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RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 11:29:32 AM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		I just want to say to everyone how incredibly good it feels reading the responses to this thread.  I never imagined it would take off and include such candor about what I think is a sorely needed topic of discussion.
 
The point about the inherent dualism of focusing on kink vs. vanilla aspects of who we are is well taken.  It is in many ways the crux of the problem and equally as important as the relocation issue.  I also think all profiles should be required to show a picture, one that does not necessarily reveal the person's identity.  This clears up a lot of stumbling blocks.  But I would also like to suggest a rule of thumb even though I have no idea how to get people to put it into practice...
 
List your kink preferences and non-preferences but be prepared to focus on the people aspects first when communicating with a prospective partner.
 
As a way of making my point, here's a thumbnail description of what I seek in a partner...
 
I'd like to meet someone who has a Dominant personality (not a guise) who recognizes the demands of life need to be dealt with as a matter of course and in doing so, we both create the world we want to live in together.  This world would include the full spectrum of what it is that we do.
 
If I came across a profile that showed the Dominant has similar kink interests to my own, the next step would be to find out if we're both on the same page via the immediately preceding paragraph.  I think this would go a long way towards discovering the passion we may have for each other and if it's tapped, release the necessary energy and willingness to overcome obstacles such as relocating.
 
I work a job that cannot be found just anywhere.  For me to relocate would mean possibly changing to a totally different career.  This is something I'm not adverse to doing but it's also something I would not do on a whim.  But I can tell you if I met the right person, I would have no problem whatsoever doing so.  In short, my passion for wanting to live my life the way I truly wish would overcome the inherent resistance we all have to change.  I seriously doubt this is a fantasy.  It is instead something that's very hard to achieve through online profiles and communication as things stand.
 
Since we are identifying the issues inherent in this medium, I think we should all come away with the realization we have a greater responsibility to address them immediately when contacting other members.  It's what comes with the territory so to speak.  People who are lax in their approach are either not sincere to begin with or will suffer as a result or poor attention and awareness.
 
anthrosub

< Message edited by anthrosub -- 6/18/2006 11:37:41 AM >

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

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(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 1:35:34 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

Sometimes I wonder if many of us are neurotic, Seinfeld-like characters who look for reasons why others are not suitable, long-term partners.

Maybe our personal lists of deal-breakers are too long to leave the door of mathematical odds open to matches.


DING! DING! DING!

Give this person a cookie ;)

fergus

(in reply to subfever)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 1:42:12 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		there are several reasons why i have been unsuccessful here.

1. i am too outspoken and opinionated (not to mention negative about most things here)
2. i am not seeking sexual dominance (not all men think with the little head)
3. i have a vanilla girlfriend (who is kept fully informed of everything i do)
4. i'm not here to pay someone to be Dominant (not everything revolves around money)
5. there's not many here that are both local and compatable.

more as they come to me.


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 1:46:44 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		This thing has got trolling written all over it.  Hey, if you can get away with it, more power to you!  Troll away baby!! 

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 1:48:40 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus
quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
Sometimes I wonder if many of us are neurotic, Seinfeld-like characters who look for reasons why others are not suitable, long-term partners.
Maybe our personal lists of deal-breakers are too long to leave the door of mathematical odds open to matches.

DING! DING! DING!
Give this person a cookie ;)
fergus
I would give Subfever a cookie, but he would have to either fly his derriere to RI to get it, or pay for my flight to Chicago, and that would turn out to be too expensive a cookie, especially for a bakery bought one, since I don't bake.  M    

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 6/18/2006 1:49:47 PM >

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 3:43:15 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
Sometimes I wonder if many of us are neurotic, Seinfeld-like characters who look for reasons why others are not suitable, long-term partners.
Maybe our personal lists of deal-breakers are too long to leave the door of mathematical odds open to matches.

DING! DING! DING!
Give this person a cookie ;)
fergus I would give Subfever a cookie, but he would have to either fly his derriere to RI to get it, or pay for my flight to Chicago, and that would turn out to be too expensive a cookie, especially for a bakery bought one, since I don't bake.  M    


(I wouldn't even require a cookie).

(I actually think someone else wrote this {my response}, however...you wrote well).

< Message edited by LTRsubNW -- 6/18/2006 3:51:03 PM >

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 3:46:58 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		Let me rephrase that...."for her"...for you...I'd require a sedan...and several coupons for free reign on US 95.

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 4:20:10 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline 		(GAWWWWD...that sounds so remarkably bad....{Did I think that was private?} Let me say that...in this venue there are a lot of comments, some my own....

Yeah....

What I meant was...(I really can't escape from this can I?)

(I actually don't think I can recover from this, even though my intentions were more than above board).

For those of you that want to skewer me....dig in....I am incapable (currently) of writing prose for this.

For those that (can) read between the lines....Well...well.

...Well......JJ.

Well.

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/18/2006 4:46:09 PM   
submaleca2000


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		in replying to MochaMistress
do you think long distance relationships work? i mean i know its hard to fine that right person, I am sure everyone is looking for that someone outside Bdsm  i mean location loyalty serious bout committment to this, what if someone has all these qualities, but lacks the attraction,  to someone in the sense...what bout people in the sense of poly looking for that person as they feel something is missing , i think sometimes....people are just right there in front of there noses...sorta speak

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 6:51:22 AM   
MochaMistress


Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submaleca2000

in replying to MochaMistress
do you think long distance relationships work? i mean i know its hard to fine that right person, I am sure everyone is looking for that someone outside Bdsm  i mean location loyalty serious bout committment to this, what if someone has all these qualities, but lacks the attraction,  to someone in the sense...what bout people in the sense of poly looking for that person as they feel something is missing , i think sometimes....people are just right there in front of there noses...sorta speak


With the right person a distance relationship could work until the appropriate time when one or the other can make the move. But this isn't easy, both have to be seriously committed and loyal to each other. In my experience I have not run across any one yet with those qualities. Not saying they are not out there, but they just have not come across my path. As far a attraction we are all of the mind where we would like someone that is somewhat pleasing to the eye. I dont need a drop dead handsome hunk of muscle to be mine. But someone that I have mutual attraction is whats required. I can't address your question on poly as that is not a practice for me. And you are so correct there is a distinct possibility that what I'm looking for could be right in front on my nose like the really nice 20-something guy at Starbucks that has my favorite drink memorized so that its ready by the time I walk in the door once he spots my car. It could be the guy that I keep running into at the grocery store. But we don't where sign cards with our profile information on it in the real world. Sometimes that may be easier, but people will probably still misrepresent who they are and what they are looking for.

(in reply to submaleca2000)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 6:55:58 AM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i'm surprised that nobody had any comments on my post. usually people are all over me like sharks on a frenzy. guess that's a good thing, huh?

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MochaMistress)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 9:12:15 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Actually your question regarding that surely there must be at least one person who would meet my requirements in the CM membership with profiles has me comming back with a resounding, No there isn't....

Over the last few years, there have been two Gorean orientated slaves in Queensland who were not collared. These two ladies have at one time or another indicated that they weren't looking at the time and relocation was not an option for legitamite reasons.....Now had I not identifies as Gorean and been prepared to have a D/s relationship there have been sufficient possibilities for me. However slavery is not a major partof the Gorean lifestyle just a great perk... In a decade or soin the past, it wopuld have been so easy for me to have importes several slaves from the US and Canada but due to and ever increasing restrictive analy retentive Federal Government, and without being sufficiently wealthy, there is a overly long delay in getting people here with perspective residency status.... So neets and I keep the Slave Vacancy Sign in bothour profiles in case a wandering uncollared kajira happens past.... Better to have an empty collar than one filled with the wrong person. Frankly I don't ever expect to collar another girl whilst we remain in Australia. We just don't have the alternative lifestyle population to inspire and hope of a change...


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 10:49:33 AM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

i'm surprised that nobody had any comments on my post. usually people are all over me like sharks on a frenzy. guess that's a good thing, huh?

No darling, it just means that we don't care to feed your negativity.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to michaelGA2)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 3:22:48 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I've had great success here, anthrosub.

Just because I'm actively searching for another sub to meet My needs doesn't mean I don't already enjoy a successful relationship with a submissive.

TexasMaam

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~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 6:07:46 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW
(I wouldn't even require a cookie).

(I actually think someone else wrote this {my response}, however...you wrote well).
Thanks LTRsubNW, were it not for our vastly mismatched kinks, I would certainly offer you a cookie.   I love it when a boy stumbles to the sight or sound of moi.  M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LTRsubNW)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 9:11:42 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I would give Subfever a cookie, but he would have to either fly his derriere to RI to get it, or pay for my flight to Chicago, and that would turn out to be too expensive a cookie, especially for a bakery bought one, since I don't bake.  M    


You don't bake???

Hmmm... Well, I can think of a couple of cookies that would probably make the trip worthwhile... heh heh heh...  

(Just couldn't resist...)

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 9:13:45 PM   
michaelGA2


Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline 		i look at it more like reality and not being disillusioned about "the cloud with the silver lining".

not everything is peaches and cream.


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/19/2006 9:17:21 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

Sometimes I wonder if many of us are neurotic, Seinfeld-like characters who look for reasons why others are not suitable, long-term partners.

Maybe our personal lists of deal-breakers are too long to leave the door of mathematical odds open to matches.


DING! DING! DING!

Give this person a cookie ;)

fergus


I always knew that there was something about you I liked. Just wasn't sure exactly what it was until now...

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/20/2006 2:56:16 PM   
LTRsubNW


Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW
(I wouldn't even require a cookie).

(I actually think someone else wrote this {my response}, however...you wrote well).
Thanks LTRsubNW, were it not for our vastly mismatched kinks, I would certainly offer you a cookie.   I love it when a boy stumbles to the sight or sound of moi.  M


I have a tendency to get "stupid" around beautiful women.  I don't know what it is...I give speeches to hundreds, and I'm FINE around them...put me next to a gorgeous woman...and it's "blah blah blah blah..."

It has to be the perfume.

I blame you.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Why Haven't You been Sucessful? - 6/20/2006 11:16:20 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I have to say that I see the same problems in the vanilla dating pool.
Some of My best friends shoot themselves in the foot over and over again. 
Women who go for looser jerks and whine to the nice guys
who are too much like a brother to them. 
Guys who go for the hot but stupid chicks
and whine to their gal pals about not getting
any respect.  
 
Sigh,
 
Vendaval


quote:

ORIGINAL: fergus

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever

Sometimes I wonder if many of us are neurotic, Seinfeld-like characters who look for reasons why others are not suitable, long-term partners.

Maybe our personal lists of deal-breakers are too long to leave the door of mathematical odds open to matches.


DING! DING! DING!

Give this person a cookie ;)

fergus


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to fergus)
Profile   Post #: 60
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