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Edict - 12/22/2012 1:18:46 AM   
Dirk1986


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/19/2012
Status: offline
I have been looking for a girl online to join our home for a 24/7 live in relationship, and had a question about the right and wrong ways of doing things.
Is it ok to ask some one to either video chat, or voice chat before you agree to meet them? I understand that there are some creeps out there that ruin it for everyone, but I think it is important to at least know that the person you are talking to is real and is actually that person, however people get wierd when you mention it. The very idea of it makes them clam up and stop talking all together.
Does anyone have any advice on how to prove the legitimacy of someone without video or voice chat? I understand that subs and slaves have ran into a thousand scammers that that is there only goal is to get them on Skype, so I can understand there reasons, but there has to be some way to gain enough trust to get to that point.
Thanks :)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 2:37:52 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
You might want to search the term "unicorn".

Good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Dirk1986)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 3:34:59 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
Welcome to the discussion side, Dirk.

Asking someone to 'verify' who they are is saying: "I think you are a liar, prove that you are not by verifying your legitimacy!"

Which is why I've never asked anyone to verify who they are via Skype or cam (I have neither installed on my pc).

I meet in person when and if we've established a rapport, preferably a casual coffee date or lunch date as friends only.

You are looking for something rare, which is why they call it unicorn hunting.

I just checked your profile for your location and see Elkins, WV. There might not be a lot of open kink in your area, but there is kink, thanks to the internet, it's everywhere now.

Best, CP









_____________________________



(in reply to Dirk1986)
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RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 6:09:23 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dirk1986

I have been looking for a girl online to join our home for a 24/7 live in relationship, and had a question about the right and wrong ways of doing things.
Is it ok to ask some one to either video chat, or voice chat before you agree to meet them?


Of course it is. However, they may refuse.
quote:



I understand that there are some creeps out there that ruin it for everyone, but I think it is important to at least know that the person you are talking to is real and is actually that person, however people get wierd when you mention it.


Wait a sec. Your question is, is it all right to request a video chat? Now you're saying that you're using it to establish legitimacy.
quote:



The very idea of it makes them clam up and stop talking all together.


Well, yeah. You're implying that they may be fake, and that you're not capable of telling whether they're legit or not by other means.
quote:




Does anyone have any advice on how to prove the legitimacy of someone without video or voice chat?


Yep. Talk to them. Get to know them as people and not just a pussy with tits. Any scammer will cut and run, and a legit person will keep talking.
quote:



I understand that subs and slaves have ran into a thousand scammers that that is there only goal is to get them on Skype, so I can understand there reasons, but there has to be some way to gain enough trust to get to that point.
Thanks :)


I hate to break this to you, but the only women attracted to your profile as it stands will be those hoping for money, or men pretending to be women for a kink thrill. So basically your request for vidchat is doing exactly what you want - discouraging the fakes. You should be asking how to rewrite your profile and adapting your technique to attract real women.

Edited to add: From the title of your post, it sounds like you issue a command to cam. If so, that would turn off legit women as well. Huge difference between an invitation and an edict.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 12/22/2012 6:21:07 AM >


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Dirk1986)
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RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 6:27:07 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dirk1986
I have been looking for a girl online to join our home for a 24/7 live in relationship, and had a question about the right and wrong ways of doing things.
Is it ok to ask some one to either video chat, or voice chat before you agree to meet them?

A friend of mine, who has a lot of experience with poly, once said to me, "Poly works best when everyone has a person they can call their own." My own limited experience with poly bears that out 100%.

You're offering something that isn't a super-great deal. Presumably, you're looking for a younger woman, and one who is "traditionally attractive." Basically, you want to find someone who will gamble the flower of her youth on a situation where she will be the first one kicked out of the house if shit goes down. You won't get a lot of takers.

That said, are you in the position to pay someone's tuition? I bet you'd find quite a few ladies who'd be down for this if you got them through college, or even through an AA at a community college. It isn't that nobody wants to date a couple. It's that women aren't big fans of constant financial insecurity.

In terms of phone or video verification, the secret is to get the woman to WANT to meet you. If she's like, "Damn, I really like this guy, I wonder what he's like in person," and you say, "Let's meet for coffee, but look. I think it's 99% certain that you're a woman who's really you, but this is CollarMe. Could we please see each other on camera, rated G, for five minutes before we finalize plans to meet?" she will say yes. The trick is getting her to the point where she wants to make the meeting happen. In order to do that, you need an attractive "offer," which is usually some combination of (1) financial security/improving her situation, (2) personality/ability to make her laugh, and (3) looks/at least being cute when you're funny.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Dirk1986)
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RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 6:38:03 AM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline
OP if I were a woman seeking a poly situation, I would by-pass you simply because of your picture. I would suggest having a photo with a smile.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

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RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 7:44:21 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
Most profiles your age are fake, if they are attractive, even more fake, looking to be third?

Guaranteed fake...

(in reply to MsLadySue)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 7:55:05 AM   
Aderious511


Posts: 58
Joined: 5/11/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Of course it is. However, they may refuse.


In which case you stop talking to them immediately if you have an ounce of sense in your head.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Wait a sec. Your question is, is it all right to request a video chat? Now you're saying that you're using it to establish legitimacy.


Duh.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Well, yeah. You're implying that they may be fake, and that you're not capable of telling whether they're legit or not by other means.


Other means? Divine inspiration? Telepathy?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Yep. Talk to them. Get to know them as people and not just a pussy with tits. Any scammer will cut and run, and a legit person will keep talking.


Yeah....unless they're a scammer whose entire reason for being on the site is to pretend to be someone they're not. In which case they will be happy to continue talking to you for days, weeks, months, years...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
I hate to break this to you, but the only women attracted to your profile as it stands will be those hoping for money, or men pretending to be women for a kink thrill.


That's only true because there are no attractive young wimmin who use this site. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with his profile. You could put Brad Pitt on here and give him the profile of the gods and he would still be getting nothing but fakes, flakes, scammers and land whales responding. It's the site. It ain't the profile. Get that into your head.

OP: There are numerous ways to verify. Camming is fine but it's not the only method. I don't own a cam, for example, because I've never had the slightest bit of interest in chatrooms/cam sessions/cyber sex and all that other virtual bullshit. The easiest method is to have them write something on a piece of paper and then take a photo holding it up. This is what I have done for the several verification photo's posted in my profile. Use your imagination. It isn't that difficult. Any one of the following devices can be used for verification: camera, phone, webcam, camcorder, and probably others that I'm missing.

Make verification step 1 in all your interactions. Don't leave it 'till later because you'll just end up dealing with fakes and flakes. When you do this you will quickly realize just how worthless this site is. But always remember: It's the site. It's not you. You'll have better luck on your local Craigslist personals, I'd say. You can waste years of your time bullshitting with the fakes & flakes on here (99.9% of the profiles) but it won't take you a single step closer to achieving your goal of making something happen in real life.

Another bit of advice is to always request a full body photo (doesn't have to be unclothed), because otherwise you're just asking to be played by fat girls. A closely-cropped above-the-neck photo should immediately send up a red flag that you're dealing with a potential fatty. Of the people who actually do BDSM in real life, at least 98% of them are in some stage of obesity. Female subs in particular, since nothing ruins a female's self esteem and makes her hate her body like being overweight. You can observe this by contrasting female sub with female "domme" profiles, many of which are verified, and noticing how thin and attractive the latter are compared to the subs. Essentially, the scale determines whether a girl identifies as submissive or dominant. Find yourself talking to a real female sub? 99% probability that she's overweight.

These are the facts of life.


< Message edited by Aderious511 -- 12/22/2012 8:06:32 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 8:49:37 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline
Question from the back. Which part of the OP was an edict?

(in reply to Aderious511)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 9:00:48 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana

Question from the back. Which part of the OP was an edict?


I was wondering the same thing.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 9:20:05 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aderious511
That's only true because there are no attractive young wimmin who use this site.

Every man on CollarMe should read this and take it to heart. Guys, whatever you do, don't send any emails to women who've uploaded cute photos, or written their profiles with intelligent turns of phrase.

Thanks in advance.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Aderious511)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 9:41:43 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aderious511

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Of course it is. However, they may refuse.


In which case you stop talking to them immediately if you have an ounce of sense in your head.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Wait a sec. Your question is, is it all right to request a video chat? Now you're saying that you're using it to establish legitimacy.


Duh.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Well, yeah. You're implying that they may be fake, and that you're not capable of telling whether they're legit or not by other means.


Other means? Divine inspiration? Telepathy?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Yep. Talk to them. Get to know them as people and not just a pussy with tits. Any scammer will cut and run, and a legit person will keep talking.


Yeah....unless they're a scammer whose entire reason for being on the site is to pretend to be someone they're not. In which case they will be happy to continue talking to you for days, weeks, months, years...

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
I hate to break this to you, but the only women attracted to your profile as it stands will be those hoping for money, or men pretending to be women for a kink thrill.


That's only true because there are no attractive young wimmin who use this site. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with his profile. You could put Brad Pitt on here and give him the profile of the gods and he would still be getting nothing but fakes, flakes, scammers and land whales responding. It's the site. It ain't the profile. Get that into your head.

OP: There are numerous ways to verify. Camming is fine but it's not the only method. I don't own a cam, for example, because I've never had the slightest bit of interest in chatrooms/cam sessions/cyber sex and all that other virtual bullshit. The easiest method is to have them write something on a piece of paper and then take a photo holding it up. This is what I have done for the several verification photo's posted in my profile. Use your imagination. It isn't that difficult. Any one of the following devices can be used for verification: camera, phone, webcam, camcorder, and probably others that I'm missing.

Make verification step 1 in all your interactions. Don't leave it 'till later because you'll just end up dealing with fakes and flakes. When you do this you will quickly realize just how worthless this site is. But always remember: It's the site. It's not you. You'll have better luck on your local Craigslist personals, I'd say. You can waste years of your time bullshitting with the fakes & flakes on here (99.9% of the profiles) but it won't take you a single step closer to achieving your goal of making something happen in real life.

Another bit of advice is to always request a full body photo (doesn't have to be unclothed), because otherwise you're just asking to be played by fat girls. A closely-cropped above-the-neck photo should immediately send up a red flag that you're dealing with a potential fatty. Of the people who actually do BDSM in real life, at least 98% of them are in some stage of obesity. Female subs in particular, since nothing ruins a female's self esteem and makes her hate her body like being overweight. You can observe this by contrasting female sub with female "domme" profiles, many of which are verified, and noticing how thin and attractive the latter are compared to the subs. Essentially, the scale determines whether a girl identifies as submissive or dominant. Find yourself talking to a real female sub? 99% probability that she's overweight.

These are the facts of life.


Ya know, funny thing. I don't think I've ever asked anyone for a pic, much less cam verification (I know I haven't done that. I don't own a webcam and my firewalls get all screwy when I try to accept another's cam) and over the years I've done quite well on here.
Why?
Well gee, lets start with the minor fact that I have a brain, and even more shockingly, use it.
Most fakes are obviously so (Cuz they can't speak english), and the ones that don't reveal on the first mail show their colors by mail number three.
If you can't sport the vast majority merely by talking with em, maybe domming isn't the right line of work, cuz it takes things like, you know, insight and intuitive thinking, reading others, learning to read between the behavioral lines.


_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Aderious511)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 9:51:15 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aderious511


Another bit of advice is to always request a full body photo (doesn't have to be unclothed), because otherwise you're just asking to be played by fat girls. A closely-cropped above-the-neck photo should immediately send up a red flag that you're dealing with a potential fatty. Of the people who actually do BDSM in real life, at least 98% of them are in some stage of obesity. Female subs in particular, since nothing ruins a female's self esteem and makes her hate her body like being overweight. You can observe this by contrasting female sub with female "domme" profiles, many of which are verified, and noticing how thin and attractive the latter are compared to the subs. Essentially, the scale determines whether a girl identifies as submissive or dominant. Find yourself talking to a real female sub? 99% probability that she's overweight.




Are you serious? You're saying we're subs because we're fat? Because we hate our bodies? That has almost zero to do with it. Get over yourself!

(in reply to Aderious511)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 9:57:45 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aderious511

That's only true because there are no attractive young wimmin who use this site. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with his profile. You could put Brad Pitt on here and give him the profile of the gods and he would still be getting nothing but fakes, flakes, scammers and land whales responding. It's the site. It ain't the profile. Get that into your head.


Thanks for that clarification. I need to tell the five or six attractive women that I've met on this site that they're fictitious. Evidently collarme has a special filter that automatically rejects attractive women.
quote:



Another bit of advice is to always request a full body photo (doesn't have to be unclothed), because otherwise you're just asking to be played by fat girls. A closely-cropped above-the-neck photo should immediately send up a red flag that you're dealing with a potential fatty. Of the people who actually do BDSM in real life, at least 98% of them are in some stage of obesity. Female subs in particular, since nothing ruins a female's self esteem and makes her hate her body like being overweight. You can observe this by contrasting female sub with female "domme" profiles, many of which are verified, and noticing how thin and attractive the latter are compared to the subs. Essentially, the scale determines whether a girl identifies as submissive or dominant. Find yourself talking to a real female sub? 99% probability that she's overweight.



I think I'm getting a glimmer why you cannot find attractive women on this site.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Aderious511)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 10:17:37 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aderious511


Another bit of advice is to always request a full body photo (doesn't have to be unclothed), because otherwise you're just asking to be played by fat girls. A closely-cropped above-the-neck photo should immediately send up a red flag that you're dealing with a potential fatty. Of the people who actually do BDSM in real life, at least 98% of them are in some stage of obesity. Female subs in particular, since nothing ruins a female's self esteem and makes her hate her body like being overweight. You can observe this by contrasting female sub with female "domme" profiles, many of which are verified, and noticing how thin and attractive the latter are compared to the subs. Essentially, the scale determines whether a girl identifies as submissive or dominant. Find yourself talking to a real female sub? 99% probability that she's overweight.




Are you serious? You're saying we're subs because we're fat? Because we hate our bodies? That has almost zero to do with it. Get over yourself!




I thought all the fatties had been rounded up by the government and shot. How are they still roaming the streets?

(in reply to littleone14)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 10:20:41 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Baroana



I thought all the fatties had been rounded up by the government and shot. How are they still roaming the streets?


I just read his profile. He thinks anyone 15 lbs overweight is obese. The government only rounded up those over 20 lbs overweight........

< Message edited by littleone14 -- 12/22/2012 10:22:42 AM >

(in reply to Baroana)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 10:36:34 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14
Are you serious? You're saying we're subs because we're fat? Because we hate our bodies? That has almost zero to do with it. Get over yourself!

Not to turn this into some godawful fat thread, but I think you're overstating the case when you say "almost zero." I'm pretty certain that the percentage of overweight women (and men) on CM is higher than their percentage in the general population. I attribute this to three things: (1) people who are most comfortable with online social interactions tend to have a more sedentary lifestyle than people who primarily date in "real life," and (2) subs do sometimes eroticize the humiliation and degradation they feel when treated as unattractive due to weight by society at large, and finally (3) dominants (both male and female) sometimes use kink as a crutch in order to find a relationship, when their relationship skills are weak, and sometimes their problem is that they are not attracting partners because of their size.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to littleone14)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 10:45:26 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aderious511

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Of course it is. However, they may refuse.


In which case you stop talking to them immediately if you have an ounce of sense in your head.


I never had any problem talking to someone on the phone before we met. But, it wasn't done to prove I'm legitimate.

Someone that asked me to prove who I am before we'd even met....I wasn't interested. Basically, if you want to start off a relationship by saying I need to prove that I'm not a liar, you're not good relationship material anyway.

For the guys that stopped talking to me because I refused.....big whoop. I never had a shortage of suitors and ended up incredibly happy with an amazing guy.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Aderious511)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 10:45:44 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14
Are you serious? You're saying we're subs because we're fat? Because we hate our bodies? That has almost zero to do with it. Get over yourself!

Not to turn this into some godawful fat thread, but I think you're overstating the case when you say "almost zero." I'm pretty certain that the percentage of overweight women (and men) on CM is higher than their percentage in the general population. I attribute this to three things: (1) people who are most comfortable with online social interactions tend to have a more sedentary lifestyle than people who primarily date in "real life," and (2) subs do sometimes eroticize the humiliation and degradation they feel when treated as unattractive due to weight by society at large, and finally (3) dominants (both male and female) sometimes use kink as a crutch in order to find a relationship, when their relationship skills are weak, and sometimes their problem is that they are not attracting partners because of their size.


Point taken. Maybe I should have said that it CAN have zero to do with it. But I still think he needs to get over himself......

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Edict - 12/22/2012 10:52:19 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dirk1986

I have been looking for a girl online to join our home for a 24/7 live in relationship, and had a question about the right and wrong ways of doing things.
Is it ok to ask some one to either video chat, or voice chat before you agree to meet them? I understand that there are some creeps out there that ruin it for everyone, but I think it is important to at least know that the person you are talking to is real and is actually that person, however people get wierd when you mention it. The very idea of it makes them clam up and stop talking all together.
Does anyone have any advice on how to prove the legitimacy of someone without video or voice chat? I understand that subs and slaves have ran into a thousand scammers that that is there only goal is to get them on Skype, so I can understand there reasons, but there has to be some way to gain enough trust to get to that point.
Thanks :)


I wont get into any specifics about what you are looking for and havent looked at your profile either. My question is what are you using video or voice chat to verify? All you are going to verify with video or voice chat is that they sound like a woman or meet whatever standard of visual appeal that you are looking for. Thats about it. You arent going to verify if she is lying through their teeth or not about all of the other things she told you about herself. You arent going to be able to video/voice verify that she wouldnt kill you both in your sleep one night. You arent going to be able to verify if she will rob you blind one day when you are at work. Im sure you get my point.

I personally do not own either a webcam or a microphone on my computer, so using Skype or video chat just isnt an option. If I am feeling a connection with someone based on online conversations, then I will share my cell phone number with them. If I get a good feeling from that, Ill meet them in person. And if I get a good feeling from that, then I can look at progressing to something further.

(in reply to Dirk1986)
Profile   Post #: 20
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