RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex from D/s play anyway?

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RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 3:59:51 PM

Kaliko

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Joined: 9/25/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

And there is nothing hotter than a woman cleaning the floor. Preferably in either a French Maid outfit, or dressed as a 1950s housewife.

Hotter would be the same woman cleaning the floor on her knees, naked, with her wrists and ankles chained. Just sayin.

Ooh, I beg to differ. Different strokes for different folks and all, blah blah blah, but...I would prefer to be dressed appropriately and cleaning the floor of my own accord, without having to be chained and naked. Anybody could take my clothes off me, chain me up, and force me to do something. I feel I should take it upon myself to be on the floor cleaning because I want to be, not because I'm forced to be.

And back to the OP,...though cleaning the floor in and of itself doesn't make me wet....eh, okay..never mind. Yes it does. ;)

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 41

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 4:09:16 PM

Salinedion

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline

......She's working late and just called me and said "I'm gagging to get home and give you some attention".

Attention is a real buzz word for us on both sides of the kneel, but that means she wants to serve, badly. Some non-sexual service will be richly enjoyed by us both, but we know where it's going. So I'm thinking massage, not floor scrubbing.

I mean, I'm not nuts. Obviously, as the Dark Lord, if I just wanted to just kick back and watch Storage Wars, it would be my call. But to reiterate: I'm not nuts.

Do I sometimes take service just to make her happy? See point made above.

And she's working during our honeymoon, so she will most certainly be indulged tonight at level that would make John Norman dismayed.

< Message edited by Salinedion -- 10/13/2012 4:10:58 PM >

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Post #: 42

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/13/2012 4:25:32 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Kana here

quote:

Then there's s/m. He's a sadist. He gets off on hurting me so we'll be sitting around and he'll just reach over and pinch me or something. He likes my reactions. It gets him hard.

Yep, just road tested this-it's true. Every wonderful word of it

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Post #: 43

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 3:00:24 AM

descrite

Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline

quote:

I mean, I'm not nuts. Obviously, as the Dark Lord, if I just wanted to just kick back and watch Storage Wars, it would be my call. But to reiterate: I'm not nuts.

See...I think there's always room for Option C: having her service you, while you watch Storage Wars.

I've had a couple subs get off on blowing me while I indulge in some PS3. That, right there, is the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of Recreation.

Messes up my high scores. Sure. But-- price worth paying.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 44

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 3:58:54 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Using FR:

For someone into bedroom only kink, this is probably a difficult question to answer. B/c if that's the case, you can't. And there's nothing wrong with that. Many people are bedroom only and are never going to be interested in any sort of power dynamic that exists outside the bedroom.

That is a perfectly valid way of enjoying kink.

However, many of us are into what is loosely called the "lifestyle." I see M/s and D/s as more lifestyle choices as opposed to bedroom activities (though these choices are most certainly going to filter into the bedroom).

Relationships that are based on a power dynamic *can* be and *are* stripped of the sexual component all the time. Then there are those top/bottom relationships (see LadyP's post).

quote:

To Me, sadism isn't necessarily linked to physical sex. I can enjoy sadism for sadism's sake. The 'hey, look at these marks' kind of thing can be fun. It can be for exercise. It can be stress relief. It can be a teaching method. It can be dozens of things other than sex. Not anything more erotic than a good game of tennis.

Truthfully, ownership (D/s) is a bigger turn on than casual play.

The ownership component is more like the one I have with lamby, my sub. He and I don't have sex, but I can't say the relationship isn't sexual, since my gender is important to him, and his is important to me. That makes it sexual to me. Also, the way we play it probably a bit more sexualized than you would find at your average S&M play party.

And there are many couples who have started "bedroom only" and have had components of that relationship filter out into the rest of their lives and then slowly progressed into something more "lifestyle." (Though this may have taken years.)

So for many relationships, I don't think you *can* draw a big line in the sand between sex and what I will rephrase as BDSM play. It really does depend on the power dynamic in play and how the people are reacting to that. Power is a big part of sex (for most of us.)

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Post #: 45

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 4:21:43 AM

BoundSlave4Life

Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

%2 in time or %2 in importance?

%2 in importance.

Like I said, in my Relationship with Master sex has very little to do with it. I do some very unsexy things for Master, and nether of us get turned on by them, but I still do it because it makes Master happy that I'm obeying an order, which makes me happy. Scooping the litter boxes is disgusting, vile, and gross. I HATE doing it but I still do it because that what Master has me do daily, and I know it pleases Master when they are clean so the end result is both of us being happy anyway.
Frankly, I would like to see an option here for "DS Status" that says "Kinkster", because in my personal opinion, the people that view D/s or M/s to be purely sexual aren't Domiants, or submissives or Masters or slaves because there's no power exchange outside of the bedroom.

I can go days... weeks... months without sex with Master, and be perfectly and completely satisfied because there's still the control there that I desire, and NEED, and that's what keeps me going.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 46

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 4:42:51 AM

BoundSlave4Life

Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2006
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And I can't type at 8:00 am on no sleep >.>

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Post #: 47

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 6:34:16 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Sex is key for me. its why i dont do a lot of casual topping, why the fuck i am i going to spend an hour or two exercising my talents to get.soke chick off over and over. i am not a service top. sure i can enjoy topping but if its all serving them, flogging, caning, orgasms, etc...at some point i wouod burn out.

in a relationship, its all about the power dynamic and in that dynamic is a lot of hot nasty sex. in and out of the bedroom...

(in reply to BoundSlave4Life)

Post #: 48

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 7:43:42 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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I view this very similar to the way I see vanilla relationships/marriages. There are differing levels of sex, and none is "right" or "wrong".

Some vanilla couples have sex several times per day. Others only have sex once or twice a month. Other don't have sex at all. But that doesn't make one couple more legitimate than another.

I've been involved in D/s relationships where I was a service sub. There was no sex at all. EVER. But I cleaned, shoveled, raked, ran errands, served as a chauffeur, and did many other tasks as assigned. Sex was never one of them.

I've also been in D/s relationships where forced chastity was involved. I was kept locked in a chastity device for a much as 4 months at a time. During those times, even masturbation wasn't possible. Yet my lack of sex didn't negate the D/s dynamic.

Sexless D/s may not be your cup of tea, but it certainly exists. For some of us, power exchange is the goal, not sex.

(in reply to Pyramus)

Post #: 49

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 7:45:24 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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I'd be a very frustrated sub if I had d/s without the sex.

But it's very possible to have a d/s relationship without sex. She just need to find one who gets his kick through pure control, that does not involve sex.

Both of you are just not for each other.

(in reply to Pyramus)

Post #: 50

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 8:14:38 AM

sexyred1

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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This is based on sex for me, but it has to be with someone I really care about and who cares about me.

I would never participate in any BDSM or D/s without sex, so obviously I am not a casual player.

Being sexually submissive is my thing. When people talk about service aspects, if I am in a relationship, that would be just what I would do anyway, helping my partner and making his life easier; but I would never be like the woman the OP describes, where she needed the pain and control, but not sex.

For me, I could not take the sex out of the equation, or else I would not be involved in it.

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 51

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 8:19:26 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

This is based on sex for me, but it has to be with someone I really care about and who cares about me.

I would never participate in any BDSM or D/s without sex, so obviously I am not a casual player.

Being sexually submissive is my thing. When people talk about service aspects, if I am in a relationship, that would be just what I would do anyway, helping my partner and making his life easier; but I would never be like the woman the OP describes, where she needed the pain and control, but not sex.

For me, I could not take the sex out of the equation, or else I would not be involved in it.

Exactly this.

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 52

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 8:21:31 AM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

quote:

I mean, I'm not nuts. Obviously, as the Dark Lord, if I just wanted to just kick back and watch Storage Wars, it would be my call. But to reiterate: I'm not nuts.

See...I think there's always room for Option C: having her service you, while you watch Storage Wars.

I've had a couple subs get off on blowing me while I indulge in some PS3. That, right there, is the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of Recreation.

Messes up my high scores. Sure. But-- price worth paying.

I am a giant fan of Option C. (The service, not the show.)

(in reply to descrite)

Post #: 53

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 8:25:05 AM

areallivehuman

Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

I suppose I could separate the two, but can't for the life of me imagine wanting to.

I never much enjoyed casual sex, I imagine I would not enjoy "play" outside of meaningful relationship.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 54

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 9:33:43 AM

BurntKitty

Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline

~FR~

I'm not into d/s at all. I don't engage in casual sex. I do love casual pain in the dungeon. A nice flogging or caning is delish for me. I'm involved with a sadist who isn't interested in d/s either. In our dynamic, pain play is foreplay. There are times his whacking & thwacking brings me some intense "paingasms" that make me happier than a Slinky on an escalator. (To quote the Geico ad.)

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Post #: 55

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 10:42:46 AM

leonine

Posts: 409
Joined: 11/3/2009
From: [email protected]
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Personally, it can go either way. When I'm playing with my lover, of course I'm going to fuck her at some point in the proceedings, but that doesn't mean everything else is just "foreplay." If I'm playing with someone at a club, the fact that sex isn't on the menu is not going to stop me having a wonderful time, and going home feeling as satisfied as if I'd fucked as well. I once had a great evening with a sub whose Master allowed her to play with other Doms so long as she didn't have sex, and when I found I'd missed my train home, she let me use her hotel room and we slept side by side like friends.

I've had casual playpartners visiting whose only condition was that sex wasn't involved, and I've never felt "then why bother?" I sometimes say the sex is the icing on the cake, but the cake is just great without icing, too.

Just my style. Your mileage may vary.

< Message edited by leonine -- 10/14/2012 10:45:43 AM >

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It's there I'm gonna stay, until there comes a day when this old world starts a-changing for the good.
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(in reply to BurntKitty)

Post #: 56

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 11:51:57 AM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline

I've done casual non-sexual play and I've really enjoyed it. But I'm always going to be more satisfied playing within a relationship where I can take it to a sexual level if I start feeling frisky.

(in reply to leonine)

Post #: 57

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 12:31:03 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

This is based on sex for me, but it has to be with someone I really care about and who cares about me.

I would never participate in any BDSM or D/s without sex, so obviously I am not a casual player.

Being sexually submissive is my thing. When people talk about service aspects, if I am in a relationship, that would be just what I would do anyway, helping my partner and making his life easier; but I would never be like the woman the OP describes, where she needed the pain and control, but not sex.

For me, I could not take the sex out of the equation, or else I would not be involved in it.

Hello to everyone...especially those of you who know Me and know I have not been on here in a lonnnnnnnnnnnnng time. Just not much time anymore, what with remodeling the office.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh beautiful red, I do miss seeing your writing. Mostly because what you feel is so well expressed within what you write. ~smile~. Here's hoping you're missing Me too.

I do D/s. I do BDSM. I can dominate a submissive without there being any sort of "action" ( to describe physical behaviors such as BDSM AND sex) involved and it is in fact, the way I prefer to do things. In sexual encounters, I can incorporate BDSM or not BUT for 95-99% of those sexual interactions, Dominance and submission is involved...again because I am comfortable that way and tend to have picked partners who were also.

Does that make me right? No. Does it make me wrong? No. It does make me capable of realizing that there are many facets to what I do and how I prefer to do it and that it is just the same for others. Someone expressed that "sometimes a beating makes me horny, other times it just fucking hurts". I can sometimes feel that way about being the "giver" of pain play...for the greatest percentage of it, it makes me horny, other times it is being used to control a submissive in one way or another and thereby, add to my dominance in other areas.

Don't know the next time I will luck out but keep fingers crossed. ~hugs a sexy redhaired cutie~

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 58

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 12:45:11 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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CD!!!! Of course I have missed you!! Nice to see you post again; always very thoughtful and insightful.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 59

RE: How is it that anyone can possibly separate sex fro... - 10/14/2012 8:08:13 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

Reading some and feeling we must be actually just talking about top/bottom play, BDSM play, then my answer is:

BDSM play is not sexual to me. Sex is sexual to me.

When I am standing up against a cross and someone is beating yells and bruises out of me, I don't get turned on or feel aroused or feel that it's erotic at all. I'm in it for the fun and for pushing myself mentally and physically through as much of an ordeal as I can take.

It's fun like watching a funny movie, riding a rollercoasters, painting, painting my toenails, dancing, etc. nothing erotic, just a nice time.

It's also, as I said, about putting myself through a physical ordeal. I like to feel out and push my mental and physical limits. Much of that angle is spiritual for me. Experiencing, bearing, and moving through pain is similar to fasting and meditating to me. It is a way to feel connected to my body and my spirituality.

I also get no special rush or sexual feeling out of topping others, regardless of the type of play I do. Pain is something I just don't care about when dealing with a bottom, as far as hotness or my emotions go. It is something to monitor and guide when and how I stop the scene. I do thinks that happen to cause pain, but that is never my goal. Nor is arousing my partner in any way. I do artistic cuttings and needlework for the art and decorative nature of it, just like painting or sewing, but in flesh. It is part of my deep interest in body modifications, temporary and permanent. I do menstrual play because I like to see my blood rubbed on and eaten by another. Again, not erotic, just fun and pleasing and with some spiritual.i like punching, kicking and slapping someone because I like the violence itself. Again, not erotic or arousing.

I like a lot of forms of BDSM play as both a top and a bottom, but no, none of it is sexy to me.

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 60

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