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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 5:48:15 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		fast reply

I do this 24/7 so naturally a whole lot of time is spent doing unsexy things, like going to the post office, taking out the trash, watching TV etc... But for me personally, there is a sexual undertone to D/s and I don't think I could be in a D/s relationship with someone who wasn't also my sexual partner. Even making pasta can feel sexy if I'm doing it on his orders (and I'm not talking about cooking in heels and nipple clamps, I do just mean regular old household chores).

I personally couldn't bottom for someone that I didn't have sexual chemistry with either. For me spanking is as intimate as various other sexual acts, it would feel obscene to have someone else touch me like that.

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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 6:08:24 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm one of those folks who prefers the terms topping and bottoming if we're just talking about S/m. I don't really consider it D/s just because I'm beating someone.

To Me, sadism isn't necessarily linked to physical sex. I can enjoy sadism for sadism's sake. The 'hey, look at these marks' kind of thing can be fun. It can be for exercise. It can be stress relief. It can be a teaching method. It can be dozens of things other than sex. Not anything more erotic than a good game of tennis.

Truthfully, ownership (D/s) is a bigger turn on than casual play.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 7:23:19 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Truthfully, ownership (D/s) is a bigger turn on than casual play.
[/color]


Absolutely!


(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 8:15:19 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		Control is my own core erotic need so I totally understand that but if it were in the context of a relatiojship without much penetrative sex because the man liked that there was little of it, it would insufficiently meet my own needs that it woudl not be the sexual relationship I seek. I certainly don't want or expect the actually intercourse to be most of the time when intimate with a man but if that were not an element of it then the earlier part which might be tying up, spanking or even just being together and doing what he said when you were out shopping would indeed have been sexy but if that did not lead to sex at least a few times a week I think that would be very disappointing for me.

In the same way I think a man ought to make clear early on if he has no penis or if he cannot sustain erections or cannot orgasm. Those things do matter.

I realise I have now put off every dom on here who has the slightest doubt about his sexual performance... laughing as I type and no I don't think sex has to work every time and it doesn't matter if it doesnm't but if most of the time it doesn't work or it is not often attempted perhaps because of performance anxiety then that's something it's worth knowing before you get too attached to someone.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50


quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

I would not want to be in a D/s relationship or any relationship with a man if there were not regular sex by which I mean penetration and orgasms on both sides. Of course I would like it controlled and of course I feel submissive and serve and all the other things which are part of a full relationship but at the core is sex. If someone is too old or cannot get it up but does all the rest I would be disappointed. That doesn't mean I make them take a sex test before I consider them but I do think if there is some reason why you cannot manage to have sex with your girl friend or don't wan tit very much that should be made very clear at the outset (and the other way round - if she wants you for your wallet but cannot really stand sex but puts up a front to hook you in that is equally as deceptive). It's different if you have been together for years and he just has erection problems when of course you work through that and seek help.

If a man says he doesn't want sex much that does put me off. I want someone whom I arouse and who wants me. Of course he can control how often that happens within reason but if he thinks it si a good way to keep a sexy girl by having sex with her once every two months then he needs to think about what most loving relationships need.


I can appreciate your view, it's just that from what I'm getting from the OP, D/s IS about sex to him.

I can do both (sex and D/s); but that one needn't include the other. And when I'm in "control mode", I prefer to mostly keep it in my pants and torture/tease her with her own sexual appetite. Of course, when I'm in a "fuck her" mood, it usually includes a strong D/s element of Dom taking sub meat, whereas a "making love" mood tends to be mostly quite vanilla.

Thing is, if I had to choose, I CAN get by without vanilla sex, but not the need to control my girl. Better to live alone than to live a relationship without that.

Focus.


(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 8:41:59 AM   
descrite


Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline 		OP-- I'm with you. All the BDSM stuff is foreplay; I do it because it make my dick hard, and her pussy wet.

And there is nothing hotter than a woman cleaning the floor. Preferably in either a French Maid outfit, or dressed as a 1950s housewife.

Yowza.

(in reply to ClassAct2006)
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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 8:43:10 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Oh, there's hotter.  You can quote me.   (But it aint bad, and I would go with naked rather than all that other stuff).

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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 8:52:53 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


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From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

And there is nothing hotter than a woman cleaning the floor. Preferably in either a French Maid outfit, or dressed as a 1950s housewife.



Hotter would be the same woman cleaning the floor on her knees, naked, with her wrists and ankles chained. Just sayin.

As for the OP's question, I don't consider D/s to be "play." BDSM is play, while D/s is a relationship dynamic, IMO. My relationships are not based solely on sex. Sure, sex is an important component, but compatible interests, values and beliefs are more important. I don't need sex to engage in D/s and I don't need sex to engage in BDSM. I enjoy combining them, but think of it like ice cream and cake. Each is wonderful on its own. Combining them is an extra treat.


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(in reply to descrite)
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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 9:05:35 AM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		I have certainly been out with a boyfriend and felt as aroused where we might have been just walking on a beach or at an art gallery or the theatre and felt as aroused as in bed because of the dynamic and being with that person but my point was that if there were simply D/s, perhaps some games, tying up, spanking but ti only rarely led to penetrative sex I would not be happy because I seek a sexual relationship. It would be the same if someone supposedly was going to be with me and then decided to work abroad 9 months of the year - that is not a relationship.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 9:38:24 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

OP-- I'm with you. All the BDSM stuff is foreplay; I do it because it make my dick hard, and her pussy wet.

And there is nothing hotter than a woman cleaning the floor. Preferably in either a French Maid outfit, or dressed as a 1950s housewife.

Yowza.

Amateur.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to descrite)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 10:03:50 AM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite
OP-- I'm with you. All the BDSM stuff is foreplay; I do it because it make my dick hard, and her pussy wet.
And there is nothing hotter than a woman cleaning the floor. Preferably in either a French Maid outfit, or dressed as a 1950s housewife.
Yowza.
Amateur.





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"Then I did the simplest thing in the world. I leaned down... and kissed him. And the world cracked open." - Agnes de Mille

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 10:18:14 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

OP-- I'm with you. All the BDSM stuff is foreplay; I do it because it make my dick hard, and her pussy wet.

And there is nothing hotter than a woman cleaning the floor. Preferably in either a French Maid outfit, or dressed as a 1950s housewife.

Yowza.

Amateur.






_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 10:44:57 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
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From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyramus

A female friend wrote to me telling me how she enjoyed being spanked, and being shown off, particularly to strangers who would view her red stripes with interest ... yet ... she was wholly uninterested in sex.

I wonder, asking other females, whether this is common (to separate 'sex' per se, from the rest of the D/s dynamic)?

For me, as a red blooded guy, I can't think of D/s play in any terms 'other' than sexual ... so that's why I ask this rather personal question (some of which I paraphrased in my journal just now for more depth).



I have a d/s relationship with Chael. We also have sex. Our D/s is not sexual. I did not get the least bit horny when I told him to retire this year.

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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 10:53:15 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I don't really consider it D/s just because I'm beating someone.


Yeah, a lot people seem to think that kinky sex equals D/s.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 10:55:26 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable
I have a d/s relationship with Chael. We also have sex. Our D/s is not sexual. I did not get the least bit horny when I told him to retire this year.
Retirement? Already?

Christ, that's the youngest retiree I think I've ever seen.

Hope you are both well.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RumpusParable)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 10:56:05 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm one of those folks who prefers the terms topping and bottoming if we're just talking about S/m. I don't really consider it D/s just because I'm beating someone.

To Me, sadism isn't necessarily linked to physical sex. I can enjoy sadism for sadism's sake. The 'hey, look at these marks' kind of thing can be fun. It can be for exercise. It can be stress relief. It can be a teaching method. It can be dozens of things other than sex. Not anything more erotic than a good game of tennis.

Truthfully, ownership (D/s) is a bigger turn on than casual play.



LadyP and I are much alike......even though we are different in the details.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 10:57:00 AM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		FR-

I think it depends entirely on the kind of D/s relationship the partners have. I know for me personally, we can play and there be no sex/orgasms at the end of it but we also can have fairly regular sex with no play beforehand. But ultimately, our relationship is still 24/7 - I still submit to Him physically, emotionally and sexually.

I wouldn't say everyday tasks themselves are sexual - it's seeing His reaction and praise that turns me on.

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(in reply to RumpusParable)
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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 11:12:58 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm one of those folks who prefers the terms topping and bottoming if we're just talking about S/m. I don't really consider it D/s just because I'm beating someone.

To Me, sadism isn't necessarily linked to physical sex. I can enjoy sadism for sadism's sake. The 'hey, look at these marks' kind of thing can be fun. It can be for exercise. It can be stress relief. It can be a teaching method. It can be dozens of things other than sex. Not anything more erotic than a good game of tennis.

Truthfully, ownership (D/s) is a bigger turn on than casual play.



I agree with LadyPact, I've been into D/s for a number of years and have never involved sex. I get joy from Motivating others to help them overcome their hurdles, and seeing them enjoy indulging their own needs to be submissive. I get a "rush" from the exercise of giving Punishment...and yes, the Sadistic part is WONDERFUL. As for the people who doubt you can ever wail on someone, throw them around, rough them up, and not get aroused, TAKE A MARTIAL ARTS CLASS and spar with some eager partners. I've done that in martial arts...gotten the same "high" off the adrenaline, "UNLEASHING THE BEAST" feels sooooo good, yet there was obviously NO SEX INVOLVED...just good ol' "ground and pound" fun!
*Always Play safe, sane, and consensually. Take precautions so no one gets injured.
--MM

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 11:59:06 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

I agree with LadyPact, I've been into D/s for a number of years and have never involved sex. I get joy from Motivating others to help them overcome their hurdles, and seeing them enjoy indulging their own needs to be submissive. I get a "rush" from the exercise of giving Punishment...and yes, the Sadistic part is WONDERFUL. As for the people who doubt you can ever wail on someone, throw them around, rough them up, and not get aroused, TAKE A MARTIAL ARTS CLASS and spar with some eager partners. I've done that in martial arts...gotten the same "high" off the adrenaline, "UNLEASHING THE BEAST" feels sooooo good, yet there was obviously NO SEX INVOLVED...just good ol' "ground and pound" fun!
*Always Play safe, sane, and consensually. Take precautions so no one gets injured.
--MM


You sound like your some sort of good samaritan........'Joy from motivating'.......'helping them overcome hurdles'..........'seeing them enjoy their needs for submission'........It sounds very egotistical.

So you and your sub get down and fight the fight together? because that is the only way you can really compare martial arts with S&M. If your sub just takes it like a good boy/girl then you can hardly compare it with some sparring you have done down at the gym.

(in reply to MAINEiacMISTRESS)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 12:06:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think it just depends on the relationship you have with the person. Master and I see each other every single day almost and even when we don't he has stuff for me to do. It just feels like a normal relationship. I mean, I'm his secretary. When he needs forms filled out, stuff sent out, printing of forms, writing formal letters, emailing things, etc....it's just another chore like any other. When he is here, I make his tea most times before he even walks in the door. I just know that's what he likes and requires. It's just everyday, normal stuff.

Then there's s/m. He's a sadist. He gets off on hurting me so we'll be sitting around and he'll just reach over and pinch me or something. He likes my reactions. It gets him hard. He buys a new toy and tries it out on our way home. Again, same thing. Doesn't mean we always have sex though. But here's the big thing. He gets off on it because it's me, not some casual player, not someone else. He gets off on hurting me. We're in a long term, loving relationship. We are not casual players. I don't think he would get off on that (but I could be wrong lol...never seen it yet).

So it could be that your friend just doesn't want to have sex because it's just casual but she needs the pain. Yeah, she probably gets turned on but she also wants to save the sex for a relationship. I know women like that, especially if you go to play parties. They wanna feel the pain or experience but that's it. They only want to have sex with someone in a relationship because they know that once they have sex and all those hormones are loose, you sometimes can feel more for that person than just a fuck buddy or stranger sex. They don't want to take that chance. Sex is reserved for someone they love.


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Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 3:42:13 PM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		For us, this is sexual at the root and the squishy feelings of hierarchy and interdependency accrue from that. 'Wouldn't bother if it wasn't hot.

If she's waiting on me hand and foot or I'm controlling her even at 'the cut the onion this way'-level, sex is lurking in there somewhere.

I get that other people like service only etc. relationships, but we like to have sex about every other day so we absolutely couldn't bear such a deal.

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Profile   Post #: 40
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