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Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 12:06:59 PM

Nelee

Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

Just something I was thinking about.

I have a few of my own issues that I deal with (mental and otherwise), and oftentimes, it makes me feel like I shouldn't be in this type of lifestyle.
Like, am I good enough? Would I be pushing my issues on anyone else? Is my existence a burden on my partner?
Of course, I know that different issues vary in severity and that their affect on a person and their life differs. But even so, I often find myself asking, "Should I even be doing this?" It's almost like... Like I don't feel qualified, or I feel "too fucked up" to be doing this.

This could just be my insecurities eating at me (hell, it probably IS my insecurities eating at me), but with the popular trope that people in this lifestyle are only in it because of some traumatic childhood event or some ongoing issues in their lives, it makes me wonder...

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? I don't even know what I'm looking for, exactly. Just discussion, I suppose. If this has already been touched on before, then I apologize and I'll go and look through there.

Post #: 1

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 12:38:51 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't know anyone who hasn't had some issue in their life. It might be some kid calling you ugly when you were young, or a teacher dismissing an idea, or a friend saying you are not like "one of those others". People come through life with various experiences, everything changes you to some degree otherwise we are not learning a thing.
If everyone who ever had an issue hid from life and relationships because they worry about others seeing their damage no one would ever come together. Having been someone (and still is as it never leaves) who hides away, I can tell you that keeping away does no one any good. It won't heal you any more than being with people might. The only thing we can do is live and hope that the experience of living will teach us it's not as bad as it seems.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 2

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 1:09:06 PM

Nelee

Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

That's very true, and I completely understand that (I'm a "hider" myself, by nature; pre-high school, I had almost never left my house before, so it's habit to go to my room and not leave for a long while when I'm not feeling up to interaction with people). I mean more along the lines of clinical illnesses (depression, bi-polar disorder, eating disorders, etc) or deep trauma (molestation, ptsd, domestic abuse, etcetc). Something that GREATLY effects who you are and how you interact with the world (not saying that the above don't greatly effect anything, but that these are on a much larger scale).

In those situations, it could feel like maybe you're not cut out to be involved in this sort of thing, especially if it is somehow intertwined with your disorder or deep issue. How do you know it's what you want and not just fueling/enabling/hurting others due to your own problems?

I hope I'm making sense, here...

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 3

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 1:15:11 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

You are in college, yes?

Most colleges provide mental health services.
I suggest that you make use of them; not because I think you are too damaged to be a part of this kinky ice-cream buffet but so you can sort out the questions: is this something that you really want and does this truly suit you?

I have issues.
I may even have had entire subscriptions in the past, and no, I did not get myself entirely fixed before I entered into a serious relationship that my joining here helped bring me to.

But you asked an important question, and I think sometimes delving into the past can help one to define things clearer in the present.

Having said that, relationships are sometimes messy and often there is spillage of our stuff onto other people.
I wouldn't want a sanitised relationship with out some mess.

I don't want chaos either.

I have something real and real works for us/me.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 4

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 1:30:05 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

Just something I was thinking about.

I have a few of my own issues that I deal with (mental and otherwise), and oftentimes, it makes me feel like I shouldn't be in this type of lifestyle.
Like, am I good enough? Would I be pushing my issues on anyone else? Is my existence a burden on my partner?
Of course, I know that different issues vary in severity and that their affect on a person and their life differs. But even so, I often find myself asking, "Should I even be doing this?" It's almost like... Like I don't feel qualified, or I feel "too fucked up" to be doing this.

This could just be my insecurities eating at me (hell, it probably IS my insecurities eating at me), but with the popular trope that people in this lifestyle are only in it because of some traumatic childhood event or some ongoing issues in their lives, it makes me wonder...

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? I don't even know what I'm looking for, exactly. Just discussion, I suppose. If this has already been touched on before, then I apologize and I'll go and look through there.

I always thought that good couple share things. That they face things as a We, not as a me and you, and that doing so, well, not only doesn't it detract from relationships but makes them stronger. Trust grows, faith grows, compassion, empathy and understanding grow. And how can that be a bad thing?
It's the one spectacular thing about being in a bound interaction. I mean really, once you've told someone your deepest darkest fantasies and kinks, once you've told em stuff like, "I like to get peed on" or "I want to spanked raw while wearing diapers " or any of the ten billion other or's that we we call fetishes, how tough is it to be a bit emotionally vulnerable and tell your partner that sometimes you feel less than, unworthy, that you have fears and insecurities.
She shows me her wounds, I show her mine, and in doing so, we heal each other.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 5

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 2:24:29 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

That's a good viewpoint but I will take it further if you don't mind. I see my wounds, I open them to the air where they can dry, scab over and eventually fall off. Sometimes it leaves a scar, but its better than keeping a festering sore. Mental issues? Unless someone is bi-polar or likewise, those things are life induced. I have made peace with mine for the most part. But that doesn't mean that their influence has magically vanished. I am a product of my life experience, rape, molestation, heck.. my sister marrying my rapist, all those things changed me. But, I am relatively content and comfy in my skin. It is not the damage done, but the attitude going in to a new relationship that should matter. Finding someone who accepts the quirks that built the personality is the best reward for living.

And if those mental issues are inherent then it is best dealt with by medication. Once you are on level ground you are pretty close to normal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
She shows me her wounds, I show her mine, and in doing so, we heal each other.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 11/25/2012 2:26:10 PM >

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 6

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 2:29:59 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee
Like, am I good enough? Would I be pushing my issues on anyone else? Is my existence a burden on my partner?
Of course, I know that different issues vary in severity and that their affect on a person and their life differs. But even so, I often find myself asking, "Should I even be doing this?" It's almost like... Like I don't feel qualified, or I feel "too fucked up" to be doing this.

No idea.

Without knowing about your mental issues I couldn't even begin to guess.

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 7

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 3:22:08 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Depends on what the issues are, and their severity. I've heard of some people with untreated bipolar that cannot function. Paranoia, delusion. I've known some with DID/MPD that were borderline functional. Then I know some who have depression, and it reduces their energy some a few days per month, and others who have depression to the point where they cannot function.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 8

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 3:56:47 PM

BambiBoi

Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline

We're all crumpled toys by one measure or another.

Just like having a baby to save the marriage has questionable merit, a relationship (BDSM or vanilla) taxes the mind. We have to communicate, negotiate, explain ourselves, and be agreeable and rational for it to work. If a person cannot do that alone, doing it with another person is more of a challenge, not less. I've seen people bring some of their baggage into BDSM relationships, but its usually in a controlled fashion. Girl with daddy issues has a far older dom, racism manifests in race play, etc. More often than not, BDSM people are well adjusted.

In short, I don't think the question needs to be set in a BDSM context. Are you too crazy to date? to be dating?

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 4:04:35 PM

theSwan

Posts: 48
Joined: 11/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

Just something I was thinking about.

I have a few of my own issues that I deal with (mental and otherwise), and oftentimes, it makes me feel like I shouldn't be in this type of lifestyle.
Like, am I good enough? Would I be pushing my issues on anyone else? Is my existence a burden on my partner?
Of course, I know that different issues vary in severity and that their affect on a person and their life differs. But even so, I often find myself asking, "Should I even be doing this?" It's almost like... Like I don't feel qualified, or I feel "too fucked up" to be doing this.

This could just be my insecurities eating at me (hell, it probably IS my insecurities eating at me), but with the popular trope that people in this lifestyle are only in it because of some traumatic childhood event or some ongoing issues in their lives, it makes me wonder...

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? I don't even know what I'm looking for, exactly. Just discussion, I suppose. If this has already been touched on before, then I apologize and I'll go and look through there.

Would I be pushing my issues on anyone else?
Yes. No way around that in any deep, long-term relationship.

Is my existence a burden on my partner?
Depends on the partner, you should really let them decide if they find the cons worth the pros.

--

I just want to clarify that many truly debilitating mental or physical illnesses preclude people from managing any form of relationship, not specifically a BDSM relationship.

And relationships centering around power exchange can actually help manage certain forms of mental illness.

ADD/ADHD submissives benefit from the structure given by a dominant persona in their lives.
Submissives suffering from eating disorders can be held to the meal regimen set in place by a dominant.

Dominants suffering from depression may just end up with a submissive partner who spends an inordinate amount of energy trying to keep them happy.

At the same time, I can definitely see a poor match in a submissive with PTSD from domestic abuse paired with a sadistic dominant.

I do believe there is a such thing as being too damaged to be healthy for another person to interact with.
I also believe that the proper kind of relationship can be the best solution to many kinds of psychological illness.

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 10

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 4:23:05 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Only you can figure out for yourself what type of involvements may or may not be "mentally healthy" for you. Sometimes that has to be learned via experience.

I think that all people in all walks of life are banged up in one way or another. Even those who seem well put-together eventually show a facet of themselves that would suggest otherwise.

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 11

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 4:53:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I would say if you have personal insecurity issues with yourself then I would seek help with that before trying to find a partner simply because you will make bad choices due to that insecurity.

If however, you are just nervous about your issues being a problem, then just understand that that is normal and we all have that I think. When I met Master, I was up front with him from the beginning once we decided to be more than just a date. I told him about my mental issues and how I deal with them and that for the most part, I don't allow it to rule my life and I have a handle on them. He stil decided he liked me enough to take my word for it.

So just be honest and possibly at least talk to a therapist and work on yourself.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 12

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 5:25:27 PM

Darkfeather

Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline

Everyone, everyone goes into a relationship with issues/baggage, etc. Whether it's nilla or kink, we all bring our past with us like so many suitcases of clothes. The key is finding someone who can see past all our foibles and misgivings, see us for the flawed human we are, and still be with us. Because it is quite hard to sort out all those bags alone

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 13

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 5:34:34 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Depression, bipolar, ADHD, and the rest of the mood disorders are all too frequently genetic. Just like diabetes, cardiac problems, kidney stones, gallbladder all too often are. I figure if I have to work around his diabetes, he can work around my depression and anxiety.

What matters is not that you've got this diagnosis, but that you are doing your best to manage it. Are you on medication and if so, do you take your meds and not use things that will render them ineffective. Like alcohol to SSRIs. Are you now or have you been in therapy? If it's seasonal affectiveness disorder are you sitting under your light box and/or taking your vitamin D III?

I don't expect him to be issue free, and whether it's a chronic physical or emotional disorder doesn't much matter to me. What matters is that you are doing your best to stay on top of it.

Just like I'm not willing to be with a diabetic who eats candy and passes out and doesn't take their insulin, I'm not willing to be with a unipolar depressive who won't take antidepressants and won't go to therapy. I'm also not willing to be that person either.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Darkfeather)

Post #: 14

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 7:50:10 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Depends on what the issues are, and their severity. I've heard of some people with untreated bipolar that cannot function. Paranoia, delusion. I've known some with DID/MPD that were borderline functional. Then I know some who have depression, and it reduces their energy some a few days per month, and others who have depression to the point where they cannot function.

This would be the highlight reel of those I would think at least should be "lifestyle sidelined" for a while. An unmedicated delusional bi-polar in my opinion has no business near tools of the trade or potential victims.

Eta spelling f'n blackberry

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 11/25/2012 7:51:20 PM >

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 8:01:01 PM

Inghammar

Posts: 145
Joined: 11/25/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

Just something I was thinking about.

I have a few of my own issues that I deal with (mental and otherwise), and oftentimes, it makes me feel like I shouldn't be in this type of lifestyle.
Like, am I good enough? Would I be pushing my issues on anyone else? Is my existence a burden on my partner?
Of course, I know that different issues vary in severity and that their affect on a person and their life differs. But even so, I often find myself asking, "Should I even be doing this?" It's almost like... Like I don't feel qualified, or I feel "too fucked up" to be doing this.

This could just be my insecurities eating at me (hell, it probably IS my insecurities eating at me), but with the popular trope that people in this lifestyle are only in it because of some traumatic childhood event or some ongoing issues in their lives, it makes me wonder...

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this? I don't even know what I'm looking for, exactly. Just discussion, I suppose. If this has already been touched on before, then I apologize and I'll go and look through there.

As a dominant, I struggled with whether or not I was enabling genuine feelings of low self worth and thought about hanging up my crop for good. I talked to a submissive friend about this and she said that while she struggles with 'bad' feelings - the act of being submissive is cathartic for her so this helped me feel a bit better. I don't want to be a jerk and inflect or re-enforce harm on anyone that persists beyond the scene.

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 16

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 8:16:37 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Nelee, this post makes me wonder if you ever talked to the school about making sure you eat every day? Or took alpha up on her offer? Depression & muddled thinking go hand in hand with malnutrition. Taking care of yourself is one of the primary desirable traits in a sub we've been trying to help you with.
Super Dom isn't going to show up & solve your every problem...putting on your big girl panties & saying "deserve to eat every day, I deserve my education & I deserve to have people that care about me" will get you much farther towards the life you say you want!
I am generally very anti-entitlement but sacrificing yourself to the point you aren't eating, not eating to the point that health issues are beginning IS NOT OK! Please go talk to the school in the morning before this gets worse & all of us are too far away to do anything?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Inghammar)

Post #: 17

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 8:39:43 PM

SacredDepravity

Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline

Bluntly, I am damaged by anyone's estimation. I have been through some very deep stuff in my life. I don't think that precludes me from having meaningful relationships with other people. That is a basic need in order to be psychologically healthy. We need acceptance and intimacy. Nothing will change that.

That being said, I have a responsibility to myself and any present or future partner to be as healthy of as I can be. That means I have to do the hard work to fix what can be fixed and adapt and compensate properly for those I cannot. That is MY duty. It is not someone else's job to fix it for me. While they may offer any manner of love, support, and motivation, healing has to come from within.

Kana has it right too though. I have found that a good relationship will allow me to open old boxes put on the shelf of my life and deal with what's inside them. I think it is a deeply intimate thing to do this and utterly vulnerable. This is why it is so important to choose well and to be as well as possible so that the person you have to go through such things with will be one who will be honored and capable of being there with you those things and so that you have the capacity to do the same.

Yes, mental illness makes so many things potential minefields that otherwise would not be. I think it is fair for a person to know what they are signing up for in the fairly early going. You are so much more than your diagnosis and you deserve to be seen for all that you are first. At the same time, this is a hard thing to deal with and it is only fair to allow a potential new partner to evaluate things for themselves before too much is invested. While you are talking about this, make sure you are able to show all the hard work you have already put into being healthy, what you are doing now, and what your plans are in the future. It is a show of good faith that your choice is to be as healthy as possible. If you haven't sought help yet, do so now. If you aren't getting adequate help, start looking for a new caretaker now. If you are stable and doing well, faithfully keep at it.

I wish you the best in this. It is a hard thing. Please feel free to pm if you need anything. Take care!

SD

(in reply to Inghammar)

Post #: 18

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 10:57:41 PM

Nelee

Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

Thank you so much for your responses!

I'm very sorry that I wasn't being specific enough in my original posts. Regardless, you guys gave amazing responses. A lot of it is very thought provoking (which is honestly what I need right now--my mind isn't working on it's own), and it's helped me sort through my own thoughts on the topic (which I'm taking with a grain of salt, since I don't feel that I'm in a good enough position to even try to pass judgment on myself right now).
I've been avoiding the idea of counseling, but I don't think I have a choice at this point. Because avoiding it is only feeding my pride and my fear, and it's not worth it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
[...]I see my wounds, I open them to the air where they can dry, scab over and eventually fall off. Sometimes it leaves a scar, but its better than keeping a festering sore.
[...]It is not the damage done, but the attitude going in to a new relationship that should matter. Finding someone who accepts the quirks that built the personality is the best reward for living.

That's a very good point. I'm not a fan of talking out issues, to be honest, but leaving a "sore" there only ends up hurting again later when I remember that it's there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
In short, I don't think the question needs to be set in a BDSM context. Are you too crazy to date? to be dating?

It's less about being too crazy to date, and more like feeling like my mental state would be taxing on any relationship, and how to know when I should "fight through it" or just stay to myself. Well... How to make it so that I don't feel like my issues are a burden or making my partner's (or friend, or family, etc)'s life harder because of my issues. But I suppose certain things can be addressed simply by communicating with my partner and compromising through whatever is bothering me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: theSwan

ADD/ADHD submissives benefit from the structure given by a dominant persona in their lives.
Submissives suffering from eating disorders can be held to the meal regimen set in place by a dominant.

Dominants suffering from depression may just end up with a submissive partner who spends an inordinate amount of energy trying to keep them happy.

At the same time, I can definitely see a poor match in a submissive with PTSD from domestic abuse paired with a sadistic dominant.

I do believe there is a such thing as being too damaged to be healthy for another person to interact with.
I also believe that the proper kind of relationship can be the best solution to many kinds of psychological illness.

This is a lot closer to what I'm getting at. I feel like that in a situation like that, certain issues may get in the way of who I chose as a partner and how I treat them. It could end up going well, but it could also end up going badly (as theSwan explains). The thing I'm worried about is even now, there are some "hang ups" I have subconsciously that don't show up until I'm in a certain situation. I feel that it's unfair that my partner has to deal with that simply because I have these issues. Sure, I didn't know I had this hang up previously, but at the same time, had I just not gone out and met this person in the first place, they would not be burdened with that situation to begin with. Marie2 already touched on this, but my problem is that I feel like even if it's something that may have to be learned from experience, what right do I have to bring any conflict to the situation in the first place?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I don't expect him to be issue free, and whether it's a chronic physical or emotional disorder doesn't much matter to me. What matters is that you are doing your best to stay on top of it.

Just like I'm not willing to be with a diabetic who eats candy and passes out and doesn't take their insulin, I'm not willing to be with a unipolar depressive who won't take antidepressants and won't go to therapy. I'm also not willing to be that person either.

This is definitely true. I would never be in a relationship of any kind if my negligence to myself was getting in the way of their comfort, as I feel I have an obligation to that person to be as good as I know I can be. Of course, it's my obligation to myself that I need to get better with (working on it).

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Nelee, this post makes me wonder if you ever talked to the school about making sure you eat every day? Or took alpha up on her offer? Depression & muddled thinking go hand in hand with malnutrition. Taking care of yourself is one of the primary desirable traits in a sub we've been trying to help you with.
Super Dom isn't going to show up & solve your every problem...putting on your big girl panties & saying "deserve to eat every day, I deserve my education & I deserve to have people that care about me" will get you much farther towards the life you say you want!
I am generally very anti-entitlement but sacrificing yourself to the point you aren't eating, not eating to the point that health issues are beginning IS NOT OK! Please go talk to the school in the morning before this gets worse & all of us are too far away to do anything?

To be quite honest with you, I've just been too afraid to take the first step and do it. Luckily, Thanksgiving break gave me a little bit of time to think (and to eat, thank GOD), so things like this pop up :( I'm slowly getting a little better. A friend of mine works at a restaurant and gives me their "closing" food on the nights she's working late. And another friend has a huge meal plan, and some days if he has extra, he'll let me use one of his meals for the week. So I eat at least once a day, now.

It probably IS the malnutrition. I didn't really think about it, but I've been feeling extremely depressed recently. I'll go talk with the counseling suite tomorrow and deal with it. Thank you so much for showing so much concern :) I really do appreciate it, and I'm sorry I'm not taking as much of it as I should. Talking with people about my issues just fights against everything I've been taught ("Keep things to yourself!", "Don't tell your business!", etc).

(in reply to SacredDepravity)

Post #: 19

RE: Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle? - 11/25/2012 11:03:30 PM

Nelee

Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity

Yes, mental illness makes so many things potential minefields that otherwise would not be. I think it is fair for a person to know what they are signing up for in the fairly early going. You are so much more than your diagnosis and you deserve to be seen for all that you are first. At the same time, this is a hard thing to deal with and it is only fair to allow a potential new partner to evaluate things for themselves before too much is invested. While you are talking about this, make sure you are able to show all the hard work you have already put into being healthy, what you are doing now, and what your plans are in the future. It is a show of good faith that your choice is to be as healthy as possible. If you haven't sought help yet, do so now. If you aren't getting adequate help, start looking for a new caretaker now. If you are stable and doing well, faithfully keep at it.

I wish you the best in this. It is a hard thing. Please feel free to pm if you need anything. Take care!

SD

This is one of the things I'm very conflicted with... I'm so used to "keeping things to myself" that I'm not sure what is alright to divulge, and what is not. Of course I should, "Tell them everything!". But the way I WANT to see it is that obvious things should definitely be told, but if it's something that I'm able to keep under control, then there isn't a reason to let them know because it isn't an issue. I know that's terribly dishonest, and I'm not saying that it's right. But it's something that I'm constantly conflicted with.

I should perhaps start taking better care of myself and thinking of what I can do to keep better care of myself in the future more often.

(in reply to SacredDepravity)

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Mental issues... Suitable for the BDSM lifestyle?

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