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I need some perspective on my relationship with my Mast... - 11/12/2012 3:21:00 PM   
sddaddysgirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		Or at least his version of punishment. Which has come down from a sort of formal spanking/beating that we both enjoy, to him just smacking, pinching, jacking my arms and hands into painful positions whenever I do something annoying.

I feel like he's crossing the line from Master to abusive prick. When I tried to talk to him about it today he threw my purse at me, causing my cigarette to severely burn my hand, and stormed out.

Am I wrong to question what the hell is going on with us now?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:27:06 PM   
areallivehuman


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		No. If it feels wrong it probably is.

(in reply to sddaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:29:43 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		in a good M/s relationship, communication is important. the fact that your master threw a fit when you tried to talk to him about a legitimate issue is not a good sign.

quick question: is the severity of punishment the issue for you, or do you not agree with the punishment dynamic at all?

(in reply to sddaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:32:08 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sddaddysgirl
When I tried to talk to him about it today he threw my purse at me, causing my cigarette to severely burn
my hand, and stormed out.

Am I wrong to question what the hell is going on with us now?

You can never be wrong for wanting to discuss concerns about your relationship, especially with the
person you are in the relationship with. However, it doesn't look like wants to discuss it with you.
Can you handle both the abusive prick and now the silent treatment?

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to sddaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:34:47 PM   
sddaddysgirl


Posts: 5
Joined: 3/6/2011
Status: offline 		To some degree I'm not okay with the severity. Throwing things at me is never cool. And I really dislike being hurt in anger, if that makes sense. A punishment session when we're both calm is much different than him getting irritated and smacking me, you know?

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:39:59 PM   
DutchessD


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline 		A punishment that you "both" Enjoy? WTF! How is a reward going to correct bad behavior?

(in reply to sddaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:43:56 PM   
whantsonlyu


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/17/2012
Status: offline 		Not an expert on M/s, but I know abuse when I see it. From what little info you've given sounds like he's crossed the line. I mean there are different degrees and forms of punishments. But throwing a fit like a 2year old and hurting someone just seems wrong. If he can't act like an adult then he doesn't deserve to be called a master.

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:46:29 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		He is crossing the line , going from master to abuser, if you ask me. Doesn't sound like there is any rationale behind it now and it is anger based.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to DutchessD)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:48:51 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sddaddysgirl

A punishment session when we're both calm is much different than him getting irritated and smacking me, you know?


you hit the nail on the head there. someone who hurts you because he's angry is abusive, and there's no excuse for that. it's good that you are questioning that behavior. get out and get help before he really hurts you.

< Message edited by absolutchocolat -- 11/12/2012 3:57:35 PM >

(in reply to sddaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 3:58:32 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sddaddysgirl

To some degree I'm not okay with the severity. Throwing things at me is never cool. And I really dislike being hurt in anger, if that makes sense. A punishment session when we're both calm is much different than him getting irritated and smacking me, you know?


We have only one side of the story, so I cant talk about your relationship with him.

All the advice I can give you is if it feels wrong to you, then its wrong.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to sddaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 4:02:46 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I agree with what others have said.

1) A temper tantrum when asking to discuss your relationship is not acceptable in any relationship, but it doesn't shine a positive light on someone claiming to be a Dominant.

2) Punishment done in anger is a loss control.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to absolutchocolat)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 4:53:55 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Temper tantrums coming from someone who calls
himself a dom, really don't work for me.

Instant loss of any respect...
But as far as punishment... I'll just say the same as
everyone else, if it feels wrong theres a good chance
it is.

IMO, some of the most effective "punishments" are
non-physical, everyones different though so I'm not
going to automaticaly say it is abuse.

-Aries

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 7:03:43 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sddaddysgirl

Or at least his version of punishment. Which has come down from a sort of formal spanking/beating that we both enjoy, to him just smacking, pinching, jacking my arms and hands into painful positions whenever I do something annoying.

I feel like he's crossing the line from Master to abusive prick. When I tried to talk to him about it today he threw my purse at me, causing my cigarette to severely burn my hand, and stormed out.

Am I wrong to question what the hell is going on with us now?

That ship sailed loooong ago by what you post here. Now its time to board the ss getthefuckout!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to sddaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 7:56:00 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		If you can't talk to him, it's over and has been for a long time.

If you can talk to him, then do so and tell him exactly what you said to us.

If he storms out or becomes angry again, consider it over.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 8:47:46 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		What do you get from this man that is so wonderful that it outweighs him hurting you without telling you first not to do things, that outweighs him refusing to talk to you and listen to you, that outweighs him throwing things at you and not caring when you are harmed, that outweighs being ignored?

Because if there isn't anything, then you deserve better.

If your best friend/sister told you she had started dating a guy who refused to talk to her, who hit her whenever she said something he didn't want to hear, who stormed out in anger, who didn't care about her - would you tell her this was a great relationship and she was lucky to be treated this way? Or would you tell her that she doesn't deserve this and that she should find someone who valued her?

And if you would tell someone else not to stay in a relationship this dysfunctional, then why don't you take your own advice?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 9:27:24 PM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sddaddysgirl

To some degree I'm not okay with the severity. Throwing things at me is never cool. And I really dislike being hurt in anger, if that makes sense. A punishment session when we're both calm is much different than him getting irritated and smacking me, you know?


It is never, never ok to hit someone in anger. Being dominant means you have to skirt that edge between beast and control. How else can one justify inflicting pain on another individual. But the key in that is control, being able to let the beast out, but still know what it is doing. A person who cannot control that is a danger to you and themselves. This alone is cause to have a serious sit-down session and talk about what is going on

(in reply to sddaddysgirl)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 9:32:12 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		hhmm.....I keep wondering if this op and the other one getting the black eyes from her guy, are one in the same. Both profiles are hidden. It just seems there are a lot of commonalities. If it's not then maybe you two need to talk to each other.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Darkfeather)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 9:57:53 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		there have been quite a few of these types of posts lately...it makes me sad. i hate to think that someone is using bsdm as an excuse to be abusive.

< Message edited by absolutchocolat -- 11/12/2012 10:25:17 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 10:05:05 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Maybe a Mod can confirm or debunk me here...
When a person joins this forum, without going on
to the CM side, they have a profile there... But
without them touching it, a search for the profile
will say it is hidden... By default.......

People said I was a fake, or close enough to it,
when I started here, on the grounds that I had my
profile "hidden", at that point I had yet to even
investigate that side of this place...

Until a Mod proves me wrong, I'm going to say,
this attitude towards new posters because of the
"hidden" thing, is becoming tiresom.

-Aries

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I need some perspective on my relationship with my ... - 11/12/2012 11:04:48 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It has nothing to do with being hidden. It has to do that I don't think it's coincident that two women come on, a day or two apart with the same issues and the wording and vibe from both sound very similar.




< Message edited by littlewonder -- 11/12/2012 11:05:17 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 20
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