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RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 9:23:00 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

How often is the line between scening and abuse crossed?

I think that is a difficult one to answer and shouldn't happen in a good relationship but if there are any issues they should be discussed immediately the sub feels uncomfortable or signals to stop.

I think the problem comes when there is an agreement on wanting to push the boundaries. In an ideal world the dom will be reading the sub well but we all know about ideal worlds and if the sub is in sub space she is not necessarily totally coherent..

Though I think abuse depends on intent, not necessarily a scene not going according to plan.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 6/13/2006 9:25:15 AM >

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 61

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 9:25:59 AM

DominaRava

Posts: 76
Status: offline

I do like that particular statement. Yes, I am Domme. No, not all see that. I see no need for loud posturing in public, nor to change my natural genetic looks to conform to what people 'expect.'

*chuckle* It does, however, get annoying at times though when persons take 'quiet, watching and listening' for submissive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

To put it into context of sorts.... "the Extroverted Dominant walks loudly and carries a big stick, the Introverted Dominant walks quietly and also carries a big stick."

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 62

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 9:27:57 AM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

I think males are naturally dominant and females are naturally submissive when it comes to relating to the other on an intimate basis in relationship. However I think each sex has a little of the other in them..so maybe when people are taking on different roles they are just tuning into that little bit of the other side and embracing it...or something... I dunno...all I do know is that I feel my submission deep inside my femininity so its the only thing I can relate to. So its not really about personality and how we portray ourselves to an outside world, in most cases, I think we are what we need to be in any given situation generally. Example: If I see a kid about to walk in front of a bus I'm gonna become really dominant, shout and yank the child outa harms way. If I need to make a business decision, I take control. If I see someone suffering I feel compassion. If I'm in the presence of someone who knows more than me about something, I will be submissive etc etc etc.......

Thank you, jali. Again you've made clear something that i've questioned in myself because i do change according to the circumstances as deemed appropriate. i'm not always in a situation that is appropriate for me to seek direction from another. OMG, ya mean i have to think for myself ***grin***

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 63

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 10:37:48 AM

Viper001

Posts: 55
Joined: 8/8/2005
From: SF, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

No worries here. Obviously, i didn't take into consideration outside stimulus. But even while your wife is being dominant in ever other aspect of her life, is she still thinking like a submissive?

Like most here will tell you, it really depends on the specific circumstances. :)

Perhaps "assertive" in other aspects of her life would be a more accurate term to use? I cannot answer for anyone else, but yes, she still thinks as a (my) submissive in most situations.
Consider this - most of the time, she is trying to enforce rules/guidelines instated by me as the head of household. Therefore, the majority of her interactions with others are in some way tainted by her need to serve me. No matter how assertive she needs to be, this desire to meet her owner's needs/wants, even if indirectly, fulfills her primary need as a submissive and maintains her mindset. (these are her thoughts, not mine).

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 64

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 10:42:23 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaRava

I do like that particular statement.

*g* actually that statement was towards male Dominant's .... Female's carry a big NutCracker *w*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DominaRava)

Post #: 65

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 11:20:02 AM

spankmepink11

Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline

I belive that submission is in ones nature, but as LA stated,...can be complimented by their personality.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 66

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 12:40:53 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

does personality affect whether a person is dominant or submissive? Meaning if a person is naturally outgoing with they automatically think they are dominant, and vice versa?

Not in the slightest - though it can very easily be interpreted by OTHERS that way, and the person might be pressured to consider themselves other than what they are.

I'm a very outgoing person with a strong personality and stronger sense of self. I'm also submissive inside my personal relationships, by choice and preference. (Have to admit that there have been things that have made me seriously reconsider whether I want to consider myself submissive any longer at times. Every time I've attempted to step away from that choice though, I've found myself drawn back to it in the course of time.) There are an awful lot of people out there who, for various reasons, do not consider me submissive at all. Many of those people site my unwillingness to submit to THEM - or to anyone who hasn't earned the privilage of making decisions for me - as a reason why I "can't really" be submissive.

(And now that I've answered the original question, I'm going to take the time to read the 4 pages of responces which have already been posted.)

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 67

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 12:47:54 PM

litleone8620

Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

does personality affect whether a person is dominant or submissive? Meaning if a person is naturally outgoing with they automatically think they are dominant, and vice versa?

Many of those people site my unwillingness to submit to THEM - or to anyone who hasn't earned the privilage of making decisions for me - as a reason why I "can't really" be submissive.

I get that a lot too. Just because i don't feel right serving a certain dominant, it automatically means i'm not submissive, since i CAN'T be the dominant's fault.

The same dominant who told me i don't have the personality of a submissive ended our relationship by saying i'm 'untrainable' (whatever the hell that means). He never even attempted to 'train' me, and gathered his own information just from our conversation.

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 68

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 1:27:42 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach
Many of those people site my unwillingness to submit to THEM - or to anyone who hasn't earned the privilage of making decisions for me - as a reason why I "can't really" be submissive.

I get that a lot too. Just because i don't feel right serving a certain dominant, it automatically means i'm not submissive, since i CAN'T be the dominant's fault.

The same dominant who told me i don't have the personality of a submissive ended our relationship by saying i'm 'untrainable' (whatever the hell that means). He never even attempted to 'train' me, and gathered his own information just from our conversation.

This is, of course, only my personal opinion - and will no doubt be taken as both subversive and inflamitory by many - but what the hell, I'm gonna say it anyway.

Those who think something "can't" be a dominant's fault (especially self proclaimed domiants who feel this way) are clueless and need to get a healthy dose of reality shoved someplace unmentionable. Dominant or submissive - we are all HUMAN first and foremost, and therefore we are all capable of being at fault when something isn't working the way we expect it to. Dominant does NOT equate to demi-godhood, omniscience, omnipotence, infallability, etc ad nauseum.

As far as you being told you are "untrainable," well, you're in good company. A lot of us who are strong personalities yet submissive have been told that. In my own case, it has always been said by someone who's ego far outstripped their capacity at control over anything more stenuous than controling their own bladder. What it basically says to me (though obviously I'm not a mind reader, and don't know the 'dominant' that you were dealing with) is that he was simply to lazy to work at it and wanted a no brainer handed to him on a silver platter.

*insert tone of deep sarcasm now* How dare you, woman, make him actually have to Think and put forth an Effort, rather than simply kneeling in awe upon hearing him say he is dominant, to bask in his manly man domly dom perfection and all wisdom, telling him constantly what a wonderful specimen of godhood he is?

(can we all tell that Rhi is having one of "those" days today?)

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 69

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 3:06:19 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

A sub has a large empathy, a large intellect and a very small ego. A slave has no ego at all.

There is no other kind of crocodile.
Or in other words: if it does not quack like a duck, it isn't a duck.

Switches are another matter entirely. I have not yet fathomed the mind of a switch. Perhaps I should question one.

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 70

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 3:13:15 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule
Switches are another matter entirely. I have not yet fathomed the mind of a switch. Perhaps I should question one.

Go for it.

I can tell you that I know many subs who lack empathy, are very low intelligence and huge egos, and slaves with large egos as well.

Perhaps the reason you can't fathom some things is because the world doesn't fit into your pre-formed boxes.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 71

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 3:20:01 PM

MrrPete

Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

I think it's more other way round that being Dominant or submissive effects
the personality.

As mentioned by others there is a sitiational persona in the vanilla world.
We all have to do a bit of roleplay.

_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 72

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 3:37:44 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach
As far as you being told you are "untrainable," well, you're in good company. A lot of us who are strong personalities yet submissive have been told that. In my own case, it has always been said by someone who's ego far outstripped their capacity at control over anything more stenuous than controling their own bladder.

And sometimes I even wonder if they can control that!

_____________________________

Cin

quote:

My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 73

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 7:32:10 PM

litleone8620

Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

A sub has a large empathy, a large intellect and a very small ego. A slave has no ego at all.

There is no other kind of crocodile.
Or in other words: if it does not quack like a duck, it isn't a duck.

Switches are another matter entirely. I have not yet fathomed the mind of a switch. Perhaps I should question one.

So, you what i'm getting from your post is that if a pesron doesn't act submissive, they're not submissive, and the same goes for dominants? That's a load if there ever was one.

I am submissive, and i have an outgoing personality. Some might even call it *shiver* dominant. Does this make me dominant. I certainly hope not.

And if what you say is true, there will be a lot of confused submissives around here.

As far as ego is concerned, why do you say a slave has no ego?

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 74

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 9:53:01 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

A sub has a large empathy, a large intellect and a very small ego. A slave has no ego at all.

There is no other kind of crocodile.
Or in other words: if it does not quack like a duck, it isn't a duck.

Switches are another matter entirely. I have not yet fathomed the mind of a switch. Perhaps I should question one.

I have a large ego, the only way to overcome it is to acknowledge its existence.

I do have much empathy for others

The intellect thing.. well lets just say I have more than my share of lost brain cells and blonde roots.

I do not think this defines a submissive. I think someone that gets off on and thrives on giving up a measure of their power and control is a submissive. There are no other definitions to me.. submissives are not some species with a set of characteristics that can be easily spotted across a crowded dungeon if she wears no collar.

I would wonder something though, are dominants egotistical, hedonistic morons if they are the opposite of submissives? No, I do not think so. The dominant I am dating has consistently shown me he is anything but that.

I stated in my previous post and I will state it here again.... The dominant I am seeing has the same personality profile as myself according to personality tests. We both filled it out on another site that we met each other on... "Growth Teacher" personalities... and I did not even notice it until later...lol.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 75

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 9:59:50 PM

xxmstrchasxx

Posts: 423
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

My sub has a very outgoing personality and I am just the opposite.

A friend of mine, who is a sub, is the vice president of a very large company and she has an outgoing personality.

_____________________________

XxMasterChasxX

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 76

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 10:07:10 PM

litleone8620

Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

I've noticed a lot of dominants like to just sit back and watch.

(in reply to xxmstrchasxx)

Post #: 77

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 10:07:45 PM

mastersayed

Posts: 119
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Ex. if you're submissive, you should be meek, and quiet, only speak when spoken to etc etc.

Just cuz some dom watched "The Secretary" way too much doesn't make that stereotype true. My slave is very outgoing, and she knows how to tell a guy off if somebody hits on her and I'm not there to castrate them. She makes me proud. She chooses to be submissive, but only to me.

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 78

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 10:11:43 PM

litleone8620

Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

I've heard a lot of comments saying a person is only submissive to their dominant.

so my question is this:
Submissives: would you submit to anyone other than your dominant if he asked it of you?

Dominants: would you ask your submissive to submit to anyone other than yourself?

(in reply to mastersayed)

Post #: 79

RE: personality vs. being dominant/submissive - 6/13/2006 10:17:30 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

I've heard a lot of comments saying a person is only submissive to their dominant.

so my question is this:
Submissives: would you submit to anyone other than your dominant if he asked it of you?

Dominants: would you ask your submissive to submit to anyone other than yourself?

I cannot even go here as a hypothetical. I do not know if you know the diff between topping and domming... but they are very different. If you asked me if I would let someone top me for my dom I might say maybe, but no one but my dominant doms me... period. If he demanded that of me I would walk. I am not a sub4hire, or lending. If that's someone else's thing, great, not mine.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 80

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