How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact?

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How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave ... - 10/11/2012 5:32:24 PM

sandelwoodrose

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Joined: 10/3/2012
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I find a lot of the mail I get from cm addresses me as girl, slave, or it. Its something of a turn off for me.

Do you think its appropriate to refer to a slave in that manner when first contacting them?

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 5:36:59 PM

lizi

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No, I think it's silly. Doesn't stop some guys from doing it. The username is right there for them to read. When they do the generic category thing it's like they're trying to put a dynamic in place right from the start, and I don't react well to that, seems incredibly pushy and I don't really respect men who have to rely on tactics like that instead of getting to know you and letting you see that they are good leaders and people to follow.

(in reply to sandelwoodrose)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 5:43:48 PM

MyMasterStephen

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I address people on here as "you".

It's obvious who I'm talking to, so there's no need to use names or labels. I just talk to them as though we're holding a face-to-face conversation.

Anything more is pretentious, presumptuous and, as lizi says, pushy.

< Message edited by MyMasterStephen -- 10/11/2012 5:45:58 PM >

(in reply to lizi)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 5:49:14 PM

Celticgerman

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I fail to see any logical reason to call someone something they're not. What you describe is like the person who says they're "dating" someone in school, when the other party never agreed to it before hand. It's unacceptable. If I contact a sub/slave, I refer to them via actual name (if given) or via screen name. Until they submit to me of free will, I cannot call them by any other name. If they submit to someone else, then I do as they agreed for what others call the sub/slave. It's courtesy.

I think you're in full correctness to be turned off by that, sandlewoodrose.

Alex

(in reply to lizi)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 5:53:05 PM

OsideGirl

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I find it incredibly inappropriate to address someone you don't know with a pet name.

It's rude, presumptuous, trying to push a dynamic from the start and is frequently condescending.

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 5:57:23 PM

kiwisub12

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Anyone who addresses me as "girl" obviously needs an eye exam. I'm 55 yo for petes sake ... i left being a girl a long time ago.......

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 6:06:25 PM

sandelwoodrose

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Its interesting.. When you said pet name it made me think of others that I don't react nearly as negatively to. Being called sweetheart, darling, etc, can be a bit annoying and feel condescending and too familiar. But its far easier to overlook that and be interested in the person anyway. I guess thats likely because it doesn't feel like the forcing of a dynamic that the others have brought up.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 6:08:08 PM

NuevaVida

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It wouldn't elicit a positive response in me, either. When the Mister first contacted me, it was with "Hi there" then his message, then he signed it with his first name.

You know, like people, do.

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 6:08:34 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

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From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sandelwoodrose
Do you think its appropriate to refer to a slave in that manner when first contacting them?

I think it's totally NOT okay and inappropriate. It's trying to push a dynamic onto someone where there isn't one.

When I first contact a sub/slave, I call him/her by his/her username or, if known, given name. I totally feel that I need to give respect to get respect and everyone is entitled to respect and common courtesy. I'm the kind of person who tells bus drivers "Thank you Sir/Ma'am" when I get off the bus.

I won't call anyone "slave" as he/she is not MY slave. As for the "it" thing, I think it's totally silly, as I'm not into objectification. And the "girl/boy" thing, it's condescending. I hate being treated that way and I won't treat anyone else that way.

NBMG

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(in reply to sandelwoodrose)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 6:09:14 PM

MstrPBK

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I am not afraid to call a male slave boy on a first meeting.

MstrPBK
St. Paul, MN USA

(in reply to sandelwoodrose)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 6:13:44 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sandelwoodrose

I find a lot of the mail I get from cm addresses me as girl, slave, or it. Its something of a turn off for me.

Good. Think of it as timesaver. You know who to block/delete right away without wasting time on them.

quote:

Do you think its appropriate to refer to a slave in that manner when first contacting them?

Not at all. Aside from the manners aspect, it creates an impression that I am considering a relationship with her. That's not going to happen unless I know her better.

Look, just because some guy states he's a Dom in his profile, doesn't mean he is, or even that he knows what one is.

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(in reply to sandelwoodrose)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 6:38:36 PM

littlewonder

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When I was single and the man approached me and calling me "slave", "sub", "slut", "it" or any other "term of endearment", I never responded, deleted and moved on. If you cannot approach as a normal human being, then you are not worth any of my time whatsoever.

Now if I get something like that and if Master happens to read it, he likes to respond with his own little brand of humor.

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 6:44:21 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sandelwoodrose

Its interesting.. When you said pet name it made me think of others that I don't react nearly as negatively to. Being called sweetheart, darling, etc, can be a bit annoying and feel condescending and too familiar. But its far easier to overlook that and be interested in the person anyway. I guess thats likely because it doesn't feel like the forcing of a dynamic that the others have brought up.

The only person I tolerate even "sweetheart" or "darling" from are the little old ladies who work in a diner. When anyone else, (other than Master), uses those terms, I feel they are looking upon me as some helpless little girl and thinks all "girls" should rely on men to do everything for them. I used to have an attorney at my last place of work who liked to call me "sweetheart" until one day I told him I felt he was being rude. After that he always asked for my coworker to wait on him other than me lol.

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 6:44:36 PM

Kana

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I adress em by username...the same way I would address anyone by name

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 7:02:31 PM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sandelwoodrose

Its interesting.. When you said pet name it made me think of others that I don't react nearly as negatively to. Being called sweetheart, darling, etc, can be a bit annoying and feel condescending and too familiar. But its far easier to overlook that and be interested in the person anyway. I guess thats likely because it doesn't feel like the forcing of a dynamic that the others have brought up.

Actually, I feel the opposite. Calling me "sub" or "girl" strikes me as annoying and silly, it's as if the sender is trying to fit a mold he views as how Dominants behave, playacting his way through. When men address me by a pet name like dear, honey, baby, darling, etc actually pisses me off big time and I read it as danger. I can't stand the ignoring of boundaries that it takes for a stranger to presume an intimate position with me. I see red flags implying personal danger to me all over the boundary jumpers, silliness on the part of the role players.

(in reply to sandelwoodrose)

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 7:28:14 PM

tiggerspoohbear

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I have a user name for a reason, and if they call me "girl" or "pet" or whatever, then they get told to get off the turnip truck. If it's dear, I tell them I'm not an animal. If I enter into c-mail with someone, then after 2 or 3 I'll sign my first name. I still won't accept any pet names until we've both agreed on a dynamic, and in person. No online relationship for this PoohBear.

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 9:13:26 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sandelwoodrose

I find a lot of the mail I get from cm addresses me as girl, slave, or it. Its something of a turn off for me.

There are a lot of idiots out there. Sorry you're running into so many.

quote:

Do you think its appropriate to refer to a slave in that manner when first contacting them?

I would laugh in their face.

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 10:22:24 PM

RemoteUser

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I hardly ever use a person's name (let alone their ID). If I do it's because I have something to emphasize.

I've never referred to my girl by her ID, nor her, me. That said, I didn't call her 'girl' (or any other moniker) until we began to play and grow more intimate. She asked respectfully how to refer to me and I gave her choices. Now I most often call her my Princess, and she calls me Daddy.

It's nice when communication evolves.

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 10:41:26 PM

myotherself

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That sort of thing used to annoy me, but then I turned it into a game. How many messages would we get through before he gave up in disgust?

Below is an actual, for-real exchange with a diminant from a year or so ago.

Him: Hello dear
Me: Hello sugarshorts
Him:?
Me:!
Him: You are being very silly, girl
Me: You started it, sonny! Your turn

....and that was the end of it. Shame, it was just starting to be fun!

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RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/sl... - 10/11/2012 10:51:30 PM

DaddySatyr

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I prefer people to address me as "Lord High Exalted Poohbah" but it almost never happens. So, fuck 'em. I address 'em by username.

I will admit; in everyday speech, I tend to be a "sweetheart" or "darlin'" user with everyone who isn't a co-worker or a client. I spent a bit of time down south and picked up the habit. I don't see it as condescending. I see it as a way to be friendly to people with whom I am not all that familiar enough to know their name (I'm the guy in the checkout line that will talk to just about anyone that isn't a fucktard).

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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