RE: Just curious

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Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 9:48:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl And beyond the multiple TPE Unicorns, he's treating the issue of his wife like it's a non-issue, when it's a huge issue. He wants someone to come into his life with no idea where they will fit in. If the wife comes back, it changes the dynamic. I'm assuming that a wife is more important than a Unicorn, so what happens if the wife is unhappy with the situation? The Unicorn is at the mercy of someone they've never met and at the mercy of a situation that doesn't work 99% of the time. And then expect them to relocate for something so uncertain. It's not an attractive situation when looked at from the view of the Unicorn. You've made some very good points OsideGirl and I appreciate them very much. I don't mean for it to be a non issue. Really. I do, however, want the specifics of my life known to anyone who wants to know them here. Since I'm not hiding it at all, I disagree with the "He wants someone to come into his life with no idea where they will fit in." statement. If I meet a girl here, if we start talking about the future, if she decides that she wants to be with me, then thing move forward. From the get go, she will know that I have a wife and she is not with me at this time, though she may return. What the future holds for me and nadira I can not tell, I failed my fortune telling 101 class [:)] But I can assure you that anyone who starts talking to me will know about nadira, will know about the situation, and will be a part of the decision making process where she is involved. And to me, if she is with me, she is involved in everything. I realize that my "pool of prospects" if you will, is limited to start with and my situation is even more limiting. Perhaps I will fine another to fit in my life, perhaps not. I will say that I have been very impressed with the level and types of responses this thread has gathered and I thank each of you for making your viewpoint public. It has given me a lot to think about and all of it is very thought provoking.

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 9:51:48 AM)
Profile changes have been made to better clarify the one vs the many.

OsideGirl -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 9:57:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kerjin Since I'm not hiding it at all, I disagree with the "He wants someone to come into his life with no idea where they will fit in." statement. If I meet a girl here, if we start talking about the future, if she decides that she wants to be with me, then thing move forward. From the get go, she will know that I have a wife and she is not with me at this time, though she may return. That's precisely my point. It's a "what if" situation determined by someone outside of her relationship with you. She won't know what her role is until your wife makes up her mind. And realistically, even if your wife has "committed" to accepting whomever you bring in....it's not a guarantee that they won't hate each other on first sight.

MyMasterStephen -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 10:02:10 AM)
I'm English and I encountered a woman, also English, on ALT who became a good online friend. I first met her face-to-face when she asked me to be the witness and photographer at her wedding to someone (from OK) who she'd also met via ALT. After that, until she emigrated to the US, I spent several long weekends with her. Six years later we're still good friends and talk almost every day on Yahoo. Shortly after her marriage, she put me into contact with someone else (living in Spain) who she knew via ALT. This "someone else" was later to become my current partner Shey, and we've been together over four years now. That being said, I can fully empathise with the OP. In all the time I've been looking online, here and on FL and IC, both before and since I met Shey, I have written several thousands of messages, most of them individually crafted to reflect the other person's profile and to contrast it with my own. In response I've received maybe a thousand replies, which have led to hundreds of correspondences of varying lengths, scores of which have resulted in phone conversations, which in turn have led to dozens of face-to-face meetings being arranged, almost all of which were no-shows. In eight years of online searching, I have actually met seven prospective subs in real life. Of course, if I were more gregarious then I could have gone to more munches and events than I have, and met a great many more people. But the OP was asking purely about online encounters. The answer is yes, real relationships CAN happen through sites like these, but you have to work bloody hard and be very lucky, and even then you might need the help of other online contacts.

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 10:25:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Kerjin Since I'm not hiding it at all, I disagree with the "He wants someone to come into his life with no idea where they will fit in." statement. If I meet a girl here, if we start talking about the future, if she decides that she wants to be with me, then thing move forward. From the get go, she will know that I have a wife and she is not with me at this time, though she may return. That's precisely my point. It's a "what if" situation determined by someone outside of her relationship with you. She won't know what her role is until your wife makes up her mind. And realistically, even if your wife has "committed" to accepting whomever you bring in....it's not a guarantee that they won't hate each other on first sight. I guess I'm just screwed then. [:)] Or I'm failing in my ability to explain how the dynamic will be structured. Let me try again. I assume, hopefully rightfully so, that anyone who reads my profile here will understand that I am currently married. That my wife is not going to be with me, that her and I are separated. That the future of the relationship between here and I is still a work in progress. Anyone that wishes to contact me is free to contact nadira as well and she will talk to them about her future and their place, with her, with me, with us. nadira is the one that is willing to bring another girl into this dynamic. I'm willing to bring another girl into this dynamic. And nothing will be held back concerning anyone's place in this dynamic. As I said earlier, I know that I have severely tightened the pool of prospects, but that's OK. I'm not looking to meet a girl today and have her relocated to be with me tomorrow. I want to have a Master/slave relationship with a girl who wants the same thing and who knows that I am, currently, still married. I want to talk to them, get to know them better and answer any and all questions. She can converse with nadira via email or phone to hear her (nadira's) side of the dynamics and get to know her better. I hope this, along with the profile changes, makes it clearer. If not, I shall endeavour to answer better next time.

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 10:26:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MyMasterStephen I'm English and I encountered a woman, also English, on ALT who became a good online friend. I first met her face-to-face when she asked me to be the witness and photographer at her wedding to someone (from OK) who she'd also met via ALT. After that, until she emigrated to the US, I spent several long weekends with her. Six years later we're still good friends and talk almost every day on Yahoo. Shortly after her marriage, she put me into contact with someone else (living in Spain) who she knew via ALT. This "someone else" was later to become my current partner Shey, and we've been together over four years now. That being said, I can fully empathise with the OP. In all the time I've been looking online, here and on FL and IC, both before and since I met Shey, I have written several thousands of messages, most of them individually crafted to reflect the other person's profile and to contrast it with my own. In response I've received maybe a thousand replies, which have led to hundreds of correspondences of varying lengths, scores of which have resulted in phone conversations, which in turn have led to dozens of face-to-face meetings being arranged, almost all of which were no-shows. In eight years of online searching, I have actually met seven prospective subs in real life. Of course, if I were more gregarious then I could have gone to more munches and events than I have, and met a great many more people. But the OP was asking purely about online encounters. The answer is yes, real relationships CAN happen through sites like these, but you have to work bloody hard and be very lucky, and even then you might need the help of other online contacts. Thank you Stephen, I appreciate your words and thoughts.

LadyPact -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 11:12:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL:Kerjin Has anyone met a person online (Here or elsewhere) that turned out to be a real person and then was able to bring that person into their off line life for a 24/7 relationship? Yes. The pet that I had several years ago. Technically, clip first saw Me in an alt chat room when I was discussing weekend plans with friends. I've met a good number of other people. Some were/are just friends. Others were play partners. Sometimes, they were people who I knew in real life first and then we realized we both had accounts here. Other times, we had the accounts first and then met in real life. I stopped counting people that I have met from this site at 200. I've also met people from Alt and Fet. I'm almost starting to consider Myself the poster child of the 'who has met people from here' question. quote: Concerning the girl who started a profile here and was overwhelmed by messages, is this the norm? Frankly, the thirty-six in twenty four hours is rather low. I did a similar experiment to prove a point about two years ago and got double that number in eighteen hours. Out of that seventy-two, only one person wrote back to tell Me about the local groups in the area, which I had mentioned on the profile that I was interested in. As to your situation, you've got a really hard sell. The maybe the wife will come back, maybe not thing is only doing you a favor in the fact that you are telling the truth about it. You must remember that online is a medium where people see stats, etc more than personality. You are also a seller in a buyer's market. Not having a concrete answer of what the girl can expect (monogamy, poly, first girl, second behind the wife, etc) is going to be an obstacle.

OsideGirl -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 11:39:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kerjin I hope this, along with the profile changes, makes it clearer. If not, I shall endeavour to answer better next time. I understand exactly how you see it. I'm explaining to you how a submissive female would see it.

DesFIP -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 3:16:32 PM)
Do you want your wife back? If so, focus on that. But assuming that she and you work out your issues sufficiently for her to come back and then be confronted by some strange woman is ever going to turn out well is absolutely incorrect. I wouldn't get near this situation. I wouldn't want to be the one to cause the final end of the marriage. I would want you to go to therapy with her and try to fix things. Beyond my own sense of morality, that also shows that if there were problems in a relationship with me, you would be committed to fixing them, to working it out. Honestly, that isn't something I see.

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 4:14:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact As to your situation, you've got a really hard sell. The maybe the wife will come back, maybe not thing is only doing you a favor in the fact that you are telling the truth about it. You must remember that online is a medium where people see stats, etc more than personality. You are also a seller in a buyer's market. Not having a concrete answer of what the girl can expect (monogamy, poly, first girl, second behind the wife, etc) is going to be an obstacle. You make a very good point LadyPact and I thank you for that. I would rather make it harder to find a girl, because of my situation, than to lie and rope someone in. It goes against my grain to lie about the reality of my life, more so because of the anonymity of online. I am what I wrote and that is my situation. I know that a lot of girls on here are going to read my profile and immediately turn to the next one, just because of my situation. I guess the easiest thing to say is that I expect my wife to return, better for having "found" herself. Whatever girl starts to talk to me will be informed of everything and be allowed to make her own decisions about my situation and how she would fit in. There is no way I can set anything in concrete on a profile because I don't know. If the relationship had ended in a divorce, it would have made this much easier. But life's not supposed to be easy. So, hopefully, I'll meet a girl that wants to be owned, knows and understands the situation here and has questioned me in depth about her place and her future, and makes an informed choice. If she chooses not to be here, I endorse and support that decisions. Just because I am a dominant doesn't mean that I am going to slap a collar on her neck 3 nanoseconds after meetings her and tell her to get her ass here now or I will be very disappointed. IF I meet a girl and IF she understands and accepts the situation here and IF she decides to be with me, being her Master doesn't mean that I forget that she is a human being with thoughts and feelings. It doesn't mean that she is an object to be driven around the block and then parked in the garage till next week. There will be a dynamic here that will have to be worked out and negotiated between all parties. And yes, I know the uncertainty of the future is going to deter a lot of girls from ever talking to me. Again, I thank you for your words and thoughts LadyPact.

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 4:15:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl I understand exactly how you see it. I'm explaining to you how a submissive female would see it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts from the submissive's perspective OsideGirl, I really do appreciate your words and your point of view.

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 4:59:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Do you want your wife back? If so, focus on that. But assuming that she and you work out your issues sufficiently for her to come back and then be confronted by some strange woman is ever going to turn out well is absolutely incorrect. Yes, in a perfect world, I do want my wife back. WE have a wonderful history together, more better than worse. She's moving 3000 miles away and will not be in my life for the foreseeable future. Whether she finds herself and wants to come back or not is totally up to her. I have done everything that I can for the past year trying to return us to where we were and both of us feel that some time apart is a good thing. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I wouldn't get near this situation. I wouldn't want to be the one to cause the final end of the marriage. I would want you to go to therapy with her and try to fix things. Just so we are clear, my wife is also my submissive, she wears my collar. Things have changed a little over the past 10 years, but all in all, she is my submissive. Rather than being the abusive asshole who refuses to listen and admit that mistakes have been made, I am allowing her the freedom to go and be herself, find out who she is. If who she is, is a submissive at my feet, then that is for her to find out and then come back. WE (Both her and I) have been looking for a girl to add to our family for the longest time. So, anyone who comes to be with me, would not be the straw that breaks the back of this marriage. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Beyond my own sense of morality, that also shows that if there were problems in a relationship with me, you would be committed to fixing them, to working it out. Honestly, that isn't something I see. Please understand there is more to this situation than I have expressed in my profile. We almost separated a year ago last month. We have tried working on things since that initial bump. Part of her doesn't feel submissive anymore and I can not force her to be submissive to me, that goes against everything I believe in as both a Man and a Master. So, my hope is that by allowing her the freedom to find herself, she finds that being submissive is what she is and that she wants to be my submissive again. If she doesn't, I support her choices 100% and always will. Thank you for your words and thoughts DesFIP

OsideGirl -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 5:07:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kerjin So, anyone who comes to be with me, would not be the straw that breaks the back of this marriage. You don't know that. If she comes back she'd be walking back into her home faced with a stranger that has a dynamic with you that was developed without her present. Then the second girl suddenly has her dynamic and role changed by someone outside of the relationship. Both of them will feel insecure which normally spells disaster for poly relationships.

kalikshama -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 5:36:49 PM)
quote: Yes, in a perfect world, I do want my wife back. WE have a wonderful history together, more better than worse. She's moving 3000 miles away and will not be in my life for the foreseeable future. Whether she finds herself and wants to come back or not is totally up to her. I have done everything that I can for the past year trying to return us to where we were and both of us feel that some time apart is a good thing. Do you think you acquiring a slave while your wife is gone will increase or decrease her desire to return?

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 6:06:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: Kerjin So, anyone who comes to be with me, would not be the straw that breaks the back of this marriage. You don't know that. If she comes back she'd be walking back into her home faced with a stranger that has a dynamic with you that was developed without her present. Then the second girl suddenly has her dynamic and role changed by someone outside of the relationship. Both of them will feel insecure which normally spells disaster for poly relationships. Well then, all I can say is that I respectfully disagree with you on this point. nadira will be a part of the equation as will the hypothetical girl. They will communicate and they will get to know each other as best they can with her not being in the same house. The dynamic between myself and the girl will be negotiated with the full disclosure of what other dynamics exist. I understand your point of view and objections to this and I understand that this "dynamic" makes it harder for me to find a girl to be with me, or her and I, should nadira return to my home. But I would rather have this "dynamic" out in the open than to lie and say that I am divorced and lead a girl to believe that she will be the only one. Please understand that I have been doing this for 20+ years now. I'm not some wet behind the ears child who thinks he can rule the world simply because he is a male, nor am I some horn dog who's tossed out his wife and it looking for something to ease his mid life crisis. I could have his this, it would have been easier. I could have lied and brought some girl clear across the country only to introduce her to my wife after 8 months of her being the only girl in my life. If I find someone, I'll be thrilled. If I don't find anyone, then so be it. First and foremost I am the master of my own life and the dynamics therein. If I am not, how can I expect to master another. Remember, the original thrust of this thread was about others experiences meeting people here at collarme.com and a friend of mine's experiences as a female slave being flooded with idiots and was that the norm, not a discussion of my dynamics or anything. I do appreciate everyone's inputs and I value them all, they have helped me present myself in a better light and that is important as this community revolves around first impressions. Again, I understand that my dynamic is not very conducive to finding a girl to be a part of my household as my slave and I accept that. But, as I said before, it meant much more to me to be honest and transparent than to be like so many other losers online. Thank you again, OsideGirl, for your thought provoking words and thoughts.

DesFIP -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 6:14:07 PM)
She can't get to know your wife as the woman is moving 3000 miles away. A third, or unicorn, or however you express it needs to date both people together. You don't have that as an option. We appreciate that you want to move forward including finding a new relationship, but damn few women are interested in couples to begin with, and that's strong relationships. One like this has all kinds of red flags to it from our pov.

OsideGirl -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 6:20:26 PM)
You can disagree all you want, but the reality is that I've been the female submissive in this type of relationship and you haven't. I've been in WIITWD for 20 years. I've been with Master for 13 years. And I've been the primary female submissive in a poly relationship while married to Master. I'm telling your straight up that it's no where near as easy as you seem to think it is. You gloss over everything by saying that your wife understands and that the new girl will understand....when the reality is that no one is prepared for the things that come up in the beginning of a poly relationship. And you've added a situation that is overripe for excessive drama. I get that you were asking why you're not meeting people on here. It's because you're not only looking for the Unicorn, you're looking for a Unicorn that's willing to get into a situation that is nearly impossible to have be successful...and she's the one risking everything by relocating.

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 6:21:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama quote: ORIGINAL: Kerjin Yes, in a perfect world, I do want my wife back. We have a wonderful history together, more better than worse. She's moving 3000 miles away and will not be in my life for the foreseeable future. Whether she finds herself and wants to come back or not is totally up to her. I have done everything that I can for the past year trying to return us to where we were and both of us feel that some time apart is a good thing. Do you think you acquiring a slave while your wife is gone will increase or decrease her desire to return? Since nadira and I have been talking about all of this for a few months now, I truly believe that it will neither increase nor decrease the chance of her returning. Please understand that I truly want what is best for her. That's why I am allowing her to take the time to find herself. As I said, there is a part of her that no longer feels submissive to me and that's a part she needs to find, if we are to stay together. If she can not find that, then we will part our ways and still be friends. If she does find it again but it is directed towards another, I will support her decisions and ensure in any way possible that she is happy and cared for. If she can not find it again, then, again, I will support her decision and do everything I can to make sure she is in a good place. At the same time, she has repeated over and over that she wants me to be happy and that bringing a new girl into the house is something she feels strongly about, in the fact that she wants it to, whether shes stays or leaves. Matter of fact, after reading this thread she has repeatedly asked me why I didn't just hide it from the start and talk to each girl individually and up front privately. My answer was very simple and straightforward. That's not who I am. I've seen too many people that justify things with the statement of "The end justifies the means". If that were the truth then this statement holds true: "I shall do a minor evil to achieve a greater good." or "My aim for greater good makes all the evils I have done right." From a moral standpoint, we can say that the morality of an act can be determined only at the point in time when it is committed; we have to make a decision with insufficient information, and it is only the intent at that point which determines the morality of the action. That's not me. It's not in my morals to lead anyone into a Master/slave dynamic by leading them on by hiding something so integral in the first place.

Kerjin -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 6:23:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl You can disagree all you want, but the reality is that I've been the female submissive in this type of relationship and you haven't. I've been in WIITWD for 20 years. I've been with Master for 13 years. And I've been the primary female submissive in a poly relationship. I'm telling your straight up that it's no where near as easy as you seem to think it is. You gloss over everything by saying that your wife understands and that the new girl will understand....when the reality is that no one is prepared for the things that come up in the beginning of a poly relationship. And you've added a situation that is overripe for excessive drama. I get that you were asking why you're not meeting people on here. It's because you're not only looking for the Unicorn, you're looking for a Unicorn that's willing to get into a situation that is nearly impossible to have be successful...and she's the one risking everything by relocating. Thank you for your point of view

littlewonder -> RE: Just curious (11/28/2012 6:28:43 PM)
So Nadira would have rather had you find a relationship, get to know her, bring her into your home and then one day spring it one her "Oh, btw, my separated wife is coming back" and then she comes back and guess what? Neither get along with each other or Nadira finds herself and decides she really is monogamous after all. I think you have sooooo many problems here it's just too fucked up to even try to explain to you since it seems others have tried and it's still not sinking into you. Good luck!

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