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need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 1:58:50 PM

sinfulneeds

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

hi..
ok.. i need some help.. and i dont need to hear i should leave this man and all this .. cus i do know this is my option..

we are engaged .. he is turkish, and we live in turkey.. he is dominant of nature.... but only in our daylie life.. like do this and do that .
if i refuse, he dont get angry.. so he is not dominant in that way .. only by words.. he is no way dom in bed .. or anywhere else he could get some..

he sais no to blowjobs and wants sex 1 or 2 times every week...
he dont like it if i beg for it or offer it..

and i have never told him i am sub ... i have told him i like it .. hard and .. ye .. i have told him a little here and there, but never the whole story ..

i find it soooo scary to sit down and tell him this.. im scared he will find me .. freaky..

so please... how can i spill the beans without scaring the man off??

Post #: 1

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:04:09 PM

Darkfeather

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

No relationship can function without honesty. If it's what you want, sit him down and tell him. Otherwise, how will he ever know the "real" you. As for scaring him off, you can't change what others will do. If it is meant to happen it will

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 2

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:09:52 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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So you want to marry someone without being honest with him? That's not very respectful.

You don't have to tell him you are a "sub", say you like it when he takes charge and controls you in the bedroom and whatever else you like. Be playful and exciting about the subject, don't act like you're telling him a disastrous secret. He'll probably be thrilled that you're willing to let him do naughty things and that it turns you on.

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 3

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:12:35 PM

sinfulneeds

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
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he dont play... and he is not intr in being in control :(

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 4

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:15:03 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

In turkey kink is illegal AND WILL GET YOU KILLED!!! Do not under any circumstances tell this man (especially if he's muslim) anything about kink or tying up!!!!! You can legally be stoned to death in the street & no one could do anything about it. Your family if you are UK or american could even be prohibited getting your body back. Frankly ishocked beyond words you were even able to access this site from turkey

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 5

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:19:54 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sinfulneeds

he dont play... and he is not intr in being in control :(

Ok, well then settle in for a life with him just the way it is now. I'm not sure why you'd want to marry him when it's obvious that the two of you don't match but that's your choice.

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 6

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:21:32 PM

sinfulneeds

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
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they dont stone people in turkey ..... i dont live in iran or afghanistan .... im in turkey.. you would be suprised how normal people are here.
and no, he is not muslim.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 7

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:23:09 PM

sinfulneeds

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

quote:

ORIGINAL: sinfulneeds

he dont play... and he is not intr in being in control :(

Ok, well then settle in for a life with him just the way it is now. I'm not sure why you'd want to marry him when it's obvious that the two of you don't match but that's your choice.

i love him.. but thats what im trying to find out now .. if this is enough for me or not ..
i didnt plan on this.. falling for him.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 8

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:24:10 PM

Darkfeather

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sinfulneeds

he dont play... and he is not intr in being in control :(

This doesn't alter the fact that if you want to have a happy, healthy relationship you need to be honest. If he runs, then he wasn't the one for you, if he stays he was. Either way, wouldn't you rather be happy and know the truth, or miserable and still in the dark?

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 9

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:24:21 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Is he a cuck or slave himself?

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 10

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:27:22 PM

sinfulneeds

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Is he a cuck or slave himself?

hmm as we have never spoken about this i cant say for sure ... but i dont think he has ever thought about this at all...
i dont even think he looks at this as something normal people do ..

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 11

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:28:13 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
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Fucking and sucking? Is he thinking babies come from under tobacco leaves?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 12

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:28:52 PM

sinfulneeds

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darkfeather

quote:

ORIGINAL: sinfulneeds

he dont play... and he is not intr in being in control :(

This doesn't alter the fact that if you want to have a happy, healthy relationship you need to be honest. If he runs, then he wasn't the one for you, if he stays he was. Either way, wouldn't you rather be happy and know the truth, or miserable and still in the dark?

you are right .. and yes. i will tell him and i have to tell him..

but how ?

(in reply to Darkfeather)

Post #: 13

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:34:23 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

approach it firmly but not as a honey, we have to talk.....don't stress it too much, and like anything else if you don't know what you are doing, go slow.....the conversation should not be a sit down and come to jesus, but it has to be seen by him as something you find important. The conversation might take a matter of vignettes over weeks, you know? Like, what do you like, something fairly small and easy that he MIGHT do without diving into insanity?

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 11/1/2012 2:35:06 PM >

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 14

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:34:42 PM

Darkfeather

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

Tell him how you would want someone to tell you. Be honest with what you want, and see if the two of you can find common ground

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 15

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:35:15 PM

sinfulneeds

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Fucking and sucking? Is he thinking babies come from under tobacco leaves?

huh

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 16

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:36:41 PM

sinfulneeds

Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

approach it firmly but not as a honey, we have to talk.....don't stress it too much, and like anything else if you don't know what you are doing, go slow.....the conversation should not be a sit down and come to jesus, but it has to be seen by him as something you find important. The conversation might take a matter of vignettes over weeks, you know? Like, what do you like, something fairly small and easy that he MIGHT do without diving into insanity?

problem is , he refuse to even speak about sex ! he just flips sideways if i try to say the word .. sex!

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 17

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:41:20 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Maybe we are not communicating, you and I. Do you want him to just bore the fucking dogfuck out of you? Mash 18 million megatons of molten meat into your firm yet quivering virginia?

There may be things that are not seen by men as sex that are seen by women as sex.

I sense a feeling of inferiority or apprehension in your guy about sex, and so the head on bull thru the thing isn't going to cut it, because he is going to belive the bottom line is you are wholly dissatisfied, and he is inadequate and that's the end of it.

From there, what tactics and strategies can we use to calm his apprehensionr and reason (even if it is a very childish level at first with the fellow?)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 18

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:41:45 PM

FrostedFlake

Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline

Y'now.

I am constantly floored to see people who seem quite bright pretending to be someone they are not (this time, emphatically) in order to maintain a tenuous relationship with someone who does not like what the pretender is pretending not to be.

Bottom line : If you scare this guy, it is best that he leave. So you can look for someone you can have a good relationship with. There are worse things that could happen than some guy who doesn't like you figuring that out... You could, for example, keep on pretending to be someone he does like.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 19

RE: need some help with my man - 11/1/2012 2:42:21 PM

absolutchocolat

Posts: 1392
Status: offline

so...you're ready to spend your life with someone, but you can't talk to him about sex? that's gonna be a shitty honeymoon.

long shot question: have you two ever watched a dirty movie together? that may be a fun way to break the ice.

< Message edited by absolutchocolat -- 11/1/2012 2:45:50 PM >

(in reply to sinfulneeds)

Post #: 20

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