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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 3:10:42 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


But perhaps it wasn't perfection that he was seeking. Perhaps it was humility and obedience.

Even if it was....she's dead new at this. Being a submissive isn't like throwing a switch and "shazam", you're the perfect submissive. It's learned behavior...and she hasn't had time to learn it yet.

While I'll agree that "screw you" was not appropriate, rather than understanding and leading her in the right direction, he chose to bail out.




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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 3:29:47 PM   
Alecta


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
However, in 1 place in the 1600, I had missed one number (going from 43 to 45), and in one other place, I had repeated number 89. He wanted me to rewrite the sentences in those 2 days for those 2 errors (200 more sentences).
In my view, I did excel at his task. Even Mensa allows for 2% less than perfection.



What Roch said. Sometimes it is about humility and obedience, not perfection. Sometimes it is about attention to detail.

Personally I see nothing wrong with what he did. You made mistakes, he picked them out and wanted you to correct them. I would have done the same, though I would have punished you slightly differently, ie, in some way that was more fun to me.

The thing about exercises like these, to me anyway, is all about attention to detail. I once stood 2 hours in my kitchen waiting for a sub to put everything on the countertops back where it was before he'd cleared them for cleaning. He was told before he embarked on the task that everything should be in its place when he was done. I even suggested he took a picture, but no, he was confident it was a simple thing to do, and I spent 2 hours that could have been better spent on things much more fun, looming in the kitchen door waiting for him to be absolutely sure that he'd got it right because he refused to throw in the towel, and then of course, it wasn't. But the thing is, shoujld I have come into the kitchen the first time and pretend he go it right, that I didn't notice he'd put everything back wrong? Do I let it go? And if I do, where else more am I going to pretend I didn't notice and sweep it away? To me, it is a question of my integrity. Although I did learn not to give him a choice next time about whether to accept punishment or try again.

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 3:32:25 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Really some excellent reading and posts on this. I especially like UllrsIshtar's because I think it is especially true. Spot on to how being a slave can be extremely pleasurable and fulfilling in THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP. If its not good, well its like a ticking time bomb....................BOOM! lol. Its about respect really, at least to me.

As far as going to the BR, to me thats going a little to far. For one I have a weak bladder, and for two I have a weak bladder.



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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 3:42:47 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline 		I would agree that punishment would have been valid for the "screw you" outburst. My original point was that I thought ending the relationship entirely when I didn't even know yet that emotional outbursts were "verbotten" was a sign that he didn't really value me, that he cared more about the form of the relationship than the substance (me).

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 3:46:03 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		If my owner chose to end the relationship the first time I got frustrated and said something I should not then I would have been released a long time ago.

Instead he worked with me and now - whilst not perfect i am a whole lot better at biting my tongue.

To me, his reaction smacks of laziness

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 4:01:13 PM   
Alecta


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Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Maybe. Or maybe he thought it meant her heart wasn't in it and decided to move on *shrug* no-one can say for sure.

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 7:16:59 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Those kinds of busy work writing exercises are all bull shit to me anyway. In my mind tasks should be tailored to the individual and the situation at hand. Otherwise, what is the purpose? There are easier ways to determine if someone is willing to obey.

I understand this d-types stated purpose was for her to be focused on him during his absence. But dang. Any man who can't come up with a better way for a comely female to be "focused" on him in his absence isn't thinking hard enough. (Just saying.)

Now, I admit I am not much of a task giver. If I give a task it has thought and purpose behind it. It's not busy work, it's not an obedience test or a humility test, it's not meant to set someone up for failure so I can see how they react. It's not a half-assed form of punishment b/c I'm the dom and I get to be a jerk.

It *is* something I am willing to supervise and follow through on. It *is* something I've given enough thought to, I know how I'm going to react if the task is not completed to my satisfaction. I wouldn't dream of breaking up over an uncompleted task -- that's a reason for a serious conversation.

If you break up you are in essence running from the relationship instead of sticking it out and dealing with the issues. Which means you go to your next relationship with the same old issues.



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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 7:28:59 PM   
OsideGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
I wouldn't dream of breaking up over an uncompleted task -- that's a reason for a serious conversation.

If you break up you are in essence running from the relationship instead of sticking it out and dealing with the issues. Which means you go to your next relationship with the same old issues.




That's my thought too.

Even if I screamed "screw you!" at himself, he wouldn't walk. He'd sit me down and ask me what is going on.


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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 7:52:00 PM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

My task was to write 100 repetitive sentences every day while he was out of town for 16 days. Each day it took approximately 1 1/2 hours to complete these sentences. While it was mind-numbing, it did keep me focused on him, which he said was the purpose.
Each sentence had to be flawless in word order, spelling, and punctuation. I proof-read them.
When he returned, I handed him a stack of 1600 repetitive sentences. There were no spelling, punctuation, or word mistakes. However, in 1 place in the 1600, I had missed one number (going from 43 to 45), and in one other place, I had repeated number 89. He wanted me to rewrite the sentences in those 2 days for those 2 errors (200 more sentences).


Okay. That does sound like a pretty stupid and tedious task. Not only is it long and repetitive, but it shows very little consideration for the value of your time.

But that's just my opinion. I'm sure there are some Doms/Dommes on here who have assigned their sub/slave with tasks that are just as menial and taxing as the one that you described.


quote:


I would acknowledge that for a Dominant man, I am, at best, an acquired taste....... He tells me that I am a slave, not a sub. Although he has been in this lifestyle for about 30 years, jury is still out on that.


That's what HE says. But what do YOU think? Do you feel like a slave?

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 7:53:41 PM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I have to reply to this, since it so rare for me to disagree with you, Roch.




Actually, we don't disagree. I think that his task was silly, and dropping her for such a small infraction was even sillier.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 9:14:21 PM   
Spiritedsub2


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Using FR:

Those kinds of busy work writing exercises are all bull shit to me anyway. In my mind tasks should be tailored to the individual and the situation at hand. Otherwise, what is the purpose? There are easier ways to determine if someone is willing to obey.


I thought the sentence writing task was bullshit too. Geez, bdsm, all the exciting new possibilities, and I'm writing repetitive sentences? Really? But he wanted that , and I knew it was his to decide, and it really did make me happy to obey him, so I wrote the sentences and enjoyed having his "cage" around some of my free time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I understand this d-types stated purpose was for her to be focused on him during his absence. But dang. Any man who can't come up with a better way for a comely female to be "focused" on him in his absence isn't thinking hard enough. (Just saying.)


No shit. I have 30 fewer years of bdsm experience than he has, but even so, I could have thought of countless better ways to demonstrate my "focus" on him!

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Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/17/2012 10:17:27 PM   
littlewonder


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Okay - so with what you told me aside, what did you do all day when you wernt doing school stuff?


While I know you didn't ask me, I go to college but online and I don't currently work and most days I'm left to my own devices but in a way he still controls me. He expects me to do well in my studies, he expects him to come home to a clean home, making sure there's something to eat when he gets home, be it from something I made or take out food and I always have a cup of tea ready for him. He has errands for me to take care of. Basically he wants to know that he is a priority to him at all times which includes the same stuff I do all day. It's not because I just don't like chaos, discomfort and confrontation. I do the normal, everyday stuff for him, not me. Yesterday his iphone was having problems so I was to make sure it got fixed. I spent an entire day trying to fix it. He was surprised and couldn't believe I did that all day long. He thought it would only spend a couple of hours messing around with him. I took all that time because I wanted him to have a functional phone again and because his happiness is always first thing for me. If everything else can be set aside without dire consequences, then whatever he needs or wants done, that's what I do. I like knowing he doesn't have to do anything in his life. I want it to be simple for him. I feel by doing that, I'm able to spend more time with him without him having to do it himself and then we don't get to be with each other.

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/18/2012 6:57:30 AM   
Somuchmoreinsc


Posts: 21
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline 		BTW, in case anyone thinks that I'm being snarky, I am not. I really believe that experiencing it yourself is the only way to answer the question. IMO what you're asking is kind of like asking "What's it like to be in a relationship?" Everyone is going to have a different experience, and therefore, everyone will have a different answer. More importantly, none of them may be relevant to your personal experience.

(in reply to Somuchmoreinsc)



i understand that sir just wanted to see what other people think sir

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/18/2012 7:06:02 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

I have to reply to this, since it so rare for me to disagree with you, Roch.




Actually, we don't disagree. I think that his task was silly, and dropping her for such a small infraction was even sillier.


Oh wow, I was worried there for a mo. It seems there's still a chance you'll give up your entire life to come to Indiana and be one of my secondaries. (How could any man refuse such an offer?)




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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/18/2012 7:52:25 AM   
Rochsub2009


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Oh wow, I was worried there for a mo. It seems there's still a chance you'll give up your entire life to come to Indiana and be one of my secondaries. (How could any man refuse such an offer?)



I'm calling my travel agent now. As you said, how could any man refuse that offer?

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/18/2012 7:53:26 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
My task was to write 100 repetitive sentences every day while he was out of town for 16 days. Each day it took approximately 1 1/2 hours to complete these sentences. While it was mind-numbing, it did keep me focused on him, which he said was the purpose.
Each sentence had to be flawless in word order, spelling, and punctuation. I proof-read them.
When he returned, I handed him a stack of 1600 repetitive sentences. There were no spelling, punctuation, or word mistakes. However, in 1 place in the 1600, I had missed one number (going from 43 to 45), and in one other place, I had repeated number 89. He wanted me to rewrite the sentences in those 2 days for those 2 errors (200 more sentences).


You were clearly more generous than I would have been because I would have flat out refused to do it. I have no interest in someone that thinks that my time is worth so little that it's okay to waste it on something like this.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 76
RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/18/2012 9:03:39 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've done writing assignments for Master when we were still new. He had me write out a hundred times "I will serve, please and obey". It's his only 3 rules for being his slave and he wanted to make sure I had that down pat. I was not allowed to take shortcuts like typing and pasting on my computer. By hand only. I also had to write reports about our meetings for the first couple of years. It helped him to understand who I am, what I wanted, what I wanted, the problems I had with something and was an easy way for me to come clean about some problems or feelings that I had a hard time at first with telling him in person. After he would read them we would discuss it afterwards. I think those assignments really helped us both to really know each other well.

As for the "screw you", it depends. If I ever said that to Master, he wouldn't walk out but he would question my loyalty to him. It would be a sign there is a huge, huge problem in our relationship. It would tell him that maybe I didn't want to be his slave or with him anymore. It would be something we would really have to talk about. It could be that she has done other stuff up to the "screw you" part where this was the last straw for him. We don't really know. I don't think someone just says "screw you" out of the blue. It's usually something you say after you are fed up with someone and this was again, the last straw for her as well. Again, we don't know the whole story.


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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/18/2012 9:11:52 AM   
LillyBoPeep


Posts: 6873
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Terminating the relationship b/c of it tells me this person needs someone who will bend to their will and never, ever disagree -- even though he hasn't inspired that degree of submission.




GREAT point, Chatte - sometimes it seems like people expect that the /s is going to do all of the work of bringing him/herself into the right submissive zone or a particular D, without the D having to do anything at all.
It's something both people need to actively be working towards.

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/18/2012 9:28:18 AM   
Spiritedsub2


Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
My task was to write 100 repetitive sentences every day while he was out of town for 16 days. Each day it took approximately 1 1/2 hours to complete these sentences. While it was mind-numbing, it did keep me focused on him, which he said was the purpose.
Each sentence had to be flawless in word order, spelling, and punctuation. I proof-read them.
When he returned, I handed him a stack of 1600 repetitive sentences. There were no spelling, punctuation, or word mistakes. However, in 1 place in the 1600, I had missed one number (going from 43 to 45), and in one other place, I had repeated number 89. He wanted me to rewrite the sentences in those 2 days for those 2 errors (200 more sentences).


You were clearly more generous than I would have been because I would have flat out refused to do it. I have no interest in someone that thinks that my time is worth so little that it's okay to waste it on something like this.


I thought it a profoundly stupid waste of my time, and I don't have that much to spare. I am, like you said, dead new to this, and I was trying to be obedient; not a natural trait of mine. I think that's why I got so steamed when I did the stupid task nearly perfectly while he was gone and he only noticed the microscopic flaws. I also did the task because he is of the "say no and it's over" school. And it's over anyway! Although hardly a day goes by that I don't hear from him. This dynamic can be pretty confusing sometimes.


_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

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RE: what is it like to be a total slave? - 10/18/2012 11:45:29 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'd suggest deleting and blocking. It sounds like he expected you to beg for another chance and is shocked that you didn't, instead saying okay and walking. Leaving him to play by himself.

But I wouldn't have done such a task either. It would make me lose respect for him. Plus I need positive reinforcement, not negative. Something he obviously isn't capable of giving.

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Profile   Post #: 80
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