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What are good questions a newbie should ask of a potent... - 11/14/2012 11:02:54 PM   
whantsonlyu


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/17/2012
Status: offline 		Ok I am talking to a Dom I asked some basic q's. Like what does submission mean to you? What fetishes do you have experience in? Define what D/s is to you. Things like that. Anyways he seems to be side stepping the personal definition q's. I'm getting the feeling he has no clue, and is just in it for the sex. Which to me is a byproduct. Just want feed back.
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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/14/2012 11:13:48 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		the Acid Test is a good list of warning signs that submissives should apply in their search for a compatible dom.

honestly, you should go with your gut. if something seems off about this guy, don't ignore that gnawing feeling you have. continue to ask questions about his life and make sure what he says adds up.

(in reply to whantsonlyu)
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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/14/2012 11:15:38 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Um, stop having sex with complete strangers on the internet, then you will know for a fact that they're not in it for the sex.

Instead, tell them right off the bat you want to be friends first, and meet sooner as opposed to later. This gives you the option to discuss a wide variety of things, philosophy, religion, politics, who you are as a person, who they are as a person. While you're doing that, you discuss things about dominance and submission and fetishes.

I would also want to discuss limits, what happened to their previous relationship (this tends to be an eye opener), what they perceive as the time line for the relationship to progress, if they are seeking a punishment dynamic, what degree and kinds of control they like, if they are into humiliation and how they define that, and what they perceive day to day life would be like.

In getting to know someone, I would NOT focus on sex or kink, I would focus on determining how they think, how they communicate, and if you think you are compatible.

If someone side steps my questions, I know for a fact we won't be compatible.

BTW: Your profile needs major help. You say very little, and what you do say is negative. And fix the danged picture.







_____________________________



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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/14/2012 11:50:09 PM   
whantsonlyu


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/17/2012
Status: offline 		I don't engauage in any sexual acts with strange people I meet online. I did and always do discuss limits, and the use of safe words. Even had a Dom say there was no need for safe words as we would never do anything that rough. I told him that I was no longer interested in commutating with him as I see now my safety would be in danger. I always follow my gut and for 30 years it's always been right.

Btw can't fix pic on my cell and I'm never at a computer.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 12:12:58 AM   
saundrakitty


Posts: 148
Joined: 9/11/2012
Status: offline 		Sometimes you will also run into New Dom's as well that have not figured every thing out yet. If you are willing to work with a New Dom then let them know. And what Chatti mentioned is really sound advice, Most should be willing to share with you, but you will run into those that will not.

(in reply to whantsonlyu)
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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 12:30:07 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline
"Do you want to have a coffee sometime"

That's the question I'd ask, one chat over coffee
is worth a million emails.

-Aries

_____________________________

530 DAYS

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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 12:32:15 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		What's wrong with sex?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Um, stop having sex with complete strangers on the internet, then you will know for a fact that they're not in it for the sex.


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 12:43:15 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Here's my take.

On these sites you typically learn that someone loves a jolly good fisting, likes being pissed on, and adores anal sex, long before you even learn how they like their tea.

It's all a bit topsy turvy.

The questions you ask will depend on what you're after.

If you want a quick fuck, you basically need to figure out a) will this person make you cum b) will this person harm you

So, sure - the questions would swoop down the list of his preferences and yours to get an impression of a) and some common sense and smart precautions could nail b)

If you want a relationship (and the fact that you regard sex as a by product of something much richer suggests that you do), I'd say you should focus on the broader things - "Is this the kind of person I could enjoy a rainy afternoon with?" or "does this person have values that are compatible with mine?"

So yeah, initial conversations I might have would include some kink compatibility tests, but I'm more likely to focus on what they do in their spare time, what books they read, their views on life/society/politics.




As a side note to the boys, and not that I'd ever, ever, ever do this myself - if you're after a quick shag - make a point of avoiding pervage for a few chats - talk about their cats, work, books, they'll be gagging for your cock before moments have passed.



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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to whantsonlyu)
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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 12:46:59 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		If we're talking about building a relationship, I hate to reduce it to a basic level, but I think the best question is: "What does submission mean to you?"

That's my take on it.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 12:51:36 AM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline 		1) Everything you'd ask any other person before getting more deeply involved.
2) General questions around the topics of control, power exchange, and any kinks or other issues that are important to you. Know yourself well, it makes you much better at finding a good match.

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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 1:01:14 AM   
whantsonlyu


Posts: 14
Joined: 2/17/2012
Status: offline
quote:

but I think the best question is: "What does submission mean to you?"


That was one of the first Q's I asked and his reply was and I quote "It usually means that person meeting your wants to bring your desires to climax." I asked him if he could elaborate on that. I didn't get a response but a different q all together. That right there told me that he was not right for me. And I told him after a few more q's&a's that I think I needed a Dom with more experience. His reply was the teenage ok whatever. Really not good for me.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 1:25:44 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Well if I got the vibe I was getting interrogated or
psychoanalysed, I might not be as answery as I
might be otherwise...
Text isn't the best medium for this IMO.

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to whantsonlyu)
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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 1:31:15 AM   
inumimi


Posts: 16
Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline 		Meeting someone for coffee right away has never worked out well for me. I get too shy and awkward to communicate effectively. It takes me a little while to get over my social anxiety (read: ineptitude) and actually be myself. Exchanging emails is nice at first but for me to take someone seriously we need to move to Skype or phone for live voice chat pretty quickly. You can read A LOT in someone's tone.

I try to ask pertinent questions that I would ask anyone I wanted to get to know rather than follow the standard "D/s protocol questions" ... I really don't care much about his kink until I've decided I actually like him as a person. Being bombarded with questions about my limits and my experiences before I even know someone's RL name is kinda off-putting to me.

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formerly known as "rhymeswithcupid"

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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 2:01:07 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu

quote:

but I think the best question is: "What does submission mean to you?"


That was one of the first Q's I asked and his reply was and I quote "It usually means that person meeting your wants to bring your desires to climax." I asked him if he could elaborate on that. I didn't get a response but a different q all together. That right there told me that he was not right for me. And I told him after a few more q's&a's that I think I needed a Dom with more experience. His reply was the teenage ok whatever. Really not good for me.


To me, in this kind of relationship, that's all that matters. Of course, I'm known to give 15 minute answers instead of one-worders (provided we're talking about voice). It's also the most relevent, I think.

Based upoin what you've said, I think you probably dodged a bullet but, I would recommend you put on your vest and try again. No one gets anywhere just sitting on the sidelines.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to whantsonlyu)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 2:04:44 AM   
LonDom61


Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline 		Your gut instinct is likely correct. Doms should be able & willing to answer questions. Both parties are assessing & being assessed.

I second chocolat's advice on reading Acid Test. Great tips on what to look for--and look OUT for--in a prospective Dom.

Re rotating your pic:
If you've got a smartphone, uh...there's an app for that. If you don't have a smartphone...why the heck not? They're awesome. Especially with little or no pc access. A compooter in your pocket.

(in reply to saundrakitty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 2:05:55 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu
Btw can't fix pic on my cell and I'm never at a computer.


Oh yes you can.
What a lame excuse!

Just use the camera the right way up instead of sideways!!!

(in reply to whantsonlyu)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 2:11:25 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu
Btw can't fix pic on my cell and I'm never at a computer.


I can fix it for you, if you'd like. It takes about 30 seconds (If I'm distracted).



Peace and comfort,



Michael

< Message edited by DaddySatyr -- 11/15/2012 2:20:58 AM >

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to whantsonlyu)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 2:17:04 AM   
LonDom61


Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1


quote:

ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu
Btw can't fix pic on my cell and I'm never at a computer.


Oh yes you can.
What a lame excuse!

Just use the camera the right way up instead of sideways!!!


Jeez, "turn the camera". Whyn't I think of that?

I gots apps on the brain.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 3:21:28 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I never said there was a thing wrong with sex. But if you want to know if someone is 'just in it for the sex' a good way to find out is to stop having it.

Now, as far as what's wrong with having sex with perfect strangers, real time or online, nothing, as long as you've weighed the risks and know what you're about. (Most don't bother with these steps, but that's on them). Some may see a morality issue here, I personally don't.

However, I seriously doubt this response has deflected your need to get into a pissing contest with me. Just so you know, I find online water sports distasteful.

_____________________________



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RE: What are good questions a newbie should ask of a po... - 11/15/2012 4:12:04 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whantsonlyu

Ok I am talking to a Dom I asked some basic q's. Like what does submission mean to you? What fetishes do you have experience in? Define what D/s is to you. Things like that. Anyways he seems to be side stepping the personal definition q's. I'm getting the feeling he has no clue, and is just in it for the sex. Which to me is a byproduct. Just want feed back.


I don't like those questions. They relate to the lifestyle itself, as well as play.

Look, if she's a het woman and I'm a het man, that means that we should be compatible on a basic sexual level. If she's sub and I'm Dom, we relate on a basic D/s level. The question I have is, how do we relate as people.

I'd ask questions like "How often do you talk with your parents?", "Would you rather go to a NASCAR event or the opera?", etc. Open ended questions that give you insight to what makes the person up.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to whantsonlyu)
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