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RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/23/2012 6:15:49 PM

xssve

Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

ok, my apologies then, I think I have become a little defensive. Sorry Pam.

considering that an OP that contained this

quote:

I know I can't be the only one who has felt like this, so can anyone give me any advice on how I can get over this? I am eating well and exercising as much as I can on very little sleep, but I know some things won't change and I need to sort my brain out as well. I admire anyone who has the self confidence to get naked in public, since I don't even like to be seen fully dressed.

got a response like this

quote:

To the OP.

Are you FREAKING kidding me you are whining about stretch marks??? To put your lame whine in perspective I have glaucoma approx 20% of the ppl that have it go blind. Do you hear me whining?

Those marks are the least of your issues. BadOne

I would say that you have every right to be defensive, even pissed off, because one missed the intent and spirit of a lovely OP.

I'd say start by getting more sleep.

I can relate, I had body issues as a teenager, horrible acne, it was really pretty bad, and the stuff they had at the time to treat it was not real effective. I still have scars and I'm still a little self conscious about it, but remembering the hell I went through made me a lot more sympathetic to women's body issues, and when I say I'll take attitude over looks, I'm not just bullshittin'.

_____________________________

Walking nightmare...

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 101

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/23/2012 11:00:40 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Oh sleep.... I think I remember what that was.

A good night in our house is 3-4 night wakings, I've been a zombie for months.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to xssve)

Post #: 102

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/23/2012 11:18:35 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
ok, my apologies then, I think I have become a little defensive. Sorry Pam.

Don't apologize, it's probably my fault. I'm bad with jokes.

Pam

_____________________________

[link] www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlvDnbFOkYY [/link]

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 103

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/23/2012 11:48:56 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
He's the boss and if he wants me naked I do as I'm told without a fight. but I'm so cripplingly self conscious that's all I can think about. I can't relax and enjoy the play, pain play becomes almost unbearable because I'm in the wrong headspace and I just feel ashamed. Which in turn spoils it for him because so much of his enjoyment comes from my reactions, and I'm not entirely present in the moment. I feel bad for spoiling things but I just don't know how to stop torturing myself with these thoughts.

Get yourself a rubberband and put it around your wrist and when you start to think about how you look, remember the bold up there and remember it doesn't matter what 'you' think.. it's what he thinks.

If he will let you, get one of those big, fat bands and ask him if he'll Sharpie his name on it or something.

So sorry I forgot the 'tools' part in my last response to you but after reading through the thread, I felt the meat of your post had been somewhat lost. You're asking for help... and I totally forgot to give it to you.

Wrist, rubberband.. I still use it when I need a bitahelp.

Oh, and imo, you were in no way, shape, or form whining.

I have glaucoma AND stretch marks.

eta - since I forgot to help you and Alzheimers took my grandmother and I'm her clone, that's probably in my future, too.. lol

What's my name?

Oh yeah..

Bita Truble - heheh

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 9/23/2012 11:53:41 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 104

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 9/26/2012 12:22:29 PM

MistressDemeter9

Posts: 36
Joined: 8/2/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

I've suffered from depression for years, and one of the worst things people can say to someone feeling bad or low is 'what have you got to be upset about? Just think of all those people who have got it wore than you!'

OH YEAH! I get asked this ALL the time, even by my own sisters and mom. When someone asks me that I tend to simply not say anything at all and completely ignore them. I just shake my head and walk away.

Ya know, I even had a therapist ask me that once.

I once had a therapist ask Me if I'd ever tried 'just being normal'.

I didn't go back after that...

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 105

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 10:39:45 AM

alildifferent

Posts: 38
Joined: 9/30/2012
Status: offline

Ironically I'm unusually qualified to tell a person how to get over a negative self image. Transexuals often have a terrible and negative self image. It's why we seek to change our sex. We hate our bodies to the point of surgically altering them. Therapy is generally done by group. If you can get a group to tell you that you are desirable (as you are) it goes along way to canceling a negative self image. Your husbands encouragement is not enough. He loves you thus you know he would never give you a hurtful and possibly truthfull answer to whether or not you've lost your sex appeal. I bet if you can get past your insecurity enough to let other men view you and give you positive feedback it would go a long way toward repairing your self esteem.

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 106

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 12:03:11 PM

culareD

Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline

Hello Athena,

Thank you for having the courage to ask this question. I suspect there are plenty of wonderful people in these boards that feel the same way. I know I do sometimes.

I haven't read through all of the responses, so forgive me if I repeat anything. I wanted to respond mostly as a measure of support. You know, there is really only 100% of you to give in each 24 hour period. Having a new baby or even a child at any age tends to suck a ton of that 100% away. You then have hubby and other life stuff to take off. This has to be overwhelming at times. Carve out time for YOU.

I was a skinny child growing up, and I remained skinny well into adulthood. I joined the USMC and stayed extremely healthy. After I had my first child, returned pretty quickly to the preprego status. I then went on to have three more kiddos. Needless to say, my body was a wreck. I was at a good weight, but loose. I felt very much the same way you describe.

Then some very stressful and life-altering things happened. Unfortunately, I turned my stress to M&M's and cherry Dr. Pepper. Needless to say, I went from 5ft 7in/135 to a whopping 200 lbs! I was experiencing heart palps, painful joints, etc...And, I felt horrible about myself.

At some point, I decided I no longer wanted to feel bad, so I started moving, exercising, changing the diet etc...In BABY steps. It was a difficult process.

In the end, I did get a body that I could live with, but it wasn't the physical change that struck me. In fact, it was the mental change. I had to decide that I would "love me" no matter what I looked like. I started looking at other qualities about myself that I could focus on. I was still doing something about what I didn't like, but I was reshaping my mind too.

Now, I have in the past 6 months entered into the 44 year old phase of my life which finds me having a harder time maintaining my body weight and tone. I also notice the hot flashes, dryer hair and skin etc...this is making me feel about what you are feeling, BUT I am choosing to understand that it is simply a part of life. I am not as fortunate to have someone in my world who loves me regardless, so I feel the pressure. Still, I would expect anyone who comes along to love me for who I am. Will that make me feel better? At this point in my own journey, YES, it would speak volumes.

You, my dear, are planning on having more babies. Be kind to yourself. Our bodies were created for a purpose, and it does sound like you have a magnificent other. Lean on him, and focus on your positives. You are so beautiful inside and out, smart, compassionate, and I bet you are a fantastic wife and mother.

I hope this helps and/or encourages you in some way. Hang in there!

culare'D

_____________________________

Member-at-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 107

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 12:21:19 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

The most beautiful women I have been with rarely thought they were sexy. The sexiest women I have been with were not the most beautiful but they loved themselves and their bodies...

And THOSE were the ones I lusted after, not the ones with perfect bodies...

(in reply to culareD)

Post #: 108

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 12:49:08 PM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

alildifferent - thank you for that new perspective.

Thanks again to everyone that posted. This thread is a little over a month old now and I wasn't going to bump it to update but since it has popped back up...

I'm feeling like a different person. The day I posted this was my low point and I really do think the advice and perspective I got in this thread helped give me a kick in the bum to get sorted.

I put myself on a month long 'boot camp' with more exercise, better diet, drinking more water, taking my vitamins, using the palmers cocoa stuff, tracking everything I ate and so on. I figured a month wasn't so long that it would seem overwhelming but was long enough to challenge me. Anyway at the end of the month I had lost a little weight and noticed that I was a bit fitter but more importantly I felt good about myself - instead of looking in the mirror thinking 'yuck' I could look in the mirror and see someone who was doing everything she could to be the best person possible (I think it was Chatte that said that). It was a huge boost to my self esteem.

We had two days off boot camp for my husband's birthday and have started again for another month. I know it's early days but I feel I've made a lifestyle change. I just finished week 3 of couch to 5k which is HUGE for me because I hate running more than any other type of physical exercise. I deliberately chose it because I figure if I can do that despite hating it, then I'm doing pretty well.

I had been exercising and cutting junk food before but in a very disorganised and self-pitying way; I looked for excuses and then was mad at myself later, which made me less inclined to try.

Anyway I still won't say I'm confident, but I do feel better about myself and I actually feel that my enthusiasm for sorting myself out is having an impact on my husband (and will eventually impact on our child). So everyone wins.

Thanks everyone. You did a good thing for me here and I'm still really touched by the things you shared.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 109

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 1:17:26 PM

culareD

Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline

I just finished week 3 of couch to 5k which is HUGE for me because I hate running more than any other type of physical exercise. I deliberately chose it because I figure if I can do that despite hating it, then I'm doing pretty well.

AMAZING!!! WAY TO GO!

_____________________________

Member-at-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 110

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 1:25:56 PM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

Hello op

I had surgry on my chest and there is nothing I could do to make it right!

But I am so blessed to be here with everyone!

What I did was wear things to cover that part up , maybe a corresst, ask your
master to help you do this!

another things is palmer cocoa butter cream and I must say it works, there are
other bleach creams that are safe!!!

Fisrt work on removing the marks with creams and even water proof cover up!

Then the sit up will work now it will work just enough for you to be comfortable!

Now your so blessed when your Master says he loves you and still become excited and wants you
wow go for it, he means every word!

I do not think surgry which is so hard and very hard on the body , being put under is not safe all of the time
go for the small thing first then work on it later!

I know how you feel it took a year to know I am stil me and wow I love it!

My best to you and your Master!

Best regards

MOns

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 111

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 2:22:43 PM

misanthropicdom

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/13/2012
Status: offline

Some day, I'm going to find the people responsible for women's distorted view of their physicality, go to the advertising agency where they work, and beat them to death with a pan of lasagna.

There is a medical page somewhere on the web which has pictures of literally hundreds of naked women, ordered in ascending weight/size body types, and I once asked a partner I was with to look at them and tell me which one her body most closely resembled.

She could not.

I then had her get naked, stand in front of a mirror, and repeat the exercise.

She still could not.

She had a lovely curved womanly body, but all she could see was a fat girl hearing her mother's voice that she sure could afford to lose a few pounds.

Self image is such a tenuous thing, and many women suffer from poor body image, whereas men look in the mirror and for some reason don't see the pot belly, the thin legs, the jowls - they see that high school stud they fantasize they once were.

I always go out of my way to compliment the sub's features, and the nervous ones I tell to look into my eyes and see how pleased I am with their appearance.

Look into your partner's eyes, and see and feel how lovely he finds your naked body. Hold that thought in your mind, feel his gaze, the pleasure your appearance brings to him, a male visual animal.

You're young. Your body and skin are still elastic and will recover, although it doesn't seem that way right now. Vitamin E cream helps quite a bit with stretch marks. and restoring suppleness to skin.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 112

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 4:20:01 PM

thexxxxmaster

Posts: 102
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

Seems like you are already on the road to recover. You might like to explore Neural Linguistic Programming you might recognise your actions and thought processing as being similar to the theory described.

A useful long term aid.

(in reply to misanthropicdom)

Post #: 113

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 6:27:17 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: misanthropicdom

Some day, I'm going to find the people responsible for women's distorted view of their physicality, go to the advertising agency where they work, and beat them to death with a pan of lasagna.

There is a medical page somewhere on the web which has pictures of literally hundreds of naked women, ordered in ascending weight/size body types, and I once asked a partner I was with to look at them and tell me which one her body most closely resembled.

She could not.

I then had her get naked, stand in front of a mirror, and repeat the exercise.

She still could not.

She had a lovely curved womanly body, but all she could see was a fat girl hearing her mother's voice that she sure could afford to lose a few pounds.

Self image is such a tenuous thing, and many women suffer from poor body image, whereas men look in the mirror and for some reason don't see the pot belly, the thin legs, the jowls - they see that high school stud they fantasize they once were.

I always go out of my way to compliment the sub's features, and the nervous ones I tell to look into my eyes and see how pleased I am with their appearance.

Look into your partner's eyes, and see and feel how lovely he finds your naked body. Hold that thought in your mind, feel his gaze, the pleasure your appearance brings to him, a male visual animal.

You're young. Your body and skin are still elastic and will recover, although it doesn't seem that way right now. Vitamin E cream helps quite a bit with stretch marks. and restoring suppleness to skin.

misanthropicdom, I think I love you, will you marry me?!!!

(in reply to misanthropicdom)

Post #: 114

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 7:07:47 PM

misanthropicdom

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/13/2012
Status: offline

Oh, Ms. Duskypearls, you silver tongued devil!

Will you bring the Emu/Ostrich in your profile pics to the wedding?

Which reminds me of this joke:

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right...whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "Ah, well, yes. My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say..."

(in reply to Duskypearls)

Post #: 115

RE: Dealing with negative body image - 10/30/2012 8:13:28 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
Status: offline

Oh no, not a devil. A Demoness, perhaps. Funny you.

BTW, the critter in my pic is a llama. Will a llama do?

No kidding around tho', this bloody culture of ours absolutely destroys women, from the inside out, and it's absolutely heartbreaking the damage it does the individual, the group and the collective.

It was good too hear you rally in our support, my good fellow. Too few men "get it," or have ever have a clue as to how it much devastates us, and damages us, relationally speaking.

Many thanks!

(in reply to misanthropicdom)

Post #: 116

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