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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:34:28 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CmotDribbler

Well,

My Kitten left me.
She decided it on Wed. night, and told me Thursday afternoon.
And I am literally feel like I have been ripped into tiny little peices.
Just this weekend she was on her knees before me, reaffirming that she wanted to be my Possesion for the rest of our natural lives.
And today, I may never see her again.
She tried to give the collar back.
I couldn't take it.
What am I going to do with it?
She tried putting it on the table in front of me, and that's when I had to walk away, It just hurt too much.
I already know i'm going to give her all the ropes, and toys,
But what about the collar,
I want her to keep it.
I can't, it doesn't belong with me,
But i'm afraid that she might just throw it out.
I believe in her enough to know she wouldn't do that.
but up until two days ago I thought we would never have to even think about it.
Will she just put it in a box to forget about?
I wish I knew how to ask her, without it hurting me more.

I feel so alone.

Break ups always hurt. They especially hurt when you never see them coming. Put the collar away. It means too much right now to do anything more. Later, that will likely change. But for now, put it away and leave it. There is one sentence that you will need to give thought to, once you're feeling a little stronger.

quote:

She didn't like how she felt about herself around me

You need to concentrate for now, on getting back to a normal life. Going to work or school, sleeping, eating...all the normal things. Later on, once you're feeling more settled, revisit the things she said to you, like what I've posted above. You may never know why she said it, but I would encourage you to think on it. Re-examine your relationship from a more objective viewpoint, if you are able. The insight you gain may help you when you next find yourself in a relationship.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 21

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:34:38 AM

enigmabrat

Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

(wonders why a girl came to this thread if all she wants to do is pick apart my replies and cant help but notice she never adressed the OP)

sorry just re read and saw that and i fixed my post
I did address the OP......I also remarked on your post.....And wonder no longer..I browsed the thread out of interest, certainly not for your postings.

agirl

_____________________________

Leather strap $85.00 on Master card
Wooden paddle $50.00 on Master card
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a Master that can use them all Priceless

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 22

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:36:15 AM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

I'm sorry for the pain you're so obviously feeling. I read a bit of your journal and it sounds as though you're both quite new at D/s relationships. You also mention her age as being very young and that she has seemed uncertain from the start about your relationship, in addtion to not seeming natural submissive. You mentioned yourself "She wants a sub of her own to dom, but professes to be wanting to sub to me."

It really sounds as though she needs time to sort out her own feelings. Everything in your journal is touching and heartfelt from your perspective but it seems to indicate a good deal of confusion on her part. As difficult as it is for you to deal with and accept right now while the pain is so fresh, perhaps this separation is what both of you need in order to grow.

It's natural to want to figure out why and what went wrong. There's no getting beyond that stage when a break-up occurs. Unfortunately, it's part of the process of acceptance that it's over. It's the first stage. Of course, you're questioning "why?" It's human nature to attempt to work things through in your mind. There's not much anyone can say that will help you to feel better or ease the anguish. Just know that things will get easier as time passes. Things that are not clear to you now will become easier to see as time passes. All of life is a learning experience and for every door that closes another one opens.

Treat yourself well at this time and know that you have much to look forward to. Learn the lessons that will be clearer as time passes and take them with you into your next relationship. Again, I'm so sorry and wish there were something that could be said to make this easier for you.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 23

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:42:44 AM

CmotDribbler

Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline

Aellea,
And i agree with you too,
As i've said, I most want her happiness,
I realize that for some reason on her end, she came to her own relization that she just can't keep being in a relation with me.
and i am happy she choose to tell me rather than try to beat herself into trying to stick it out. She knows her own limits and nows when she has to stop.
She was in a very abusive relationship before me, and it took her a long time to try and break out of that relationship.
So I am happy that this time when she realized she was unhappy she decided to do the right thing for her.

_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

(in reply to aellea)

Post #: 24

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:43:21 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

I'm sorry for the pain you're so obviously feeling. I read a bit of your journal and it sounds as though you're both quite new at D/s relationships. You also mention her age as being very young and that she has seemed uncertain from the start about your relationship, in addtion to not seeming natural submissive. You mentioned yourself "She wants a sub of her own to dom, but professes to be wanting to sub to me."

It really sounds as though she needs time to sort out her own feelings. Everything in your journal is touching and heartfelt from your perspective but it seems to indicate a good deal of confusion on her part. As difficult as it is for you to deal with and accept right now while the pain is so fresh, perhaps this separation is what both of you need in order to grow.

It's natural to want to figure out why and what went wrong. There's no getting beyond that stage when a break-up occurs. Unfortunately, it's part of the process of acceptance that it's over. It's the first stage. Of course, you're questioning "why?" It's human nature to attempt to work things through in your mind. There's not much anyone can say that will help you to feel better or ease the anguish. Just know that things will get easier as time passes. Things that are not clear to you now will become easier to see as time passes. All of life is a learning experience and for every door that closes another one opens.

Treat yourself well at this time and know that you have much to look forward to. Learn the lessons that will be clearer as time passes and take them with you into your next relationship. Again, I'm so sorry and wish there were something that could be said to make this easier for you.

sighs... it is so nice of you to be so compassionate... bute seriously, read his posts, if he was more concerned about the girl rather than the collar, this may never have happened.

But it has now - so just make sure that priorities are in the right place in future.

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 25

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:48:52 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: enigmabrat

I should really read these things more clearly

No harm done at all.

Regards, agirl

(in reply to enigmabrat)

Post #: 26

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:50:47 AM

CmotDribbler

Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline

Wytchywoman,
(wow your name is hard to spell...)
We are both new to D/S,
part of our relationship was how we grew together in the D/S lifestyle, learning each other, learning ourselves.
I realize she is young, and that may actually be a large factor into her reasoning, not simply cause of her age, but due to the factors that are going on in her life, the stresses and hardships of her daily life.
And belive me, she has a VERY stressful life right now.
I just wanted to be there to share it with her, to help support her, to give her guidance, and my love.

_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 27

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:54:19 AM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

sighs... it is so nice of you to be so compassionate... bute seriously, read his posts, if he was more concerned about the girl rather than the collar, this may never have happened.

But it has now - so just make sure that priorities are in the right place in future.

Brosco, I did read his posts. He mentioned that he's aware that he's "fixating" on the collar as a focal point for his pain. You're insinuating that the break-up is his fault because he was not concerned enough about the girl. It seems to me from reading his journal that the girl contributed a good deal to this break-up by not being self-aware enough to have made the committment in the first place. Each of them has priorities they need to deal with but I don't think it serves any purpose for you to so harsh and judgemental toward him at this time. From all indications, he was sincere and did have his priorites straight. Those two factors alone cannot guarantee that a relationship is going to work unless the other party was equally committed.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 28

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:02:10 AM

littlelostbunny

Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline

*offers hugs to CmotDribbler*

(Sorry, I don't really have anything else to give to the conversation...)

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 29

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:02:49 AM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CmotDribbler

I just wanted to be there to share it with her, to help support her, to give her guidance, and my love.

That's perfectly understandable and part of what a dominant generally seeks to do. Before she can accept that though she needs to come to terms with her own doubts and work through the stress and other factors that are preventing her from fully committing to any relationship at this time. Relationships are difficult under the best of circumstances and rarely have a chance of succeeding when outside influences such as you mention in your journal are having to be dealt with at the same time.

Again, just try to understand that you seem to have done as much as she's willing to accept from you at this time. I wish you well.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 30

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:03:16 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

sighs... it is so nice of you to be so compassionate... bute seriously, read his posts, if he was more concerned about the girl rather than the collar, this may never have happened.

But it has now - so just make sure that priorities are in the right place in future.

Brosco, I did read his posts. He mentioned that he's aware that he's "fixating" on the collar as a focal point for his pain. You're insinuating that the break-up is his fault because he was not concerned enough about the girl. It seems to me from reading his journal that the girl contributed a good deal to this break-up by not being self-aware enough to have made the committment in the first place. Each of them has priorities they need to deal with but I don't think it serves any purpose for you to so harsh and judgemental toward him at this time. From all indications, he was sincere and did have his priorites straight. Those two factors alone cannot guarantee that a relationship is going to work unless the other party was equally committed.

with all due respect ww, we do have many indicators. One.. the age. He took a responsibilitly. Two: the fixation on a collar rather than a person. Three: A thread about his own ego rather than concern for another.

To my mind, she is well outa there.

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 31

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:06:31 AM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

with all due respect ww, we do have many indicators. One.. the age. He took a responsibilitly. Two: the fixation on a collar rather than a person. Three: A thread about his own ego rather than concern for another.

To my mind, she is well outa there.

Brosco, I am not going to debate with you over someone else's pain. It's that simple.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 32

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:08:49 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

and ww I am not going to debate with you to know how many posts I must make before I become a reg and say what is in my heart.

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 33

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:09:37 AM

aellea

Posts: 91
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

didn't know editing reposted... sorry to all

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 34

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:14:50 AM

CmotDribbler

Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline

Wytchywoman/Brosco, please do not fight, I am did not start this to try and create more anger and dissension.
I created it to learn, and try to understand. so please, don't fight.

..... I'm done work, I'm going to bed.
I thank all of you who have posted comments, and am glad to hear peoples stories, and get their insights.
So again, thank you all.

_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 35

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:22:44 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

CD, there is no fight.. at least from my view.... to me. and obviously just from me, YOU have a situation to deal with. Only you can know the best way. We each respond on limited info.

At this stage I stand by my words, but I base that on a couple of posts by you - that is far from describing a full relationship - on the info at hand.. sorry, she was right.

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 36

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:23:45 AM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CmotDribbler

Wytchywoman/Brosco, please do not fight, I am did not start this to try and create more anger and dissension.
I created it to learn, and try to understand. so please, don't fight.

..... I'm done work, I'm going to bed.
I thank all of you who have posted comments, and am glad to hear peoples stories, and get their insights.
So again, thank you all.

CmotDribbler, there is no fight here. In fact, I stated I am not going to debate Brosco. I regret that he decided to react the way he did to my post. I offered what I had hoped would be some comfort to you and help you to understand the dynamics of working through this situation.

Sleep well and take care.

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 37

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:34:22 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

CmotDribbler, there is no fight here. In fact, I stated I am not going to debate Brosco. I regret that he decided to react the way he did to my post.

ROFLMAO - I reacted? ok whatever you say :)

Its very simple. A guy has split up with his girl - happens all the time... He loves and cares for her deeply, but strangley is fixated on a symbol, rather than her. In my mind his priorities are completely screwed... but as a reg here, I'm sure your opinion means more.

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 38

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:40:57 AM

aellea

Posts: 91
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

watches Brosco and wytchywoman sniping at each

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 39

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:44:55 AM

Brosco

Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: aellea

watches Brosco and wytchywoman sniping at each

<--- offers a copy of the webcam recording - very cheap (ok.. I know it wouldn't get much)

:) :)

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to aellea)

Post #: 40

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