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RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 2:51:50 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueJust

I'm not ranting, I'm just curious. How the FU(K did this become popular. I just don't understand how someone gets off giving away money? (rhetorical)

"Into Financial Domination", what the ****. That's like prostitution, pay me to be in my presence.

I'm not desperate for ass, I just don't know a whole lot about BDSM. Honestly I lack real world exp truth. There are some locals into the scene, I tried and still do to meet someone or anyone who could point me in the right direction. So I do message women on this site (tops and bottoms) for a general consensus.

Has nobody been ripped off before, why would I send you a gift off amazon (normally something petty like a bra or handcuffs etc). I buy something, you still don't talk. I'm not buying shit until I know you.

Nobody ever says buy me a BOOK.

Again I'm not ranting I just don't understand. And it seems to have become the norm. I'm not sure where to go to seek real world exp. I've looked for some groups, I even met a woman off here, drove like 70 miles for an awkward "social interaction" at a movie theater.

I feel as if BDSM has become lost. The information is great, but it means nothing with no application. Seeing a pro gets expensive, but thats DIFFERENT. A 30 year old with a duckface in the mirror(really? smh).
I see why CM has turned into an old AOL chatroom. Hm. Maybe it's time to give it up and just stay vanilla.

No, BDSM has not become lost. It is communication between people that has become lost. People are so self involved with their gadgets that they have lost social skills.

In addition, the online world has enabled many people into coming onto sites like this and expecting instant gratification.

What people have lost, is the understanding that with BDSM or any other interpersonal relationship, including vanilla, that people require communication, contact, follow up, empathy, finesse, kindness, compassion and most of all, PATIENCE to meet the right person, or even just for casual.

I have lost respect for most men of ALL ages whether I have met them through CM or any other venue, simply because they shoot themselves in the foot even before we get to meet by their own juvenile and crass lack of communication skills.

I give someone my phone number and they only want to text? Nah, I am going to bother.

NOTE: sorry this does not address the actual OP, but I believe others have given her great advice.

(in reply to UniqueJust)

Post #: 81

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 3:03:02 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
My issue with pro-domms and cash bitches is that the cheat people, their whole deal is most often a scam.

OK, I just went back and read 3 findomme profiles (pretty easy with my search set this way). I can't really imagine how any of them are a "scam" since they seem to be perfectly forthright in what they are offering and at what price. Granted, I've never had occasion to want the services of a findomme so maybe somehow people are getting scammed but I'm at a loss as to how. Generally the profile says something like, "Send me stuff and if I feel like it I might take some time to humiliate you." It seems about as straight-forward as you can get.

quote:

But to act like they are an accepted part of "us" and that what they offer isnt just a pale substitute but the real thing OFFENDS me and robs some people of the chance to discover what we do.

OK, so again, a serious question. Don't you think that a casual read of a typical femdomme profile and say... yours... would tell most people with an IQ over 40 that they are radically different beasts? How is this any different than my non-sadistic, LTR, ownership oriented profile being vastly different than that of some poly/swinger sadistic top? Aren't we both "fake" to the other's target audience?

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 12/23/2012 3:23:36 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 82

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 3:06:06 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Jeff, if a decent but wrong girl came to you to submit, would you twist her head around and manipulate her into thinking her way was wrong?

Findoms do exactly that.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 83

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 3:30:37 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
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My problem is that these are people who want nothing to do with BDSM, they could care less about the lifestyle (Oh dear God, I'm defending a lifestyle. I think I'm gonna slit my wrists now), they aren't interested in any of the sexual/ psychological/dominance/control aspects that are the spine of BDSM, they are just greedy people who want easy cash.
(Note-this ain't aimed at all findommes. I know there are some of you out there who live this, do RT sessions, actually know how to use a cane/whip, etc... you aren't the ones I'm bitching about. I'm bitching about the "18" year old gal with a stolen picture, a hate filled profile re paypiggies and loser men, who've never ventured in a dungeon in their life and no way no how ever would actually engage in anything remotely resembling BDSM)
This is an example of my beef:
http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/10/my-life-as-a-financial-dominatrix.html
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/sugar%20baby
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/financial-domme
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2224890/Fifty-shades-gifts-Financial-dominatrix-making-60-000-year-powerful-CEO-subs-obey-luxury-item-commands.html
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/findomme

< Message edited by Kana -- 12/23/2012 3:46:07 PM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 84

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 3:50:37 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
Jeff, if a decent but wrong girl came to you to submit, would you twist her head around and manipulate her into thinking her way was wrong?

Not unless I saw her way as having risk of imminent and significant danger. I can't speak to your comment about what findommes do because I don't know or anyone who's used the services of one but it reeks of the kind of really broad generalization that is seldom accurate or helpful.

Honestly the only thing I've come up with... again... in these last few findomme threads is how those profiles clog up the system. I have to admit I thought it'd suck to be an 18-30 year old male submissive or an 18-30 year old female dominant who was looking for a non-financial relationship just because of the sheer traffic of findommes in that range.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 85

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 4:05:34 PM

CarolBC

Posts: 18
Joined: 2/19/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

And that is sad. I feel sorry for a lot of men when I see the man hating taking place here and it happens a lot more than I think most realize on here. I understand why.

Thank you, littlewonder! Yep, men are gettin' dissed.
RE: FinDommes: I don't quite get why this seems to be a 'button-pusher' for the insider-types. Insiders will discard it. Outsider/newbies might bite. Well....Hooray! The economy might thrive; women will prosper. If you can sell your stuff, do it.

_____________________________

I prefer to defer.

Married to JeffBC...but don't assume we think the same. Actually, you should assume we really DON'T think the same.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 86

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 4:07:10 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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So Jeff, by their sheer numbers they are the firdt point of contact newbies have and are the ones shsping thr majority perspective of what kink is. Its like having kids watch porn for sex ed.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 87

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 4:18:44 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

The difference is the people who come here are adults, not children. And I've always been under the assumptions that adults get to make up their own minds and take care of themselves and ya know....take responsibility because ya know...that's what it means to be an adult.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 88

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 4:19:29 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
So Jeff, by their sheer numbers they are the firdt point of contact newbies have and are the ones shsping thr majority perspective of what kink is. Its like having kids watch porn for sex ed.

You know it strikes me there is that Jay guy over in the FemDom section. He's young. He's bright. I'd be fascinated to see what he thought of this whole thing. How did the existence of findommes impact his actual experience?

But I've often said that I'd be in favor of some way to differentiate in the searches if we could come up with one that works reasonably well.

@Kana
I read the last of those links. Yup... I agree. We're talking about an unfortunate individual there. But is that an indictment against findommes in general or one particular bit of nastiness? I certainly agree that we're talking about a vastly different subculture in the findomme world... not particularly different than M/s in my mind. Maybe eventually the findommes will make themselves the equivalent of MAsT?

< Message edited by JeffBC -- 12/23/2012 4:20:35 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 89

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 4:32:27 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
So Jeff, by their sheer numbers they are the firdt point of contact newbies have and are the ones shsping thr majority perspective of what kink is. Its like having kids watch porn for sex ed.

You know it strikes me there is that Jay guy over in the FemDom section. He's young. He's bright. I'd be fascinated to see what he thought of this whole thing. How did the existence of findommes impact his actual experience?

But I've often said that I'd be in favor of some way to differentiate in the searches if we could come up with one that works reasonably well.

@Kana
I read the last of those links. Yup... I agree. We're talking about an unfortunate individual there. But is that an indictment against findommes in general or one particular bit of nastiness? I certainly agree that we're talking about a vastly different subculture in the findomme world... not particularly different than M/s in my mind. Maybe eventually the findommes will make themselves the equivalent of MAsT?

And back in the day when the majority of prodommes were just that, I had no beef. But these people, these scammers, they make us all look bad. They make it sound as if we are a bunch of money grubbing losers who are in this thing for the cash. Which means that the whole concept of relationships, emotional connectivity, building something based on trust and faith-yeah, that all goes out the window. Not to mention resident sadists financial analysis that CM loses $15,000 a month to to these squatters.(And I mean precisely that, squatters. They perch for free in a place not their own and grab cash out of it)
Again, what they do isn't anything like M/S or MAsT-those folks are about interaction, about something special between the participants. These clownshoes are simply in it for the cash. They are far closer to scammers/phone sex girls (The closest analogy...and BTW,people who have to pay to advertise on here) than anything we do. They don't do anything close to BDSM unless that now stands for Bring Dollars Sucker Men.
And for some reason, they get defended to the hilt on here. Dunno why, but there it is. And at the same time, men get slammed all over the place.
It's a freaking double standard of the highest degree...and one we all know is there but accept blindly.(points at the edicts forum where a woman deriding man is getting smacked down by pretty much the entire forum (Including yours truly) but women come in here and post manognyistic drivel all the time and nobody blinks)
Fuck that shit, they wanna profit off of a free site, let em pay to be on here, just like all the advertisers do.

< Message edited by Kana -- 12/23/2012 4:57:25 PM >

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 90

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 4:52:43 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

You know it occurs to me as Carol and I sit discussing this that the issue may be that I'm simply not invested enough in any of the BDSM labels for me to perceive any threat from that quarter. No matter what these findommes end up making BDSM and "dominants" and whatever else look like I'm still gonna be me and I'll be largely unaffected by it.

To my point about M/s though, my comparison was that TPE in general also struggles with acceptance in the BDSM world. Hence, they made MAsT. It appears that discussion has played out though and M/s has been grudgingly accepted as "good BDSM". Perhaps that is what's happening here? The "community" as a whole is looking at these newcomers and deciding if they are accepted or not. I think that's kind of the point DS was making on the other thread.

And in regards the financial impacts to collarme, I can't hardly believe the CM staff is unaware of all this and hasn't given the matter of their own financial benefit some thought. I'm inclined to let them make such decisions for themselves.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 91

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 5:06:50 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Third, again, what have these gals done to qualify themselves as a dominant? I have this irrational, perhaps outdated idea that being a dominant involves more than providing phone sex style wank fodder and an amazon wish list. It involves things like the ability to take charge, integrity, insight, honor, good judgement, consideration-not just hurling invectives at some "cash piggies." Hell, do these chicas even have a clue how to handle a cane, much less a bullwhip?

I'd say "being a dominant" means whatever works for the people who are in the relationship. I've known plenty of dominants who don't know a thing about a bullwhip, and plenty of dommes and subs who have no interest in incorporating such things into their relationship.

I am not into findom myself, but they don't bother me, because I don't really care much what other people choose to do. To each his own. But the notion that there is some criteria of what a dominant "should be" strikes me as silly. BDSM is a spectrum. As long as you find someone on the spectrum that works for you that's all that matters. If that's a findom, knock yourself out.

So saying "Send me your money," makes one a dominant?
Alrighty then. Guess that makes every cashier in America a dom/domme.

And generally speaking I agree with you. One of the things I like best about BDSM is that there are no rules, and no one way to do it right, or wrong.
And again, maybe I'm being old school, maybe I'm sliding into Simply Michael/Lady Pact side of things, but I think there's a wee bit more to being a dominant than demanding cash.
And that applies for men, women, german shepherds, aliens, whatever. I think at some point there should be some leadership involved, some control, crazy things like that.
So yeah,call me crazy, label me deluded, IMHO it takes more than the capacity to fill out an amazon wishlist to be dominant

Ah, c'mon about the cashier example. That's like me using your bullwhip example and saying that someone who is a whip expert performing at at a carnival is automatically dominant because they know how to use a bullwhip.

My point is I don't get hung up on titles -- people can classify themselves as "dominant" and have a wide range of reasonable beliefs about what that means. To me, "dominant" is only a broad classification that separates people apart a little, so you can can about finding the people in that wide classification who fit with you. Your view is domination should have "leadership"; that's fine for you, and you need only find subs who take that same attitude. I know plenty of dom/sub relationships where leadership isn't really an element, and it works for them just fine.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 92

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 5:16:36 PM

AllisonWilder

Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
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Let's just clarify here. Not all findommes are here making everyone look bad. Findommes in and of themselves aren't scammers. The people here solely to make a buck and to mislead people and then disappear after they've gotten something for nothing are the ones that are making a mockery of financial domination. The ones that act as though they are entitled to everything for nothing. Not all of us act that way. I sure as hell don't.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 93

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 9:08:51 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder
Let's just clarify here. Not all findommes are here making everyone look bad.

Nobody makes me look bad but me.... or possibly Carol I suppose. But those bitches on the links that Kana posted? I don't see how they're making anyone look bad but themselves. And you? You I'd want to do lunch with if we lived closer.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AllisonWilder)

Post #: 94

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 9:44:57 PM

nakedfreedom

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/5/2008
Status: offline

I have to agree. I can understand how a Financial Dom/me fetish might be a "legitimate" fetish in the BDSM realm, but clearly people use it to make quick cash. Prostitutes. That's all they are. Now how can you tell the difference between the two? I'm not really sure. It can be hard. But there is a distinction - for one thing, a Financial Dom/me is still Dom/me. That's an individual who really wants a submissive. I guess the others must be thinking of their laundry when they're doing their thing.

Glad to see that people can reply to post without getting nasty or swearing. Nothing would be please me more if we could just enjoy a good discussion. I think I was the one who started the original discussion before it got deleted. Admin always seems to be doing that. Oh well.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 95

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/23/2012 9:50:58 PM

LizDeluxe

Posts: 687
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TeenagerFromMars
I like the human interaction I got as a waitress for the last six years

After all the serving that I'VE done for shitty and unappreciative fucks, ten hours a day, six days a week....

I can see why you dug that human interaction. Contradict yourself much?

_____________________________

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Post #: 96

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/26/2012 3:23:13 PM

GoddessArena

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/26/2012
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so true , i feel that the people who have served all ther life and has actually got off their lazy ass an done something in life deserve to carry the title FINDOMME. I am a amateur boxer, examiner blog writer (paid job), and a medical assistant so i make my own money, and very good money at that. sometimes i just wanna be served, i want some attention. having a human slave is my fetish as well as white men in glasses ;)
its like a second job for some

(in reply to TeenagerFromMars)

Post #: 97

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/26/2012 4:09:50 PM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

Absolute control can be a kink for both dominant and submissive and that absolute control may well include financial control. The submissive gets off on being financially controlled and.... this is where it gets tricky........... If the dominant is in a relationship with the submissive then one could argue that this is a joint kink but very few financial Dommes are in relationships with their 'clients'
Most financial Dommes look at this as business but portray it to be their kink and why wouldn't they? All clients want to believe the dominant is loving it. Truth is bad for business.
Goddess Nia in reality is unlikely to exist. One doesn't make that sort of money and then kiss and tell, especially when she's still doing business

It made a good story though!

Personally I see nothing wrong in financial domination. For the most part its a one sided kink but that doesn't make it any less worthy or lowly than the rest of tttwd.

(in reply to GoddessArena)

Post #: 98

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/26/2012 6:17:30 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
So yeah,call me crazy, label me deluded, IMHO it takes more than the capacity to fill out an amazon wishlist to be dominant

Heh... given that you'd be one of my "damned few dominants on CM" list you might imagine I agree with you. It sure as hell isn't anything like the thing I call "dominance". I just don't think I own the definition of that word. I already track 3 substantially different meanings for that word. Adding in a 4th doesn't harsh my vibe.

You two would be on my "True Dom Short List"

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 99

RE: What's the big deal about FinDoms? - 12/26/2012 6:20:11 PM

fetisheden

Posts: 274
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yawn

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Post #: 100

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