Aswad
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Joined: 4/4/2007
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It applies to younger men, too. Edit in a baby in a picture of a woman, and observers start to rate her as more attractive, regardless of age.
Some of my friends have asked how come I can walk up to a woman I've never met and get a response. I usually don't answer, cause I know they won't believe me, as it's really quite simple: attention. Give a woman attention, and she feels more attractive. When she feels attractive, she becomes more confident, which makes her even more attractive, making it even easier to focus your attention on her. The same thing applies to both parties, and both parties are lifted up by the mutual attention and the mutual attraction associated with it. It's a positive feedback loop. That's always been a greater ally than chocolate and roses to me. And let's face it: giving a random stranger either of those would be as likely to cause her to freak out as to rouse her interest.
I guess I've adequately conveyed over the years that I don't just see a piece of meat when I look at a woman. But I do see one, in addition to the rest of her. And as far as I can tell, a part of flirting with a woman is letting her know that if she were on the menu, I'd finish all five courses of that meal and still be hungry for more. I've heard some are uncomfortable with that for some reason. Perhaps those relating their discomfort have forgotten to be aware that there's more to a woman, or failed to convey it when faced with someone that doesn't enjoy having only a single aspect of herself admired. Or they perhaps project the notion that they're not interested in what the menu says. I dunno.
But what I do know is, I'm happy when someone shows that kind of interest in Ars, not threatened. In the end, it will only be good for the both of us. Same thing on the occasions that I've had people inquire about sharing, swinging, tag teaming or the like. I know it reminds her that she is desireable. Attractive. Interesting. On a level that pretty much has to mean something to her, because it's biologically speaking the sole purpose of having two sexes. And it reminds me that I've got something worth having, in an animal sense that doesn't matter to my intellect, but which- again- pretty much has to mean something to me on an instinctual level.
There's nothing odd, wrong or "slutty" (whatever that means) about enjoying the whole "piece of meat" experience. I know I do. Just like anyone else, I sometimes put on something nice and go places I know I will get attention. It reminds me that I'm attractive. And, in the context of a relationship, it reminds me that I'm here because I want to be, not because my options are limited. What I'm not so good at, is remembering to do it when I'm feeling unattractive. Which is when I absolutely should.
Perhaps the OP might find that useful, too.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Duskypearls
Beautifully said, thank you.
Thanks for the compliment.
IWYW,
— Aswad.
ETA: There's about three billion men that would do you, Athena. Worth thinking about.
< Message edited by Aswad -- 9/22/2012 4:00:47 PM >
_____________________________
"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.
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RE: Dealing with negative body image - 
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