly, just STFU on this one. Athena is not complaining about her lousy LIFE she is trying to get some perspective. She KNOWS her life is great.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:07:54 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Oh such bull shit...My point was simple. If the only issue you have is your ass is too fat you have it made in the shade. The other point is all the OP has to do is drop some weight and she is able to correct the situation. Unlike other issues that CANNOT be corrected so simply. Whine all you want as it's falling on deaf ears!

My attempt to point out to the OP that she is prolly the luckiest person I know that has nothing better to do than whine about her fat ass. I am on the board of directors of a non profit org. The ppl we help have what I refer to as "real issues". They are sick without medical Ins. They can't pay their utilities, can't feed themselves the list is endless. So when someone talks about I'm to fat, my spouse is a jerk... Ya know what I really don't care. As those are issues you can fix yourself <read you do not need intervention from a 3 rd party>

Kana obviously gets it!

Hands loveseat a FREAKING clue. Although you prolly won't "get it"

BadOne


Ok. First off yes, I just might be the luckiest person you know. Of course I have other problems in my life, but I wasn't coming here to compete about who has it worse. I'm well aware that other people have worse things going on than saggy skin. It's fine that you don't care - why should you? There's no need to be nasty though. There's more than enough misery to go round, I don't think I'm hogging more than my share.

Unfortunately weight loss doesn't fix overstretched skin though yes, I'm sure I will feel better when the baby weight is gone.
I don't remember saying my spouse is a jerk? Actually the opposite, he's wonderful.

And lastly, I have a great ass. Just so you know.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:11:09 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

BadOne, there is a LOT more than weight loss to deal with when you have stretch marks and mom pooch. This is not something a guy can relate to, so honestly, just STFU on this one. Athena is not complaining about her lousy LIFE she is trying to get some perspective. She KNOWS her life is great.


Really your jumping on the ohhh Poor OP she's a fatty and OH NO how can possible deal with this. OH Wait let me cluck my tongue and say poor OP... And then SAY Listen you had to realize having kids can cause marks and your going to get fat. There is a real simple solution don't have kids. Get over yourself already LH.

Oh and telling me to STFU. I don't know who you think you are but last time I checked this is a open forum designed to proffer differing opinions. Just cuz you think having mommy fat is a "lot to deal with" doesn't make it so! I happen to know quite a few moms and this is the first time I've heard someone whine about it.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:14:59 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Yes, yes, poor me, I'm a fatty and the first woman to ever complain about her body. Now that you've let me know that other people have problems, I'm feeling perfectly chipper.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:16:01 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

BadOne, there is a LOT more than weight loss to deal with when you have stretch marks and mom pooch. This is not something a guy can relate to, so honestly, just STFU on this one. Athena is not complaining about her lousy LIFE she is trying to get some perspective. She KNOWS her life is great.


Really your jumping on the ohhh Poor OP she's a fatty and OH NO how can possible deal with this. OH Wait let me cluck my tongue and say poor OP... And then SAY Listen you had to realize having kids can cause marks and your going to get fat. There is a real simple solution don't have kids. Get over yourself already LH.

Oh and telling me to STFU. I don't know who you think you are but last time I checked this is a open forum designed to proffer differing opinions. Just cuz you think having mommy fat is a "lot to deal with" doesn't make it so! I happen to know quite a few moms and this is the first time I've heard someone whine about it.

BadOne


Yeah whatever dude. You're not a young woman, and you never will be. So this issue is nothing that you will understand. Just a guess, but based on your general personality (which is a "tells it like it is and too bad if you disagree") I really don't think any women are going to mention their body issues to YOU. Since a few ladies on the board just had surgery to deal with it, I am thinking that a few women DO have problems with loose skin that weight loss will never take away.



_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:18:13 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Athena, someone mentioned Mederma, which is great for scars, but when I had a surgery scar decide to keloid, I got a silicone scar sheet which helped tremendously to flatten it out. They're marketed under a bunch of brand names now, I bet you could get one at Boots.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:23:15 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Are you FREAKING kidding me you are whining about stretch marks??? To put your lame whine in perspective I have glaucoma approx 20% of the ppl that have it go blind. Do you hear me whining?

My attempt to point out to the OP that she is prolly the luckiest person I know that has nothing better to do than whine about her fat ass. I am on the board of directors of a non profit org. The ppl we help have what I refer to as "real issues". They are sick without medical Ins. They can't pay their utilities, can't feed themselves the list is endless. So when someone talks about I'm to fat, my spouse is a jerk...


You're getting a free pass on the fat thing since you've obviously never given birth. Under normal circumstances I'd agree, being fat is usually a personal lifestyle choice. Not so post pregnancy, and the complaint there isn't really about how much their bodyshape has changed, but the feeling of being betrayed by your own body. The same difference between putting your own eye out doing a jackass stunt and contracting glaucoma.

Funny thing, these things you list as real issues, I find hard to sympathise with coming from a similar position of non-profit volunteerism and community support. There's maybe 10% of the people helped by non-profit orgs who really deserve it, and 60% of the people we're supposed to be targeted at helping somehow manage on their own without our help while the rest fall through the cracks. (Maybe it's a locale thing.) There's a lady who needs chronic help with her co-pay (canadian national med insurance doesn't pay for everything) to get treatments... for diseases she doesn't have, which she blames her whalish weight on. There's the guy who drives a jag living in the yuppie side of town who can't afford his utilities (guess why). The woman who comes back every three to six months for help claiming her child support payments from her ex (who's on a fixed income)-- so she can get her once a month trip at one of the swankiest hair salons in town. The couple who needs extra help feeding their baby, because they keep blowing their earnings and allowances on booze and drugs. These aren't real issues, they're consequences. And we're just supposed to gloss over the second half of each of these sentences and cases. So when someone talks about "i'm too fat" or "my spouse is a jerk" and isn't looking for handouts or vindication, I'm glad. And if I don't want to listen or deal with it, I skip the conversation.

That's m y soapbox rant of the day.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:27:53 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Oh such bull shit...My point was simple. If the only issue you have is your ass is too fat you have it made in the shade. The other point is all the OP has to do is drop some weight and she is able to correct the situation. Unlike other issues that CANNOT be corrected so simply. Whine all you want as it's falling on deaf ears!

My attempt to point out to the OP that she is prolly the luckiest person I know that has nothing better to do than whine about her fat ass. I am on the board of directors of a non profit org. The ppl we help have what I refer to as "real issues". They are sick without medical Ins. They can't pay their utilities, can't feed themselves the list is endless. So when someone talks about I'm to fat, my spouse is a jerk... Ya know what I really don't care. As those are issues you can fix yourself <read you do not need intervention from a 3 rd party>

Kana obviously gets it!

Hands loveseat a FREAKING clue. Although you prolly won't "get it"

BadOne


Ok. First off yes, I just might be the luckiest person you know. Of course I have other problems in my life, but I wasn't coming here to compete about who has it worse. I'm well aware that other people have worse things going on than saggy skin. It's fine that you don't care - why should you? There's no need to be nasty though. There's more than enough misery to go round, I don't think I'm hogging more than my share.

Unfortunately weight loss doesn't fix overstretched skin though yes, I'm sure I will feel better when the baby weight is gone.
I don't remember saying my spouse is a jerk? Actually the opposite, he's wonderful.

And lastly, I have a great ass. Just so you know.


See I knew you wouldn't get it. I never said your spouse was a jerk. I implied that ppl like you that whine my ass is to fat or my spouse is whatever... It is a general statement about ppl that have nothing better to do but whine about this or that. I don't want to hear it as those are easily correctable issues.

I don't for one minute think I was being nasty. I do tend to present my case in a direct manner. Saying you had a fat ass is a "figure of speech" For me it's not about misery factor. It's about "don't you have anything better to do" than whine about stretch marks??? Seriously you need a life.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:29:40 AM   
MistressKel


Posts: 44
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline 		In 1995 I was ran over by a van. My pelvis was shattered into 3 pieces and when they put the metal plates in to hold it together, the plates got infected. Took 22 surgeries to get rid of the infection and I lost all of the muscle over my pelvic bone. I had to have a muscle flap done, which is where they take a strip of the abdominal muscle and they put it over the pelvic bone where the muscle was gone. The scar goes all the way from my public area to about an inch below my boobsin all, it's about an inch or so wide. I've got a huge 5 inch scar on my back from the screws that they put in. And, I'm overweight-if you ask me, it looks absolutely horrid.

I can't stop thinking about them sometimes. It used to be so bad that my boyfriend would literally have to rip the blanket out of my hands. All I could think the entire time we were together is how horrible I look, and how ashamed I was and so forth...but here is what I have learned:

Whilst my opinion is important to my boyfriend, it means pretty much nothing when it involves self-depreciation. It is HIS and HIS opinion only that matters to him when he see's me with no clothes on. When we discussed it, I was shocked at his answer, which I will now summarize:

I am not with you because of how you look--I LOVE you (although you're hot anyhow).
Do not transfer your superficial beliefs on to me...I don't care HOW you look...YOU are the one who puts too much emphasis on looks--not me.
Do not assume that I am a monster who doesn't know what you have gone through--I KNOW why you have the scars.
I love you...now get rid of that damn sheet.

It's been really hard getting over being superficial...especially when I did not see that aspect of it all and have to deal with the fact that I AM superficial. But he was right, it was my own views of how I looked that was messing with my mind. I don't know if this applies to you, but I figured I would mention it incase it can help.



(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:38:01 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

See I knew you wouldn't get it. I never said your spouse was a jerk. I implied that ppl like you that whine my ass is to fat or my spouse is whatever... It is a general statement about ppl that have nothing better to do but whine about this or that. I don't want to hear it as those are easily correctable issues.

I don't for one minute think I was being nasty. I do tend to present my case in a direct manner. Saying you had a fat ass is a "figure of speech" For me it's not about misery factor. It's about "don't you have anything better to do" than whine about stretch marks??? Seriously you need a life.

BadOne



Ah, you see, I thought you had misread my post and come to the conclusion he was giving me grief, since you seemed to miss the point anyway.

I posted asking for advice on how to get a handle on my own negative feelings. Because I KNOW in the grand scheme of thing stretch marks are not a big deal.

I don't know how one thread I started about something that upset me translates to having nothing better to do than whine. I could say that you clearly have nothing better to do than get involved in a thread you claim to care nothing about. Complaining about something once doesn't mean that's all I ever do, and if nothing else, my posting history should attest to the fact that I'm not generally a whiner.

Oh sod it, there's no point trying to justify myself to you since it won't change your opinion of me.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:38:54 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus


quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

BadOne, there is a LOT more than weight loss to deal with when you have stretch marks and mom pooch. This is not something a guy can relate to, so honestly, just STFU on this one. Athena is not complaining about her lousy LIFE she is trying to get some perspective. She KNOWS her life is great.


Really your jumping on the ohhh Poor OP she's a fatty and OH NO how can possible deal with this. OH Wait let me cluck my tongue and say poor OP... And then SAY Listen you had to realize having kids can cause marks and your going to get fat. There is a real simple solution don't have kids. Get over yourself already LH.

Oh and telling me to STFU. I don't know who you think you are but last time I checked this is a open forum designed to proffer differing opinions. Just cuz you think having mommy fat is a "lot to deal with" doesn't make it so! I happen to know quite a few moms and this is the first time I've heard someone whine about it.

BadOne


Yeah whatever dude. You're not a young woman, and you never will be. So this issue is nothing that you will understand. Just a guess, but based on your general personality (which is a "tells it like it is and too bad if you disagree") I really don't think any women are going to mention their body issues to YOU. Since a few ladies on the board just had surgery to deal with it, I am thinking that a few women DO have problems with loose skin that weight loss will never take away.




Just so I understand, because Im not a girl I can't understand certain issues??? The hell you say. Following your logic because Im not a dog that surely must mean I can't relate to dogs in a meaningful way.

What kind of pretzel <twisted> logic is that???

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:40:40 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum


Just so I understand, because Im not a girl I can't understand certain issues??? The hell you say. Following your logic because Im not a dog that surely must mean I can't relate to dogs in a meaningful way.

What kind of pretzel <twisted> logic is that???

BadOne




It ain't twisted. It's the same reasoning that is employed to explain why most women can't understand the severity or delicacy of things related to man's penis ad its functions.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:41:37 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I don't understand how erectile dysfunction or prostate enlargement feels to a man, honey. I am not in a male body. Just like you don't know what cramps feel like. Okay?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/21/2012 11:47:35 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressKel

In 1995 I was ran over by a van. My pelvis was shattered into 3 pieces and when they put the metal plates in to hold it together, the plates got infected. Took 22 surgeries to get rid of the infection and I lost all of the muscle over my pelvic bone. I had to have a muscle flap done, which is where they take a strip of the abdominal muscle and they put it over the pelvic bone where the muscle was gone. The scar goes all the way from my public area to about an inch below my boobsin all, it's about an inch or so wide. I've got a huge 5 inch scar on my back from the screws that they put in. And, I'm overweight-if you ask me, it looks absolutely horrid.

I can't stop thinking about them sometimes. It used to be so bad that my boyfriend would literally have to rip the blanket out of my hands. All I could think the entire time we were together is how horrible I look, and how ashamed I was and so forth...but here is what I have learned:

Whilst my opinion is important to my boyfriend, it means pretty much nothing when it involves self-depreciation. It is HIS and HIS opinion only that matters to him when he see's me with no clothes on. When we discussed it, I was shocked at his answer, which I will now summarize:

I am not with you because of how you look--I LOVE you (although you're hot anyhow).
Do not transfer your superficial beliefs on to me...I don't care HOW you look...YOU are the one who puts too much emphasis on looks--not me.
Do not assume that I am a monster who doesn't know what you have gone through--I KNOW why you have the scars.
I love you...now get rid of that damn sheet.

It's been really hard getting over being superficial...especially when I did not see that aspect of it all and have to deal with the fact that I AM superficial. But he was right, it was my own views of how I looked that was messing with my mind. I don't know if this applies to you, but I figured I would mention it incase it can help.





Thanks for sharing that. I suspect it was a difficult story to tell, maybe by sharing that some of the posters in this thread will get a clue that there are far more important things in life than whining about having a fat ass.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MistressKel)
Profile   Post #: 60
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