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ORIGINAL: Kana

Grins
I have a buddy who likes to say, "If we all put our problems on the table, when we were done, you'd take yours back and be grateful to have em"
Words of wisdom.

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ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I don't understand how erectile dysfunction or prostate enlargement feels to a man, honey. I am not in a male body. Just like you don't know what cramps feel like. Okay?

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ORIGINAL: Alecta

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Are you FREAKING kidding me you are whining about stretch marks??? To put your lame whine in perspective I have glaucoma approx 20% of the ppl that have it go blind. Do you hear me whining?

My attempt to point out to the OP that she is prolly the luckiest person I know that has nothing better to do than whine about her fat ass. I am on the board of directors of a non profit org. The ppl we help have what I refer to as "real issues". They are sick without medical Ins. They can't pay their utilities, can't feed themselves the list is endless. So when someone talks about I'm to fat, my spouse is a jerk...

You're getting a free pass on the fat thing since you've obviously never given birth. Under normal circumstances I'd agree, being fat is usually a personal lifestyle choice. Not so post pregnancy, and the complaint there isn't really about how much their bodyshape has changed, but the feeling of being betrayed by your own body. The same difference between putting your own eye out doing a jackass stunt and contracting glaucoma.

Funny thing, these things you list as real issues, I find hard to sympathise with coming from a similar position of non-profit volunteerism and community support. There's maybe 10% of the people helped by non-profit orgs who really deserve it, and 60% of the people we're supposed to be targeted at helping somehow manage on their own without our help while the rest fall through the cracks. (Maybe it's a locale thing.) There's a lady who needs chronic help with her co-pay (canadian national med insurance doesn't pay for everything) to get treatments... for diseases she doesn't have, which she blames her whalish weight on. There's the guy who drives a jag living in the yuppie side of town who can't afford his utilities (guess why). The woman who comes back every three to six months for help claiming her child support payments from her ex (who's on a fixed income)-- so she can get her once a month trip at one of the swankiest hair salons in town. The couple who needs extra help feeding their baby, because they keep blowing their earnings and allowances on booze and drugs. These aren't real issues, they're consequences. And we're just supposed to gloss over the second half of each of these sentences and cases. So when someone talks about "i'm too fat" or "my spouse is a jerk" and isn't looking for handouts or vindication, I'm glad. And if I don't want to listen or deal with it, I skip the conversation.

That's m y soapbox rant of the day.

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ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

Maybe you just answered yourself, Athena. Sometimes what you need to do is remember who you are, instead of dwelling on the whats and hows.

Sometimes the best way to overcome those feelings is to tap into other, stronger ones. Your compassion for your clients is evident. Doing a good (if scary) job and being a good person, these are things that drive you. Let them, and while it will clearly not be immediate, as you let those passions drive you, other, negative feelings can trail behind in the dust.

You are who you are. Let yourself like that fact.

(No, I don't expect this waving of the magic wand will make things better for you. There is something to be said for a moment, however.)

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ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

You're arguing against a point no one is making. No one is saying it's a huge deal to have stretch marks. I was asking for advice to stop myself from making it into a huge mental hurdle.

And for the record, by profession I'm a domestic abuse advocate when not on mat leave, and my job was safety interventions for cases determined as 'high risk of serious harm or death'. I am well aware of the horrors in this world and I too do my level best to make people's lives better. I've sat in hospital rooms with stabbing victims, I've done court preparations with kids who've witnessed horrific abuse, I've taken part in child protection conferences and been in one or two scary situations with the violent offenders in question. I've had days when I was frightened to go home because I was so scared one of my clients would be dead by the time I got back to work. So I'm not so naive as to think my body issues are hugely consequential to the world as a whole. But nevertheless, they are consequential to me, and my relationship.

Once more for the record. I KNOW I have a great life. I KNOW there are bigger problems in the world. I KNOW these things are part of having a baby. What I was asking for help with is the mental aspect of dealing with my own negative feelings. I KNOW no one but me can solve this, but part of the human experience is reaching out to others for support, which I have received here in abundance.

If you are going down the route of 'you have no right to complain because your problem is too small' then you could post that on just about every thread.

Frankly for an issue you care so little about you seem to be investing a lot of time and energy. You are being deliberately inflammatory by consistently using a 'figure of speech' which, as I've said repeatedly, doesn't sum up the issue at hand at all. You are not the authority on other people's feelings. And surely, if you look at all the people here who say they understand, you can see that I'm not the only one who has felt like this.

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ORIGINAL: Aneirin

I have had poor body image for most of my life, well, at least from my early twenties onwards until recently, my problem, hypogonadism of which a few were very unkind about, sorry, I am sensitive and I can detect mirth being quickly covered over and so I came to expect it which did not do my body image any favours at all and photography, yes I like photography, but no way would I be on the wrong side of the lens until that was I came across a very gifted photographer who was good at capturing that stuff never usually noticed and the imagery produced many liked and so that got me over my facial appearance.But my body image, well that seems to be healing with time and as I get older others do also and where they are struggling with weight issues and hair sprouting out of unusual places I am not, I still remain slim and I still have a waist and then there is the age thing although I am ten years older than my friends, too many people have said I look younger than any of them and are surprised when they learn my age with comments such as how do I stay so young looking and had to admit I had no idea, but I do now, the hypogonadism is connected to that.

But I have to say one of the best things I think for obtaining good body image is to be photographed by a sensitive photographer, where everything will be put into perspective to receive the correct critique, where art is the motivation not a factual representation.
For example, does anyone remember the 2003 comedy; '' Calendar Girls ''
Which is based on a true story where shy hide everything past their prime women posed for a calendar shoot in aid of charity, interviews with those original women say what they did changed their perspective of themselves for they recognised the art that the human form is warts and all, it is just how we are separated from the air brushed cotton wool eating clothes hangers that we are lead to believe is the ideal.

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ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Warning: self-pity within

I've never been all that happy with my body, but I've always been able to step back and think 'oh well, I am what I am' and not let it stop me having fun.

In January I had a baby by c section, and since then my body feels ruined. Don't get me wrong, I know how lucky I am in life. But I just hate my body. I hate the sight of it. I hate having to pick out clothes and I hate catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had excess fluid when pregnant which gave me a twin-sized bump and horrendous stretch marks, which are still as dark and angry as they were. And the scar combined with stretched out skin has given me an overhang - I look like a deflated balloon. I haven't lost all the baby weight yet either, but even when I do, I know the stretch marks and general bagginess will still be there.

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum
What we do is teach ppl life skills that for whatever reason they didn't learn growing up. I am doing my absolute best to in a very small way to help ppl not as fortunate as I have been. That is where I am coming from. Meanwhile the OP and quite a few poster attempt to vilify me because I think her fat ass post <again a figure of speech> is no where near a big a deal as she is making it out to be.

BadOne

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ORIGINAL: MistressDemeter9

As for how your husband looks at you - he's seen you pregnant and all the changes that brought, and he still loves you by your account! Most men see their wives/gf's bodies change over the years and that's in all kinds of ways, including ageing.However, what is sexy/attractive/beautiful is the woman he fell in love with, and she's still there. That's what he sees every time he looks at you.