SeekingLTR40
Posts: 12
Joined: 11/9/2012
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stormy66
The irony was I had a friend check him by his name and nothing bad popped up -- Hell it isn't even his name. His profile is bogus. Again, I don't want to hurt him personally, he has money so should have no problem re-inventing himself again ... but to use someone else's face and body to portray himself -- All this is new, but to mix all the information and deceive folks. I want him to look me in the eye and explain it all to me. Thank you for allowing me to vent.
*Sighs*
When I first discovered the world of on-line dating, the women, at least, represented themselves for who they were. When you met them, they looked like their photos, and behaved the way they described themselves as behaving. That was a little over a decade ago. When I returned to on-line dating about eight years ago, that had changed. The worst example I had was a woman, who when I met her, weighed about 350 lbs. Her profile descriprion said about average, and I came to find out that her photos were twelve years old. I'm a gentleman, so I went through with treating her to dinner, during which she said that due to her having her stomach stapled, she'd already lost 100 lbs.
The fact that she lied to me resulted in me not even bothering to talk to her again. Since then, there have been quite a few surprises in meeting people. Untold disabilities among the most common, but lies about everything from height to weight..... stolen pictures that aren't even of the person, and look nothing like the person.
Women I have spoken to have shared their horror stories as well. Men claiming to be over six feet tall, and turn out to be 5' 2. In fact, most women who meet me now are shocked to find that I actually am 6'2, and look just like my pictures. They also seem surprised that I'm so relaxed and easy to talk to.
Why?
The most common excuse given is "you wouldn't have wanted to meet me if I'd told you the truth."
Really? In some perverse reality you have shaped for yourself, it makes sense that I would ever trust anything you say, when everything you've told me thus far has been a lie? Really?
*Shakes head*
People accuse me of being cynical. I'm not cynical ~ I'm dealing with how things are. I'm skeptical until what a person says is matched up with something concrete. Their looks, their actions, their behavior, the facts about their life.
I was becoming intimate with a woman on her couch on one third date, when someone started banging on the door. Turns out her husband came home, and wanted to come inside ~ she told him to come back later. Husband? You're married? Really?
She e-mailed me later and said I had mental issues for just leaving the way I did. I have issues? I think saying you're divorced, and waiting to tell me that you're still married until the third date, and he's ready to break down the door to come into his house..... is perfectly deserving of having your date walk out on you.
I've about scene it all, at this point. It's sad to say, but you CANNOT take anyone's word at face value. I don't care if you have cammed with them, spoke on the phone with them, IM'd with them, texted..... until they have the opportunity to PROVE that they are sincere..... I don't know what else to tell you. Not with as little experience as you have with meeting people on the internet.
Over time, due to experience, you do get better at sensing when someone is being sincere or not. There's a lot of instinct which is based upon experience that goes into that, though. There's nothing I can tell you that will help you develop it. Even then, you can make slight err's in judgment. It comes out much more quickly, for me, now however.
I avoid profiles that feel suspect to me. I watch for certain signs in how a person contacts me. There are small details that paint a much clearer picture, if you know to look for them. Unfortunately, it all requires experience, and learning from your experiences.
That's about all I can tell you. Use caution and discretion, and don't allow anyone to rush you forward. Use skepticism and allow them the opportunity to remove that skepticism. If they are sincere, they will ultimately show themselves to be sincere. If they're too good to be true ~ then they are simply telling you what they believe you want to hear.
A sincere person is going to be themselves, and there should always be something with one another that doesn't match up 100 percent..... the question becomes, is what doesn't match up, between the two of you, significant or insignificant. Nobody is going to be perfect in every way. You aren't designing your own potential partner from scratch. There SHOULD be something between you that slightly differs. That's life. That's reality. Everything you want - it's probably an illusion.
Just some advice to consider.....
< Message edited by SeekingLTR40 -- 11/14/2012 7:27:08 PM >
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RE: ask the Masters - 
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