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RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 1:45:52 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I think the wording is important here. Submotive said it's 'most difficult to continue' which implys she is currently obeying whatever the command is so it's not something she can't do. She went on to say it's difficult to complete .. so again, it seems like she's doing something, just finding it hard to finish but it's obvious that she wants to because it will please her Master. I look forward to more clarification.. because my answer might change with it.. or it might not!

Celeste

Thank you, Celeste - yes exactly. It's not at all the command or its difficulty. Master is very considerate and respectful of my hard limits. It's the internal feelings that i struggle with. The ones that say "oh this is ridiculous". The ones that say He's not even here so why has He told me to do this? The struggle that wants to decide for myself - period.  And yet i don't want to decide for myself so when i become aware of my own rebellion it's discouraging.

Sorry for being so vague to all of you wonderful people. i should have more accurately requested how do you deal with your own inner turmoil when trying to obey a command that's not one you enjoy?

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 1:49:07 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

respected Him more when He said tuff shit,,, He know down deep i was just being lazy about certain things....


~smiles~ yes - i'm like that too. Thank you for your post.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to kittensmailbox)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 1:52:55 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		In light of this new information, I'll stick with my first post and once again, hope you are able to surpass the internal conflict.

You will if you want to because you can only stop yourself.

There is a very wise woman who said..

"If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start? "
 
::winks::


Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 1:53:12 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: BreakMeShakeMe

I just tell him... no can do... sorry.. got something else instead... if he gets pist.. he gets pist.. and then I tell him.. if it can be done.. you go do it.. ...


Right...and know THIS:  the very first time you tell that to your Dominant, you have pretty much ENDED your D/s relationship!   You cannot expect it to continue if you just up and tell Him/Her "NO".
 
Having said that... I refer you back to LadiesBladewing.  What she said!
 
Communicate, communicate communicate!

i agree Bearlee. i'm seeing it's a lesson in learning to submit when i'm not getting what i want. LOL - waaaaaaa

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 1:55:36 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive
Sorry for being so vague to all of you wonderful people. i should have more accurately requested how do you deal with your own inner turmoil when trying to obey a command that's not one you enjoy?


I kinda have to go with the you just have to suck it up idea. If there is no other reason than you dont enjoy it. I would also look at why you draw a line at how easy something is to accomplish when you like it but hard when you dont, submission isnt based on a "I'll listen because I like whatever the task is" mindset.
 
I would recommend talking to him about this and let him know how you are feeling, maybe a little extra rewarding would be in order for completing tasks that he knows are things you dont like, that way you can ease into those things and get to a point where you no longer get the turmoil of why's when you're given a task....
 
JMO...YMMV

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 1:56:25 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I also think you've been given some pretty good advice.  And it may be better to find out something like this now than further into the relationship.  Some of the best advice I've seen on these other posts advocated the idea of communication.

There's that fine line...how long before you give a submissive a command that you know they may have difficulty with...2 weeks?  3 months?  6 months?  Should it be at the start to see "how well" they submit?  Is that fair?  A lot to be considered from the dominant side too.  This may come out in communication of your difficulty and a higher understanding may be reached.

I also agree with those who told you that you need to look within as to why you are having difficulty with this.  One submissive I was with demonstrated a real difficulty in following through with any command that did not 'suit' her.  When I noted after several of these, that what I had asked her to do was not spelled out in her "hard" limits, it suddenly became a hard limit.  We sat down and had a serious discussion.  Long story short...she was/is the kind of submissive who likes domination geared more towards her likes and desires and not towards making her do what she doesn't like or wish to do.  (some call this a bedroom submissive, but this wasn't all about sexual service).  That was not the type of submissive I was looking for...nor am I stating/implying that the OP is this type of submissive, just an example for illustration...and the relationship ended soon after.

Good luck...



(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 1:56:50 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:


i agree Bearlee. i'm seeing it's a lesson in learning to submit when i'm not getting what i want. LOL - waaaaaaa


::giggles:: One of this day's you're going to write that sentence and instead of waaaaaa, you'll be writing.. yessssssss ..  I got it!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 1:59:22 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

In light of this new information, I'll stick with my first post and once again, hope you are able to surpass the internal conflict.

You will if you want to because you can only stop yourself.

There is a very wise woman who said..

"If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start? "
 
::winks::


Celeste


Hugs to you - and thank you again. i am strengthened just in receiving the help and support. i know that i do not want to disappoint Master and cause Him to question my sincerity and my devotion. And i know that regardless of my little inner tantrums - the bottom line is i truly want to obey Him. So until He releases me from this command (probably this evening) - i will focus on how happy i'm making Him by obeying and that this is an opportunity to grow into deeper submission.



_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:00:40 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BreakMeShakeMe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

quote:

ORIGINAL: BreakMeShakeMe

I just tell him... no can do... sorry.. got something else instead... if he gets pist.. he gets pist.. and then I tell him.. if it can be done.. you go do it.. ...


Right...and know THIS:  the very first time you tell that to your Dominant, you have pretty much ENDED your D/s relationship!   You cannot expect it to continue if you just up and tell Him/Her "NO".
 
Having said that... I refer you back to LadiesBladewing.  What she said!
 
Communicate, communicate communicate!


I disagree.... being able to tell a dom NO isn't the end of the world or a relationship.



Willfully disobeying my Will. Ends the relationship.  But,having said that.. That is my relationship and it really depends on the specific relationship between the individuals. 

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to BreakMeShakeMe)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:12:01 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

IMHO, I think it depends on what the command was--we have of late had discussions about hard and soft limits---as well as commands and control---a submissive needs to learn to give up control--now that does not mean, controlling the Dom/me and then feeling " aha, things are going My way and now I can submit because it is what i want"--hope naha, nada---Dominants also push soft limits, hence the term "soft"--meaning you have indicated that they CAN be pushed, tried, negotiated---versus hard which says "nope no way" as truesub indicated---given all that---there are times when a command may cause, hmm angst, discomfort, an inconvenience---well that's-- at times-- kind of the point--if it is all about your comfort, your convenience and not the Dominants wishes, then I'd say---well perhaps you need to look at your submission a tad deeper-- you need to look at your reactions, because that's where the real submission is embraced, in your reactions---if you find yourself saying "yeah but.."- are you as Celeste said, fighting against the norm? well probably as we weren't programmed by society this way--so it takes more work, a real focus on the deprogramming, a real focus on the WANT and a focus on the completeness and joy we feel when we really do let go---after all, no one said it was easy--did they?

Thank You, MH. Yes, at times my selfishness creeps in. My desire to submit is not about me. It is about Master and i do love it when He's so pleased and happy. Yet, i am surprised sometimes when i see within myself that in spite of my desire to please Him and obey Him, i can have this inner tantrum going on.  But i am blessed with all Y/you wonderful people and so now my head is on straight again and i can succeed and be happy in my obedience.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:12:15 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		mmmmmmmm… mostly what I think about your dilemma, Submotive, is: <sigh> I wish it were mine!  LOL   I’m sorta serious here.  I’ve had hints and tastes of what it will feel like to belong to another; to be someone’s submissive and I want it with all my heart.  I KNOW I’m going to have the same issues you have today…but…in reality; don’t they just make you FEEL all the more…submissive?

Thank you, sweetie, for a wonderful thread…some of us are living vicariously.  <smiles>  And it is clear you are an earnest, sincere submissive.  Your Master is a lucky one.

(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:12:55 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

Today Master gave me a command that i'm finding most difficult to continue. i know obedience is important - and i do like pleasing my Master. Yet, sometimes commands are difficult to complete. Want to know how others have handled this in real life please.


Being obedient to your Master is not just doing the things you like.  BUT, neither is it just doing the things you don't like.  At any given moment you will be obedient to your Master's will you could either enjoy it and find it easy or have distaste for it and not like it that all or maybe couldn't care one way or the other. At times that it is difficult, I suggest that you not only consider that it please him.... but more importantly consider the bigger picture.  Your Past with him as well as your Future.  Take the moment and put it into perspective of your relationship... a string of moments both past, present and future.  For me personally, some of the more wonderful acts of obedience and submission is when the slave obey's with a level of grace and dignity that even the Master them self would wonder if the slave enjoy it or found it distasteful.

I have said it before, and I will say it again.  Within a relationship there is a balance that must be maintained.  The individuals involved must have the appropriate level of pleasure to be happy and not overburden with difficult or distastful times either, and to much neutral will just make a person bored.  The balance that must exist will be different for everyone, hopefully your balance is in tack when you face the challenges that are difficult.  I would suggest that if you feel your balance is out, talk to your Master.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Submotive)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:24:14 PM   
TolerableCruelty


Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BreakMeShakeMe

I just tell him... no can do... sorry.. got something else instead... if he gets pist.. he gets pist.. and then I tell him.. if it can be done.. you go do it.. ...


In an instance like that... since her errands and/or personal tasks obviously are FAR more important than anything I set before her... I would defer to her wishes and let her do as she pleased... taking care of her own tasks and such.....

However... instead of Me going and performing the tasks that she refused, I would initiate My own new task.... which would be promptly packing up all her shit and placing it out on the curb for her to pick up and load in her car and move on down the road when she got back from doing her stuff.

Of course... like KoM... thats just pertaining to My relationship, if such an occurence should happen.

~ Happy Trails ~
T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:31:57 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		OK I need to ask
is he a real life Master or an Online Master
I know I find it harder to obay real life requests from online Masters
rather then obaying real life commands from a real life Master there is a big difference at least to me

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
ratten cane $48.00 on Master card

a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:34:56 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		ROFLMBO!!!
 
My take on that reply, too!  <shakes head> 
 
Haveing said that, I'd like also to say that, yet again, KoM seems to have hit the nail squarely on the head.
 
I realize, Sir...that you strive to reiterate what you say is how things work in YOUR relationships.  But surely, in any power exchange,to take BACK the power (say 'No!')…irreparably changes that relationship, doesn’t it?

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:36:50 PM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		As I have grown in this lifestyle I've learned that an obedient women is what I desire most.
I want immediate response to my commands. If I say jump then you jump and I'll tell you
if it's high enough.

It's easy to obey when it's something you like. so obeying a command that you like doesn't
really show the obedience I want. When a sub becomes willing to do things quickly that she
doesn't like Then I can trust that her obedience is genuine.

I will teach her how to tell me she doesn't like or want to do what I say.

"Yes, Sir if it pleases you." I can then retract and change my command or simply say "it will please me"
but that's me.

Since you mentioned that you've been at this only 4 months it is absolutely critical you communicate
your concerns to Scotch Master. you don't want him to think everything is ok when it isn't.

edited to add: Make sure you're not saying no in order to be punished. subs that like to
be spanked will sometimes misbhave just to get a good spanking.


< Message edited by MrrPete -- 6/15/2006 2:50:34 PM >

_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:37:20 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

mmmmmmmm… mostly what I think about your dilemma, Submotive, is: <sigh> I wish it were mine!  LOL   I’m sorta serious here.  I’ve had hints and tastes of what it will feel like to belong to another; to be someone’s submissive and I want it with all my heart.  I KNOW I’m going to have the same issues you have today…but…in reality; don’t they just make you FEEL all the more…submissive?

Thank you, sweetie, for a wonderful thread…some of us are living vicariously.  <smiles>  And it is clear you are an earnest, sincere submissive.  Your Master is a lucky one.

Oh, thank you, Bearlee. Yes, after hearing such wonderful advice and support, my head is on straight again and i am back in my proper place. Yes, i do feel very thankful to have such a wonderful Master and provided the opportunity to be obedient. i was alone for a long time too. i don't tend to think submission is a gift so much as the opportunity to submit is the gift.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:42:17 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Without inferring that one submissive is better than another, or giving different stages of submission a name,  from my experience, there are levels of submission we experience, from the very topical hey thiis is fun type to the very subtle where we experience it incredibly deeply. What I felt years ago, is certainly not the submissive or slave I am today. Although, way back when, I really did feel I was submitting all of me, looking back, I can see that wasnt true.

Well even though you seem to have resolved this within yourself already, all I can add is, these things you have been experiencing are natural. I think in every part of self growth or realisation, in whatever area it is, we come across areas in our psyche where there seems to be a brick wall, it seems we cant go any further, we can feel rebellion against even climbing the wall, breaking it down, we can feel we are not capable of breaking it at all, we can feel dumb cause we can see its a bloody illusion but just cant seem to get our head around acting on that thought and moving ahead, we can feel it might be better just to turn around and go back the way we came, or work out a way around it without actually having to surmount it, we can experience it lots of ways.

If we remain conscious of this and keep pressing on we get rewarded with a new understanding of submission and an increased ability to serve on a level we never before knew was possible.

It could just be that you've been pms and being difficult too though

< Message edited by slavejali -- 6/15/2006 2:43:58 PM >

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:43:29 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

OK I need to ask
is he a real life Master or an Online Master
I know I find it harder to obay real life requests from online Masters
rather then obaying real life commands from a real life Master there is a big difference at least to me


He is as real as the gleam in His eyes, the sting on my ass and the feet i kiss gladly. i am not and never have been an online player. Nor do i consider myself a real life "player". my question stemmed from seeing my inner struggle to obey something that wasn't particularly pleasurable to me.

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Obedience - real life - 6/15/2006 2:43:37 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

OK I need to ask
is he a real life Master or an Online Master
I know I find it harder to obay real life requests from online Masters
rather then obaying real life commands from a real life Master there is a big difference at least to me


ohhhh submotives Master is VERY real---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to enigmabrat)
Profile   Post #: 40
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