AthenaSurrenders
Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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So the lesson is that you can't please everyone, huh?
I'm going to try and give you a serious answer because I feel bad that I contributed to the thread getting derailed back there.
If I were talking to a guy online trying to decide whether we had enough in common to meet, I wouldn't have a problem with speaking on the phone or popping on webcam for a few minutes, but a lot would have to do with how you asked me. I would probably go on the defensive if you said you didn't wanna waste your time on fakes so you needed me to verify who I was. On the other hand if you said something along the lines of 'I'd like if we could chat on the phone/skype, I think it's easier to get to know someone when you can hear their voice/see their face' I might be more likely to go for it. Or how about 'Why don't my girlfriend and I get on skype with you so you can meet us both and ask us any questions?' - since you're looking as a couple but there are only photos of you, that might appeal. Especially since she might be reassured to see that you are both on the same page about this, rather than one of you being reluctant or unaware.
I would still second the advice to meet in person as soon as possible. You could even offer them a choice - 'I'd like for us to meet in person and see if we hit it off. If that's too soon for you, perhaps we could talk on skype for a while until you feel more comfortable with us?' I know it's frustrating to drive a long way for a possible no-show, but since you are searching with your current partner, perhaps you could make a point of looking up nice things to do in that area, so if you are stood up you can still have a nice date together and not feel you have wasted your time.
The people saying you should be able to tell just by talking do sort of have a point. Unfortunately you are going to attract a lot of fakes for the simple reason that you are looking for something very rare, and your profile doesn't do much to sell yourself. For that reason, scammers and wankers will assume that you aren't getting much attention from your target audience and so will be a bit more likely to be taken in by their attention. Scammers and wankers should be easy to spot, because they won't be interested in having sensible vanilla conversations. Scammers will be looking to quickly turn the conversation to money - so they will be telling you that you sound perfect but they just need money for a plane ticket, or their car broke down and they don't have the money to fix it. They are in this for profit so won't waste time talking about your pets or the boring logistics of who makes dinner. Wankers, same deal, only they will want to immediately turn the conversation to sex, asking questions like 'what do you want to do to me?'. If you can't spot those, you're in trouble. Keep sex talk to a minimum until you feel they are seriously interested in you as a person.
That said, there are people who are genuinely looking for someone, but might still be lying in some respect - sending ten year old photos or pics of someone else in the hope that you will fall for them and their looks will no longer matter. They must be harder to spot. So I do have some sympathy in that respect. I do think some level of attraction is important and if nothing else, I'd feel as awkward as hell turning up for a date with someone who turned out to be different than they presented themselves. So I do see why you would want to weed these people out early to avoid later uncomfortable situations.
Ultimately you have the right to whatever standards you like. You require cam verification? Fine. She doesn't like that? She can decline. You're not compatible.
I know you didn't ask for profile advice, but I would seriously look at it if I were you. You are competing for that one-in-a-million woman who wants to join an existing couple. You need to show how awesome you both are - your interests, your experience, a little about how you imagine the relationship will work. Will she be sub to both of you? Will she be equal status to your partner? Will you all go out and work or will one of them be staying home to keep house? Do you imagine a situation in which you all have romantic feelings for each other? This is important. Also - there's no picture of your girlfriend. If she's going to be dating both of you, why only show her one of you? That woman has thousands of profiles to pick from, she isn't going to message someone with no information. She's going to message someone who she knows has something in common or wants what she wants. I would also put in your profile that you want to move to phone/non-sexual cam chat/in person meeting sooner rather than later, so people who don't like it can save themselves time.
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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
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