RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (Full Version)

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Phoenixpower -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/2/2013 5:21:29 PM)

Thankfully my mailbox remains pretty clean these days but this one got in recently:

"Hi, my name is XYZ, 45 yo Master from XYZ, Italy. Could be interesting to you an arrangement where you get here in XYZ for few days each time at regular intervals to be trained, used, to serve, to be exploited, to be shared, etc.., maybe a week each month or each two months ? I'm trying to build up a team (or maybe better a herd) of european slaves to be offered to the masters in my area... Could be this arrangement interesting to you ? The offer is valid also as a 24/7 live in TPE. Same rules apply"

I just replied something down the line to learn to read profiles instead of just viewing pictures, might help when sending out spam[8|][8|][8|]



Phoenixpower -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/2/2013 6:32:46 PM)

Well...was too happy i guess...just got in that one[8|]

"Hello. I'd like to jerk off to a woman telling me how small my dick is. (My dick really is small) I would like to send you picture and hear your response. I understand that most of your responses will be hate mail. That's fine, but if you understandably decide to send such mail, I ask that you at least make fun of me in the process. Or not! :) If you're a fin dom, I apologize. I am not willing to read every profile I send this to. Because maybe 90%? (I am guessing) will just ignore me. I apologize for the bluntness. I'm just seeing if it will work. -With regards, XYZ"

So, whoelse got it???[8|]

I replied something down the line "yep, your email worked well to get reported as spam" *yawn*



MsTanner -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/2/2013 8:26:45 PM)

I didn't find this message funny, More so deplorable and repulsive to say the least... [:'(]

i'm looking for total domination of ur life....what u'll wear (when u need to), what u eat, ur job, ur breeding, i'll need ur address/full name, social security number, bank account number, everything eventually....as my slave, u'll be caned, spanked, whipped, tortured, abused,branded, tattooed, u'll eat shit, drink piss, sell urself, do animals, ur daughter,sleep in a cage, do porn movies, model for magazines/websites and i'll take ur money...is that what u want?



MissKittyDeVine -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/3/2013 3:23:54 AM)

Having just read this, and thinking I hadn't received any 'interesting' messages in a while, I then saw this:

are you going to clean my house on your hands and knees?

From a 'sub' to a Domme in a different continent ...



LadyPact -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/4/2013 3:19:38 PM)

OK. I just got this one and I thought it was funny as hell.

quote:

HOW YOU DOING MY NAME IS MISTRESS JESS IM A PROUD OWNER OF 2 VERY SUCCESSFUL FOOT FETISH AND DOMINATRIX SITE AMERICANMEANGIRLS.COM IM SEARCHING FOR 1 LOYAL AND DISCREET LADY THATS WILLING TO MAKE GREAT MONEY I ALSO HOST THE EVENTS AND COMPETITION THAT PAYS OUT UP TO 10,000 DOLLARS A MONTH... ITS NON SEXUAL AND IT PAYS VERY WELL IF INTERESTED PLEASE GET BACK ASAP....AND YES THATS ME IN THE MAIN PIC.... IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED NO DISRESPECT INTENDED


My response:

You might have better luck getting people to fall for this if you were smart enough to remove the caps lock button on the computer.



By the way, you've been reported for spam.



Have a nice day.




SweetAnise -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/4/2013 3:27:09 PM)

"I am a white man and my wife is also white and she asked me if I knew what a spade was? Do you know what a spade is and will you tell me?"

My response: Of course I know what a spade is...and so do you. Good luck in your search.



OsideGirl -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/4/2013 3:32:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetAnise

"I am a white man and my wife is also white and she asked me if I knew what a spade was? Do you know what a spade is and will you tell me?"

My response: Of course I know what a spade is...and so do you. Good luck in your search.



My response would have been: It's a shovel.



SweetAnise -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/4/2013 3:36:53 PM)

To Osidegirl LOL a much better answer indeed hahah



Blonderfluff -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/5/2013 4:46:12 AM)

This just in this morning ....



I am looking to be your houseboy I can do your chores, worship feet and body. would you laugh if I'm not well endowed? I can buy you clothes pay for phone, mani or pedi..... id love to chat or IM.



I told him since I was a sub, I could sure use some help with the laundry. I also asked him if he could cook.


Poof!!! Gone.

Lol.



chatnoire -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/5/2013 4:17:52 PM)

So I got this just now...
quote:

I have experienced this scene for many years now, and enjoy the variety and creativity that can be experienced.. and whilst I have a dominant nature brought about mainly by a lifetime of managing people, I am none the less respectful and apathetic to others!
(bolding mine)

I'm trying to figure out what word he thought he was using - or what he thinks apathetic means?!



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/5/2013 6:53:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chatnoire

So I got this just now...
quote:

I have experienced this scene for many years now, and enjoy the variety and creativity that can be experienced.. and whilst I have a dominant nature brought about mainly by a lifetime of managing people, I am none the less respectful and apathetic to others!
(bolding mine)

I'm trying to figure out what word he thought he was using - or what he thinks apathetic means?!


I wonder if it was supposed to be "sympathetic" but ended up as "apathetic" due to a Freudian slip.



chatnoire -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/5/2013 7:07:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz


quote:

ORIGINAL: chatnoire

So I got this just now...
quote:

I have experienced this scene for many years now, and enjoy the variety and creativity that can be experienced.. and whilst I have a dominant nature brought about mainly by a lifetime of managing people, I am none the less respectful and apathetic to others!
(bolding mine)

I'm trying to figure out what word he thought he was using - or what he thinks apathetic means?!


I wonder if it was supposed to be "sympathetic" but ended up as "apathetic" due to a Freudian slip.



Oh, that makes sense, thanks! That slip is really quite amusing, and telling [;)]



ResidentSadist -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/6/2013 10:20:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
OK. I just got this one and I thought it was funny as hell.
quote:

HOW YOU DOING MY NAME IS MISTRESS JESS IM A PROUD OWNER OF 2 VERY SUCCESSFUL FOOT FETISH AND DOMINATRIX SITE AMERICANMEANGIRLS.COM IM SEARCHING FOR 1 LOYAL AND DISCREET LADY THATS WILLING TO MAKE GREAT MONEY I ALSO HOST THE EVENTS AND COMPETITION THAT PAYS OUT UP TO 10,000 DOLLARS A MONTH... ITS NON SEXUAL AND IT PAYS VERY WELL IF INTERESTED PLEASE GET BACK ASAP....AND YES THATS ME IN THE MAIN PIC.... IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED NO DISRESPECT INTENDED


My response:

You might have better luck getting people to fall for this if you were smart enough to remove the caps lock button on the computer.



By the way, you've been reported for spam.



Have a nice day.


What hoot. That site is as rough as the all caps intro letter you got. No style in web design to appeal to the market. Their is no meat in the tour that would inspire conversions, nothing to hook a visitor. It uses CCbill which is a last resort adult billing company that takes over 20% for processing charge cards. It is a real hack job.



sexyred1 -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/6/2013 12:16:03 PM)

I changed my profile to announce I had some bad health news and am off the search......and still have idiots writing to say hey, love your pics, let's chat, even though I took the pics down.

The amount of compassion in some people resides in the head of a pin.

But I realize that is is just not sexy to hear about health shit.



DomMeinCT -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/6/2013 12:21:45 PM)

I'm sorry to hear that, sexyred1. It just points to the complete self-absorption of those who respond to you with a message like that.



I always know it's Friday, because that means wacky message day! Today's gem:

Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas Have you been a good girl so [insert semi-clever-holiday-themed-name] can send you some nice undies?



sexyred1 -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/6/2013 12:26:07 PM)

I know, someone just wrote and said, tell me about your fantasies in BDSM.

I said I hope I meet a hot doctor while trying to save my life in the few months.

He said looking for a Dom?

I despair for the low intelligence out there, let alone self absorption.



fluffycupcake -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/6/2013 1:26:15 PM)

"If you were abducted by aliens who wanted to sexually probe and examine you, would you fight or just get it over with?"

I think that's the strangest message I've received so far.



MissKittyDeVine -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/7/2013 3:17:29 AM)

I reproduce the following message for your amusement. Unsurprisingly, not a single fuck was given by myself as to what this so-called slave requires.


Please, this slave lives to be used, abused, in pain and humiliated by cruel, strict, sadistic and merciless women, and to keep his ass busy in his free time, dreaming of this privilege, he has created few tasks to do and please, he would be so honored if You would like to choose his next task for him please divine Goddess

his tasks are to:
1 - drink all his next piss
2 - eat a mouthful of his own shit
3 - fuck his ass with a 12.5 inch black dildo using lube mixed with hot sauce, for as long as You wish
4 - shove a q-tips mixed with Icy Hot in/out his urethra 30 times
5 - masturbate using Icy Hot as lube and no washing for as long as You wish
6 - fuck his ass and deepthroat the dildo afterward (no matter how dirty it is)
7 - hit his cock and balls 25 times with a stick
8 - no cumming for 2 more days
9 - keep his cock and balls tied really tight with a string for as long as You wish
10 - shove a banana (peeled) in his ass, must keep it inside for as long as You wish, or eat what goes out
11 - shove a cake candle in his cock and let it burn for longer as possible
12 - write the words of Your choice on his body with a black marker
13 - offer his holes to men in heat on Craigslist
14 - open the curtains of the bay window facing the street for 5 minutes
15 - take a hot water enema



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/7/2013 12:19:42 PM)

There's a local putz with amnesia who creates a new profile about every six months and manages to get one message in before I block him under the new name. He two-timed a friend of mine when he was supposed to be collared to her and keeps forgetting I remember that:

"Ma'am, living as close together as we do, and being so close in age, I'm surprised we haven't met."

My reply:

"Apparently memory isn't your strong suit. You shouldn't be surprised at all. I am a friend of <his former Mistress' name> and distinctly remember how you two-timed her. I consider you a despicable cad whom I have absolutely no interest in meeting, ever. Enjoy your stay in blocked user land."




Killerangel -> RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" (12/7/2013 6:01:47 PM)

This just in:

"Hello, please read my profile look at my photos, and if I seem like the type of man you would enjoy meeting write back! I cannot host a meeting, but there's plenty of cheap motel rooms around so think about it!"

I just can't think straight, I'm so excited at the thought of meeting someone 25 years older than I in a cheap motel room. He had up 3 pictures of himself in a basement somewhere, naked, with a ski mask on, and holding a smallish knife and coil of rope. His profile says he is developing an alter ego and that he, the profile writer, handles all the sexual affairs of said character.

I wonder if the alter ego has gotten laid yet. I mean offering a cheap motel room and all…who could resist!



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