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RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:20:58 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, this is totally off the subject, but i need to know this: what is topping from the bottom? Is it where a submissive acts out on purpose so they can be punished because they like to be punished?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:24:23 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Ok, this is totally off the subject, but i need to know this: what is topping from the bottom? Is it where a submissive acts out on purpose so they can be punished because they like to be punished?


It is when they manipulate the situation or dominant to get the outcome to be what they ultimately want.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to litleone8620)
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RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:30:07 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

It makes sense but are those not generalizations?


Yep, they are.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to litleone8620)
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RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:36:19 AM   
MasterRoissey


Posts: 40
Joined: 3/15/2006
Status: offline 		I definately believe that a true sub or Dom is hardwired, not "learned". But there is a tremendous difference in how one presents to the world at large and what their psychosexual needs may be. while some subs/slaves are "doormat types" , I have thankfully known many that are quite the opposite! The circuit courrt judge that all day have (primarily) males displayingdeference ,if not down right groveling...the ER surgeon who constantly shoulders the burden of the life or death of others...or simply a single mother  or business woman who runs her world with total control and responsibility...they feel no relief, they are always "on"...becuase they must be!
often it is the "strongest", the most competent, even the "fiercest" who must give into their true nature , to completely give up their power and control to anOther , to find any relief and release.
the gift that these "subs/slaves"offer is a far deeper gift than that the weak /abused doing the only thing that they have ever known.

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:36:23 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, good to know 

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:40:14 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		Ok, but what about those submissives who are in a 24/7 relationship, but doesn' t work? Aren't they always in that submissive mindset? 

(in reply to MasterRoissey)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:49:21 AM   
Viper001


Posts: 55
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: SF, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Ok, but what about those submissives who are in a 24/7 relationship, but doesn' t work? Aren't they always in that submissive mindset?



(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:54:39 AM   
Viper001


Posts: 55
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: SF, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Ok, but what about those submissives who are in a 24/7 relationship, but doesn' t work? Aren't they always in that submissive mindset?


Pardon the previous blank post - not accustomed to this forum yet.

From personal observation, and just an opinion, no. My slave/sub is 24/7 submissive only to me. In her relationship with her children, bankers, friends, "sister"-subs, etc - she is often "dominant" of necessity in that she needs some control of the person/situation.

Regards,
Viper_001

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:56:13 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I believe people are far more flexible than we like to think and adapt to different situations quite readily. 95% of people can do 95% of jobs with minimal training.

Psychological studies at London University (I think) have shown that it is not people in demanding jobs that are more likely to crack under stress but people in boring jobs where there is no stimulus. The report was met with derision from people who considered themselves in demanding jobs but then they would wouldn't they, everybody wants to be seen as important and have the financial rewards that go with jobs that are perceived to be stressful and important.

People require a stimulating life to be fully functional. I think while there is a certain amount of hardwiring I think it is also down to the fact that if people don't see the point of adapting, they won't. 

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 6/13/2006 7:57:14 AM >

(in reply to MasterRoissey)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:59:45 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		No worries here. Obviously, i didn't take into consideration outside stimulus. But even while your wife is being dominant in ever other aspect of her life, is she still thinking like a submissive?

(in reply to Viper001)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 8:03:15 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

I ask this question because i was once told i do not have the personality of a submissive. I was confused by the comment and wanted to know the opinions of others.

Hello litle
 
If I had a pound for every time I was told I 'should' be a dominia - I would be so rich.  Just because you are outgoing, lively or have a strong personality, doesn't make you dominant.  Being blonde, doesn't mean you are thick.  These are all part of the great pool of myths.  Just take a look at the slave and submissive people posting on this message board.  Many in strong relationships...  s-types with strong personalities and thoiughts, voicing opinions and trying to assit where they can.
 
So no - personality in that sense, does not make you what and who you are.
(I love your questions BTW - they are really great)
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 8:11:35 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Ok, this is totally off the subject, but i need to know this: what is topping from the bottom? Is it where a submissive acts out on purpose so they can be punished because they like to be punished?


It is when they manipulate the situation or dominant to get the outcome to be what they ultimately want.

I wanted to respond because I disagree with erin on this (And I know she won't mind)
 
I top from the bottom when in a scene with a dominant who has that desire.  Topping from the bottom is often used in a negative tone - usually (I have found - only personal view) the accusation is thrust out in annoyance when a dominant has failed to dominate that which they wish.  Yes there are cases where a sub may 'act out' ... but TFB does have a positive side as well.  I could label myself as a submissive Top - but I wouldn't act out to TFB - it is just another dynamic of the relationship I am in.
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 8:23:03 AM   
meatcleaver


Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		A dominant can only do what he is allowed to do. If the sub refuses to let the dom top, there is little he can do about it if he doesn't want to stray into the realms of abuse. Before someone says it is all about a dom topping with his personality, that is irrelevent if he isn't allowed to top.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 8:26:47 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Ok, now i'm wondering about stereotypes. This might be a stupid question, but i don't care, i'm learning: are there stereotypes for dominants and submissives? Stereotypes affect the way a person acts, not necessarily their personality. So, does a submissive act a certain way because they are expected to? Does the same apply to dominants?  


Yes many have an array of stereotypes and generalization of Dominants and submissives.  I have yet to find any that have any creditibility.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 8:28:42 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Just nodding in agreement.


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 8:44:52 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you. I have had these questions i've needed answers for years, but never sure how to voice them. Also i never had such a big network to learn from. 

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 8:46:47 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		How often is the line between scening and abuse crossed?

(in reply to meatcleaver)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 9:16:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620
Ok, but what about those submissives who are in a 24/7 relationship, but doesn' t work? Aren't they always in that submissive mindset? 

No one is ALWAYS in a particular mindset.  No one is ALWAYS in a particular mood.

Mindsets, moods, emotions- they all flow.  That's where discipline and strength of commitment come in.

You are always committed- that doesn't always mean you feel happy or feel focused towards it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 9:19:13 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620
is she still thinking like a submissive?

What do you define as "thinking like a submissive?"

If you mean "putting priorities in their place, acting within my boundaries and my owners rules for my behavior" then sure.  It becomes a natural day to day process- through training, time and experience. 

If you mean are they thinking every single moment of every day "Master likes when I wear green" then no.  I've got more important things to focus on.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 9:20:22 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620
How often is the line between scening and abuse crossed?


*shrug*

In a healthy relationship, never.

In an unhealthy relationship, it can happen all the time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 60
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