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RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 3:57:22 PM

CmotDribbler

Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

To the OP:

Are you at all offended by anyone who spoke to your pain, or sympathized with you, instead of suggesting where you put the collar for storage????

Nah, I am not offended at all. Actually some of it fnd humourous I didn't expect my question to spark such a wide debate!
Plus this is an open Forum for all to discuss ideas and thoughts, everyone is free to comunicate their own opinions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

If you were a woman, I'd say chick flick, bottle of Tequila and a girlfriend to vent with for a good drunk night. Since you're a guy, JD, John Wayne and a home boy. Get a good drunk on for 'a' day, grieve, cry, allow yourself to feel the pain, then when the hang over is gone, move on with your life knowing that pain will dull more and more as each day passes.

Fire is very cleansing by the way. You might want to consider burning the collar. Take heart.. this, too, shall pass.

Celeste

I don't drink, nor like John Wayne, I am considerng a nice helping of Rent though.

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

"She tried to give the collar back" = She ended the relationship
"I couldnt take it" = I couldnt take the pain of it.
"What am i going to do with it" = How am I going to deal with this ending?

I still cant wrap my mind around someone coming here to ask where he should store a collar. I could be wrong, but I doubt that was what he really needed help with. Just my opinion. Maybe im reading too much into it. I dont know

!!! uhmmm, well honestly,... yeah, that's pretty much what i was thinking when i wrote that.

I thank you for putting that into words for me!

Well, I think, thanks to your guys comments, when I talk to her next, I am either going to take the collar back, or as selenaMD suggested cut it in half. That solution really appeals to me actually.

Yaaah, it's been 25 hours since she told me! And i'm still kicking.
Starting to feel a little better about the relationship in on itself. I think I've managed to come to terms with the good chance that we will never be together again. It's still a heartbreaking idea, but I know if i try and drag it out, it will only make it worser for the both of us.
It's up to me to take the next step of trusting to the future for a better day.

< Message edited by CmotDribbler -- 6/16/2006 3:58:17 PM >

_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 81

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 4:38:52 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Calandra and MoGA

Since Cmot mentioned about cutting the collar in half, I think I now understand what you each were saying about what to do with it. Whereas to me, I couldnt understand the place for the collar having as much importance as Cmot finding a 'place' for all he was feeling. In doing something specific with the collar, signifying the end of the relationship to him, the collar *now* becomes symbolic of his *healing*. I think i got it!

Cmot:

First of all, you are a good sport. Im glad you found some help in posting your thoughts here. Its good to hear that you are feeling a little bit better. Its only been a day, so I would consider that alot of progress. I know there isnt much anyone can say as consolation, but really you are right...trust in your belief that better days are coming. Its probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but sometimes things that hurt are a blessing in disguise. You may not realize today why you're going through something that hurts, but usually at some point in the future we look back and can see very clearly the reason why it happened. Best regards to you.

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 82

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:31:32 PM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

I see many people lurking on this thread, but no one has the guts to stand up and say that what a certain person was did was wrong and abhorrrrent in what he did to me.

Live with it it. Once a liar, always a liar.

< Message edited by wytchywoman -- 6/16/2006 5:38:38 PM >

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 83

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:42:04 PM

HayaSierra

Posts: 119
Joined: 4/7/2005
From: In Georgia
Status: offline

Greetings,

The bonds that we form are strong, and to have a relationship end like this is very painful. I can understand both your pain and your situation -- because in one way I felt it before. But I also understand the view and situation of the kitten (sorry I don't know what else to call her) from what little I have heard of her and the situation in whole, because it mirrors my own situation more than most my think. I believe on some level both of you are hurting very much right now, but because I am not there I cannot say for sure her whole feelings on the situation.

In my own situation my partner and good friend trained me first in submission, then submitted to me partially to teach me Domination, then kept only the romantic relationship with me (as near equals) and then submitted again, but this time completely. When he did that I was in absolute Heaven, but he came to realize that he could not BE submissive no matter how much he tried, and that he had to find out more who he was as a person before making such deep a commitment. The day he decided it was not to be like that anymore, I cried for a long time and I felt like a piece of my heart was torn out. While we had not been together as Dominant/submissive for as long as you and kitten, the similarieties are striking. He is still young and needs to find his way better, she is still young. He was not naturally submissive, she is not naturally submissive. Love was involved in both my situation and yours, so this made it hard too. To this day I still feel very protective of him and still love him very much. (I was lucky, we are still friends and partners in some of our projects, but the hurt is still present). The collar? I left it in our toy-box as a reminder of the times we shared and our growth together and seperately as people. It hurt me at first not to see it around his neck anymore, but I came to terms with it and after some time understood his reasons and respected them. What you do with the collar will be ultimately up to you -- but for now until you heal a little I would advise not looking at it too much; because that does tend to have the tendency to hurt and may make you feel like you did something wrong. (ie. if I only did this, perhaps she'd still be with me kind of thinking).

I will agree with others here, take some time away from the situation and get your mind on other things. And please -- don't let this shake you from searching for another relationship in the future; because there is hope and there will be future happiness.

Hope this helped in some small way.....

_____________________________

Haya Sierra
Haya Of Ka Azdor Estate --
http://groups.msn.com/Domsub/
Basic Information about the Hanian System of D/s

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 84

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 5:42:22 PM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

Welllllll, if the person you are speaking about does not come forward and stand up to say whatever it is they are supposed to say. I will stand up and say.........get over it. Move on. There are many more posts to dabble in.

Happy Friday...

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 85

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 7:23:38 PM

lilithfyre

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline

I don't think there is one person on this forum who has not felt the pain of a break-up, whether it was a D/s or vanilla relationship. Pain is pain and the heart knows no difference.

truer words have never been spoken, i too am sorry for your loss it hurts like hell
be well
lilith

_____________________________

Owned by Master Ramius

I do not know everything, still many things I understand.
(Goeth)

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 86

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 7:37:25 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

I see many people lurking on this thread, but no one has the guts to stand up and say that what a certain person was did was wrong and abhorrrrent in what he did to me.

Live with it it. Once a liar, always a liar.

What? This is a really random statement.

_____________________________

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 87

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 7:46:52 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

I see many people lurking on this thread, but no one has the guts to stand up and say that what a certain person was did was wrong and abhorrrrent in what he did to me.

Live with it it. Once a liar, always a liar.

How does this thread relate to your situation?

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 88

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 7:49:06 PM

MoonGoddessIsis

Posts: 38
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I am so sorry to hear about Your loss. Sadly I think Wwe have all been there a time or two.. or a million.

I hope that things get better!

Bright Blessings and Love,
Goddess Isis Moon

_____________________________

"Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before"

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 89

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 8:24:54 PM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

My heart hurts for You--the collar has two elements--- the meaning and the manifestation--the manifestation is purchased for the person at that moment in that time---it is filled with meaning---One cannot go to another with a meaning manifested for the past. Let it go, find a new purpose for the meaning, and a new manifestation will follow.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 90

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/16/2006 9:06:14 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

I read through only the 1st page.

First off, I'm sorry to hear of your pain, I can imagine how hard this must be for you.

In my first relationship (was D/s) I did what it sounds like your girl may have done with you; I knew the relationship was going to end because my feelings for him had changed, but until I was ready to admit it was truly over to *myself*, I would lie to him and promise him myself forever. I ached when I said the words and hoped he'd somehow know they weren't sincere, but in reality there was no way for him to know. I said those things that I desperatly wished were true, in hopes that it was just a 'phase' and I would once again feel them with all my heart as I had before.

This lasted a few weeks, and the time came for me to talk to him and tell him everything. We were both very hurt, but he did say at that time that he was shocked...but a tiny part of himself had a 'feeling' thats omething was very wrong.

Chances are she felt much like I did, and she wasn't just saying these things to play with your heart, she was probably thinking this for some time and wanted to convince herself it would pass, things would be ok...I'm sure she did not take off her collar lightly.

If she did, and you believe she did...then she was never what you thought she was and as much as that would hurt, you can at least know there was no other way for this to pan out.

Give her some time, and try and talk to her. For your own good, you should seek closure, it truly does help the healing process along when you can understand what she did wrong, what you did wrong, and what was just unfavorable circumstances.

Take care, you will feel better and find someone again in time...try not to rush it *hugs*

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 91

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/17/2006 12:50:54 AM

easythere

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline

Obviously the collar you gave this person you have had so much love for, meant something to both of you, otherwise when she had taken it off and handed it back to you, wouldnt have meant one tiny thing, unless the relationship between you both meant something on a Dom/Sub level.... it must have torn you apart to let her walk away with so much between you .. Im sorry.. You definitely had shown compassion and the feeling of true love, again Im sorry < ex slave>

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 92

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/17/2006 2:02:10 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Brosco

It seems to me that you are more worried about a shattered ego because of a material/symbolic item (the collar) than you are about her. I don't know you, but she did for a reason and it takes 2 to tango.

Brosco

I"m sorry that I have come off that way here.
I am very torn up about this, and I really needed to try and talk parts of this through.
It's 5 in the morning here, I haven't slept since Wed evening. I needed to talk and I thought I would try expressing myself here.

I don't think you came off that way at all, so forget about having made that impression.

I'm very sorry you're hurting, and even more because you didn't see it coming.
I hope you will see things more clearly in time, heal yourself, and take care of you.
Don't go too many days without sleeping, even if it requires some over the counter sleep aid, because that alone can make you loose your mind and everything will seem worse than it actually is.
Oh yeah, and what Chaingang said is right on!   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 93

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/17/2006 5:59:23 AM

LatexImage

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/22/2005
Status: offline

So sorry to hear about your breakup, it is never an easy situation.

But to hear that if a slave/sub wants to leave and so decides, that this
upsets the "Doms" out there is too bad. It takes 2 to tango and if the
slave/sub isn't happy, that's the way it is and he/she has EVERY right
to go, just like the "Dom" has the right to fire the slave/sub for any reason.
This is a 2-way street called life.
Just because you consider yourself "Dom" doesn't give you the right
to belittle another because they are unhappy and want to change their
life, maybe that was a very agonizing decision for them to make too.

(in reply to Brosco)

Post #: 94

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/17/2006 6:48:46 AM

littleone0472

Posts: 30
Joined: 7/11/2005
Status: offline

CM,

I apologize firstly as I haven't read the entire thread (the bickering made me stop reading) so if this was already suggested or you've already made a decision I apologize and feel free to ignore me.. lol

When I broke off my last relationship I was giving the collar back as it was engraved and most likely will never be used for another. I declined at that moment as it was not a very amicable breakup and at the time wanted nothing to do with them again. Not saying that is how you're break up went but that is how mine was. I did ask at the time that because of the feelings and emotions I was going through that I didnt want the collar because I feared being so upset that I would throw it away and most likely regret doing so later. I asked if after some time if they felt it was acceptable to mail the collar to me. This was so hopefully the emotions would be past and I could then accept the memories of what that symbol represented and remember our time fondly.

Unfortunately it's been over a year now and I've not gotten it back. I am a bit upset that I don't have it as it was beautiful and now I do have fond memories I can look back on that are all not filled with pain or high emotion. I would like having it back but to be honest it would most likely go into a special box in my closet and not be taken out. Why?? It's a collar that I could not wear again as I'm not theirs anymore but would be nice to have as a reminder of what our relationship was and what it meant. At the time as I said emotions were too high and I didn't trust myself to see the gift of keeping my own collar as a gift, I attached too many hatefull things to it. Now? It'd be nice to have at least one reminder of the past where I do not have any physical reminders of what that relationship was at all. I am highly emotional and pretty much got rid of every reminder in my haste to move out and be rid of that part of my life (is why I asked them to keep it I feared the collar would be one of those things trashed as well and it did not deserve that treatment). My only fear now is they did the same thing to it I feared I would and have gotten rid of it or trashed it. Maybe one day I'll still get it back if it's stored in a far away drawer that no one uses and one day they will find it again and I'll get it back. They have my new address (not given to them by me) but we don't speak or socialize anymore but even if we did I don't think I'd ever ask for it back. It's not proper though in my heart I would like it.

Not sure if this helped at all.. but perhaps mail your kitten her collar in time. In case she is still living in a bad situation where the collar would be opened by someone other than herself have a friend deliver it to her for you. If nothing else as a reminder of better times, when all the emotions are a little more under control.

I'm sorry this happened to you but unfortunately you are not alone in this. I hope you are feeling better and can one day release those emotions and think fondly without pain on a time in your life when you owned a lovely kitten yet still focus on the future and see the possibilities that are out there..

best to you,
colleen

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 95

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/17/2006 6:01:53 PM

CmotDribbler

Posts: 83
Joined: 1/17/2006
From: canada
Status: offline

Timeoutgurlie:

Thank you, it's good to know that this type of end to a relationship sn't lmited to just our situation.

LatexImage:

o.O;
I've never once belittled her, i stand by her discision, and accept it.
she did what she needed to be happy.
My problem is coming to term with it in my world and life.

_____________________________

"Better that I devote myself to studying the Other great mystery of the universe; women!"
Doc. Emit Brown

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)

Post #: 96

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/17/2006 11:05:53 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

You're welcome. Until you talk to her about this, there's no way for you to be sure even what your 'situation' was. Give each of you a bit of time, and try to talk things out. Not with the intention of 'making up' as the end result, but with the hope that you will come to an understanding.

When you feel ready to approach it that way, it's safe to say you're fully prepared to handle whatever may come to light in the conversation.

Again, best luck

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 97

RE: Leaving the Collar behind. - 6/17/2006 11:18:40 PM

stlmatt

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/5/2006
Status: offline

I would agree with the "burn it" comment, as that is what i was going to post. Every time you see it it'll hurt you. I don't like finding pictures of an ex i had stashed somewhere, yet i still keep them. self distructive behavior.

(in reply to CmotDribbler)

Post #: 98

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