Just curious (Full Version)

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Kerjin -> Just curious (11/25/2012 7:56:23 AM)

I'm just curious........

First off, I mean no disrespect to anyone by my words in this message.

I'm an older Dominant male. I am searching for a female slave, one that wants a 24/7 TPE relationship, the specifics of which I am prepared to negotiate with the right person. I have been living this lifestyle for over 25 years and have had many girls in my home. I'm not some wet behind the ears kid who thinks he should be in charge just because he's male (No offense to the Goreans) nor do I assume that I can dominate a slave just because she is a slave. I currently do not have a slave that lives with me and I do not do long-term long distance collars or cybersex.

I've been around this site for over 4 or so years now. In that time I can count on one hand the number of "Real" people (Read: slaves) that I've met and still have fingers left over.

It has become my experience that 80% of the new profiles created are by scammers and fakers. In the past 3 weeks, I have messaged 15 different girls. Of those 15, 10 of them turned out to me girls(?) who wanted me to send them money immediately to relocate them to be with me. Don't get me wrong, I am prepared to relocate the right girl, if it works out that we "fit". The other five never responded back at all. Which leaves me to believe they were real and we didn't have any "chemistry" which is perfectly fine.

I contacted a friend of mine, a slave that I know who lives about 6 hours away from me and asked her to start an account and let me know what kind of messages she received. Within 15 minutes of creating her account here she had 36 messages in her inbox and within 24 hours she had over 175. Of those messages, a handful were thoughtful messages posted by what appeared to be real Dominants searching for something. The rest ranged from one word messages to one line messages to rude and socially unacceptable messages to down right unacceptable messages.


What I am curious about is this:

Has anyone met a person online (Here or elsewhere) that turned out to be a real person and then was able to bring that person into their off line life for a 24/7 relationship?

Concerning the girl who started a profile here and was overwhelmed by messages, is this the norm?



DarkSteven -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:03:35 AM)

First off, I have had two women relocate to me. I've been on CM about six years. I've met three women on a spanking website that I had monthslong relationships with. I also had a relationship with a sub I met on Alt back when it was a decent website.

Now then, some thoughts:

1. It's extremely rare that a relationship start off M/s. I've seen a few start off D/s and then get deeper. Why is it that you want M/s right away, without easing into it?
2. Your profile says that you want TPE. It does not give any idea what a woman could expect from a relationship with you, or what kinds of vanilla activities you like. Why not let her know what she'd be in for?
3. I can pick off a fake profile at fifty paces and don't waste my time. You should be getting there soon.

Edited to add: I've heard other women talk about the deluge they get. It's worst right at the start, then eases up. Suffice it to say that many men think that claiming they are Doms will result in women falling into their laps for sex, kinky or otherwise.



Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:09:38 AM)

Thanks Steven..... Do you have an other suggestions for my profile? Never to old to learn I say. [:D]



graceadieu -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:16:16 AM)

I've met at least a dozen people off here and Fetlife over the last 5 years, and played with a few of them. My dominant and I have been together for 4 years and we met on here.

Yes, there are a lot of people here that are scammers or just want a cyber-fantasy. You've got to weed them out. Don't bother messaging people that have photos of models and only talk about BDSM in their profiles (especially in ways that are unrealistic - "I want to be in a cage 24/7 forever" etc). And then, like you mentioned, the decent ones are overwhelmed by messages right after they join (it dies down after a while), so you're probably not going to get far messaging new users.



KnightofMists -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:22:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerjin

Has anyone met a person online (Here or elsewhere) that turned out to be a real person and then was able to bring that person into their




I meet my girl Kyra in an Alt chat room 8 years ago. And I am developing another relationship with another that I first cross paths here on CM about a year ago. I pretty sure both are real since Kyra has been living with me for just about five years. The other girl I met a couple of times so she does appear to be real. But. She might be an delusion on my part I will know better when she is kneeling at my feet and giving me a blow job. ;)



Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:29:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

I've met at least a dozen people off here and Fetlife over the last 5 years, and played with a few of them. My dominant and I have been together for 4 years and we met on here.

Yes, there are a lot of people here that are scammers or just want a cyber-fantasy. You've got to weed them out. Don't bother messaging people that have photos of models and only talk about BDSM in their profiles (especially in ways that are unrealistic - "I want to be in a cage 24/7 forever" etc). And then, like you mentioned, the decent ones are overwhelmed by messages right after they join (it dies down after a while), so you're probably not going to get far messaging new users.


Thank you graceadieu



JeffBC -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:39:45 AM)

Nope, I haven't dated a woman from here. I have met a few of them in real life. So far they were all pretty much exactly as advertised.

Insofar as finding a TPE slave, good lucky buddy. Here are some issues I see...

a) You don't "find" a TPE slave. You make one.
b) I got about 2 paragraphs into your profile before I couldn't stomach it any more. I'm pretty sure that all the women I respect here would see it the same way. We're all glad that you are so much truer and more real and more experienced and more everything than anyone else. But it does beg the question... why can't you find a partner? I mean seriously... all that knowledge and experience ought to be reflected in results, no? After all, you are "expert" at "lifestyle BDSM". Yet you blame your failures on all the rest of us being fake? This is not a dominant stance... it's fundamentally submissive.
c) This post reflects (b) above.
d) Back to your profile (I decided to read further... bad mistake), you want a fantasy... "One who longs to worship her Master and to find no other joy greater than caring for and providing for his every whim." Seriously? Really seriously? And with that you expect to be taken seriously?

Oh.. and you openly admit to lacking social graces and say that this is expected of a dominant. You may be surprised by this but an awful lot of dominants seem to be able to get along just fine. Being dominant is not an excuse for being a jerk.



Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:51:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

a) You don't "find" a TPE slave. You make one.


Very true Jeff. But I'm trying to ensure that I am talking to people that "want" TPE and not one who wants bedroom play on weekends. Perhaps my words are not a very good choice in that aspect. I shall revisit my profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
b) I got about 2 paragraphs into your profile before I couldn't stomach it any more. I'm pretty sure that all the women I respect here would see it the same way. We're all glad that you are so much truer and more real and more experienced and more everything than anyone else. But it does beg the question... why can't you find a partner? I mean seriously... all that knowledge and experience ought to be reflected in results, no? After all, you are "expert" at "lifestyle BDSM". Yet you blame your failures on all the rest of us being fake? This is not a dominant stance... it's fundamentally submissive.


Again my intent was to set myself apart from the players on this site, that is all. Again, perhaps a poor choice of words on my part. Again, I shall revisit my profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
c) This post reflects (b) above.


I did not mean to indicate that I am better than anyone else, or that anyone else is worse than me. I merely wanted to open a line of communication with the people here and learn from their experiences.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
d) Back to your profile (I decided to read further... bad mistake), you want a fantasy... "One who longs to worship her Master and to find no other joy greater than caring for and providing for his every whim." Seriously? Really seriously? And with that you expect to be taken seriously?


Since my profile seems to be the single common point of your criticisms, which I respect and thank you for, it appears to be time to go back to the drawing board on that and rewrite it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Oh.. and you openly admit to lacking social graces and say that this is expected of a dominant. You may be surprised by this but an awful lot of dominants seem to be able to get along just fine. Being dominant is not an excuse for being a jerk.


Actually I admit to being very opinionated and that tends to rub some people the wrong way. I apologize for that, though I never said I had no social graces. I just don't get along with most people as I find most people to be tedious bores (Present company excluded) and don't have the time or patience to put up with their bull.



tazzygirl -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:52:32 AM)

quote:

a) You don't "find" a TPE slave. You make one.


QFT



DarkSteven -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 8:59:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerjin

Thanks Steven..... Do you have an other suggestions for my profile? Never to old to learn I say. [:D]


PM sent. [:)]



Missokyst -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 9:12:22 AM)

Therein lies your problem. The most successful dominants I have met are men who are social animals that shine no matter where they are, no matter if it is a gathering or in a bathroom with me. People are not bores unless you are boring.

As for whether or not I have met real people here, yes I have. Not relationships, because that is not why I am here, but genuine people who are into bdsm but don't have to bang you over the head with how good they are at it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerjin

I just don't get along with most people as I find most people to be tedious bores (Present company excluded) and don't have the time or patience to put up with their bull.





lizi -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 9:18:05 AM)

I have to agree with what JeffBC for the most part OP. You seem to be putting down everyone else except for yourself. It seems that you are dictating what a true slave is, and what Dominance is without taking into account that people are a world of differences. Something you look down on is perfect for another. Why set yourself up in the first profile paragraph as better than every other person on this site? If I were looking for a partner, I'd never read any farther before shaking my head and moving on to the next profile. If putting down others is not what you intended to convey, I ask you to reread your profile with objectivity and see how it comes off.

As far as finding someone, I've met several people from this site. They've all been real people who were who they said they were. I have been in a relationship with the first man I met here 3 1/2 years ago. There are many people who have met their partners here. Yes, there are scammers, most social sites have them. It's part of the scenery. Yes, the women here get inundated with mail- much of it is unpleasant. None of those things are revelations to the users of this site, it's all pretty standard fare to any adult site, this place is not special or exempt.

For the record, the Dominant in my life is mannerly, polite, and very socially adept while managing to be Dominant. The fact that you aren't getting the person that you want makes me offer the suggestion to you to not to excuse yourself on social graces, how about getting some? It doesn't make you less Dominant to be able to function effectively with others.



Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 9:18:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Therein lies your problem. The most successful dominants I have met are men who are social animals that shine no matter where they are, no matter if it is a gathering or in a bathroom with me. People are not bores unless you are boring.

As for whether or not I have met real people here, yes I have. Not relationships, because that is not why I am here, but genuine people who are into bdsm but don't have to bang you over the head with how good they are at it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerjin

I just don't get along with most people as I find most people to be tedious bores (Present company excluded) and don't have the time or patience to put up with their bull.





Thank you Missokyst



JeffBC -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 9:43:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerjin
Since my profile seems to be the single common point of your criticisms, which I respect and thank you for, it appears to be time to go back to the drawing board on that and rewrite it.

Perhaps "criticism" was well placed and I apologize. I normally try to do better than that. Your profile is your own and you should feel free to write it as you see fit. Ideally you should write your profile to be a genuine reflection of your thoughts. Is it? I ask because what I have read there and on these posts reads TO ME as a general disdain for humanity which, honestly, few people find attractive -- athough there is that segment of women drawn to that whole "badass, lone wolf, dark & dangerous" thing. In my actual experience though out in the world.. not BDSM stuff... part of what it takes to be effectively dominant is some fair degree of empathy and social grace. You can't really control someone if you can't understand them and empathize with them. I honestly can't imagine myself, for instance, walking into a business meeting and saying, "Is there anyone here who doesn't suck?" and getting a constructive result from that. I can't really imagine that group of people turning power over to me after that start.

By the way, if you haven't already I'd highly recommend the Seattle MAsT meeting. BY FAR I have seen a much higher percentage of relationships that smelled like "M/s" to me at MAsT meetings than I have anywhere else and I remember the Seattle group as being interesting, welcoming, and informative.... Good people generally and worth knowing.



Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 11:07:17 AM)

Thank you Jeff, I appreciate your thoughts and words.

Let me clarify things a little.

I've been dominant for most of my life. I've been a member of groups and such in the various places that I live but have usually gotten bored with the drama and politics of them. I really got started when I stumbled across silk&Steel on IRC. In the 20 years or so since, I'm become very jaded about online communities. Mainly because of the drama and politics and not fitting in with the "in" crowd (Present community excluded).

I have owned several girls in my life thus far and they have all moved on, for one reason or another. I've been married to may latest girl for 10+ years now and that is taking a hiatus as well, she is moving to Ohio to find herself and I completely support that choice. So, while I am currently still married, we are separated and both of us are aware of what the other does.

I do not have a disdain for people when I first meet them. I take everyone at face value till they prove otherwise. I do not discount anyone's opinion as we all have the right to our opinion nor do I reject anyone's opinion just because it differs from mine.

I am looking to meet some one who wants to be owned, not a kinky girlfriend or a kinky wife nor someone who's looking for online collaring or cybersex. Perhaps my words to that effect in my profile are a bit strong or poorly choosen so I am going to attempt to rewrite that today though I find talking about myself to be a bit embarrassing as I feel like a used car salesman when I do so. [8D]

I do want to thank everyone for their inputs and words so far, you all have helped me realize that, after 10+ years, I have become very rusty and a bit of a stick in the mud when it comes to meeting new people.

And thank you Jeff, I am researching Seattle MAsT as well now.



SailingBum -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 11:37:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerjin

I'm just curious........


What I am curious about is this:

Has anyone met a person online (Here or elsewhere) that turned out to be a real person and then was able to bring that person into their off line life for a 24/7 relationship?

Concerning the girl who started a profile here and was overwhelmed by messages, is this the norm?




It's the opposite for me. Ive known ppl in real life that Ive run into on here. Yep they are real ppl I've touched, talk and laffed with. Hell we may have even had a beer or three. Im extremely suspect of ppl that whine/ warn ppl about all the fakes on the net as that has not been my experience.

BadOne



Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 11:51:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

It's the opposite for me. Ive known ppl in real life that Ive run into on here. Yep they are real ppl I've touched, talk and laffed with. Hell we may have even had a beer or three. Im extremely suspect of ppl that whine/ warn ppl about all the fakes on the net as that has not been my experience.

BadOne



Thank you for your input SailingBum. I like your handle and can relate, I was in the Navy for 10 years on submarines and love being around water.



Thaz -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 11:53:50 AM)

I have met several people from here or fet life. My Wench and wife of 7 years I met back when the world (wide web) was but a glimmer in a young geeks eye on another 'site' (aka chat program). I have met several others who relocated for tpe or some other form of lifestyle relationship. Come to think of it so did my Wench.

As with life in general you need to meet a Lot of folks to find one right for you.

But I think you need to adjust your recruiting methods....most tpe wanting adds are fake, as who in their right mind Starts there?

Meanwhile I'll go back to hunting Unicorns with my mate Baron Munchausen....



Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 11:59:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Thaz

I have met several people from here or fet life. My Wench and wife of 7 years I met back when the world (wide web) was but a glimmer in a young geeks eye on another 'site' (aka chat program). I have met several others who relocated for tpe or some other form of lifestyle relationship. Come to think of it so did my Wench.

As with life in general you need to meet a Lot of folks to find one right for you.

But I think you need to adjust your recruiting methods....most tpe wanting adds are fake, as who in their right mind Starts there?

Meanwhile I'll go back to hunting Unicorns with my mate Baron Munchausen....


Good point Thaz, I appreciate the honesty and shared point of view.



SailingBum -> RE: Just curious (11/25/2012 12:31:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerjin

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

It's the opposite for me. Ive known ppl in real life that Ive run into on here. Yep they are real ppl I've touched, talk and laffed with. Hell we may have even had a beer or three. Im extremely suspect of ppl that whine/ warn ppl about all the fakes on the net as that has not been my experience.

BadOne



Thank you for your input SailingBum. I like your handle and can relate, I was in the Navy for 10 years on submarines and love being around water.



Hell to the YEA. Nothing better than blowing 20 to 30 knots seas 10 to 12 feet.. I feel so alive in that moment. Anywho get out in real live and meet some babes.

BadOne



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